Threads merged several times, please keep all questions regarding the same issue in the same thread


Hi after a serious 2 year relationship my girlfriend just broke up with me by text.she then got with someone else who she is now not with.I still have no real reason from her as to why we are not together and she claimed to love me forever and now she just wants to be friends even though the day before that she told me she wants to be with me forever.

She now does not even want to be friends she won't talk to me or get in touch at all. How can she just erase me from her life like that when we were planning on spending the rest of our lifes together and we were just about to get a house.can she really spend the rest of her life just forgetting me? I hope one day she will just talk to me again I mean I treated her perfect and she was so in love with me and I believe she has just forgotton that.

My ex and I planned our lifes together and she was so in love with me and I'm still so in love with her but she left saying she needed me time and then she got with a lot of boys which broke my heart,she got back in touch told me she wants me back and wants to make it up to me and the next day said she just wants to be friends.

A week later she does not even want to be friends she won't get in touch or anything.she is erasing me from her life and it hurts so much.for a whole two years she was so loving warm and soft and caring so this coldness just does not seem like her at all I'm waiting for her to miss me but I think she has got me out of her head does this mean the past two years have been a lie.

Can you just stop loving someone the day after you say you want kids and a house with them??

Her feelings changed,over a period,but she didn't discuss this with you so when she broke up with you it seemed incomprehensible.

The two years weren't a lie,but now you should get your life together,heal from the breakup and move on with your life.

Start no contact-as in no communication with her whatsoever.

Keep busy and be with people who love you.

Something changed guy, or she was the biggest, best liar you ever met. And a true coward to boot. I think she led you on until she thought she could have something better, and unceremoniously dumped you. She fed you lies, and false hopes, so you do as she is doing, LEAVE HER ALONE, and see this as a blessing in disguise.

You deserve all the time you need, to get over the shock of such deception, and the betrayal she perpetrated on you. Don't be confused, there are many people out there who prey on those who want to believe them, and that's what you fell victim to.

Be careful out there, the world is full of these kinds of people, who use and abuse, but we heal, and learn, and do better next time.

That's all you can really do.

Thank you for these comments is there no chance what so ever of us getting back together? I still love her and that won't change I don't want anyone else.she loved me so strongly can this not happen again with her?

I am not a psychic, but I do know you are hurt and confused deeply, and can think of nothing else but what you think you have lost. No, I will not feed your false hope, nor raise any hope of her coming back to destroy your dignity, and self respect any further because I do know, in time you will see this whole episode differently, than you do now.

Sorry I can't spare you the misery, and pain of the healing process.

My future was her now no other future will do for me I want to die I'm thinking abouot killing myself on her birthday so she can't ever forget me

Not a good idea,you have a whole life ahead of you.

You need to talk to someone,parents,friends and if you're depressed make an appointment to see your doctor.

my future was her now no other future will do for me i want to die im thinking abouot killing myself on her birthday so she can't ever forget me

What a cruel selfish idea, to inflict pain on others because you are in such pain!!

Completely unacceptable.

How long ago did she break up with you? How much do you attempt to contact her to try to get her to change her mind?

Do you have any interests in your life other than her? Do you have any hobbies, clubs, friends, etc. that you spend time with away from her?

Something you need to understand is that letting go and moving forward does not mean forgetting everyone or everything. It means healing and learning what wasn't working for us in the previous relationship. As perfect as you want to believe the relationship was, I am betting that you were ignoring the signs that all wasn't right. From the way you write here, I am wondering if you have been honest with yourself about the length of time she has tried to walk away before she texted you. How much guilt have you actually been using to try to keep her planning her future with you?

Time to live your own life. Don't sit around moping and thinking about what you have 'lost'. Get out of the house and look at what you can gain. Keep yourself busy-mentally and physically. Get together with old friends. Make new ones. Allow yourself to live. Allow yourself to heal. As you move forward, you will find that the pain does fade. Give yourself a chance to make new memories.

Take some time to cool off buddy.

Any break up can be very traumatizing at first, but it gets easier with time. Be patient with yourself, it will get easier. Once you overcome this, you will find happiness again.

You have an opportunity to start over for the better.

Thank you for all your comments. I realise now that I was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and I now know that she has cheated on me and she isn't the person I thought she was. The other day she again told me she wants to be friends and I told her about my mother getting cancer and that I was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was... "k" that's how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it". Can someone enlighten me on this behavior please?

Threads merged


Recently my ex girlfriend of over 2 years cheated on me and dumped me.in my eyes she was perfect and the most soft loving caring sweet funny person I have ever met... not a bad bone in her body.I realise now that I was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and I now know that she has cheated on me and she isn't the person I thought she was. The other day she text me and told me she wants to be friends and I told her about my mother getting cancer and that I was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was... "k" that's how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it".she has really turned the other way from what she was. Can someone really be that mean to say they don't care about your own monther getting seriously ill? When I was with her I saw her through some major family deaths of hers and she acts like I never existed. Can someone enlighten me on this behavior please?

No,I can't enlighten you,other then remind you that she's not the person you thought she were.

Friends?
Why?

