I've been seeing this guy for about 5 months. We have been living together for the past month and a half. (iknow that's a short time to move in with someone.) Last night I tried to explain to him that he in unaware of how I'm feeling in this relationship. I tried to tell him that things have changed that I don't feel his love anymore and that I missed how we use to be.

Later I asked him if he thought he knew me... he couldn't tell me my bithday or when we got together. (Which he says isn't a big deal bcause he can't even tell you his parents birhday.) He says that knowing stuff like birthdys, annivesarys, likes dislikes, interests and hobbies etc. doesn't mean you know someone that he knows me because of my actions or how I act. (which I don't see because I would think that hed be able to tell from how I was acting that I was upset.)

Later, he told me that I take things the wrong way (This was his example) When he's home with me and he just wants to sit and do nothing and I come up trying to love on him if he's not in the mood to love on me back he doesn't want me to take it personal. (not sex, just like affection, like if I'm trying to kiss him while he's watching TV.) So, all this turned into an argument and he says that he wanted to go home... I asked him why he couldn't just stay with me an he said I want to go home. Then left.

He didn't contact me when he got home either (which I knew he wouldn't.) So... I guess what I'm trying to figure out is if I'm overreacting about this... or is it time to move on? I love him, he says he loves me but I'm just not sure. It really hurt me that he left like that last night... it botheres me that he doesn't remember stuff about us or my bithday but I wasn't ready to split beause of it (it was a red flag to me though) but him leaving knowing I wanted him to stay after everything we had just talked about... its like he doesn't care... which is how I have been feeling lately which he says that ever couple goes through this.) Am I expecting too much from him? Overreacing or is it time to let go? Or can we fix this somehow?

You might be over-reacting indeed. You might have failed to notice his way of showing love. Simple things like giving you priority over others. Or just sit with you and watch TV might mean a lot to him. Or there could have been situations like he was just tired or back from work etc. Not remembering your birthday cannot be accepted by a girl, but men are sometimes careless about it. Like me, sometimes I forget important people's birthday so I need alerts. But you can forgive him for that, he will remember it once you celebrate it together. Do not nag him, be cool, tell him that you have something to talk to him when he is free and ready to listen. Then, tell him how you feel.

Thank you very much, I believe that's exactly what I want to do.

Where did he go home to? I thought he lived with you?
Well some guys are real affectionate while others are not. Maybe you can just ask him when he is ready and up for it, what you like or dislike. Maybe you can let him know what you expect in him. If its working over all and your happy then just ride it out. Or again you possibly have reached comfort zone and that fluttery feeling has faded.

I wonder if you would have had these doubts about your relationship, had you not moved in with him so quickly.

Living with someone is a huge step, and should be a natural progression of two people who are compatible.

It doesn't sound like you know him very well, and he's having a hard time getting to know you.

Men that I have known are not prone to remembering special dates like birthdays. It doesn't mean that they don't love you because they don't remember your birthday.

Love on a less superficial level, would be characteristics like loyalty, honesty, reliability, compatibility, fidelity, hard working, etc. I would be happy to have all of those qualities before I would be critical, hurt, or argumentative about the importance of remembering my birthday. Put a note on the bathroom mirror a few days in advance.

I have also known men who are not cuddly, which I prefer to know, rather than have to be told or shown that my affection is not welcome. Some men are just not affectionate, but that does not mean that they don't love you. It just means that they love spending time with you, and aren't comfortable with having to show/reciprocate affection. At least it's honest.

Maybe try to list what you see about him that IS good, and things that you wish were different. Then prioritize what is really important, long lasting and honest, and find creative ways to express what you think you are lacking- such as more attention from him.

Finding someone else who more clearly fits the bill of what you are looking for, may just see you lose the man you have now.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/can-sex-buddy-become-boyfriend-560334.html

What can you expect from a sex buddy that you can't talk to? Lust fades, love grows, so yes its time to move on because the lust has faded. Talk first, for a long time, and enjoy getting to know each other well, before you start having sex... next time.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/can-sex-buddy-become-boyfriend-560334.html

What can you expect from a sex buddy that you can't talk to? Lust fades, love grows, so yes its time to move on because the lust has faded. Talk first, for a long time, and enjoy getting to know each other well, before you start having sex................next time.

Bingo!

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/can-sex-buddy-become-boyfriend-560334.html

What can you expect from a sex buddy that you can't talk to? Lust fades, love grows, so yes its time to move on because the lust has faded. Talk first, for a long time, and enjoy getting to know each other well, before you start having sex................next time.


I didn't catch this thread. Now I see it in a new light. No wonder he doesn't remember your birthday or dates or anything for that matter. He doesn't so much care about those things. You're a friends with benefits relationship. If it were more then that you would know by now I am sure. Your not going to push him to feel anything because right now he is feeling all he wants to get out of you. If you want to wait it out maybe you could be lucky and he will change. But if he were so in to you after so many months I don't think it would be such a question.

This may seem harsh:

Slow down. You seem to rush into 'relationships'. This thread from November was about another male you had been seeing for one month: https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/relationship-worth-pursuing-525148.html. You were frustrated that he wasn't as 'affectionate' as you wanted him to be.

Then in March you came back asking about a sex buddy you had known for four months. Breaking it down into the amount of time you spent hanging out with friends, then alone and then the one month of sex you had been having as 'sex buddies' and wondering if there was a possible relationship. He didn't seem to believe you were in a relationship then or rather he wasn't ready to be official about being a couple.

Now it is June, and if this is the same male, you still haven't learned how to communicate with him. When did you become an official couple? Was there a day when you both agreed that this it it 'we are a couple'?

How do you think he should express his 'love'? Do you think that sex/being physical is the main way to show 'love' and if he isn't up for it then he doesn't love you anymore? Do you give him a chance to relax when he gets home or do you jump in his lap expecting him to shower you with attention? Do you even ask how his day went before you start trying to make out with him.

I think I can understand why he left. If you are honest about it, were you letting the argument end or were you still going on about the differences? Where you expecting him to let everything go and give you what you wanted to 'prove' that he cares about you? Were you giving him space and time to reset after the disagreement?

You seem to have some concept of how a relationship should be that I don't think fully allows for the other person's thoughts on the subject. You are the one who seems unwilling to adapt to the changes that living together brings. Are your expectations in the relationship realistic? Do they leave room for his?

A relationship is about communication and compromise. Part of communicating is picking a proper time when both parties are open to talking. Another part is paying attention and being open to the other person's viewpoints. Compromise is working together to find ways to handle issues. Using his coming home from work as an example: A compromise might be giving him time to cool down and let the stress of the day dissipate before you ask for physical affection or instead of asking for kisses, just sitting quietly with him for a few minutes. Being a calming influence when he comes home can have a better effect than demanding attention. Something for him, might be getting a calendar and keeping track of dates. Likes and dislikes are something that you learn over time (sometimes, years.)

Don't expect everything to be perfect. The real work in relationship never ends. If it did the relationship would be pretty boring.

Good luck working together to build a relationship if that is what you both want.