white_opal
Jul 8, 2011, 02:28 PM
Moved to its own thread and edited slightly/T
We don't have any children, I moved in with him upon his insisting and he makes all the money. Our relationship strain got dramatically worse when he accepted an offer to work on an extremely time consuming project at work. He comes home too tired to talk or even greet me happily when he used to pounce on me coming home. He got rude and told me that he is tired of having to work as hard as he is and not have any financial help from me. He is also upset because I don't have sex with him as often as I used to. My response was that he insisted that I move in with him and refused my help before. Recently unemployed for only 3 weeks now, I told him I cannot afford to help him yet and simply reminded him of what he asked for initially (that I not pay "one red cent"). As far as sex, because he is NEVER home anymore, our "connection" is dwindling. Although I explained that he needs to work hard in our relationship like he does as work, he feels that I should just cater to his needs despite his absence and his hostile atitudes.
He started to frequently accuse me of infedility and started going through my cell phone. Once, he even violently cleared a table at a nightclub we frequent, cursed the manager, owner, security and another guy (all friends of mine) and left me stranded, my guy friend drove me home. Upon going through his cell phone and Facebook page in front of him I learn that it's him who was cheating after all. He even tried to lie and maintain that the messages weren't from his hand in his phone. After a while, he confessed and afterwards expected me to forget. I didn't. I remind him about it every chance I get because when he used to accuse me he referred to me as everything but a child of God.
He has inhumane hygiene habits. I only recently got him to learn to correctly bath his body and wipe properly after using the bathroom. Previously, he would leave a streak of you-know-what everywhere he sat bare bottom including the bedroom if I happened to have been "on top". He leaves the house a disaster zone where ever he spends even just a little time in it. He knows he's not to smoke in the house, but creates arguments between us so he can do so.
We have unfortunately became physical when he bomb-rushed me the very 1st time. Our fighting results in harsh words to each other, broken flat screen tv's, scars to our body, knives being pulled, he even shoved me in front of my mother while she was visiting me and I punched him in the nose to retaliate. I have tried to "talk" things out, but every time I try, he says he'll talk when he's ready as if I'm his subordinate. It's gotten to the point that I throw drinks in his face for every little instance he's rude with me. He doesn't stop, so none of our troubles stop either.
People avoid me to avoid him. Girlfriends have literally told me this, including our new neighbor that I've known for only 4months now. Him, his career circle and his family expect me to live in his shadow, and I behave the exact opposite way. He says these people are starting to not like me for being so bold and having the "it's my world" attitude, and he's upset that I don't care about other people's thoughts with regard to me because I'm not thinking about them. He hangs with people old enough to be our parents, and it's their wives you have the issue with me, and it's his relationship-barren mom and aunt that are developing problems with me. He tells people that I'm crazy because I can't be there to defend myself. People I know (all older women)see right through him and KNOW he isn't stable. He can't even hold a stable lie. They comment that each time they see him they look forward to the different-same stories.
He's admitted to me several times that he is not used to being with a woman that is as beautiful and smart as me, saying that he former girlfriends were all insecure and dim-witted. He says it's been an ongoing challenge for him because he is jealous of me at times because of my confidence and that I don't show humility. Of course he doesn't know how to have fun with me in public because instead of engaging in our business he is too preoccupied with who is looking at me, including other women.
Very recently he told me that as he ages (he's 26 y/o now) he wants to "sew his wild oats" basically, because he wasn't attractive or confident enough to growing up. He wants to live like he's single, but he does't want to loose me because he knows he will never find another me again. I told him he can't have his cake and eat it too especially when I sacrificed my entire life in NYC to come to AL for him.
Every time I try to breakup and leave him (even though I'm literally 1000mi+ away from home with nowhere to go immediately)... he hurries to "fix things" between us. We sleep in different rooms now, and after he agrees to "fix things" he still awakes blatantly rude to me like he forgot his promises.
I'm from NYC and he's from country Alabama. We have insane cultural clashes.
In short, he is passive aggressive, a liar, seemingly bi-polar, but to his his career circle he's a golden boy. I am completely individualistic, blatantly honest, highly sociable and have been said to have a dominant personality. I enjoy continuous happiness and celebration. I work hard too (have left jobs paying way more than he is bussing for now) and still managed my time to enjoy life better. I am just more experiened overall with him, and I get him to just act right and be on my level. We used to be such great friends. Everyday that passes I die more and more inside transforming into this thing of pure fury and hatred. That just isn't me. Don't want to go because I've invested too much and don't want to stay because I know it's not going to be better. What do I do?
