So I always told my boyfriend not to look at girls on youtube.com cause they are shaking their booty and they are pretty and I don't like it. Its like looking at porn. I told him I didn't want him to do it either. So he hid it from me for almost a year. So then last week he asked me to watch an adult video with him... I didn't know what to do so the next day I asked my dad what I should do and he told me to just try it once or twice and see how I feel or if I like it. So I did! I though the first time was interesting but then I realized that I wasn't getting him off it was what was on the TV that did it. And the second time also I felt the same. Now when we have sex I think he's thinking of other girls. This is brining myself esteem down. Why does he do this? Is he not attractive to me? Or do I need plastic surgery for him to not do this?
My dad said him and my mom did the same she really didn't care for it but my dad said that he loved it. He's cheated on my mom though and I don't want my boyfriend to cheat on me. Does this mean he's going to cheat on me? Or I'm not pretty? Should I get plastic surgery for him to be more attractive to me? And I have a cyst on my brain that causing me to have seizures and I don't need this stress from him on top of my seizures.

Before I answer this, is this the issue that had you on a "real life" TV show, seeking advice?

It's a rel life issue but not on a TV show lol. I just need advice

So I always told my boyfriend not to look at girls on youtube.com cause they are shaking their booty and they are pretty and I don't like it. Its like looking at porn. I told him I didn't want him to do it either.

So you set down the law "Do as I say!" That never bodes well.


So he hid it from me for almost a year.

He hid it because you demanded that he stop, but he doesn't want to.


So then last week he asked me to watch an adult video with him... I didn't know what to do so the next day I asked my dad what I should do and he told me to just try it once or twice and see how I feel or if I like it. So I did! I though the first time was interesting but then I realized that I wasn't getting him off it was what was on the TV that did it. And the second time also I felt the same. Now when we have sex I think he's thinking of other girls. This is brining myself esteem down. Why does he do this? Is he not attractive to me? Or do I need plastic surgery for him to not do this?

You asked your dad? Why aren't you talking to your lover? Why does he do this? He's a man. Men are visual. It has nothing to do with you. He's not hoping that you're the girls he watches. He just likes watching. No, you don't need any surgery. He's with you because he loves you. He watches these programs because he's a man.


My dad said him and my mom did the same she really didn't care for it but my dad said that he loved it.

Many women don't like porn. We're emotional, men aren't. I'm still shocked that you're discussing this with your dad instead of the man you're having sex with.


He's cheated on my mom though and I don't want my boyfriend to cheat on me. Does this mean he's going to cheat on me? Or I'm not pretty? Should I get plastic surgery for him to be more attractive to me? And I have a cyst on my brain that causing me to have seizures and I don't need this stress from him on top of my seizures.

Your dad cheated, it has nothing to do with porn, it has to do with morals.

If your boyfriend didn't find you attractive, he'd find someone else. Watching porn has nothing to do with you.

As for the cyst and stress. If you can't be mature enough to accept that this has nothing to do with you, and that it's all about visual stimulation, then leave so you can save yourself the stress.

Don't expect him to stop. He's doing nothing wrong. He shouldn't have to hide it from you, and he shouldn't need your permission. This has nothing to do with you, so stop stressing about it.

Maybe I'm a mognonigmistic person. I don't believe that's part of a healthy relationship. Ok so men are visual. Why can't he look at me instead of them?? I don't get it. When you Love someone your suppose to be there for that person and only that person. Not looking at other people. Are you in a relationship? Do you let your boyfriend do that? Don't you think that he shouldn't be doing it?

Yes I talked to my dad about it. I tell him everything now that my moms dead.

Maybe I'm a mognonigmistic person.
What is that?

Maybe I'm a mognonigmistic person. I don't believe that's part of a healthy relationship. Ok so men are visual. Why can't he look at me instead of them?? I don't get it. When you Love someone your suppose to be there for that person and only that person. Not looking at other people. Are you in a relationship? Do you let your boyfriend do that? Don't you think that he shouldn't be doing it?