Go no contact and heal;let her do her thing while you do yours.

thank you for all your comments. i realise now that i was blinded by love and thought she was perfect and i now know that she has cheated on me and she isnt the person i thought she was. the other day she again told me she wants to be friends and i told her about my mother getting cancer and that i was in hospital the other day and all she replied with was......."k" thats how cold she has got and then text me bk saying in "in the future i dont want to know about it". can someone enlighten me on this behavour please?

She doesn't care about you or your mother, or anything else that concerns you. She just wants you available to be her emotional tampon.

Let me first say I'm very sorry about your mother... sadly and oddly my boyfriends mother also has a very aggressive cancer at the moment and there's not a chance that I would ever be anything but sympathic to my boyfriend even if we weren't together I know I would always want to know how his mother was doing, I love her just like my own mother and we haven't been together even 2 years like you guys were.

So yes, in my opinion your ex is just a plain ***** and your better off without toxic people in your life, especially at this sad time, she doesn't deserve a place in your heart or your life. I wish your family the best of luck and health.:)

Thank you very much. I think my problem is I like to see the best in people and I hate to think people could be that evil especially someone who I was with for over two years. I just have to hope I don't bump into her and hope she does not ruin my life any further

thank you very much. i think my problem is i like to see the best in people and i hate to think people could be that evil especially someone who i was with for over two years. i just have to hope i dont bump into her and hope she does not ruin my life any further

No one can ruin your life unless you let them. The girl has issues and its nice that you see the best in people, because there is good in everyone, but there's just some people we shouldn't waste our time on when they just don't get it and there is no point in trying to make them see that. You had a lucky escape if you ask me!

Thank you so much you're the only person that has actually listened and not just said MOVE ON like I'm a robot or something lol

Well I do suggest you keep her out of your life, you said she wanted to be friends, well I would have hated to hear what she'd have said to you if you guys were enemies at the time! Its hard to hear people tell you to move on, but everyone on here does realize its not so easy. :)

Check out the no contact related threads in my signature. I think it's best that you go 100% no contact with her. As the others have pointed out, she no longer cares about you like before. In which case you're better not having her part of your life anymore as it only brings you grief.

Thanks to this site and its posts I am starting to realise everything that my ex was too scared to tell me face to face or even at all! So I am really going to stick to the no contact rule. I have written her a letter stating what I think we both did wrong over the past two years and everything we did right.I am chosing not to send her this letter because it would be breaking the no contact rule even though it would make me feel better having her know how I feel.however what happens if she gets in touch with me? Do I ignore after all the bad things she has said to me lately?

No contact means no contact,so if an ex gets in touch,you ignore them.

Writing a letter and not sending it is a good choice,so stick with it.

There is a lot of confusion often about the "What if?" scenario. Amicon is correct. No contact means strictly no contact. It's over, let it be over (this goes for both of you).

And yes, props for not sending the letter. Very good decision.

If you stick to NC, you don't have to worry about what ifs.

If you bump in to them in public, polite, brief (hi & bye), and completely unavailable for anything else they want to discuss.

OK I understand all these are answers for getting over her. I'm not saying I'm considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? I can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what I at the moment want?

This isn't about avoiding further pain, it is about being able to think straight. The relationship is over and it is over for a reason. If you are doing your own thing and focusing on YOU, then none of this matters.

If she really wants you back, in the FUTURE, when you have both grown and have fresh perspective, then I suppose she will let you know in a straightforward fashion. No contact, or whatever you wish to call it, is really about being able to think straight, and once you can, more often then not, you realize things are better off as they are.

ok i understand all these are answers for getting over her. im not saying im considering this its just a curiosity but what if they contact me wanting to getback together? i can understand having no contact when they try getting in touch to avoid further pain but what if she wants what i at the moment want?

How many times do you pick up a hot iron before you realize it will burn you every time you pick it up?

If you both want to get back together it shows you do not learn from past mistakes.
Why would it work now? You learned from how miserable you made each other how to make it work.

You cannot turn off feelings with a switch .
But you can love someone and not be able to be with them .
This is where you are now. You need to understand this and keep no contact before you send yourself back to start this pain all over again.

There is no going back. Stay strong and focused on healing.

OK I understand what your saying and trust me I still think nothing will happen between us but I get the feeling from all this advise that you are all certain once its over its over. I know its only a small percentage of the time that this happens but couldn't a split couple talk it over, work it out and be ten times stronger by learning form your past mistakes? I'm not saying I want this to happen and I will stay no contact I'm just saying people can be stronger from these things and some can just be over. And she may have changed her mind towards the end but she was more happy than misserable over the two years.

Couples getting back together and being happy is less than a small percentage.

Out of all the ones I know and know of, there is 0 that have accomplished this out of hundreds and hundreds.

It could happen. I could win the lottery.

I have the better odds.

Hind sight is always 20/20. You can't fix problems of a relationship if you don't know what your own problems are, or even who you are. If the relationship was going to last, usually you stay together an work through the issues. That didn't happen.

Right now it is easy to say that getting back together would be different this time. But nothing has changed. You both need time to grow from this and decide, without the others influence, if this is something you want.

I don't see dealing in what ifs as a useful thing, because what matters most is what IS.

I have also learned after a proper healing, most people don't want to go back, they are enjoying going forward. They seem to have found something better than what they had, which was exactly my case, back in the day.

