Hi I am 27 yrs old guy from pakistan.. I don't know but I am in desperate need of advice.. I met this girl in my office 6 months back.. since than I went for her.. I propose her and she agreed... everything was so nice and cool.. we had a wonderful first two months.. I send my proposal to her home which was almost accepted.. (which she later rejected because she wants to be settle abbroad and I have my family ties in my home country so I can't move there)

I make money which is good for enough living but the girl told me that she is looking for some extra rich guy.. need bigger car.. buy her gold jewelry and stuff.. I usually spend double of my income on her for whole last six months.. I try to fullfil everything she say.. pick her daily from home to office--office to home.. lunch and dineouts daily, yes daily for last 6 months.. shoppings.. taking care of her everyday needs etc.. still she asks for too much.. like more expensive gifts and do more-- do more like things.. compare me with her ex's etc

I felt like I met my love of life.. so I spend like crazy on this girl.. I started living for this girl.wakeup on her command and sleeps on her command.. do my everyday task on her command.. ignored my job and work.. ignored my family.. I ignored even living.. I sware I did..

I become so possesive for her that I just want to spend every second of my life with her as I never get enough of her.. she had a friends circle ( including two guys (one who is marriad) who do flirt to her which I found out many times in her inbox.. I ask her to leave those friends which she dis-agreed.and said to me that I doubt on her.. everytime she fights with me.. she go out with her friends circle.. which I hate.. many times I found her cell busy at nights.. when I ask who you talking to.. she say I doubt and I am sick minded and negative sort of person

Last week she said she have to go to her friends gathering at night.. including that marriad guy who do flirt with her all the times.I said no I don't like them so don't go.. instead make some new good friends and hang out with them.. these so called friends just use you as a show peace and nothing else... she went to see them by telling me that they are more important than me... than she is also flirting with a guy in her university as well.. which I just get to know ( although I talked to the guy and he told me that she appriciated his advancement)..

Meanwhile she looks for other proposals as well all the times and I feel like I am just a last option for her.. she says that she can do anything when she is angry.. that is her justification.. she calls me a lier.. she disrespects me and my family very much.. she don't give a fu*k about me or my feelings.. no matter what I do for her.. she always say me what you did.. even though its me who calls all the time.. its me who pays all the time.. its me who cares all the times.. etc etc..

I know I may be sound very stupid that why the hell I'm sticking with her and I should move on in my life... she always say me that move on and leave me.. she don't give a damn.. the problem is I feel myself very helpless in front of her.. I am just unable to let her go.. I m so deeply involve that if she talk to other guys I feel like dying..

I need a way out.. if she don't love me and just taking me as granted.. how can I get out of her.. I seriously don't want to loose her.. but now I have to make a choice..
A i have to make her realize that she needs to love me if i love her
B i need to move on and tell her dat FU*K off..

in either case.. i need to know HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT...

B-tell her it's over-you've had enough.

Then heal from this toxic mess and rebuild your life.

You poor lovesick fool!! You know what to do just do it! Just because you are a fool, doesn't mean you have to stay that way.

Move on I was in a on-side relationship always doing and giving and never getting what I put into the relationship back in return. But people who can't do anything for my ex, she would go all out for them.

Buddy, what can I say?

You know yourself you need to stand-up and tell her where to go. Never mind this make her love you stuff, make her go away!

Also, this 'love' you feel cannot be real. It is like an inmate professing his absolute love for a prison guard or warden, very rare. I think you have just accepted this situation, its grown, you can't handle it. However, c'mon, if you can't stand up to her, you are a coward (I mean that in a nice but firm way, like the cowardly lion:)).

Nobody here can do it for you. Best of luck.

I say take the "B" option. Nobody needs or wants a partner that's that self absorbed. And if you think its bad now... it would only get worse. Count your blessings you found out now, before it was too late.

Besides... who is to say she still wouldn't be doing it AFTER you got married. I'm willing to bet good money she would still do exactly that.

