My son has acted moody and on again and off again emotionally since he was 10. As a teen he was terrible, often in trouble and just doing things to make me crazy, like taking our ATC to Kmart and getting it stolen, running away for 4 days when he was 16 etc. etc.

At 18 I threw him out for bringing guys with spikes and blue hair -1991 into the house and telling them to stay when I told them to leave.

His father was extremely jealous of my 2nd husband and I know that his dad really poisoned my son's mind against me but even so, I was a good mother and loved my son.

At 22 he wanted to come to live with my new husband and me. I didn't want that misery again but he begged so he came 1500 to live with us. We later learned from him he'd been doing drugs with his dad and was hooked and wanted to come to us.

We all three got along great and had almost 2 years of peace and actual fun.

My husband's 12 year old ended up living with us because his mom said she couldn't take him anymore.

He and I were close and went to lunch, I took him to plays and musical events, we had coffee before school and had deep talks and I thought we were very close.

I'm bipolar and didn't know it back then. I had some crazy flare ups and tried suicide. His dad left me. The minute his dad left, his entire attitude changed and he has since hated me and has often bragged that he can easily turn my son against me with a few words.

So now, we have two that are hot and cold.

I'm stuptified. My son and husband and I had those years when he was 22 and were so close and happy. After my step son gets involved, my 38 year old son now hates me and is verbally abusive and says he wouldn't care if I died. He and I fought and argued and had ups and downs when he was a teen but not since he lived with us. It's like those good years never happened.

It's like the good 8 years never happened with my step son. It is a nightmare.

Anyway. Now my stepson is 26 and has a year old baby. He will not allow my husband [after counseling we're back strong] to see his grand daughter at all and he will not communicate with my husband at all. It's been a year.

I wrote to my son to ask him to interceede and he wrote back a hateful email said my step son said [totally untrue] things that I and my husband said about disowning the grandbaby and we deserve this and to "Stay Away" and do not email.

Our hearts are ripped out. It's so unfair. We loved our sons [too much if anything] and my husband loves his little grand daughter.

I suspect that my son may also be bipolar, but he does not believe in mental illness or meds. I suspect my step-son is a sociopath-he has every single marker. His mother is half crazy and extremely moody and has been in mental institutions.

I've prayed to stop caring and I've made a determination that for my own peace of mind, I will write off both boys, but my husband is in such pain and is so despondent that he will not see his grand daughter.

I'm also afraid he will blame me because I've argued with his son over his treatment of myself and his dad and for making my son so angry with us.

Shouldn't a parent be allowed to express an opinion without being vilified for life? It's like the minute they knew I was bipolar, I'm the devil. My step son said I should be "Placed in a rocking chair facing the wall and be allowed to drool all over myself".

How do I stop hurting and how do I just write them off and keep on with a normal life?

You don't write them off, but you and your husband do need a life on your own that's happy and fulfilling with just the two of you. When kids get older and on their own, you have to let go until they find their way back to you in their time and way, NOT yours. So don't spend the time wishing, and hoping, say a prayer for them, and enjoy the time you have, with whom you have, and let the universe work its will.

You both need to know that fretting and being miserable about what you don't have is a needless distraction for enjoying what you do have, and that's each other.

You sound very nitpicky. I don't mean any disrespect but he is an adult, and you can't really treat him like a child and expect him to act like an adult around you.

Something I am curious about, how did he 'get the atv stolen' did you blame him for it? And accuse him for it? This does not make sense to me, unless he called a thief and requested it to be stolen.

You are always more than welcome to your opinion, however it sounds to me more like you were on your sons back all his life, always upset with him, always getting onto him, all negative.

Did you have any positive times with your son? Times when he was a chld that when he did something good you praised him for it, or were you a 'classic parent' and often only noticed and dealt with the bad behavior?

I'm not attacking you, plese don't think I am, I wish you luck and I hope you understand what I am trying to say and ask you.