My 40 year old son can't seem to tell the truth about everything and anything. He tells other relatives lies about my husband and myself (usually to make himself look better) and he tells anyone that will listen that he was physically abused by us when he was a child. His lies are destructive and hurtful and have caused many serious family quarrels. When confronted, he says "ok, fine, if thats what you want to think" and he dismisses it. He goes to people and "speaks on our behalf" with totally made up stories and lies and presents information as if it came directly from us. I don't know how to handle this. He was diagnosed as bi-polar (but he won't take the medication) and he self diagnosed himself with Asperger Syndrome and uses that as an excuse for all of his anti-social behavior. How do I deal with my son? He's 40 years old, its not like I can put him into therapy.

My problem is that this son has created problems between yourself and your daughter. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/parenting/adult-daughter-hates-me-575317.html

I am somewhat confused. In the other thread you seem to blame your daughter for her firm stand against her brother, a stand which has caused a very large rift between you and her and her family.

Here you appear to blame the son?

I am confused & frustrated, you are correct. The daughter that refuses to talk to us, initially blamed her oldest brother for not respecting her boundaries I guess you could say. It was a problem just between the two of them. When it escalated, she demanded that if we wanted her to join us during the holidays, that we could not invite her brother. At that time, everyone was still speaking to each other (2 years ago). When I explained to her that I was not comfortable rejecting ANY of my children, she when nuclear and cut everyone off. Since that time (about a year ago) we found out through other family members that this same son was telling lies about us behind our backs. We looked into it and found out that he has been doing this for quite some time (serious lies).
I would love to be able to talk to our daughter and tell her that we now see part of what she was up against with her brother and that we had no idea, but she refuses ANY and ALL communications.

If this is the case I am suggesting that your threads be combined - this is ONE problem with several "arms" to it.

Where does your son live and does he function on his own; can he work etc.

I'll play devil's advocate and suggest that you cut off all contact with him and let that be known among all relatives who have been involved before. (What's your first reaction - any relief at all?)

I would write a careful letter to your daughter, asking if she would be willing to tell you her story, and you will tell her yours. Don't apologize for including him in the past though. There was nothing wrong with that. You did what most parents who love all their children do.

She refuses all mail (sends back unopened) telephone calls etc. (she is very stubborn). I don't know if I can cut all contact off from our son, although I've told him I'm very upset and have avoided anything to do with him for several weeks now. Daughter doesn't know because she won't talk to anyone in the family. I guess I'll just have to wait her out.