I was 3 years in a relationship.After the 2nd year problems started between us. We both made mistakes, and last summer he asked me to break up.
We ve broken up a year now, but we never lost contact and we meet 2-3 times during the week.
Many times we become intimate, and we act like a couple.
When I ask him if he would like to get back with me, he tells me he is not ready after what happened for a relationship and he wants to be alone, with no obligations.
I tell him, that this situation makes me very sad, and all this year that we are not together I made a effort to get us back, but I can't try anymore alone.
He insists that right now he doesn't want any obligations or commitment not only with me but with anyone.Just time with himself.
All this hurts me because we keep meeting up and many times we act like a couple, and we share feelings but in the end of the day I know I have nothing.
Is there any way he will feel again being with me?
Is there anything I can do?
Is it time for me to stop contact with him?
I love him and I wish we could fix things and be like before.
Im 30 and he is 33.
Thank you very much.

Why would he want a relationship when he's getting all his needs met without any commitment or responsibility for your feelings.

Where is your common sense woman!

He has all the perks and you have nothing only the crumbs he throws, time for him to get a reality check.

Walk away for once and for all, you never really broke up, he wants time and space on his own, give him what he wants.

Move on! Your wasting your heart and time on an ex, you have become a glorified sex buddy...

Stop... today.

Red said it all perfect and clearly. Why would he want to try again when he is already getting what he wants. Don't bring yourself down like this. Walk away with NC and move on. Your allowing yourself to be nothing but a toy for him. Move on and find someone who wants a relationship and respects you.

When you get dumped, it means stop acting like a couple, and disappear from his life.

This is sort of the reverse of friends with benefits- to a point.

Friends with benefits relationships or arrangements, is just sex, without obligation. This type of arrangement doesn't have a good track record for THEN building a relationship on.

For you, you've had a relationship with this man, then you split up, THEN you now find yourself in a friends with benefits arrangement.

So tell me, who's needs are being met here. I don't understand why your personal standards would be so low, as to continue in a sex only relationship with a man, who has clearly told you that another relationship will ever happen. Yet you continue to aggree to his terms- hoping that somehow, more substance will develop from the ashes of a relationship that long ago flew off into the sunset.

You can do much better for yourself than this.

Thanks for your reply. The thing is that he has been honest enough to tell me that it would be unfair for me to have sex now that we are not together. When I say we become intimate I mean we kiss and we hug, and we share our emotions in other ways. Whenever sex occurs is never under his pressure or anything. My question is if there is anything I can do to make him want to be with me again. He keeps on telling me that he is afraid to get back right now because of the problems we had the last months and its not the right moment now to be together. Hoever as I mentioned in my first letter we meet very often and we act like a couple many times, because there are strong feelings. If I stop contact will that help us?Is it possible?

Thanks for your reply. Is there anything I can do to make him want to be with me again?Feelings are still there, and many times we act like a couple, so I feel there is hope. I just don't know how to handle it.

Thanks for your reply. Is there anything I can do to make him want to be with me again?Feelings are still there, and many times we act like a couple, so I feel there is hope. I just don't know how to handle it.

Thank you for your answer, that gives a clearer picture.

Thinking if I were in your shoes, yes, I would try. He sort of sounds like he's got one foot firmly in the relationship, and one foot out- with a running shoe on with attached rocket jets.

He does not seem to know (other than to end the relationship)how to effectively face, understand, work through, and move forward in the relationship. Maybe he simply lacks the skill in figuring out what possibilities may exist to help expedite that process.

Why not suggest couples counselling. Make the expectation that he's going to step up and take advantage of an opportunity to clear up the past and consider a more stable future relationship with you. It would be such a shame if the problems the two of you faced, are resolveable, and nothing was done except to leave things hanging. Give him an opportunity to put his money where his mouth is, and at the same time, have expectations of your own.

And that is what you bring to the table. Sit and talk with a professional and figure out if the relationship's problems can be resolved. IF he is as committed as you think he might be, or be capable of, and you too are willing to put in a little hard work with him, why not try that.

Nothing to lose and everything to possibly gain.

Is there anything I can do to make him want to be with me again?
You can disappear from his life and see if he misses you enough to hunt you down and talk about it... WITHOUT THE CONFUSION OF SEX!!

Feelings are still there, and many times we act like a couple, so I feel there is hope.
This is false hope, old feelings being constantly stirred up, by ACTING like a couple, but being sex buddies.

I just don't know how to handle it.
Stop having sex, and acting like a couple is the way to handle this situation.

Your way has only gotten you confusion, my way will let you get facts, from a safe distance. It requires you to make a decision, based on the facts, and not just old feelings that keep getting stirred to fever pitch, or false hope that he WANTS what you want.

Thanks a lot for your advice.