Ok so Im trying to figure this all out? Ive been dating a guy on and off for almost eight years. It's the craziest thing, I have left him before he has left me before and we always end up back together mostly due to him its like when he has me, I really don't matter all that much to him we don't spend any time together talk or really act like a normal couple. But as soon as I leave him, he won't leave me alone. Sure he might for a while but he always ends up pursuading me (buys me flowers, dinners, romances me, promises and swears he will change)to get back together with him. As soon as a I do its like I'm not even there anymore? He will rarely hold conversation with me. Unless its about him and its something he's excited about and wants to tell me. Ive caught him lying to me so many times about major stuff and stupid stuff and when confronted he never really says much. He has really no close friends to speak of more like aquaintances. (I always thaught that was starnge.) Because he's very outgoing and charming. I always thought to myself why doesn't he have any close friends?? Sex is always on his terms and it tends to be quite rough, even after I had a surgery and couldn't really have sex very well I asked him several times to please be very gentle but he never is, so I just stopped having sex with him. I tried to leave him again, and he just argued with me and then took off and when he came back he started crying?? If he's a true sociopath he wouldn't have this emotion would he?? I know its hard to diagnose with so little info.. But what do you think am I way off by thinking he could possibly be a... sociopath

I don't know if he fits into any category. Maybe he's just selfish or a loner. Not every "quirk" is some form of a mental disease or can be labelled.

I am wondering why YOU have spent 8 years with a guy who is on and off, you KNOW when you break up and he pursues you to get you back that it's not going to last, he lies to you - and you know it, he had rough sex with you even following surgery and refused to be gentle, he argues with you and comes back on his terms.

The "Please don't be so rough when we're having sex" and he continues would have ended the relationship for me. If it's not play acting, it's dangerous!

If he IS a sociopath or if you even think he is - why are you dating him?

Have you looked up the definition and characteristics of a "narcissist"?

Why are you still with him?

And if 2 doctors have several sessions with him and say he's a sociopath (I can't imagine how you think strangers online, doctors or not, can diagnose someone), then what? Does that enable you to say 'Oh good now I'll really leave him this time?' Is that what you need? Then yes - let's all declare him a sociopath.

When people come here to complain about a relationship, they have a short space to tell us about it, and they use that space to say what will get the response they want. Even if they fight it.

Eight years is a very long time to be getting nowhere with someone. You need to examine yourself, see what it is about you that keeps craving this phony attention every time you leave. You don't think you deserve better? It will have to be from someone else.

Thank You all for your comments. You absolutely bring a lot of good points to the table. I know that the ideal thing to do would be to consult a doctor or family members, but sometimes not all people have access to these options. Sometimes it just helps to hear it from somebody else. Thank You Again

Bigbug,
I once had a relationship with a narcissist and even when it was over, I was keeping in there trying to 'help him'. As I myself needed support to keep myself afloat psychologically, I saw a psychiatrist who argued he might be a sociopath and we debated the merits and drawbacks. The net is that it does not matter what label you put on this person. If you are not happy today and have not been happy with the way he has treated you in 8 years, he is not going to change unless he wants it.

The psychiatrist had worked in prisons and said that psychopaths/sociopaths are often the most interesting inmates and it is not easy even for a trained specialist to detect them. And often they are those they fancy being able to have a beer with... So, So, when a relationship does not feel right, that the person is not showing you the respect you want, don't try and label it, think of yourself and what YOU want to achieve. The one advice the psychiatrist gave me was to cut ties with that person. Has this man you have been seeing threatened you or hurt you in any way that you have always ended up back with him? If yes, enroll the help of friends and family and stop seeing him. Very soon you will realize that there are so many people who would be happy to be with you and would give you the respect you want and the gentleness you need.

I wish you good luck!

Hi Bigbug,
I've had an on and off relationship with a man for five years and I'm convinced he is a sociopath now... he is cruel and callous following a wave of affection... which it always turns out is false. He never sees the mistakes and problems he owns.. but is constantly reminding me of everything I've ever done 'wrong'. He does not respect me... and treats me with contempt more often than not. Finally, I've realised I never want to hear from him or see him again. It is very painful as my feelings for him were genuine and I hoped he would be the one to bring me the fairytale of a family life and happiness. But it is not to be. So you too must realise that after all the time you have known your boyfriend, nothing will change. You have helped me realise that if I continue to remain in contact... to communicate with the person in my life... I will only continue to waste my time. I do deserve better. In fact I have a date tonight with someone I met online. And there is someone else I met at a speed dating night who is also interested. Life does go on... and we have to shed our lives of people who do not cherish and value us for a special, unique creation. Good luck and I hope you can cleanse your life of your boyfriend and make space for a new person who will love you deeply.