I've been married for 16 years, with my husband for 21 years, and yes, he watches porn. It has nothing to do with his attraction to me. It's part of him being a man, and I understand that.

We have a great relationship, and no, I don't think he shouldn't be doing that. It's part of being male, and I'm secure enough in my relationship to know it doesn't reflect on how he feels about me. I know he loves me, and only me. I also know he'd never cheat on me. He never has, and he never will. Porn has nothing to do with that.


Originally Posted by rebeccahstrean
Yes I talked to my dad about it. I tell him everything now that my moms dead.
When my parents were alive I never would have discussed my sex life with them, but to each their own.

Fact is, you dad cheated, not because of porn, but because of his lack of morals. That has nothing to do with your boyfriend. He's a different person.

Another fact, the majority of men look at porn, and it has nothing to do with the people their with. This isn't about you, not at all. You're making it about you, he isn't. He's just watching porn, because he's a guy, and guys are visual. It doesn't mean he's turned on by the porn, or that he wants you to be like the girls in the shows he watches. He's just a guy.

You're making a mountain out of a mole hill.

So it is not watching porn that bothers you, it is even watching dressed girls dancing or shaking their stuff?

And your boyfriend will cheat, if he is the type of person that cheats, you are judging your boyfriend by actions your dad did.

And right or wrong from a religious view point, the majority of all men watch at least dressed women, they turn their head when a half dressed women in walmart walks by, They check out women in Yoga pant web site and more.

Then a lot, ( will not say most) watch porn, too many hide it, because their partner can not understand it, and will not be open to allowing their partner to watch it. And esp not include it in their own foreplay.

It is not that you are to be like them, PORN is not real people or real life, it is a fantasy , and yes sex needs some fantasy, how often do you all role play, do dress up ( where is that batman costume) When do you do something fun with it, ( lock the McDonalds bathroom door to fool around) Go out and let him pretend not to know you and "pick you up" And I could go on and on.
They make games, where you spin to pick a position to start with.

So you are not to compare your looks to that made up, he is not comparing his size to the size of men in those movies ( few men can) You are way over thinking porn, it is make believe and is often used to give ideas.

If watching it bothers you, try reading it to each other,

its a rel life issue but not on a tv show lol. I just need advice


Your other thread refers to YOU being on a reality (Jerry Springer type) show and you recommend it as an answer to problems. That's why I asked the question.

I agree - you are either looking for a problem or making mountains out of molehills.

I have no problem with pornography. I also have no problem with plastic surgery.

If you feel insecure I think you will feel that way no matter WHAT your boyfriend says or does. You need to feel better about yourself.

I've read your other threads. You need to speak to a therapist - or another therapist.

Monogamist (mɒˈnɒɡəmɪst)

— n
A person who advocates or practises monogamy
Meaning I don't think its right. I think its like committing adultry. Its fornication. And in the bible that's wrong. I don't look at other guys like that but maybe its cause I caterize them. But if your in a relationship I think its wriong to have friends of the opposite sex, it gets things messed up. Your thoughts control your feelings and your actions then the next thing you know your heart broken cause you've been cheated on. My ex did the same to me and he cheated. So how am I suppose to think that he's not going to do the same to me?

So how am I suppose to think that he's not going to do the same to me??

Guys looking at porn has NOTHING to do with cheating.

Someone said this recently:

Porn is the the vehicle that gets a guy where he's trying to go. For a guy, doing it with just your imagination is like going from Detroit to Chicago on horseback. With porn, it's like having your own private jet. It's faster, it's easier, and it's just so much less of a hassle.

I agree with Judy --


You are either looking for a problem or making mountains out of molehills.

If you feel insecure I think you will feel that way no matter WHAT your boyfriend says or does. You need to feel better about yourself.

You need to speak to a therapist.

I don't see that he's NOT monogamous.

I think you are either misunderstanding "your" Bible or have some problem with personal relationships. You think it's wrong for a person in a relationship to have friends who are the opposite sex? Short of putting your boyfriend on a leash (which definitely will drive him away) your thinking is impractical.