NC is about healing for the purpose of being able to make better decisions for yourself based on facts, and not just feelings. Really simple, what facts do you have that say she has changed her mind, and wants you back, even though you want HER back? We call that false hope, and it's a distraction for clear gathering of facts.

And speaking of facts, SHE DUMPED YOU, instead of working with you to make things work. It's a fact she just wasn't WILLING, so what has changed? And it's a big red flag, when partners are not willing to work with you, but would rather break up. Then the only FACT that remains is healing, and moving on.

Its obvious to us all just as an aside here that your thoughts and curiosity are very typical to the feelings we all have after we go through a break up and the hurt is still fresh. Will you get another chance? I don't know, I just hope you are healed enough to make a good decision for yourself, IF it does happen.

Most that have healed don't want the exes back, despite all the good memories, intense feelings of the past, or the newfound willingness of an ex to try again. Just me, why get dumped TWICE by the same person???

Hey man. I haven't been on the site in a few months. I know exactly what you are going through. My ex dumped me 6 months ago an started dating some douche bag guy the very next day. I was fairly devastated, didn't eat didn't sleep an broke NC often. Take it from me. Do not do that, even if it is them contacting you. It gets you into this cycle of false hope that things will work out. I have since successfully been in NC for 4 months and feel great. I've accomplished more for myself in this time than I ever dreamed I could in the 2 years I was with her. Also in this time, she Has tried to contact me. But I came to realize after 2 texts she sent that they were petty stupid reasons that made her look dumb and needy. I no longer care about her life because she has no impact on mine. I may not be dating again but I'm coming to find myself perfectly happy all on my own and being only 21 I still have plenty of years to find someone to be with.

If I can sum that up simply, stick to NC and do everything for you. Do not answer her texts or phone calls. Learn from your mistakes in the relationship and then apply what you learn to a new an better relationship that will ultimately come along.

Right now you probably want back what you HAD, simple fact is what you HAD went away when she broke up with you.
My own thread is pretty long if you want to check out some of the pitfalls and heartache I went through. Stay strong hope this helps.

just woke up feeling a little bit better but still thinking about her every second. She text me last night just saying how is your mum. I did not reply. I hate how she could cheat on me and abbandon me and then want me to text her back it just prooves all along how selfish a person she really is. What is her way of thinking by just randomly texting me like that?

Can you block her number?

Don't fall for any attempts she makes to keep you dangling.

Block her number if you can and if not,delete without reading her texts.

Stay strong,move forward-heal.

Well I did delete her number I just know its her because I know her number when I see it. I don't think my phone blocks numbers and I promise you its impossible not to read a text when you get one lol. I did not text back and I doubt I will hear from her again

Well,I hope she doesn't.

And,yes,you can delete without readin-been there, done that.

Good job n o t texting back! :-)

This comes down to YOUR dignity and self respect fella. She lies, cheats, plays you for the fool and thinks she can smile in your face and be sweet and you will fall all over yourself.

Thinking about her as you heal is one thing. Giving her what she wants, is quite another. So think about that, the next time she pops in your head.

Well thanks again for helping me. I am so dissapointed with how she has turned out because I do believe she really did love me and that's the sad thing that she cheated when all the way through the relationship she said that's the one thing she would and could never do because her dad cheated on her mum.I just hope one day she really thinks about how much she has hurt me and I know its wrong but I hope someone hurts her the same way so she can know how I feel.but honestly its not just her I miss it's the child that should have been born in the next few week that we lost and her family that adopted me and most of all the girl who once loved me.

That's a lot of grief to handle,but I believe you have it in you to work your way through it.

One day at the time.

I know I just wish I never had to try let go of all this ah sigh what a mess. She does have a sister lol only joking

Hmmm last night was bad. Yesterday I thought I was having a good day because I told meself she is a cheat so I can't love her but last night I could not sleep. I kept having nightmares about her been different and telling me that she did not find me attractive and she laughed when she told me when she cheated on me. I feel so strange today I hate it.

Dreams are just dreams,your subconscious is working through the separation-so stop thinking about it.

You'll have good days and bad,that's normal.

The bad days are better handled through being active and having a plan,so get out and do something!

Seriously now I have started doing the tip or making a diary about how your dealing with each day. I have read over what I have done and honestly it has not got better its only got worse. I'm terrified that she will never be in my life sharing it with me. I know that's not what you want me to say but it's the truth. I can't cope or ever be happy with how everything has unfolded in the past couple of month.its sad I know but I'm not ashamed to admit I need her and want her for the rest of my life. Please help me. I think I will giv emy self a year to see if things get better but then if they have not I won't know what to do

Again,are you keeping yourself busy?

Even though you're hurting,you should still do your outmost to have a life,doing things to distract yourself from this self inflicted torture that you're putting yourself through.

You're doing this to you,nobody else is.

And you can choose n o t to do it.

That would be a great way of 'getting things to get better'!

This is not about her at all and has never been. Its about how you cope with the reality of life, and your own feelings because just think how crazy it sounds to want someone who you know will hurt you again, as they have before.

Doesn't that sound crazy to you?? That's what you are letting your emotions do to you, drive you crazy, and that's the whole point... you control what you do about your own feelings, no matter what, or they will control YOU!