I've met women like her before. High Maintenance drama queens. Let some other sucker put up with them. There are plenty of other women that are NOT like that to pick from, and ANY of them would be a better choice to spend your life with than her.. find one that wants you... and not your stuff.

Do this at her command, do that at her command... what is wrong with you? Are you trying to be her boyfriend/partner, or are you trying to be her enslaved dog. She treats you without any respect because you don't respect yourself. It is one thing to be helpful to your female and to treat her with a respectful and chivalrous manner, but to rub her feet everyday, hell no! She is obviously using your for your money, JUST IN CASE you have not noticed yet, but she has no feelings for you. A girl that does would be understanding of your money situations, and then comparing you to ex's to hell with them, if they were so great then why isn't she with them? Leave this girl and find someone that has the minimum level of appreciation for you.

Good Luck,
Javi

A I have to make her realize that she needs to love me if I love her...
Don't bother doing this, it will go in one ear and out the other.

B I need to move on and tell her that FU*K off...
YES, but use a more dignified way of telling her the relationship is over..

In either case.. I need to know HOW I WILL BE ABLE TO DO IT...
Read your post as many times as it will take for you to realsise this girl is soooo not good for you. Then do option B.

Good Luck

Why do YOU have to have a dignified way to tell her anything anyway?

YOU just walk away... don't tell her a reason... I bet she isn't going to spend much time wondering why you walked away.

B-tell her it's over-you've had enough.

Then heal from this toxic mess and rebuild your life.

:)

Thank you all.. thanks very much.. I really appriciated.. I guess now is the time when I should do the option B and let this girl leave to what she wants..
What you do will come back and haunt you as well.. so she will get what she deserve.. I can't hurt her.. I love her so much.. but someone will surely do one day...

No hard feelings.. I guess its better to be dead in one shot.. rather then die daily...

Now the only problem I left with is... I have to see her daily as she works in my office.. second than she knows how I feel when she go out with other guys.. so she uses this than.. going on lunch and dinners with other guys in front of me... just to blackmail me as she knows it has dramatical effect on me..

How do I get out of this situation I don't know.. I feel very helpless in this..

Any suggestions?

Simple... you live your own life... and let her live hers (apparently she's already been doing this).

It takes time to "let go" to where you no longer care. But as Confucius said... " a journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step"

Be polite but remote if you have to speak to her-then act as if you haven't got a care in the world.

Fake it till you make it.

It no longer matter what she does, all that matters is what you do, so ignore her, and do not share your jealousy with her, or even let her know her actions bother you. Put on the good face and carry on with your own business, and stay professional.

As Amicon said, fake it, until you make it. These are your feelings to learn to cope with.

OK here is a situation update..

She asked me to buy a laptop and camera on Friday.. which I refused that I can't do it for now... than she fights with me and broke up.. I call her family and explains the situation which they also agreed with me that she is doing compeltely wrong.. today she calls me and asked me to meet her and than she tells me that the guy she was flirting with in university attempt a rape on her..

I was shocked.. I so wanted to hurt the guy who try this.. but than I remember how she insult me in front of him.. how she make me look like **** in front of him.. how she slaps me in front of her family.. I did not forget anything she did or said.. I am in so much pain.. but I don't feel the love for her I use to feel...

I am very much hurt.. infact feels broken deep inside.. in so many peaces...

I want to protect her but how can I protect the one who wants to hurt herself?

Doesn't change anything. She is who she is... and that's NOT a good partner for you.

She made her bed... let her sleep in it.

Do you want to be a fool and end up in prison for a woman that obviously doesn't care for you? Do something stupid... YOU go to prison... and she still goes after that same guy. Think she is making a fool out of you now? Wait until she does that.

Let HER call the police. Let HER deal with that other jerk.
Its not your problem. She's NOT your wife, or sister.

Doesn't change anything. She is who she is....and that's NOT a good partner for you.

She made her bed...let her sleep in it.

Do you want to be a fool and end up in prison for a woman that obviously doesn't care for you?

