I am a mother that had primary custody of my 8 1/2 year old daughter for several years after divorcing her father. One day I went to pick her up after school and was told ex-husband now has custody paperwork. Come to find out there had been a court proceeding that day about two hours earlier. We live in a small town, I hadn't moved at all and he knows my address and how to find me. How could this custody action take place and he won everything he asked for by default since I wasn't there to defend myself or my daughter. I live in Washington state, how can this have possibly happened?

No one knows how this could happen except, perhaps, your ex-husband. That's your question.

The question should be - what should you do now? The way to find out is to go to Court, identify yourself, ask to see the file. Someone has submitted an Affidavit that you were served. If you were NOT served, it's a false affidavit - they have lied. Prove that they lied (or simply contest the Affidavit) and the matter will be rescheduled for a Hearing.

Whether the current order will be reversed pending the rehearing is at the Judge's discretion (in my area).

It can possibly happen because someone lied to the court in some way. Most likely that you were informed about a hearing when you weren't.

But Judy is right your question should be what do you do now.

Do you think your ex plans to move from the area? If there is any chance of this I would be in the local courthouse first thing Monday morning asking for an emergency order vacating the custody order and barring the ex from leaving the area with the child. If you have an attorney get him to go with you.

Scott raises a very good point - if you think your ex-husband has a move planned request an emergency hearing. I would not attempt this without an Attorney.

(Excuse me, Scott, for parroting you.)

Scott raises a very good point - if you think your ex-husband has a move planned request an emergency hearing. I would not attempt this without an Attorney.

(Excuse me, Scott, for parroting you.)

Its just the sneakiness of this makes me think he's trying move out of the area.

Here's the thing. The order has already been like this for awhile. Honestly when this happened due to the actual deep roots of where this is coming from (complete and total melt down of relationship between my father and i) it pretty much knocked me to my butt. So i haven't contested the wrong custody arrangement and i'm not wanting to contest custody now either. Since they knew i wouldn't be showing up to court at all they went for the jugular and asked for so many obscene stipulations it's sick, right down to supervised visitation which i can't hardly do since i have now moved due to all of this happening. My daughter is fifteen now and my ex won't even let her talk to me on the phone. i'm honestly not an unfit parent, their entire case was nothing but affidavits written by who ever my dad could buy off, nothing backed up or proven at all. Don't people usually get like at least one weekend of unsupervised visitation a month unless there are proven reasons otherwise? i've been kind of scared to challenge them and make any court action against them even though i know they had to have done something wrong to have never served me, and i'm pretty sure they did that intentionally because they knew they were going to have a hell of a time on their hands due to me not being at all an unfit mother whatsoever. My daughter wants to see me and i want to see her, we have been kept apart for enough years. I was just going to leave this alone until she turned 18, but now they won't even let her talk to me on the phone or nothing-period! Please i need just a little bit of guidance of how/where exactly to start...

No he is not moving anywhere. Like I had just mentioned in my question part 2, this all happened a while ago, sorry to admit. That really sounds like I'm a total loser, but really I'm not.

I'm actually the one that moved away to a different town after all of this. I had to move about 4 hours away from them.

First, when posting a follow-up question or info, please use the Answer options at the bottom of the page rather than the Comments. Don[t start a new thread. I've merged your threads for you.

Second, please don't type in all caps, it's considered shouting.

So this occurred about SEVEN years ago (from 8 1/2 to 15). And you are just questioning it now? Sorry, but you gave up and I don't blame your daughter for not speaking to you because I would have felt abandoned in the circumstances.

A court isn't going to know someone fabricated something unless you told them. Now its too late.

You ask where to start? The answer is when this first happened. Now it's the bottom of then ninth, with 2 outs and 2 strikes on you and down by 5 runs. Your only hope now is to enforce the existing order, maybe you can prove there is no longer a need for supervised visits.

I wouldn't bother trying yo deal with what happened 7 years ago. A court is going to ask why didn't do anything then and your answer is not going to make you look good.

Wow! I never said that my daughter doesn't talk to me. Actually the bond between her and I, despite what's happened, is very close. She also knows exactly all of the "how's and why's" of everything that has happened. She has a full understanding and has never held any of this against me at all and most likely never will. We want to be able to see each other pretty bad even though I have moved away and now can't even talk to each other by phone. I'm scared but I've got to do something about this, there is absolutely no reason I never should have had to have supervised visits anyway. My other concern about trying to take this to court is that I have been under the same belief also that they (my ex and his lawyer) must have lied on some paperwork or something. Well due to it being a small town, the same guy that was my ex's lawyer is now the main (I'm not sure if he is the only one) family court judge in that town. Yeah that same creep lawyer is now the judge and has been. That was another obstacle in front of me. Not sure what or how to handle that news.

Well, don't I feel like I've been had.

Scott said it all - the Court is not going to look favorably upon your request, to put it mildly.

wow! i never said that my daughter doesn't talk to me. actually the bond between her and i, despite what's happened, is very close. she also knows exactly all of the "how's and why's" of everything that has happened. she has a full understanding and has never held any of this against me at all and most likely never will. we want to be able to see each other pretty bad even though i have moved away and now can't even talk to each other by phone. i'm scared but i've got to do something about this, there is absolutely no reason i never should have had to have supervised visits anyway. my other concern about trying to take this to court is that i have been under the same belief also that they (my ex and his lawyer) must have lied on some paperwork or something. well due to it being a small town, the same guy that was my ex's lawyer is now the main (i'm not sure if he is the only one) family court judge in that town. yeah that same creep lawyer is now the judge and has been. that was another obstacle in front of me. not sure what or how to handle that news.