That ain't no good, is it?

You say you need her... thats ridiculous, no one should ever need anyone else to make themselves happy. Do what makes you happy. Your life is in your control again, look at it that way. You no longer have to buy gifts, remember crazy anniversary dates, you can go where you please when you please and not have to answer to anyone as to why you were not home at a certain time! We all understand its rough to get through, but believe us when we say we have all been there. There are plenty of people on this site who can attest to the fact that they pulled through a difficult break up, are still here to tell about it, and 9/10 happier to be without that person they were missing during the initial phases of the breakup. Do things for yourself bro and you can pull through this. Hit the gym, hit the bars with friends, take up a class. Myself I learned how to bartend, have a great side job now, took a hunting class, got in shape. There are plenty of things to do that are cheap or free! Keep up the NC and good luck!

OK I know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if I ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. People can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me that's hurting myself rite now but until I do one thing that's always going to happen. What I want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what I thought went wrong and to say sorry for things I did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what I feel and then to walk away knowing I tried one last time or I promise you now I will regret it for the rest of my lie. If she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then I can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. I know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

She doesn't seem to want to give you that chance so why keep running head first into a brick wall?

Nothing you have posted says she is willing to do what you want.

Yeah I know what you mean and I'm going to keep the no contact in tact but if she gets in touch I will try go get my point across with out attacking her about it straight away. Its something I need to do. Its only been about 9 days since we both text each other seems a lot longer though

OK i know you are all trying to help and you all say this person will hurt me again if i ever got back with them but in all fairness you don't get many success stories on here because only hurt people come on for help. people can get back and your rite its not good to need someone and it is me thats hurting myself rite now but until i do one thing thats always going to happen. what i want to do is meet her for an hour or so to calmly talk to her about what i thought went wrong and to say sorry for things i did and not to throw any blame at her or shout just to say what i feel and then to walk away knowing i tried one last time or i promise you now i will regret it for the rest of my lie. if she honestly does not want to try and work on things and become stronger and better and to learn from our mistakes then i can know she really does not want me at all not now or ever. i know so many people that have got back together and given it a second chance and come off stronger.

It will not happen.

Why would she listen , she is out of this all and doesn't want any more of it?

You are not walking away.
You were left behind wounded battered and unable to continue because she will not give you the chance to be any part of her life again , including a normal conversation.

That comes after you heal , sometimes. And not in every case , for some conversation with the ex is extinct.

Oh I know this trust me and I have no false hope to go on or any beliefe whatsoever. I know she does not want to be with the person I WAS I did not see it at the time but all this has made me understand that I took her for granted and pressured her too much to do things she did not want to do. And I understand her not wanting to be with that person. I also understand she was so happy and in love when I did spend a lot of time with her so if I took all the good from our relationship and removed the bad and changed then my point is I want her to know the person I could be. Then if she wants no part of me I can say fair enough and leave it.

She may see that person you want her to see.

Five or ten years down the road if you live like the person you say you are.
She will not listen , she may respond to action if it is proven over several years.

I woke up today thinking about our sex and how great it was for both of us I really want her body soooo much. I just have this horrible feeling that she is not only never going to get in touch but never going to realise what she has done or admit to herself that she has done wrong, I don't think she will ever feel sorry or care what happens to me again. I honestly don't think she is missing me one bit or ever will and that feeling is the worst I have ever had in my life

You may not realise this now,but it doesn't matter what she thinks,feels or does,now or in the future.

What matters is how you handle yourself,how you get closure within yourself and move forward.

The feelings you're having are normal,but you need to distract yourself from them and not keep dwelling on them.

You're life is here and now,not in the past.

You have a long way to go if you are still feeding on those past emotions, and allowing yourself to be dragged back to those dark places you felt when you got dumped. Its almost like lying to yourself.

The whole point is to grow beyond the past, and embrace the future, not worry about what you want her to do. You are being controlled by YOUR own inability to cope with your feelings, and that as you see just prolongs the misery, and stops the healing.

Usually this indicates you are not as busy in a part of your life that you should be, and need to take an honest look at yourself, and make some bold adjustments.

Hello I am feeling slightly different at the moment. I have been doing the 30 day diary writing down how I feel each day and I think it has helped a bit. I know now that we will never be together and that its is over. I just have this feeling that for the rest of my life I'm going to look back and think sad thoughts rather than happy.it is going to stay with me forever and o honestly believe I will never love again not as strong or as safe. I hate to think that my ex is just going to pick someone else to replace me and have a happy life whilst I am alone and can't love anyone. They say you learn from your mistakes well it seems my biggest mistake was to trust someone too much. I still deeply am sad about the baby we should have been having in the following weeks

We all have the thoughts after a break up of never being able to find another special someone. That is natural. It goes away after awhile, with time and with effort to focus your energy on more positive, new adventures.

After finding out a lot of girls I know are cheating on their boyfirends I am shocked and horrified. I mus tbe this blind fool walking around seeing the best in everyone and believing they can all be trusted when they tell you they will love you for every and never hurt you. After listening to all my friends that are girls I now see that my ex prob cheated a lot more than she let on and lied a lot more too because I never questioned her or doubted her at all. How in the hell am I meant to ever think I can find a girl who will not only love me but not cheat on me.?