Let HER call the police. Let HER deal with that other jerk.
Its not your problem. She's NOT your wife, or sister.

She can't do anything.. niether she can tell the police.. niether she can tell her family.. here in pakistan.. things work differently than the other parts of the world.. she is just want to be outstanding freak.. who think of herself something... actually she is nothing.. she said it was her mistake too.. she was wearing a inviting dress which was all wet in rain.. and they were in car.. so when he tried it.. she walked out and now she understand what I was doing is to protect her.. not to control her...
I isn't going to prison for this girl.. no way..

she can't do anything..niether she can tell the police..niether she can tell her family..here in pakistan..things work differently than the other parts of the world..she is just wanna be outstanding freak..who think of herself something...actually she is nothing..she said it was her mistake too..she was wearing a inviting dress which was all wet in rain..and they were in car..so when he tried it..she walked out and now she understand what i was doing is to protect her..not to control her...
i aint going to prison for this girl..no way..

I tell you one thing... Prison in Pakistan is NOT anywhere near as nice as a prison here is. And they aren't nice here. Let that guy dream up a story to tell the police about you because he feels she is his (being a westerner... I feel she should WANT to be with you as opposed to anyone else, because she is not anyone's property)... and you are in even bigger trouble.

Like I said... she created the problem. Let her deal with it. People don't change. Its her personality. Any change is temporary. Everyone goes back to being the person they are naturally.

I am almost 50, I've observed a lot of people over a lot of years. And that is true for everyone who literally were never almost dead in a hospital. Do you really want a wife that is going to be doing this her whole life? I think not.

She is going to soon forget about this and go right back to doing it again.

I recommend you stop wasting time on this one... and find a nicer girl that doesn't make all the wrong choices. Women like that have been getting guys in trouble all over the world since the dawn of time. And most of us have had the misfortune of meeting at least one in our lives.

I tell you one thing....Prison in Pakistan is NOT anywhere near as nice as a prison here is. And they aren't nice here. Let that guy dream up a story to tell the police about you because he feels she is his (being a westerner...I feel she should WANT to be with you as opposed to anyone else, because she is not anyone's property)...and you are in even bigger trouble.

Like I said....she created the problem. Let her deal with it. People don't change. Its her personality. Any change is temporary. Everyone goes back to being the person they are naturally.

I am almost 50, I've observed a lot of people over a lot of years. And that is true for everyone who literally were never almost dead in a hospital. Do you really want a wife that is going to be doing this her whole life? I think not.

She is going to soon forget about this and go right back to doing it again.

I recommend you stop wasting time on this one...and find a nicer girl that doesn't make all the wrong choices. Women like that have been getting guys in trouble all over the world since the dawn of time. And most of us have had the misfortune of meeting at least one in our lives.

Thanks smoothy... everything you say does make a lot of sense.. its finally time for me to move on once and for all..
I'm trying to kill the deep rooted feelings for her..

This girl is poison. You know she is, just read your post. I have enemies that treat me better then this girl treats you.

Just walk away. If she calls, don't answer. If she wants to talk, walk away. Go to no contact, ignore her and move on.

You deserve better then this girl. She's a user. She'll never change. She doesn't care about you, or anyone else. She only cares about herself and what she wants.

She's not longer your concern. Find the strength to walk away. You may be upset for a while, but once you're out from under her thumb, you'll feel so much better. Trust me on this. :)

Thanks smoothy...everything you say does make a lot of sense..its finally time for me to move on once and for all..
i m trying to kill the deep rooted feelings for her..

The feelings will take time to go away... just focus on the important things in your life right now. Look for a better woman, and soon you will be wondering why you ever felt this way towards her to begin with.

This girl is poison. You know she is, just read your post. I have enemies that treat me better then this girl treats you.

Just walk away. If she calls, don't answer. If she wants to talk, walk away. Go to no contact, ignore her and move on.