Now I'm really confused - you have a close bond with this child you have no contact with. Or was phone contact just stopped?

Let's see - your ex lied, his witnesses lied, his Lawyer lied, his ex-Attorney is now the Family Court Judge and is a creep.

You want visitation? You want custody? Go to Court and request it... like you should have done when you first lost. If the entire Town is against you, request a change in venue.

wow! i never said that my daughter doesn't talk to me. actually the bond between her and i, despite what's happened, is very close. she also knows exactly all of the "how's and why's" of everything that has happened. she has a full understanding and has never held any of this against me at all and most likely never will. we want to be able to see each other pretty bad even though i have moved away and now can't even talk to each other by phone. i'm scared but i've got to do something about this, there is absolutely no reason i never should have had to have supervised visits anyway. my other concern about trying to take this to court is that i have been under the same belief also that they (my ex and his lawyer) must have lied on some paperwork or something. well due to it being a small town, the same guy that was my ex's lawyer is now the main (i'm not sure if he is the only one) family court judge in that town. yeah that same creep lawyer is now the judge and has been. that was another obstacle in front of me. not sure what or how to handle that news.

First I'm sorry if I misunderstood the relationship with your daughter. I'm glad to hear I am wrong about that.

Like I said, forget about contesting what happened seven years ago. By not protesting it at that time, by moving away, you basically gave up on that. Add to that, that the lawyer who helped your ex put over this change is not the Family court judge, I doubt if you will get any satisfaction on that score.

So you work forward. You ask for a change in the visitation schedule to allow you more frequent phone contact and to have at least one weekend a month. You need your own attorney to properly prepare the petition.

Also, at 15, your daughter's preference for the custodial parent may be listened to. At the least, your daughter can advise the court that she wants to be able to call you whenever she wants and wants to spend at least one weekend a month with you.

Looks like husband won, perhaps illegally but you had your chance years ago. You did nothing and let him win.

At this point you could try and prove what he did, but since you did not contest it back then, there is little that can happen.

By the way am I doing my responses correctly now? I have never done one of these forum things before. I am a little bit confused as to what you were trying to say regarding his lawyer. At the time when this custody action occurred, the judge on the bench was judge w. and had been there for many years. Judge w. has since retired and the new sitting family court judge is now my ex's dirtbag lawyer that assisted him with this whole setup in the first place. I hope I am making sense for you. I'm not sure exactly how to handle that conflict. And to also clarify one other thing, I'm not trying to challenge custody, I just what's right regarding visitation between my daughter and I. and yes my daughter and I have been staying and still do stay regularly connected with Facebook. The ability for her and I to be able to speak on the phone just recently ended. You mention a change of venue? What does that mean exactly and how do you go about doing it? Especially due to me living in a different county all together...

Yes you are responding correctly.

I understood you that the current presiding judge is your ex's former lawyer. Even without that, I think you lost any chance to contest that order. With that, I would be afraid to try. So what you need to to go forward. Do not even mention what happened before. Don't argue that you should never have been restricted to supervised visits. Deal only with the current order allows. If the current order does not prohibit you from talking with your daughter on the phone, then you ask that your ex be ordered to allow you to do so. If there is no reason for supervised visits NOW, they you ask that such visits be allowed. Do not discuss what happened to put the current order in place, only discuss what you want to happen going into the future.

And if the judge is the past lawyer for the ex, ask for a change of judges or even a change in the location ( have ot moved to perhaps the next town over.

Yes all I want to do is modify the visitation order/schedule and at least be able to see my daughter unsupervised one or two weekends a month. There isn't any reason whatsoever that the courts should easily be able to see that there isn't any need or reason to keep us from seeing each other at all. Don't get me wrong, I'm definitely far from perfect, but I have nothing to hide or worry about in the eyes of the court, that's the easy part... hopefully. I'm going to hope that maybe with the lawyer who is now the judge on the bench might feel more inclined to have to play by the rules giving his expanded capacity and responsibility.since I don't still live in the same county, I do understand I think that I will have to travel there for sure to be able to see my file correct? Probably, that's I think a given.but what exactly are the steps that I take from a different county to start the ball rolling on modifying the visitation?

Thank you for your response and what you say makes sense.

yes all i want to do is modify the visitation order/schedule and at least be able to see my daughter unsupervised one or two weekends a month. There isn't any reason whatsoever that the courts should easily be able to see that there isn't any need or reason to keep us from seeing each other at all. don't get me wrong, i'm definitely far from perfect, but i have nothing to hide or worry about in the eyes of the court, thats the easy part......hopefully. i'm gonna hope that maybe with the lawyer who is now the judge on the bench might feel more inclined to have to play by the rules giving his expanded capacity and responsibility.since i don't still live in the same county, i do understand i think that i will have to travel there for sure to be able to see my file correct? probably, that's i think a given.but what exactly are the steps that i take from a different county to start the ball rolling on modifying the visitation?

Yes, the current county has jurisdiction. But if you get a lawyer in your county, he can get the info needed and file the appropriate paperwork without your needing to go there. You will have to appear for a hearing though. If you want to do this yourself (which I don't recommend, especially under the circumstances), then you will have to contact the court to determine how to get the info you need and how to file paperwork. You can probably do it by mail.