I work in a male dominated profession. I'm married. So what?

I don't look at other guys like that but maybe its cause I caterize them.

Here's another sentence I don't understand. "Cauterize" means to burn part of a body to remove or close off a some of it, like "The doctor cauterized the raw stump of the amputated leg."

OK its porn and bikinis and other things. No we don't dress up or role play. I sometimes get into lingire. But that's it. We don't have sex or fu**. He tries but I won't let him. I want it to be slow all the time and make love. Sex isn't fun and games. Its about intimincy and expressing your feelings in a phyisical way. Besides kissing and hugging. He cheated on his ex wife and got into trouble. He only cheated cause he wanted to hurt her. But now he's still paying for what he did. He went to prison over it. So if he cheated on her to get back at her wouldn't you say that this is cheating but only with eyes. He wants to have sex with me while he's watching this stuff I don't think that's right at all then/ and or after he watched it. Is that OK to? So if he's wanting to do this during foreplay then why can't he just look at ME? I want to do it in a public place but his probation won't allow it cause he has to take pollys.
And I don't get how you said that sex is fantasy. Like I said before its expressing your emotions physically. He's not even a tad bit romantic with me and I know he has been in past relationships but the girls were WAY prettier than me so maybe it is me?
Why would sex have to be a game? Help me to understand this cause I was tought by my mom that you shouldn't have sex with someone without making love to that person. Like for instance... he wants to do doggy style and I wonnt let him cause you can't be slow and hold each other and whisper in eachothers ear how much you love and care for that person. I'm a cancer and I'm emotional like that. So we barely have sex. So this is all me? How do I open up my mind and try to be OK with all this?

Yes, it's you. Sex is not just about you and your views, feelings, beliefs. It's give and take. He wants X and you want Y. Either compromise... or break up so you are both happy.

I think it's extremely unfair of you to be in a relationship with this man when YOU get to dictate all of the rules based on some Bible readings, advice from your MOTHER (I made it a rule a long time ago to not discuss MY sex life with my parents, grandparents, aunts, uncles and so forth) and your thoughts on the subject of sex.

You won't LET him? Sounds like this is YOUR ballgame and sometimes you let him play.

- And, yes, I do think you need to see a mental health professional.

And do I think the chances are good that your boyfriend is going to get tired of living with a dictator and move on? Yes, I do.

It's not about what you want or don't want to do - it's about talking and negotiating and deciding levels of comfort. It appears that EVERYTHING that he "likes" offends you.

I find religion and horoscopes in the same breath to be strange, at best.

Because of all this how do I know if he loves me and its not just lust? Maybe he thinks he loves me but I look like I'm 16 but I'm 21 maybe he's just physically attracted to me. I ask him more than 1,000 times a day if he loves me and is in love with me and he's tired of it and we fight but I want to know. I don't understand if you truly love someone then why would you have to do this? Is this love or lust? Is he lusting after me or Loving me??

because of all this how do I know if he loves me and its not just lust?

How long have you been together?

I look like I'm 16 but i'm 21

And you're acting like you're 12.

maybe he's just physically attracted to me.

Isn't that part of what you want?

I ask him more than 1,000 times a day if he loves me and is inlove with me and he's tired of it

You are kidding, right? He has every right to be tired of it. Put the shoe on the other foot. What if he did that to you? I'm really surprised he is still around.

I meant to say I catigrize them. Like I look at a guy no matter who and think he's a cheater, woman beater or a rapest. Its just my thing. I've been like that my whole life. I was fine till I recently found out that he's been hiding all this from me and after that one night of doing it with him I don't feel like I'm pretty enough for him. Should I brake up with him?

Your insecurities are beginning to turn ME off. I can't IMAGINE what he's thinking. He appears to be good looking. Hopefully he has a personality to match. Why is he sticking around? I don't know.

It's my experience that the more a person hounds me with "Do you love me" the less I love them.