You deserve better then this girl. She's a user. She'll never change. She doesn't care about you, or anyone else. She only cares about herself and what she wants.

She's not longer your concern. Find the strength to walk away. You may be upset for a while, but once you're out from under her thumb, you'll feel so much better. Trust me on this. :)

Yes she is a poison and she poisend me as well.. I will get over her soon enough hopefully.. the post is a small list.. there are many more things which she did.. which are enough to make me hate her like anything..

I got it that she will never change.. she is just a USER and nothing all..

May God give me the strength to walk away

Sometimes that's all you can do is pray for strength and do your part.

Darn females, can't live with them, can't live without them! Luckily, there are billions to choose from. Some better, but some worse. But YOU get to CHOOSE!

Sometimes thats all you can do is pray for strenght and do your part.

Darn females, can't live with them, can't live without them! Luckily, there are billions to choose from. Some better, but some worse. But YOU get to CHOOSE!

At times I even don't believe myself for doing all this. How can I be so deeply involved in any girl.

I just get feared that if I ever be able to love someone that much again, to be honest I don't think so I will ever be able to love someone that deeply and this is my fear which don't just let me go away from this girl, although I know now she just want her own very self and nothing else

Its very painful to walk away but I am trying hard now..


YouTube - ‪i'll get over you with lyrics‬‏ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tDeL9L5H1A&feature=related)

Dedicated to her.. :)

Listening like again and again..

I say take the "B" option. Nobody needs or wants a partner that's that self absorbed. And if you think its bad now....it would only get worse. Count your blessings you found out now, before it was too late.

Besides....who is to say she still wouldn't be doing it AFTER you got married. I'm willing to bet good money she would still do exactly that.

I've met women like her before. High Maintenance drama queens. Let some other sucker put up with them. There are plenty of other women that are NOT like that to pick from, and ANY of them would be a better choice to spend your life with than her..find one that wants you...and not your stuff.

I got it now.. you are right.. she will do the same even if I manage to marry her somehow.. she will never change.. today I find out she is talking to a new guy.. lol..

That's the cruel game she play and we all guys are the same being played..

at times i even dont believe myself for doing all this. how can i be so deeply involved in any girl.

i just get feared that if i ever be able to love someone that much again, to be honest i dont think so i will ever be able to love someone that deeply and this is my fear which dont just let me go away from this girl, although i know now she just want her own very self and nothing else

its very painful to walk away but i am trying hard now..


YouTube - ‪i'll get over you with lyrics‬‏ (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4tDeL9L5H1A&feature=related)

dedicated to her..:)

listening like again and again..

We call that "Attending the School of Hard Knocks".

Its lessons learned the hard way through personal experience. And usually a few bad mistakes, usually painful ones.

If you had never met someone like that before. Would you believe others if they tried to warn you? If you are like most younger guys, the answer would have been no. Trust me... I was one of them in my youth as well. It took going out with a few of the wrong types before I learned how to spot the good ones decades ago.

It takes a few bad experiences to teach you lessons. AND it also takes a few bad experiences for you to really be able to appreciate a good woman when you finally meet the one that's right for you. Like guys... there are good ones and bad ones. You have to look past what's on the outside to see what's inside. Beauty fades... but a good person will likely always be a good person. I'd rather have an average looking wife with a good heart, than a beauty queen who is a bitter and ugly person inside.

As always I am losing it.. she is sitting next to my office cabin.. I am finding it very very hard to control me not to talk to her..
But I am trying... trying desperateely to not even look at her..
I know even if I talk to her the only thing she will do is insult me or won't reply to me..
Why do God create love for those in our heart who don't deserve and understand the meaning of it... :(

AHhhhh... cudnot hold myself... exchanged couple of texts with her.. telling her that you picked the guy who attempt rape on you and the price you paid is our relation.. now ask yourself if he was worth it.. :(:(:(.. how do I go on NO CONTACT zone...

I think I should better leave this job.. this is continuous torture for me.. its hard.. its damn hard..

