I'm 22 and in the last 3/4 years I feel like I haven't had a smooth patch, things keep cropping up; I lost all my grandparents very suddenly as well as a couple other family members. I got ill and had to stay in hospital while my folks we're away, meaning I was on my own. I failed a year at uni and had to have a year out, this had HUGE effects on all my relationships, friends, boyfriend etc... I was depressed for the entire year, I pushed people away and felt so alone I couldn't function most days. I lived pretty much in silence, living 200miles away from home, and my boyfriend, who didn't always understand, but always stayed very supportive.

Now I'm graduating and about to move back home, and although it's a positive thing, I'm so scared about what the future now holds. Everythings changing. This move back home will undoubtedly have an affect on my relationship with my boyfriend. For the 3+ years we've been together I've been at Uni almost the entire time and I'm scared he's going to get bored of me. A couple of really close couples we know at the moment are breaking up. My sister and her long term relationship ended very suddently, and mutual friends of ours who have been a couple for years are on the cusp of a break up too (in their situation the guy has recently starting having an affair). I'm worried that even the strongest relationships don't last and I'm starting to lose faith in my own ability to just be happy.

The fustratingly ironic thing is my boyfriend and I were fine, until I started to worry about us not lasting. My fear is translated into have 'no faith in my boyfriend' in his eyes. I know he's right but I'm a natural worrier and I can't just switch it off. My worrying is what is eventually going to drive him away.

How can I just settle down and accept that things are just the way they are and there is only so much you can control? I need to learn that bad things happen and there's nothing you can do to stop this, but also to not constantly dwell on the bad stuff that hasn't even happened yet/might not ever happen. If anyone has any advice on how to just relax and be happy I would very much appreciate it. I know it's a strange question/request but I'm worrying all the time and it's getting in the way of all the good things in life, to the point that now I'm worrying about worrying! I just want to learn how to loosen up and be a bit more chilled out!

I hope this makes sense. Thanks for any responses!

I helped drive away men in my life by assuming that they would leave, and I sometimes left them first just to lessen the pain of being left. It is something that probably needs therapy, even if group or peer self help, because it's tied to losses in your life. It can be related to lack of love as a child, having parents who didn't love each other, or one constantly put the other down - all sorts of reasons.

You are still young and relationships have an even higher risk of not lasting at your age. It's important to 'have a life' outside of romance. A job, a hobby, a way to make a living as self employed, more courses, learn a technical skill, raise animals, volunteer, write a book, do some independent research. You probably aren't a boring person at all, but you will be even more interesting as someone who has interests. Those interests will stand by you when love fails, and love often does fail.

First things will change, and with a new degree, you may be moving 1000's of miles away to find a good job in your field. This is what growing up is about, finding a new and YOUR OWN way. You seem to be having serious issues about breaking ties to parents and moving on with your own life.
I would have thought years away at college would have helped but not if you let them take care of everything and did not use this as a learning time to take care of yourself by yourself.

Next it is surprising that a long distance relationship lasted 3 years, but what happens happens, we change, we grow ( or should) as we move on with our lifes.