Ex-girlfriend of over 2 years dumped me about a year ago because she felt things were missing in the relationship (feeling under-appreciated for months). She moved on and talked with other guys immediately before and during breakup behind my back and really hurt me. We are both 25 now. It took me a while to get over, but I can say I successfully moved on with my life.

We Didn't talk at all for over 9 months or so, but recently started chatting again. We have hung out/hooked up a few times the past weeks and have really enjoyed each other's company. We had a full discussion about the past and how she hurt me and she apologized and now realizes how she disrespected me. We also briefly discussed what needed to be changed in the relationship and she wants to have a full talk about that if I ever care to. I can tell she wants to try again and seems very into me- but I don't know if I could or should even try reestablish my trust for her after her lying and cheating. Friends/family say to be careful and maybe stay away. I do really still care for her though and find myself eagerly awaiting to talk to her and see her. What do you guys think, will history repeat itself?

Also what makes girls come back like this - do you think she dated around and saw grass wasn't greener?

I want to congratulate you for successfully moving on with your life after the break up. I know it is not an easy thing to do. As for this situation... well, she could have realized you were a prize or she could be looking for something more safe/comfortable. If she felt things were missing in the relationship, can she name them? Are those things related to you directly and if so, have you changed?

Some (very, very few) relationships can continue on after a break up. For instance, some people will end things with their partner if their partner is still too immature to take on the responsibilities of settling down. Once that person matures a little and if both partners are still single and still have strong feelings for each other, the relationship might be salvageable - albeit on a different level than before.

In your situation it sounds like she just didn't have as strong feelings for you as you had for her. She wasn't committed enough to you or the relationship to build the feelings and connections to strengthen your relationship. Instead, she moved on. For that reason, I don't think that the best choice for you is to try again. In addition, you have doubts as to your ability or desire to try to re-establish trust for her. My many years of counseling people (as well as living my own life) has given me what I call a "Didi-ism". That is... "When in doubt.... DON'T!" You have to pay attention to your inner voices and feelings because they are truth.

The last thing that makes me feel that you should probably not go back to this relationship is that your friends and family are concerned that you would be making a mistake. The people who know you best are a good judge of things. If it was just your best buddy who said you'd be making a mistake then that's one thing. But if your family are all pretty much against it, then your friends are saying the best thing... give it some further thought. Do you listen to one or two people or do you listen to many people who know you best? Who are best able to judge?

Why do girls... and guys... come back like this? There are many reasons. Usually it is because they are seeking something comfortable and safe when things aren't going their way. Girls call their old boyfriends when they fight with their present boyfriend. Guys call the gal who always put out when their new gal isn't going to. It's human nature.

I hope you don't allow yourself to be a victim to temporary moments of weakness on both of your parts. She is likely seeking the familiar and you are hoping things have changed. I think you both need to let it go and move on. Every relationship you have prepares you for the one that will last forever. Learn from the last one and take your knowledge and growth into the next.

Hope this helps!

Hugs, Didi

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/dating/she-gave-up-because-shes-moving-soon-465893.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/am-finally-ready-move-can-you-support-me-full-nc-439446.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/why-do-care-all-year-later-524195.html

You have spent enough time making this work, it didn't so above are my 3 reasons you shouldn't be bothered. Enough is enough, and I am sure it was just as great hanging with her before before you found out she was screwing you over big time. Facts don't lie, cheaters do.

YOUR CALL!!

If it doesn't work there is a reason. Love, true love, works with a little tweaking here and there and maybe a few major tweaks. Unhealthy love requires 24/7/365 work and destroys you. Apparently you have proven this relationship is unhealthy but still strive to make a relationship buiilt around instability work. You need to figure out why you keep making the same mistake over and over again.

I think you should spend a LOT of time figuring out who you are and what you really want in a relationship. Then you should figure out how you will end the next relationship that doesn't even come close to meeting your needs. Once you figure that out.. start dating again. Date people you KNOW you wouldn't want to spend the rest of your life with just to learn how to date without getting emotionally involved. Just have some fun dates that aren't geared towards finding a soulmate. Once you are able to do that, you are ready for more.

In the meantime, stop fooling yourself. You aren't over your ex yet. What do you need to go through before you realize that not only does she not love you because you aren't what she is looking for but you really don't love her because she is NOT what you want? Your relationship was not built upon love but dependence. Learn how to become more independent and move on. It's the best thing.

You can seek help all over the place but if you don't come to the realization yourself nothing will change. Step back and read all of your posts and the responses, think about what everyone is saying. You are hearing it from friends, family & complete strangers. Nothing will change unless you truly let go. Hopefully it will be sooner than later.

Hugs, Didi

Why revisit the past?

Considering your history,why would you want to go down that road again?

Exes are exes for a reason or,as in your case,a number of reasons.

Leave it be.

I think you should stay away. She has hurt you in the past and there is over 2 billion woman in this world. Why keep wasting your time with this one? Leave her alone, a break up is a break up, and the reasons for a break up are facts, that still exist. Be with her again, and we will be waiting for your return with yet another post.

Good Luck,
Javi