That's what happens when you break No Contact, especially for some BS reason, you torture yourself some more.

Start NC again, but do it better this time.

Agreed. Go NO CONTACT and stick with it. Its only hardest at first, then it does get easier the longer you do it.

That means it will be easier to maintain NO CONTACT next week than it will be this week. And it will be even easier the week after that.

But don't talk to her, don't text her, don't email her, don't call her, and certainly don't instigate anything with her. You don't need or want any of her relatives or friends avenging anything you might say or do. Pakistan isn't the only place that happens.

The best thing you can do is turn your back and pretend she is someone you don't know... and don't want to know.

This is the reason I always say to never even try to date anyone at work. Something always goes bad... and you have this and even worse to deal with unless someone quits. Don't leave the job... you never really had a relationship with her, it will be easy to put this in the past if you can maintain no contact and resist any urges to break it.

I went nuts this evening.. dont know what is the force pushing me.. I chased her all the way to her university.. and she knew it.. I was right behind her car.. I was afraid if the same guy will hurt her anymore...

than when she went to university (I have very good relation with her sister, brother and mother) I picked her mother from home and droped her to university so she can come along at night with her mother and that guy won't do anything..

I know I am no one to that girl so I am not suppose to care for anything... she did not even response my phone calls while driving.. and she was continuously talking to someone else..

I know I know I am being a fool here... infact a big one... I agree.. I even curse myself for doing all of it.. she don't respect me.. she don't love me.. I have no value for her.. infact no one have any value for her except MONEY...

I am really going crazy for this girl as always.. she is like a breath machine for me..

shall I try some anti depressants?. the urge comes with so much extreme that I couldn't resist to call her or text her only to get insulted as she even don't bother to reply

yes I am a poor sick love fool.. its not even like this I am very ugly or unsuccessful man in life.. I have everything which one need to have a very good healthy life.. I am 6 '3 ft tall handsomb guy.. there are girls(even prettier) who like to around me for any reason..

I am just badly stuck here... :(:(:(

I am sorry people for bothering you.. but I seriously feel very very helpless..

I use to have lot of attitude..

Don't know where it all get lost that I don't feel anything as long as it's the matter of this girl..

I have had relations in past as well.. infact a broken engagement as well... but I never went through this scenerio.. it was easy to get over.. it was easy to move on.. than why not now?

Why should I bother if she dates any guy or talk to any guy.. I should even do the same.. but I feel no interest in any other girl than her...

:(:(:(:(:(

You are out of control friend. Get help before you end up in jail, and have a fat hairy guy as a boyfriend.

You are out of control friend. Get help before you end up in jail, and have a fat hairy guy as a boyfriend.

Seriously... following her like that could be presented in a court here as stalking. And even then... her family and friends might see it as something sinister. And it could become very dangerous for you. People might take it upon themselves to right a perceived wrong.

If you need to seek counseling... please do it before you provoke something into happening that you will regret.

But if you continue like this... you are going to find yourself in a lot of trouble.

And you don't want to be with anyone that will bring this bad behavior out of you anyway. The right partner brings out the best in you, not the worst.

Its not uncommon to kill someone over a perceived violation of honor in your part of the world. You don't want to find yourself on the receiving end of that.

It does NEITHER of you any good.

Well her mother always appriciate my love for her so as her sister and brother.. her family is not my concern here.. or even police.. its not an issue or problem... (even today when I told her that I follow her she was happy enough that at least I am protecting her from some unseen accident)..

The problem is myself and controlling myself from going to her.. if I can control this than all the problems will be solved..

Keep in mind... her mother and her family can change from liking you, to hating you in an instant.

And that's why we told you to COMPLETELY avoid her.

You have to make you own choice here... you can keep this up and be very unhappy at best... or fearing for your life at worst. The worst can happen very quickly. They might think its cute right now... they will tire of it very quickly and see it as a threat.

OR you can start by having and following NO CONTACT.

That includes NOT following her, that includes NOT talking with her family too. They aren't your next door neighbor after all.