LOL, it may seem that way now, but later you will be a lot more careful with the partners you pick, and a lot more careful with who you give your heart to.

Your growing pains are making you a much more experienced wiser person.

What you thought that wisdom just happens? Show me a wise person, and I will show you a person that has gone through a lot of trials, and tribulations in life.

Hmm for the first time in two week she text me yesterday asking me if I knew a boy who's name I won't say. That's all nothing else so I ignored and did not text back how can she just casually text me after everything she did. I don't think she knows that I know what she did. Should I tell her or leave it

Ignore her.

Forever.

I have learnt from looking back now that she really was a good lier and cheated on me a lot. She may have felt some guilt during the process but obvioulsy not enough to stop doing it. I am at a stage now where I have had my first sexual relations with another woman since her and to be honest afterwards I did the whole crying akward situation. Because it was a big step in trying to move on. But now I know she cheated a lot and know that she lied so much I really get a horrible feeling like the whole past two year has been fake and a lie and that my life has not been real.I feel that my purpose for living ( a family with her) was stripped away from me and I honestly never thought it would happen.I have no idea what my future will bring but I know deep down in my mind I will never trust another woman because I put all my trust into someone and they took advantage of that.

You are so caught up in your own emotional drama, you wouldn't know the good things in your life if the slapped you in the face.

Sorry to be harsh, but your zeal to sit on the pity pot is... well... disgusting! Don't you think?? That's where you focus your most attention on, your own attitude. Change that, you change everything.

We make choices in life-so you can choose to either live with the bitterness or you can choose to let it go,realise that everyone is different and that there are good women out there as well.

Your decision!

You either put your heart out there and risk the chance of getting hurt, or you keep your heart locked away and surely become a lonely person. There is a risk/reward factor to anything that requires work and delivers large dividends. You aren't the first person to have their heart broken by someone, and you will not be the last. If you don't take a chance, life becomes one boring, drawn out predictable story. You aren't owed anything and nothing is promised to you, so get off the road of sorrow and pick your head up.

On a more important note, the NFL draft is on tonight. I suggest you grab a seat and focus your attention on something that is worth giving attention to. Man up my friend! There is a saying in boxing: "We all have a plan until we've been hit." Well, you've been hit, but the getting up part is up to you. If you think your purpose for living was to have a family with this specific girl, then I think you are selling yourself short... waaaaay short!

Hi everyone again! Lol sorry your going to have to get used to talking to me.I was walking out of work yesterday and I'm 90% sure that she went past me in a taxi with two of her friends. I was waitnin to cross the road, I looked across the taxi and when my eyes glance at the back seat I saw her, she was looking at me but as soon as I saw her she looked away and did not want to make eye contact... she looked sad and beautiful. It was a very confusing moment and when I got on my bus I admit I cried. I woke up with a million thoughts about her and if I'm honest I still want her back after everything. I get the feeling she wants to get me out of her head because she cheated and cheating ruined her life with her dad doing it. I think she wants a clean sheet with someone else but I just want her to know that the love was real for both of us and that she can still have a fresh start and a clean sheet with me. Am I stupid?

No,you're not stupid,but it's time you stopped grasping at the slightest excuse for false hope.

Get busy-go to the gym.

I don't have false hope and I don't expect anything to come from this and she has not given me false hope its just only me and her know what we had and that it just feels wrong to never be in touch ever again. I don't think we will ever have what we had its just to think we will never see or be in touch with each other feels horrible

So many emotions to deal with, and you are finding out how easily outside influence can trigger them, and send us into a feelings tailspin.

Sure your first instinct is to rebel against what you feel but then you realize you can't change them. What a dilemma, having feelings that you don't want and can't change.

Well let me tell you. We humans are all about feelings, and we can't help the ones we have, but we sure as heck have full control what we do about them. There are many strategies to coping with your feelings, but I think the best is learn to embrace those feelings, understand them, and let them go by focusing on something more important, the task at hand, or having a task to do.

Even when we are surprised suddenly by situations, and events that trigger those feeling in us. We still have to fall back to taking control over what that feeling makes us do, or think.

Many things will make you sad in life, and eventually, through having to go through these things, we learn to cope with ourselves, and deal with whatever we find ourselves involved in. Practice makes perfect, and sometimes we just have to keep talking to ourselves, until we believe it.

Just keep telling yourself, she is gone and you are moving on to other things. Do this whenever you need to, over and over.

Crazy to talk to yourself you say? Naw, that's who you need to talk to, and tell yourself over and over to do the right thing. Another thing us humans are really good at? Wanting what we know we can't have, and finding it hard to let go of things we want, but can't have. That's the whole lesson behind this very hard experience.

Learning to let go, and keep going.

Whoops broke no contact but I don't regret it or feel happy or sad about it at all.I realuse from a recent one night stand that now my ex has moved on and let me go she sort of sees me as a one night stand and that's how I feel... like the past two years have been one big one night stand and now it's the akward bit where one person does not want to see the other.obvioulsy because it was 2 years all this is going to be so hard to take in but for now she is in that akward stage where she wants to avoid me at all costs.its just how it is I know and who knows what will happen in my future but there will always be a part of me that will want her in my life its just who I am, on my part it was real true love and anyone who has gone through that knows the other person will never leave their thoughts until the day they die. It was only a polite peace making text saying hi hope your OK and everyone else is too and she text back just saying everyone was OK. I'm just happy knowing we are not enemies now.

