Im separated and living in the family home with our two children, my ex is paying the mortgage and will not allow me to pay anything towards it, he is now saying that my boyfriend cannot stay overnight. Can he do this?

Are you LEGALLY separated and, if so, what does your Separation Agreement say?

Can he take you back to Court and argue that your behavior is detrimental to the children? Yes, he can. Can he win the fight? Depends on many factors - INCLUDING WHERE YOU LIVE (which I do not know).

I am guessing by the "will not allow" part that the separation is NOT legal. He feels that as long as he pays the mortgage he does not want your current boyfriend living in "his" house. If you want to entertain, you can always get your own place... or go to your boyfriend's.

A lot depends on the type of separation.

No not legally separated, boyfriend stays couple nights a week, kids get on with him also. Boyfriend has been staying two nights aweek for last 3 months now ex is saying to go to his for sex his words, but I have the two children so cannot do this. So can he legally make me stop boyfriend staying?

Sorry live in uk.

... so can he legally make me stop boyfriend staying?


Who owns the house, you and the ex?

You are married but separated, right?

House in joint names, yes married but separated

"Separated" as in living apart, not as in "Legally separated."

By the way, they are "separated" in the UK.

< smacking my head against the wall >

It's situations like this (living apart, boyfriend staying over, can't go to boyfriend's house because of what his "ex" is saying - whatever that may be) that keep investigators employed.

... he is now saying that my boyfriend cannot stay overnight. can he do this?


house in joint names, yes married but separated

He can say whatever he wants to say. But can he legally stop you from having a guest in the house you and he jointly own? Probably not. Can he go to divorce court and get an order restricting who you can bring over? Perhaps.

I imagine your husband would manufacture some sort of evidence against your boyfriend concerning your children, he seems set to get his way over this,(I won't go into details just use your imagination)this would then go to court and a resticting order would be put on your boyfriend preventing him from entering the house for fear of arrest, also from coming anywhere near your children.I know of an identical case with a lady I work with.

I imagine your husband would manufacture some sort of evidence against your boyfriend concerning your children, he seems set to get his way over this,(i won't go into details just use your imagination)this would then go to court and a resticting order would be put on your boyfriend preventing him from entering the house for fear of arrest, also from coming anywhere near your children.I know of an identical case with a lady i work with.


This is absolutely incorrect LEGAL advice. Please don't "imagine" on the legal boards or ask people to use their "imagination."

The husband can't put a "restricting order" (you probably mean a restraining order) on the boyfriend when he has no grounds for such an order.

Perhaps the woman you work with who has the identical situation (living apart but not legally separated, in the UK, with a house in joint names, a house she lives in but her husband pays the mortgage) should join AMHD and post her experience.

Yes I did mean restraining order (my mistake) and accusations that were made by him were without credibility,although the court did not see it that way.The order still stands today.the woman that I work with was never married to this man,even though they had been together for 17 years and had two lovely children.Their house is rented. I would not disclose or ask this lady to tell her experience, I was purely trying to help.

When I said imagination,I meant when relationships fall apart,many nasty things are said ,some of which are not true... most couples knowing what their parteners can be like,also know that some of them will say anything to get their way (true or not)You seem to have got the wrong impression or maybe the way we explain things here in the uk just didn't come across correctly,I would not deliberately mislead someone with bad information, nor would I reiterate something that I know to be true... I was there.

Perhaps we misunderstood each other - we take great pride in our answers on the legal boards. They aren't a "chat board" sort of setup. Yes, of course nasty (and above and beyond nasty) things are said when a couple separates. I tried to make the OP aware of the possible consequences of sleep overs when she is STILL married (not even legally separated) and has minor children in a house paid for by her husband.

I know you are trying to help but actual experience never translates well except as a side note to quoting the law.

I find a permanent restraining order against a boyfriend who did nothing other than stay overnight when the house is rented and the couple is not married to be bizarre, at best. I will have to take a look at law in the UK.

I'm an investigator in the US - I work these cases and I know what can happen.

Hope now we're on the same page - ?

And to the person who asked - file for a legal separation and then you can do whatever (with whomever) is allowed under the terms of that legal separation. Your husband will have NOTHING to hold over your head.

Can you afford to pay the mortgage by yourself? If not then you might think twice about the path your on. What your doing since your not legally separated is your committing adultery. Do you really want your ex going into court with that as a charge against you? Most often divorce records become public records and it will follow you every time someone looks you up. Think long and hard about that. Also you could be putting your children at risk with this type of behavior. With those 2 strikes maybe it's a good idea to not have him stay over. And you could allow your ex greater visitation which could ease the situation as he would have no say if the children aren't there. First and foremost think of the example your setting for your children and the adultery charge. Time to stop the nonsense.

I agree with Califdad. It is time to clean up your mess and handle your business. If you want to be with your boyfriend, divorce your husband, and keep him out of your husbands house and away from your children until you do. Can you imagine how confusing this must be for you children to have your boyfriend staying over at their father's house? Can you imagine how horrible its going to sound in court when you husband says what you have been doing? (My wife has another man in the home that I pay for and is parading him in front of my children?) Please put your children first, and sort out the mess you are making. If you want to be separated, file for a separation. If you want to move on with your boyfriend, get divorced. You can't have it both ways.