We were together 7 years, he didn't work I did. He was never very sexual only when he was high, otherwise, I felt unnoticed. He had everything anyone could possibly want. I have my own home, I don't drink, or do drugs, I never cheated, always was there for him, and his family. His mother loved me, and always told me, "when I know hes with you, I feel safe, and can sleep, and not worry", because she knows I'm a good person.

He was drunk one night four months ago, and kept waking me up. I had to get up at 3 am for work. I went to work, came home, and he was dressed, and leaving. I asked why are you leaving? He said I yelled and nagged at him for waking me up! He walked out the door, and a month later, I dropped his things off at his driveway, and he went to police, and said I was harassing him, which was not true. He had left me other times but, always came back but, this time I never heard from him again.

That was four months ago! He lives with his mom at 49 years old, can't hold a job, or apartment and, smokes crack occasionally. Why would a man leave suddenly with no word? I sent his mom a letter over a month ago asking her if she knew what happened or, if he said anything to her, and told her in the letter I do love him but, I have no answer or, reason as to why he left. That I'm hurt and, asked her to call me.

She never called me or, responded to my letter. If he had a great woman who supported him in every way, then why won't he talk to me. I do love him, and I'm hurt because he won't talk to me. I called his moms yesterday, and she lied and she was cold to me. Why all of a sudden is she angry with me? I did nothing to either of them but, she said he wasn't there, and he was. I need to know why he won't return my call and, do I call again? I'm afraid because, he calls the cops on everyone, and may do it to me. Do I try one more time to call? My heart hurts cause I have no closure, or answers. Please help me!!


Edited/T

My dear, if this is as you say it is... why do you care where or why. I know that once someone you love in in your heart it is hard to get them out, but pray on it and move on. He did you a H-U-G-E favor. You may not see it now, but you will and you will be glad you did. Don't worry about the change his mother has towards you, you cannot change that and if that is how they react to your situation, You Are Better Off!

You need closure to your relationship with a man you say is a drug addict. (A crackhead at that?! ) You need to thank him for doing what you didn't have the backbone to do.. LEAVE. I also suggest that you seek therapy. Anybody who is desperate to have an abusive relationship with an addict needs to take a good long look at what they are lacking in themselves, and why they value their own safety, sanity, and feelings less than a damaged relationship. Please seek help to rebuild your sense of self worth so that you NEVER chase a man like this again.

It may not be what you want to hear, but closure comes from inside you. It is an acceptance that things did not work out and that you need to heal and move on for yourself.

Answers in many cases only lead to more questions. In this case, you may find out why he left, but it won't answer the question of why weren't you 'enough.'

Ask yourself instead, 'why were you putting up with him?' No job, does drugs, lives with his mother, can't hold a job, leaves and comes back when he feels like it, etc. Calls the police on you when you return his belongings. He does not sound like a very stable person to be in a relationship with.

Are you concerned that he might be hurting or manipulating his mother since her attitude toward you has changed?

Kiss the ground you walk on that he is out of your life, and I hope no matter what you keep it that way. CLOSURE?! You have your freedom to get a healthy relationship, with YOURSELF, and eventually others so who needs closure?

Maybe an editor, and a counselor, but NOT closure.

He smoked "CRACK". Listen to what you said about him.

Just on two points alone you should have sent him packing. The fact he smoked Crack... AND the fact he is a lazy bum that can't hold a job.

You don't love him... you love a project. And both you and his mom were and still are enabling his destructive behavior.

He was 49, when did he plan to start growing up? 79 if he lives that long?

Count your blessings he up and left. Count your blessings he's not leeching off you any more.

Seriously... I would advise counseling because you need to understand why you are drawn to these sorts of people.

You need a partner... not a patient. But like was already suggested... try to spend some time alone to get to terms with life on your own terms before you go looking for someone like him and repeat the same mistakes of the past.

Count your blessings you got through this and over it with your wealth, health AND sanity intact.

To reiterate... you have a lot going for you... there is nothing wrong with you other than the fact you wasted years on a total loser. You have done nothing wrong other than that.

I feel you pain I was good to my ex she was in school and had no one in her corner. I was there for her 24/7 until she found something better or got what she needed out of me. You ex sounds like the same person but remember this what you do to people comes back to you. People don't miss a good thing until its gone. That's why my ex tried to come back but leave them in the pass."Fool me once shame on you, Fool me twice shame on me".

It took him seven years to leave you only because you didn't have the courage to kick him out. God has blessed you with his absence, enjoy it, and send him packing. You don't need someone like that in your life, and it isn't anything new, it has been going on for a long time it seems like. Stop stressing over this one, you have wasted seven years on this low-life, how much more of your life would you like to keep wasting?

Good Luck,
Javi