Please go back to NC and heal.

Hi everyone. Me and my ex girlfriend of 3 years had a bad break up she dumped me and left me for someone else. The usual bad break up behaviour went on for a few week and now 3 month later we started texting because we know that even if the romantic love is gone we still love each other in some way and we wanted to clear the air and make peace.I texted her because my aunty died yesterday and we shared a few polite texts nothing major and then later in the night she just opened up and text saying what I thought I would never hear. She said I'm sorry for everything I have put you through. She said she was happy with me and as soon as her nan died it sent her off the rails and she said she threw away the only thing that ever meant anything to her and that she hates her self for how much she hurt me. The death hit her hard she said she is not happy but should be and that she wants to run away. We had a long talk about life and what's gone on since we last saw each other and she let it slip that she is with the person she left me for still(I thought she was still single). I started to go a bit dizzy and felt bad and I know that's why people always say no contact is best but I'm still glad we made peace. I told her that I don't want her to run away and have a break down but you need to talk to him about it because he was her choice and if he is not giving her what I can then that's not my problem. The truth is we meant too much to each other to ignor each other for the rest of our lifes but I will not be in the friend zone with her.im not in the desperate stge of the break up when I need her I am calm about everything but there will be moments in life when she will get married have kids etc that will hit me but I will always be in touch some how. Any thoughts?

I think she still loves you... have you proposed her again or not? if not I think it's better to do it ASAP , :)

I think she is on the rebound but she does not know it and there is no way a can wait or expect her to end it with him and want me back. I need to expect nothing and act as if I will never see her again. If I wait around hoping she will realise what she has done then that's a dangerous game.

She said she is not happy now but she was happy when she was sith u , that means she wants to come back to u, I think so! Why don't you ask her back?

I have begged enough since the break up and if she really wants me she has to realise it herself and make the effort. There is only so much I can do she needs to figure things out for herself ull be fine

Oh.. I did not know this , hmm ! Since I am a girl I think she afraid to break up with her boyfriend! I just think so !

Well things are literally happening by the second here. We keep texting like we used to and she is seeing doctor 2moz so I am happy for her knowing she will get help from a doctor and her family, I told her why she wants to run away and stop crying all the time she needs to be alone so her head can clear and not be in a serious relationship and she said she is going to sort that out now. I think she is breaking up with him. I still don't think that's to start again with me but I'm glad no one will be taking advantage of her fragile state

I wish she come back to u Bcoz you love her so much and you are too much good for her even though she can not understand this... If she does not come back to you then something wrong with her hearth.. U are valuable and lovely , don't waste your life... enjoy your life :) <3

Wow that's a really nice thing to say thank you so much and I wll not wait for her u just hope she leaves him so she can make peace with herself

Your most welcome , I hope you leave her . ;)

After a 2 year relationship my girlfriend left me for another man. They dated for two month, she ended it with him and now has said sorry manytimes for how she treated me after the break up. She admitted she kissed him when she was with me. We met for first time in 3 month yesterday and it went well and she told me she wants me and loves me but wants to start as friends and work our way up. I don't get the feeling that she truly means it. What do I do? Does she mean what she says?

Go with your gut feeling! That's what I would advise. I can't tell if she truly means it but why was her feelings not strong enough to begin with?

She left you for someone "better", now she's come crawling back because the grass wasn't greener? Kick her to the curb!

My gut feeling is she is a liar but also that if she loves me again we could be great together and I wouldn't want to throw that away. She did love me once but she felt we grew apart and she kept it to herself and has begged me to forgive everything and has promised to prove her love and trust to me but she wants to start fresh as friends and work our way to bigger things, its just she seems like she does not really want this even though she said it to my face

Like I said, go with your gut! I know I'm not giving a lot of advice here but it's the best advice I can give, I have read your other posts and I know what I would do in this situation, it seems to me that she's just settling for you and you should not let someone treat you this way. You're better than just a "settle"

I get the impression that it is the relationship that you thought you had with her that you are wanting back. I am sorry but things will never be like you thought they were before again.

Look back and see where the red flags and warning signs were. This time be open to seeing them for what they are instead of overlooking or ignoring them. She didn't have the same feelings you had and chose to kiss and run off with another man instead of communicating.

Now, you don't trust her. You shouldn't. She is still playing games with jumping from one relationship to the next. Three months after she left you she is back with her baggage still dragging along behind her because she hasn't taken time to learn how to be on her own and deal with her issues. She needs to be on her own for awhile without keeping anyone (especially you) on a string while she figures out what she wants.

You need to take more time for yourself so that you aren't tempted by memories to pick up her baggage and add it to your own. Give yourself more time to heal.

Well I honestly was doing better two months in to the break up and I was starting to realise the pain would leave but then she got in touch and we made peace with each other... that was great until she then told me she was in a relationship with the person she left me for... a few days passed and she broke it off with him and claimed to want me and a future with me blah blah blah.if she is actually feeling like this then that is great and I would wait its just not knowing for certain that's bothering me. Your rite I did not see the warning signs from last time but when I look back it only went sour in the last couple of mmonth between us but the majority of the two years we were together it really was love and I do want that feeling back with her I fear that I will live the rest of my life regreting not been with her if I mess it up now

If you get back together, make sure that you repair the damage properly (i.e. trust issues, reasons that broke you up, etc.).