Thanks smooty... I will try to go FIRM on NO CONTACT NOW and will see how it works...
I promsie to myself that I will try very very hard now and won't reply to any of her call or text if she ever does.. and won't do it from myself as well

Lol.. no I isn't become gay yet-:P...

It only hurts the worst at first... it does get easier the longer you maintain no contact.

Surely you can get through the first couple weeks on willpower. Those are the hardest and it only gets easier after that.

It does hurt a lot and I mean it a lot already.. its just that I have to take it now.. there is no other possible way..

I guess I will over it.. its may be just that I spent too much time with her.. like 14 hours dairly for last 6, 7 months.. that quite a lot of time.. I am addicted to her..

The best way to get something unpleasant or painful done. Is to quickly get it over with. Like removing a bandage that's on a hairy part of your arm or leg. Pick at it and its going to hurt a lot and take a long time. Just rip it off, and yeah, it hurts like hell, but its over quickly.

I took a day off today from office.. and so far I am on FIRM NC...

It means the problem happens to start when she is around? as it intense the feelings. Also when I see her talking on phone with other guys,making plans for eve, going for part and even singly with other males, these all things are unbearbale.

So as long as I am away from her, I can heal myself. Now the problem comes that we are working in a same office, no choice but have to see her. This is I guess what most painful is.

We have had breakups before (the maximum was of 6 days), than I said sorry for all the sins I did and I did not.. basically I went on my knees..


But relation like this doesnot worth all of this..

So far I am holding onto NC, although she called me 4 times today and I did not respond.. this is the big thing as I am never able to resist her call.

As Confucius said... "A Journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Take it one day at a time.

Remember the bad things she has done to you.

Remember that she hasn't shown you the respect a person should show another.

But most of all, show yourself the respect you should. No person should allow themselves to be treated like that by another.

That will help you maintain no contact. As I said, it's the hardest at the beginning... it does get easier.

When workplace relationships fail, it's a bit like high school relationships that fail. You have to see and interact with an ex, and that presents some special problems with the NO Contact rule. You have to adjust from being intimate, to strictly business as you confront and learn to control YOUR own feelings.

You can be polite but emotionally unavailable to an ex. Maybe we as humans cannot say what we feel about things and people, but we can darn sure control what we do about it.

Maybe a vacation and time away from work and break up stresses is a good thing, but you better use the time to get a plan of action that allows you to thrive and survive through this storm in your life, without making a fool of yourself, or WORSE!

Broke the NC again.. only to find out her phone busy for 2.5 hours at night.. lol...

Now I am not dgrading myself anymore for her... if she can move on that easy and quickly.. than I should be able to do it as well

And as stated before it was never a relation... it was me who was pushing it... she never gave a damn about me.. yes you are right..

TIME TO STAND UP FOR NONE OTHER BUT MYSELF>.. ENOUGH OF THE BEGGING In front OF HER.. you can't make anyone love you if he/she don't..

Sonner is better for me.. its just same as quiting the cigrate.. you say forsure you are quiting but than you just give it up...

broke the NC again..only to find out her phone busy for 2.5 hours at night..lol...

now i am not dgrading myself anymore for her...if she can move on dat easy and quickly..than i shud be able to do it as well

and as stated before it was never a relation...it was me who was pushing it...she never gave a damn about me..yes you are right..

TIME TO STAND UP FOR NONE OTHER BUT MYSELF>..ENOUGH OF THE BEGGING INFRONT OF HER..you can't make anyone love you if he/she dont..

sonner is better for me..its just same as quiting the cigrate..you say forsure you are quiting but than you just give it up...

That's exactly what we have been telling you to do.

Quitting "cold turkey" is best. That means just stop completely... and stick to it without doing it again, or looking back. Anything else just prolongs the pain.

And you do have to go through that painful period. There is no way around it.

Besides. It builds character. And will make you a better person in the end. If you don't understand what I mean by that, feel free to ask.