You need a therapist and this thread needs to be closed.

All the advice in the world is not going to change this scenario.

You keep opening new threads on the same relationship. When you are done with this one, you'll move on to the next. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/im-affectionate-say-love-you-much-516963.html

I am asking that a moderator combine the threads so I can stop wasting my time.

I want him to tell me ALL the time he loves me and cares about me and is in love with me ALL the TIME!
You people are right I should brake up with him. I love him with all my heart and this is going to ruin his kids life cause they love me. But I can't be with him emotionally or mentally if he's hurting me like this. I was happy but now that I knew he was hiding all this and we did this I'm not so happy. I'm terrible. I will take my dog and say good bye to him. He agrees with me not to have friends of the opposite sex also. Cause he says its trouble to. But I will take your advice and leave. Thanks. Rebecca

I meant to say I catigrize them.

You mean categorize -- you label people.

Do you want us to categorize you?

We've been together for almost 1 year and a half. I'm deleting this account. I'm depressed now bye.

I want him to tell me ALL the time he loves me and cares about me and is in love with me ALL the TIME!
You people are right I should brake up with him. I love him with all my heart and this is going to ruin his kids life cause they love me. But I can't be with him emotionally or mentally if he's hurting me like this. I was happy but now that I knew he was hiding all this and we did this I'm not so happy. I'm terrible. I will take my dog and say good bye to him. He agrees with me not to have friends of the opposite sex also. cause he says its trouble to. But I will take your advice and leave. Thanks. Rebecca


He has kids and you're the (unpaid) babysitter?

Anyway, unless and until you get some help for your emotional problems you are going to jeopardize your next relationship and the one after that and the one after that.

Next you will have plastic surgery to change your appearance. Then you'll go on without any professional mental health advice and jeopardize the next relationship with your insecurities.

You are picking out the advice you WANT to follow and ignoring the rest.

So if I go through thepary will I change? What do you mean I'm the unpaid babysitter?

I mean "you're watching the kids?" That someone who watches kids and isn't paid.

Will you change with therapy or anything else? Not unless you want to change. Otherwise it's a waste of your time and money.

As far as removing your account (or whatever)... you can't. Stop posting and it will die a natural death.

What is it that you want someone here to say to you? You keep bringing up variations of the same problem(s). You don't take advice and question everything.

You ask if it's you. "We" agree that, yes, it is. It's not "him."

For the record I find his opinion that opposite sex relationships are forbidden to be (likewise) very strange. You would both have to move into a cave.

At any rate - what is it that you would like to hear?

So if I go through thepary will I change?
If you give therapy an honest chance to work and stick to it, yes, you will change. You will like yourself (you don't now) and will not have to beg anyone to love you. Men will be attracted to you because of your self-confidence and joy in life.

I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that

I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that

How do you talk to him? Do you tell him he should do things a certain way? Write down some things you say to him.

OK so I will go through thepary. I have insurance. I want to change. I don't want to lose him. Thank you so much. I'm almost their step mom. I don't need to get paid. They call me mom. They're mom ran out on them cause of dope and cheated on their dad with all these guys and still doing it. I love those kids like if they are mine. So no I'm not just a baby sitter. I will go through thepary. I will make this work with him. I love him and the kids. Thanks so mcuh I'm sorry for the hastle. I wasn't understanding. I will write during my thepary and let you all know how's it going if you'd like me to thanks again:)


Originally Posted by Wondergirl
"I can't talk to him. He gets mad easily. I've tried that"

How do you talk to him? Do you tell him he should do things a certain way? Write down some things you say to him.

LIke baby I need to talk to you. See I think that you shouldn't be watching porn cause you'd go back to prison and I don't want you to for the kids sake and your moms sake. I tell him that once he's off DOC then he can do whatever. He says your just saying this cause I'm a SO. I say no I'm not I'm thinking about you and your kids. Your almost done with DOC don't mess it up. You only have 6 more months left. Then your done. And he just walks away and gets mad. 10 minutes later he acts like nothing happened. I like to talk it out when there is a problem. That's what I was tought in thepary. He just drops it then 10 minutes later its all good and problem is fixed.

