Hi,
This is the first time I have asked anything but need some impartial advice. I have been divorced for 4 years now and have 3 teenage kids who are lovely but can be hard work at times. I have been with my current partner for 2 years and he is lovely. We have a lot in common and I really like being with him, he is a breath of fresh air when compared to my ex-husband. My problem is this... he wants us to get married and we are engaged but haven't set a date yet. I am unsure and I am actually confused as to why I am unsure ! (dont know if that makes sense). I have lots of stuff going on in my life at the moment; the kids, a full time job, a part-time PhD, running a house on my own (partner doesn't live with me), I am also financially independent so find that stressful at times. I am not sure about marriage and find it hard to think about it properly but I don't know if this is because I am unsure about my partner or whether it has something to do with me and the way I am thinking. I've told him that I will get married one day but I don't know when ! This makes me feel bad because its as though I am stringing him along and just happily 'dating' him when I know that he wants so much more than this. He wanted to move in a couple of months ago and I couldn't even make that step - it just seemed too much. I'm really confused about how I am feeling and thinking and just wondered if anyone has any advice for me on how to clarify everything, its all so wishy washy in my head.
Thanks for reading.

When in doubt-don't.

You're not ready to commit so talk to him about your true feelings-even if it turns out to be a dealbreaker it's important that you're true to yourself.

Yeah, I know you are right - I am obviously not ready to commit and I am worried that if I am not ready now, I never will be. Deep down, I think my partner knows this but has blinkers on. I have spoken to him and said that I just feel I have too much on at the moment but that in time things may change. I'm also scared of hurting him because he is so nice and has done nothing wrong at all.

I think you should decide whether things might really change-as I get the feeling that your heart's not in this.

In the long run,what's going to hurt him the most-a drawn out non commitment or the serious talk now?

Its your life and you are not ready so don't be pushed into anything you are not ready for, including living together. He may be the nicest guy in the world, but he shouldn't be pushy right now. You have every right to move at your own pace, just be straight up, and honest about it. If a partner cannot understand and respect your feelings on the matter, this or any other, he ain't much of a partner, is he?

It doesn't sound like you love him, unfortunately. He is a great guy, but you probably don't see him like "the one". When it comes to marriage, I say you have to be really certain, especially if you already have an ex. The kids are also a great deal of importance here. They will never be able to handle an emotional roller-coaster. Be careful

I think that also because I am busy busy at the moment, I need some relaxing time to just sit and think, think, think about it all. I'm also scared of making the wrong decision because Iam foggy about it and that I may regret any decisions I make.