Otherwise, things will blow up again and you will break up again anyway.

Oh trust me I will learn from my mistakes I just hope she learns from hers too. We went out again last night and she said she had a really good time and we hit it off and kissed which felt amazing after so long. And I told her I will give her space and I will. I can ignore her though because if she wants me back we can't go from not seeing each other to been in a relationship. Something has to grow from these dates we have and so have I can see progress. I mean I went from thinking I would never hear from her or see her again to her texting me saying sorry, then phone calls, then we met!! And then the last thing was a kiss so I'm not saying its certain things will progress more but if the patern stays the same taking it slow is working. My main problem was I was too focused on a future with her when we were saving up for a house together that I neglected her in the present.we both agree though that if we learn from our mistakes we can make each other so happy.

That was meant to say I can't ignore her not can lol

Giving her space is one thing, if she actually needs, but could she actually want the opposite?

There seems to be a lot of questions up in the air that need answers. Make sure you're both on the same page before you move forward.

Well thank god things have moved forward and against all odds we ahd an amazing chat and vowed to learn and be better and she said sorry so much and wants to prove she loves me and will do forever. WE ARE BACK TOGETHER. There is still an uncertain feeling I have because of everything but hopefully when we spend more time with each other that feeling will go. I'm not going to get too atatched yet and this is her last chance, I hope for the best and I will try and hope she does.

OK people just as I thought happy time was ahead I need help again!! The night we got back together was amazing we shared a lot of passionate kisses and she told me it was for ever this time and she promised me everything would be better and that she loved me and she really did have that look of love in her eye I once saw manytimes before. I walked her home and we had a hot kiss and grope fest and said goodnight. The next day she text and we spoke on the phone and she said she thinks we have moved too fast and she said she is scared that she will hurt me again and then she told me she thinks we should not have sex or even hug or kiss for about 3 month so that she knows its not just about sex!! ( its never just been about that to me ) and then she said she needs space again and does now know if it will work out but that she does want me and then basically we broke up again.I slept on it and rang her and said I can't give you even more space hoping that you will love me after you made me so happy that night and took it all away the next day and that we can never be together. She did not want to believe that we would not be together again.I told her we should meet up one last time to say goodbye once and for all and she said she does not want to ever say goodbye but she does want to talk in a few days, I told her until she knows what she wants don't contact me and she agreed to it. Any thoughts? I have many but am very confused about the whole thing

I think you need to get some distance from her and the memories.

Both of you need to use No Contact to end the confusion and to be certain that you are thinking of the future and NOT caught up in how good it was.

Please read the thread again and again until you are thinking about what has been said instead of counter arguments to the points made.

I know I am in love still and I think she is scared to let me go and scared that a possible future with me won't end well because she told me she knows what she wants. She even wrote down a life plan and on it is a future with me and a family. Your rite what we had is gone and dead but I would like a future with her that could be better and we both fear it could also be worse. Its hard for us to let go of each other completely this much is true. We are in no contact until the next time we meet in a few days to talk. It very well could be a final chat for us. At least we have a few days to really think about things

End the confusion and end all contact with ''miss I'll crack my whip-you jump''.

Why be her puppy dog when you can be your own person-in charge of your own life?

She sounds like a confused little thing, so is she into any one else? What did she do that hurt you? And if she needs space give it to her, let her know that if needs be you'll learn to move on but that you are willing to work on things and if she wants to take it slow for your sake its also for hers so listen

You did the right thing. Don't put your life on hold waiting for her to make up her mind.

Say goodbye and walk away. No contact. Date other people, find someone that wants the same things you want.

This girl is too confused. Let her figure out her life without continuously putting you on the back burner.

Your right she is very confussed and changes her mind a lot. To answer you question she hurt me by dumping me for someone else who she is no longer with now. She said after a lot of meeting up that she does not want anyone else and she knows she wants me but I'm taking that with a pinch of salt these days.I will give her space but not hold my breathe waiting. We are meant to be meeting up for almost one last talk before we let go or start slow but again I can't see her sticking to her plans lol.. but I will tell her that I want to take it slow but will try to move on if she wants other things. I mean she the time she started liking this other guy was about January this year just at the same time her nan died and it made her go off the rails... she has since admitted this and all her troubles once she realised she did not love the man she left me for. So I befriended her talked her through it and said YOU NEED TO BE ALONE but once I said that she kept trying to come back into my life through texting calling and meeting up,I honestly can't see this girl I love ever been out of my life it's a scary thought

You should walk away and not turn around-she's messing with you-and you're letting her.

No contact.

Harshness Warning

Every time you talk to her you get the same crap over, and over. Why is the next time going to be any different than it was before. I think if you could leave her alone for a year, then she wouldn't confuse you and yo wouldn't be a fool for love. Lets be clear, she isn't confused at all, you may be, but she is not. She is just very good at stringing you on until she finds what she wants and you allow it, so we can't blame her for anything.