I will write during my thepary and let you all know hows it going if you'd like me to thx again:)
Yes, please keep us up to date on how it's going. I'm a therapist and want you to succeed (and keep your man and his kids).

That means a lot to me. He's the best thing that has ever happened to me. That means a lot to me.

baby I need to talk to you. See I think that you shouldn't be watching porn cause you'd go back to prison and I don't want you to for the kids sake and your moms sake. Your almost done with DOC don't mess it up. You only have 6 more months left. Then your done.

Notice all the "you"s? That's real close to being accusing and pushy.

And he just walks away and gets mad.

I would too. I would feel like my mother has been after me.

I like to talk it out when there is a problem.

But there was no talking it out with each other. Something else was going on. Tell me what was happening.

Raising my hand - I have a question.

I see this all the time on AMHD and it always confuses me - you are referring to what your religion allows and doesn't allow, what is appropriate from your reading of your Bible.

But you have no problem living, unmarried, with this man, an arrangement witnessed by his children, and having sex with him.

That's allowed by your religion?

Maybe he thinks he loves me but I look like I'm 16 but I'm 21 maybe he's just physically attracted to me.
What exactly is your religion? I find it important to be psychically attracted to my partners too.

I ask him more than 1,000 times a day if he loves me and is in love with me
Wow, this guy has the patience of Jobe. I would be batty if I had to endure this every day. This guy deserves a bone!

he's tired of it and we fight
Yup sounds about right! I'd be fighting too. Sounds like there's a serious trust issue, and it's you who isn't trusting. He cheated on his ex? So what! It wasn't you.

I don't understand if you truly love someone then why would you have to do this?
Do what? Have urges? Want to try different things in the bed? Not getting fulfilled in the bedroom, so turning to a HEALTHY alternative? Watching porn does not make a cheating, sex fiend, devil of a husband.

Is he lusting after me or Loving me??
So let me get this straight, you are both concerned with him ONLY lusting after you, and NOT lusting (not thinking you are attractive etc.. ) you enough?

I am currently single, but have been in a few relationships where I have had to make compromises. |It's not all about one person's feelings and wants, that's what we call a controlling, one sided relationship. If you're not comfortable with porn or doing it doggy style, is there another compromise you can make? I'm a woman, and I enjoy emotional love making like any other woman, but I would be bored to TEARS if that's what it was all the time. Let alone if it was the ONLY sex I was getting once in a blue moon.

I have watched porn with my partners. I actually enjoy it sometimes. There are lots of different types of porn. It doesn't always have to be "dirty" and hardcore. You can start with some softer porn, look for a married couple erotic flick. If your comfortable, mimic some of the things they are doing. I understand you feel you are doing this for a religious reason, that's why I wonder what religion you are? It makes me wonder with your way of thinking why you have decided to have sex out of wed-lock then?

If you want to be with someone mentally, physically and spiritually you need to learn to relax and be comfortable with you first. If you don't think you are pretty enough, than who would? I know that sounds harsh,honestly that's not my objective. I think along with professional help, you need to have some serious soul searching yourself and ask yourself what you want and need out of a relationship, and start fresh with someone who is willing to give you that in the beginning.

I'm a christian converting to a jovahas witness. He doesn't want to get married again. I want to but he doesn't.

To make this clear to everyone. I think I'm pretty. I just know that I don't look like these girls that he's watching. So that's why I'm saying I'm not pretty enough for him. They all have tiny tummies and big boobs and big bootys. I don't! So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?


Originally Posted by JudyKayTee
Raising my hand - I have a question.

I see this all the time on AMHD and it always confuses me - you are referring to what your religion allows and doesn't allow, what is appropriate from your reading of your Bible.

But you have no problem living, unmarried, with this man, an arrangement witnessed by his children, and having sex with him.