We don't have any children, I moved in with him upon his insisting and he makes all the money. Our relationship strain got dramatically worse when he accepted an offer to work on an extremely time consuming project at work. He comes home too tired to talk or even greet me happily when he used to pounce on me coming home. He got rude and told me that he is tired of having to work as hard as he is and not have any financial help from me. He is also upset because I don't have sex with him as often as I used to. My response was that he insisted that I move in with him and refused my help before. Recently unemployed for only 3 weeks now, I told him I cannot afford to help him yet and simply reminded him of what he asked for initially (that I not pay "one red cent"). As far as sex, because he is NEVER home anymore, our "connection" is dwindling. Although I explained that he needs to work hard in our relationship like he does as work, he feels that I should just cater to his needs despite his absence and his hostile atitudes.
He started to frequently accuse me of infedility and started going through my cell phone. Once, he even violently cleared a table at a nightclub we frequent, cursed the manager, owner, security and another guy (all friends of mine) and left me stranded, my guy friend drove me home. Upon going through his cell phone and Facebook page in front of him I learn that it's him who was cheating after all. He even tried to lie and maintain that the messages weren't from his hand in his phone. After a while, he confessed and afterwards expected me to forget. I didn't. I remind him about it every chance I get because when he used to accuse me he referred to me as everything but a child of God.
He has inhumane hygiene habits. I only recently got him to learn to correctly bath his body and wipe properly after using the bathroom. Previously, he would leave a streak of you-know-what everywhere he sat bare bottom including the bedroom if I happened to have been "on top". He leaves the house a disaster zone where ever he spends even just a little time in it. He knows he's not to smoke in the house, but creates arguments between us so he can do so.
We have unfortunately became physical when he bomb-rushed me the very 1st time. Our fighting results in harsh words to each other, broken flat screen tv's, scars to our body, knives being pulled, he even shoved me in front of my mother while she was visiting me and I punched him in the nose to retaliate. I have tried to "talk" things out, but every time I try, he says he'll talk when he's ready as if I'm his subordinate. It's gotten to the point that I throw drinks in his face for every little instance he's rude with me. He doesn't stop, so none of our troubles stop either.
People avoid me to avoid him. Girlfriends have literally told me this, including our new neighbor that I've known for only 4months now. Him, his career circle and his family expect me to live in his shadow, and I behave the exact opposite way. He says these people are starting to not like me for being so bold and having the "it's my world" attitude, and he's upset that I don't care about other people's thoughts with regard to me because I'm not thinking about them. He hangs with people old enough to be our parents, and it's their wives you have the issue with me, and it's his relationship-barren mom and aunt that are developing problems with me. He tells people that I'm crazy because I can't be there to defend myself. People I know (all older women)see right through him and KNOW he isn't stable. He can't even hold a stable lie. They comment that each time they see him they look forward to the different-same stories.
He's admitted to me several times that he is not used to being with a woman that is as beautiful and smart as me, saying that he former girlfriends were all insecure and dim-witted. He says it's been an ongoing challenge for him because he is jealous of me at times because of my confidence and that I don't show humility. Of course he doesn't know how to have fun with me in public because instead of engaging in our business he is too preoccupied with who is looking at me, including other women.
Very recently he told me that as he ages (he's 26 y/o now) he wants to "sew his wild oats" basically, because he wasn't attractive or confident enough to growing up. He wants to live like he's single, but he does't want to loose me because he knows he will never find another me again. I told him he can't have his cake and eat it too especially when I sacrificed my entire life in NYC to come to AL for him.
Every time I try to breakup and leave him (even though I'm literally 1000mi+ away from home with nowhere to go immediately)... he hurries to "fix things" between us. We sleep in different rooms now, and after he agrees to "fix things" he still awakes blatantly rude to me like he forgot his promises.
I'm from NYC and he's from country Alabama. We have insane cultural clashes.
In short, he is passive aggressive, a liar, seemingly bi-polar, but to his his career circle he's a golden boy. I am completely individualistic, blatantly honest, highly sociable and have been said to have a dominant personality. I enjoy continuous happiness and celebration. I work hard too (have left jobs paying way more than he is bussing for now) and still managed my time to enjoy life better. I am just more experiened overall with him, and I get him to just act right and be on my level. We used to be such great friends. Everyday that passes I die more and more inside transforming into this thing of pure fury and hatred. That just isn't me. Don't want to go because I've invested too much and don't want to stay because I know it's not going to be better. What do I do?