I need a lot of help. My wife is a non U.S. citizen and she's not in the states with me, but I'm trying everything I can to make sure she can get her spouse visa. We have a visa company doing our paperwork for us, but I told them that there was an issue in my wife's past about getting arrested. When I told her this she got all mad and didn't let me explain anything. She said I've messed everything up and that I'm stupid and not good enough for her.

Now she blocks my calls, and says she doesn't love me anymore and wants to move on from me. I don't get it; why is she so willing right now to throw our marriage away just like that and say she doesn't love me anymore? I had to tell the truth to the company doing our paperwork. But she says she now wants to drop everything now; she don't want me to call her, email and even fly to visit her. What am I supposed to do? Do I just give her space for a little while and let her calm down or is this marriage really over? I don't know what to do now!!

To be brutally honest , it sounds like you were a ticket to America more than a husband.

How long did you know her before you got married ?
Also a little backround on your meeting her and getting married would help to put some perspective on this.

As it seems now, you were being used and she may have an agenda that you are ignorant about.

I respectfully disaggree with your answer there... we've loved each other very much and I'm not her ticket to America...
I wanted her to have the chance to start a new life and new future with me over here...

Ekgrulez Jun 11, 2011 03:09 am
I respectfully disaggree with your answer there... we've loved each other very much and I'm not her ticket to America...
I wanted her to have the chance to start a new life and new future with me over here...

I answered like I did because her actions are not the actions of a person who is in love and wanting to start a new life.
As I said before , more information can change the perspective we receive . What else can you add?

I just got off the phone with her and she feels like that I had betrayed her by telling the company who is doing our visa documents about her arrest issue eight years ago without her permission... the thing is on her application there can't be any secrets kept especially with these going to the govt; I tried explaining to her this again but she doesn't care and doesn't want to hear my point of the story.

I understand how she feels about this, but I just wanted her to understand the reason I did this and not because I did it to be selfish but I'm trying to do it for her and us so she can still get her visa, but she doesn't want to believe me. She now feels that our marriage isn't worth it anymore

She needs to understand that she gave you permission to share her arrest record when it was agreed that she would be immigrating to the US. What were her expectations of what getting a visa of any type would entail?

Did you know her at the time of her arrest? Are you sure she has shared the full details of the cause and results?

Her reaction seems to say that something is not right. I hope it is an over-reaction, but be careful how you proceed from here. Do not ignore warning signs.

Take care.

I didn't know her at the time of the arrest; it was eight years ago and we had been in relationship for nearly a year when we married. She has pretty much shared the full details with me, but I don't know if its just something that she has strong shame over and wants to hide it as much as possible.

I just don't understand her reasoning for giving up on us because we've been married less than 5months and she said she wanted to stay committed with me and vice versa... I tried everything I put a lot into this marriage so far and now she just wants to throw it all away like it's nothing.

I tried being understanding of her but she doesn't believe nor does she want to hear my side... it seems she only wants to hear and believe what she wants to believe.

Is she a tempestuous personality who will calm down after a while? She won't be able to come to this country anytime soon without your aid.

She's pretty much the type of person I guess who can just move on from relationship so soon and quick without any emotion. I tried everything for her but it seems like that she doesn't believe in our commitment... and things that I've changed too much too soon which I haven't

If she is willing to destroy a relationship for something so minor, she does or did not love you to start with.

Sorry but ticket to the US or money ticket is still coming to my mind also. ( got to call it the way I see it)

How long have you know her, where did you get married ?
How and when have you lived together as man and wife, before you moved to the US?

A question to add to Fr_Chuck's questions: Could she be using this as an excuse because she is afraid of leaving her home, friends and family behind to move to a new country?

She's from Japan and we got married there.I knew her for almost 9months bfore we got married. We started staying together when we were engaged

She doesn't really have much of a family at her home. She doesn't make a lot of money either. Whenever we have a serious argument, its always got to be my fault and she says I always must accept the blame no matter what. But now, over this issue I'm tired of being the one to blame. I told her that what I did was for the best intentions, but she says I still betrayed her by telling the visa company about her past issue without my permission; she wanted me to apologize and accept responsibility for the whole thing