That's allowed by your religion?

No but again I want to get married and if he wanted to then I would've waited till I was married. But he doesn't cause of his ex wife.

So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?
How many porn sites or magazines feature women who are old or fat or just ordinary looking like most of us women? Not many, right? Think about it. Tell me why not.

So your Christian beliefs about what is appropriate and what is not change depending on whether your "partner" wants to marry you?

And you have no problem with your conduct in the presence of/with the knowledge of his children? That "jives" with your Christian faith?

Seems you are picking and chosing what to believe.

Had to spread the rep Judy, but right on the money.

To make this clear to everyone. I think I'm pretty. I just know that I don't look like these girls that he's watching. So that's why I'm saying I'm not pretty enough for him. They all have tiny tummies and big boobs and big bootys. I don't! So if he's attracted to that does that mean he's not attracted to me cause I don't look like them?

Again, porn has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with what he finds attractive. He he didn't find attractive you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? If you do, it's the same as that. It doesn't mean that you want to be with the guy in the book or the movie. It's fantasy. It has nothing to do with reality.



no but again I want to get married and if he wanted to then I would've waited till I was married. But he doesn't cause of his ex wife.


I know many people that are JW's, and sex before marriage isn't permitted. So, why are you sinning if your religion means so much to you?

Again, porn has nothing to do with you, it has nothing to do with what he finds attractive. He he didn't find attractive you wouldn't be in a relationship.

Do you read romance novels? Do you watch chick flicks? If you do, it's the same as that. It doesn't mean that you want to be with the guy in the book or the movie. It's fantasy. It has nothing to do with reality.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to Altenweg again.



Exactly! I don't know how much clearer anyone could make this! Excellent post.

Jehovah Witness's ARE Christians, and your religion has nothing to do with how you feel about yourself, or what he likes to do.

Could you be influenced by some of the people in your congregation?

Could you be influenced by you're inability to eventually get married?

Could you be conflicted within yourself as to the way you live?

What is behind your conversion to be a JW?

Does his watching porn make that difficult?

What is his opinion of you converting to be a JW?

What does his ex have to do with your relationship with him?

These are my questions to YOU, but the question you have to ask yourself is why are you threatened by porn, and the females that act in them?I guess I would like your thoughts on that one too, Please?

I don't understand. Explain.

Great questions Tal, and I'd love to hear the answers.

Fact is, porn is entertainment. Some people like thrillers, some like romance, others like comedy or animation. Different strokes for different folks.

It has nothing to do with your partner, not at all.

If your religion forbids porn, yet you're living with and having sex with someone you're not married to (that's against JW's beliefs) then you're picking and choosing what you believe in (according to your religious convictions) and what you'll let pass.

Living with someone, and having sex with someone you're not married to, is a far greater sin then watching porn for a JW.

Also, your boyfriend isn't JW (or is he?), so what sin is he committing?

The only sin I see is the one you're allowing. Porn, that's just something you don't like, and he does. I would suggest counseling, big time. Counseling to stop your controlling ways, learn to communicate, and learn to understand what porn is really all about. Because it's not what you think it is. Not even close.

Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

When we first got together he told me he wanted to marry me. I waited then it just happened. I tell him all the time its not right but it just blows into an argument that its NEVER going to happen so I just let it go.

Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

They are women that don't exist, they are fantasies, they are not real. They are actresses existing for only one purpose, and that's not to bake cupcakes or cook dinner or do the laundry. They exist for only one purpose, but that purpose is not to be our competition.

1. Yes 2. don't understand. 3. don't understand. 4. My mom was studying it before she died. 5. no 6. He didn't trust me for the longest time. He thought I was cheating on him cause that's what his ex wife did. So he used to think every women is the same. I"m threatened by them cause I don't LOOK anything like them. But from what I"m getting from all of you its OK. Your all right. If he wasn't attracted to me he wouldn't be in this relationship with me. I just ask him if he wants me to get boob or butt implants and fix my teeth so I can look like them. And then maybe he might want to (what you all call) fantise about me instead. I can't help it that I don't have a booty to shake and big boobs.