You are foolish because you want to be. You have had many chances to do what's right for you but again, and again, you have chosen the path of misery. What a rut your thinking is in. Go ahead, talk some more, and use the NC rule to make you feel better. Of course a few days of not talking will change her mind, and you can have a day of hot kisses, gropes, and some more looks that melt you arse. Then she will say "more time" and you will say NO Contact, and here we go again.

Get off the roller coaster my foolish friend, this ride has been over since the failure of her January affair.

I truly understand what you are saying and I fear I am like a drug addict but that is what I feel like. I got a hit and now I would do anything to feel that high again no matter how brief! And sadly I am not strong and I am the sort of person who will spiral into a bad path over this. Its no way to live I know, I honestly was doing a bit better a few week ago even though I still thought about her every day but seeing her nad kissing her and hearing her tell me she loves me and wants a future with me and that this time its 4eva has made me need that feeing again even if I have to put up with this horrible after feeling. Look how pathetic I sound!

Stop making excuses, and get off the pity pot! Truth be told, if you wanted to do better, you would!

Seems like you're not completely ready to give up on her. We can tell you all day and night to go 100% no contact, but eventually, you'll end up giving up on your own, since this roller coaster ride is going to end at some point whether you want to or not. No contact right now just means that you have an opportunity to get out of the roller coaster earlier.

If you feel that you need to see the ride through, then we can't stop you.

Thank you I know what you are saying I have to want to quit my addiction to actually quit and if I'm honest not one part of me was ever ready to quit. We met yesterday and had inexpected break up sex which I thought would never happen

If you really want to stop the confusion and craziness, use No Contact. Don't have any contact of any type with her for as long as it takes to let it all go. You don't contact her in any form (not even looking at her FaceBook page or through friends) and you do not accept any form of contact from her. Your best friends right now are Block, Ignore, Delete, and Spam Controls. She can't add to the confusion if you don't allow it.

Get involved in your life. If you have hobbies, use them to keep yourself busy. If you don't or as another way to change your thought patterns and habits, find/develop a new one. Hobbies, volunteer work, the gym, continuing education classes, etc. are all great ways to stay busy mentally and physically. They also have the added benefit of meeting new people and making new friends.

Give yourself a chance to heal properly. IF you have contact with her again, tell her the same thing. If you don't heal and let all of the emotional dust settle, you are just going to continue the pattern that is already being set.

I missed the March portion of this thread; although, no surprise to find out where it lead.

As T-man mentioned, this is total B.S. (not word for word, I'm much more uncouth).

This whole 'addiction' drivel is just an excuse to continue talking to her. Also, no shock and awe to learn sex is involved.

You are right about one thing however, you do sound pathetic. Not in the sense that your love for her has turned you into a fool, but rather that you are trying to convince yourself, and people on here, that this is why you just can't heed advice you really don't want to heed. It's not like most of us have not been through situations like this (I had a reallll dumb one years back) so trust this is a great place to gain some pretty valuable information (it also has a Home and Garden section, wonderful!)

All in all, you are not serious about leaving. You like the girl, the drama, the sex, etc. The question we should be asking you is: why are you even here?

We make choices in life-it seems yours is to stay in this soap and not actually listen to any of the advice you're being given.

Hopefully you'll grow out of it-another couple of months down the line.

Sometimes we all need proper closure. You just need to get everything out of your system so that you can start moving on properly. It takes time and effort to get it out. But before time and effort, the first step is to be willing to get it out.

At the moment, it seems more like you're holding on to some sort of hope that things might work itself out if you continue to hang around. That's what we call false hope, which is why the others are telling you to let go now.

False hope means that you're going to be disappointed in the end. Some people just need to see the disappointment for themselves to get that proper closure. You just might be one of those people. Nothing wrong with that, but it does drag out the pain longer.

The bad part about dragging out the pain is that you're missing out on other happiness around you.

After a few weeks of been in and out of no contact with each other we both met up and realised we will always love each other. We are back together and taking it very slow. She has said sorry for everything and is eager to make up for it and understands what she did and how it effected me. We are both very happy and if it does not last only time will tell but I do believe people deserve a second chance and it may go wrong but we may have a very happy life together I say its worth the time and effort and so does she. I will keep you updated because there are not many success stories on here about getting back with exes and if this is one I want to give people hope that it can happen.

If the two of you have really healed and are working together to rebuild your relationship, then I hope it all works out for you.

Please make certain that you both keep the lines of communication open and let the past go. Otherwise your updates are going to end up being more of the same confusion.

Good luck and best wishes for a happy and healthy relationship.

Hey peeps this is my first update. I would say that things are definatley different than before. I do have that horrible feeling that when she is not with me that she is with someone else. And she is ALWAYS texting more than before and I do second guess everything she does and says. I'm hoping that will go over time but at the moment it is a problem for me. She is very depressed lately because she has no job and I know that feeling its horrible but I can't help thinking its more about me that she is depressed. We have spoke about it and she says she loves me and that its nothing to do with me why she is down. We do have good days and have lots of fun but sometimes she does not want to be close to me and she does not want to spend as much time with me as I do her. First time round she was very needy and I was annoyed at it and now it's the exact opposite.its a very confusing time but I know I love her and I hope for the best its still early days