Why do I keep wishing that I could have the courage to kill myself?

Perhaps because somewhere in your being you want to live, and you just don't know how to get through wants happening in your life right now.

Seeking professional will certainly help you seek answers, make contact with your G.P.

If you would like to elaborate on your question perhaps we can help somewhat here, or at least give you a different perspective on the situation.

Courage is to live when all of the rest of your life seems bad.
Courage is living another day, because even if that day is bad, though better choices and changes in our life, the day after may be better.

Changes are not always instant and that is what is hard for many people, they are used to taking a pill and feel better, turning a switch and a light comes on. It does not work like that to make life better. It takes effort and hard work

It's OK to wish you didn't have to live anymore.
Lots of people feel that way. Many, many kill themselves in ways that aren't even counted as suicide - car accidents, death by cop, slow death by drinking and drugs.
Once you say to yourself it isn't a sickness or evil or cowardly, you may find yourself freer to really think about what it is you do want or not.
Hate your job? I once had a job as a computer game tester and we put a tiny ad in the Boston Globe for another tester, and we got lawyers and managers and all sorts of people pouring their hearts out about how unhappy they were and how they were willing to work for next to nothing.
If you hate your job, quit it and be homeless for a while.
Weigh your choices in life.
I have worked very few hours a week at times in my life and lived super frugally, just because I wanted to.

why do I keep wishing that I could have the courage to kill myself?


How old are you? Are you going through changes in your life of some sort - perhaps changing schools or a marriage or relationship falling apart, something along those lines?

Have you tried speaking to a professional OR being evaluated by a Physician? Certain health conditions can lead to depression. It would be helpful if you knew WHY you feel this way.

The other side of things (and I'm sure you've thought about it) is the people you leave behind. I realize suicide takes you away from the pain but it brings pain to other people. I'm not preaching that you should feel guilty. I'm saying that whether you believe it or not suicide has a ripple effect - parents and siblings and friends will spend their lives wondering what they did wrong, how they could have stopped you, how they could have been so blind.

Agree - you are out of the pain. Perhaps you could deal with the pain in some way?

I speak from experience - one of my very best friends killed herself by hanging. I had lunch with her that same day and never noticed anything "different" about her. She left a newborn and a 5 year old. There is not a week that goes by that I don't think of her and ask myself how she could be in so much pain and I didn't see it. Why didn't she talk to me? How could her life be so bad? She was kind and generous and beautiful and a good person - her children and nieces and nephews will NEVER know those things. They will only remember that she died by her own hand.

Please - speak to a Physician and get a referral. See if you can find why you are so unhappy.

Or, if you are comfortable sharing, tell us the problem.