When we first got together he told me he wanted to marry me. I waited then it just happened. I tell him all the time its not right but it just blows into an argument that its NEVER going to happen so I just let it go.

Fine. Then why can't you let the porn go? Why are you stuck on that, but not the fact that you're having sex out of marriage?

Hey, I had sex out of marriage, so I'm not judging, but then, my beliefs don't go against that sort of thing. Yours do, and you've used your beliefs to justify that porn is bad, yet you decided to "just let it go" of the fact that sex without marriage is bad per your beliefs. See where I'm going with this?


Cause guys like that kind of wemen.

Because guys fantasize about that kind of woman. My fantasy, the guy I drool over, is Vin Diesel. I like everything about him. The part I like most, his voice. That deep sexy voice gets me every time. Fact is, I'm married, love my husband. We've been together for 21 years (since we were 19). He's nothing like Vin Diesel, and if Vin came up to me tomorrow and said "Let's get it on baby, I want you", my response would be "No. I'm married, and I love my husband".

It's fantasy, not reality. Reality is that he loves you, and only you. He watches porn because he's a guy, and porn is something guys like. Truth told, I'm not that into porn. I hate the bad acting, the music, no plot, girls that aren't realistic, and guys that aren't either. But I'm a girl.

My husband watches porn. He enjoys it. One thing, he comes to bed with me, and when we have sex, he's making love to me, not some unrealistic bimbo in a porn flick he just watched.

It's a release, and nothing else. It's fantasy. So stop making it reality, because it isn't!

I will get counseling. Thanks everyone:)

I will get counseling. thanks everyone:)

Counseling is really your only option, and I'm glad that you're going to take that advice.

Your behavior in this relationship is amazing, and not in a good way. You really need professional help in dealing with all of this.

Judging by your behavior (asking 1000 times a day if he loves you, demanding your way or the highway, etc. etc.), it's amazing that this man is still with you. I don't know any other man that would have put up with what your guy has. If anything, that should make you realize his love for you. If he didn't love you, he'd have left long ago. Most people would have.

You need to learn how to control your demanding attitude, and your insecurity, otherwise it will destroy your relationship. Even a saint (and your boyfriend has been a saint), eventually gets sick of it all and leaves.

I hope that counseling helps you reconcile your insecurities.

Good luck.

Thank you for your responses. They paint a picture of someone looking for guidance who is very frustrated by the events of her life. You are clearly looking for something better, as you seem to need the full love and attention and support from something, don't quite know what, but feel that's what you are looking for. I think you are a bit caught up between what everyone says you should be doing, and what it is you want to do, and the porn is but a way to blame something, or someone for what you want and don't have.

Somehow you think this fellow will give you what you really want, a nice secure loving home, but he has flaws, and cannot. Your actions and behavior of a desperate very insecure person, that works hard for the whole picture of good life, but there are a few pieces missing from the picture, and so you think its porn, but is nowhere near the issue.

He is the whole problem, not what he does, but what he doesn't do. That is your real issue. He isn't meeting your expectations that you have of him, which may seem reasonable to you, but he just can't do it. At the bottom of the heap of confused feelings, and misdirected anger, you have managed to pick out things that you think, if they would change or go away, everything would be all right. Your grand plan would be perfect.

That my dear, is the root of your frustration since everything you have tried has not worked, and you seem far away from having what you want, and it seems so clear to see, but this guy doesn't see it as you do at all. How do I know all this? Because you said in your first post here,


So I always told my boyfriend not to look at girls on youtube.com cause they are shaking their booty and they are pretty and I don't like it. Its like looking at porn. I told him I didn't want him to do it either. So he hid it from me for almost a year. So then last week he asked me to watch an adult video with him... I didn't know what to do so the next day I asked my dad what I should do and he told me to just try it once or twice and see how I feel or if I like it. So I did! I though the first time was interesting but then I realized that I wasn't getting him off it was what was on the TV that did it. And the second time also I felt the same. Now when we have sex I think he's thinking of other girls. This is brining myself esteem down. Why does he do this? Is he not attractive to me? Or do I need plastic surgery for him to not do this?

This is ALL you, projecting your fear into his actions, and this is a very unhealthy thing to do, and hard for him to share a good clean adult time with you. Of course you made this HIS fault, instead of your own thinking. But there is even more,


My dad said him and my mom did the same she really didn't care for it but my dad said that he loved it. He's cheated on my mom though and I don't want my boyfriend to cheat on me. Does this mean he's going to cheat on me? Or I'm not pretty? Should I get plastic surgery for him to be more attractive to me?
Since you don't know what a healthy relationship is, you are but taking your mothers place in attitude, and religion, and think your boyfriend will be like your dad. Seems to me this is a learned behavior, but you have no other example to emulate.


And I have a cyst on my brain that causing me to have seizures and I don't need this stress from him on top of my seizures.
But this is what indicates the problems are much harder for you to deal with as I don't know what kind of care and meds you are taking, but you clearly need to speak with your doctor, and get some better help for ALL your unhealthy think, and actions, and while I have nothing against any religion, its clear your needs go beyond the church, or hall as you call it, because it is but part of a deeper rift between you and your boyfriend, and the only way to deal with it is through the guidance of someone especially trained in your issues, so they can be properly addressed.

Whether I am close, or way off, doesn't matter, just get some real help, support, and guidance. Starts with an honest talk with your doctor.This ain't about porn, not even close, and as long as you keep thinking it is, you will never find a good solution to the problem.

So this morning I went to my first counseling session. She said I'm taking my anger, depression, sadness, aniexity from my moms death onto my boyfriend. She said its not good. I have to see my neurologist tomarrow. I'm going to have him change my pills. The counselor is trying to help me with my mom but she tells me what everyone else says: In time it will get better. But I don't think so. I came home sat down with my boyfriend and talked to him. He listened to every word I said and he talked back. I feel that our relationship is back on track and were so much better. As for porn... I don't care. What matters is that he loves me and its not like he loves them or he's going to leave me for them. Thank you everyone for everything. I want to be a better person and I'm working on it:) Thanks again I can't thank you enough:)

So this morning I went to my first counseling session.
I am so pleased -- and proud of you too!! Stick with it. And let us know how things are going.

I saw my nuerologist yesturday and he switched my medication so I don't have mood swings or thoughts of suicide any more:) My psychologist is helping me with my thinking about the porn and my feelings. All of you are right. I'm sorry for acting the way I did. My boyfreind went to the counseling session with me and we got it out and our feelings and we've been good since:) thanks for the advice:)

That is what my counselor said. Its just a fantasy and nothing else. I shouldn't be worried so I'm not. He did it last night and it didn't bother me. And we had sex after when he came up to the room and it was amazing:) my counselor said I'm trying way to hard in this relationship and I should just let things fall in place. I'm going to start doing that. I don't want to loose him and I'm going to follow your guys advice and my counselors advice. Thanks again:)

I relize that now. Thanks.

Now that I look back on it I had been a B**** about this whole thing. I had appoligized to my boyfriend and he's willing to help me change and be there for me. I'm going to stick with the counseling. She gave me some papers on how to deal with relationship stuff and death for my mom. Its helping I have them on my wall and I read them every day. So I can remember things. Now that I'm off my pills I can be easy going like I use to be before the pills took over my emotions. :)

You are one amazing woman, Rebeccah!! Thanks for the updates. I'm glad counseling is working for you -- and I'm even more glad you are open to it.

And you know you can always come here to vent.

Great Job Rebeccah! Please do keep us posted. Great work and keep it up! I'm glad to hear your boyfriend is so understanding of your situation. He sounds like a real keeper!

:) yes he is I'm proud of him:)

Yes I do. Thanks for putting up with me lol

Thanks I will