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View Full Version : How do I deal with this relationship break?


skeptiks001
May 7, 2011, 08:58 PM
My girlfriend and I are in our mid twenties. We were good acquiescence's before we started dating. We have been dating for just about 2 years now. We have gone through a lot together, and really grew close together. Things have been going amazing up until she started getting all emotional and stressed.

She works a 40+ hour job, goes to university and is preparing for finals in a rough semester. For months we haven't had much "us" time, maybe one day a week to do what we want to do for fun, and not always was it free. Sometimes she would need to do school work, projects or study for school, so I would spend some of the times with her in the library so we can at least get some time together whether it were studying or living it up. Lately finals are coming up, and she has been incredibly stressed out, probably the most I've seen her in 2 years. I told her straight up, that I know our time is going to be limited until schools all done, and that I am here with her and for her, and if she needs anything I'm here.

Occasionally I would check up on her and help her if possible, and keep her positive. She came to me, and we sat and talked in person for hours about us, and she feels with everything going on, she needs some space. Some time to be by herself, and figure it out within her. We both agreed that in no way is it right for either of us to talk to anyone else as in a relationship matter, because we love each other, and want to work everything out. She even stated that she doesn't feel she has the energy to give in our relationship because of all this stressfulness in school, and she feels its unfair to me that I am putting in more energy at the moment, because she wants to complete commit to me, like before, and give me the affection I deserve.

I told her that its just all the stress, and that I plan on being here, if its some time she needs, I plan on being here and spending my life with her. She genuinely loves me, and I genuinely love her, and nothing will change that. Its just been really hard for both of us. I was trying to keep strong, and I've been successful the past week, but it only gets harder and harder. We text daily still, but not nearly as much as we did at all, and its not all lovey dovey. And that's fine with me, I mean, I understand she needs some space right now. But I notice when we do text, sometimes, it starts normal like a normal conversation but it gets more simple as it ends, I think it maybe that she loves me, and she is trying to keep her space, that's why she texts like that. She just needs some alone time.

We still consider ourselves as a couple, and are not mentioning it to friends, because our friends are gossipers.. haha.. but It's just a hard situation all in all. What do you think? Ladies? Gents? What can I do? It really gets me like today when I have nothing to do. Please your help and advice, thank you in advance friends. :)

amicon
May 8, 2011, 04:11 AM
When people love each other and want to work things out,they don't go for 'the space' option.

Sorry,guy,but this has all the classic'I'm breaking up with you,but I'm easing myself out of the relationship'red flags.

Waiting around in limbo is not a good thing-you need to make decisions about your own life,whether she's in it.

DoulaLC
May 8, 2011, 04:32 AM
Could it be she is moving towards ending things, as amicon suggested? It's possible, but for now I'd give her the benefit of the doubt.

It may be that she really does need some time to focus more of her attention on her studies for right now. It can happen where one partner does need to put more time and attention on a project... it might be school related, work related, or in the form of a family obligation.

In the meantime, stay in contact with her, but take advantage of the extra time you have to do things for yourself. Go out with friends, focus more on your own schooling or work, as the case may be, visit with family, try a new activity, etc.

If she feels you are just waiting around for her to have some time with you, it may cause her to feel even more pressure to have to make that extra time.

You'll know more of what direction the relationship might be going once her finals are completed. This could be things winding down, which would be painful to be sure. It could be your relationship is stronger for trusting in the relationship to work through stressful times together.

talaniman
May 8, 2011, 09:22 AM
I don't think its her as much as you having nothing to do, so most times you have nothing good to share.

Get a life that makes you happy without her, and she may not need as much space and be as stressed out. I know you are trying to make her feel happy, loved, and supported, but the best way to do that is to be happy yourself in the things you do. If being with her is all the happiness in your life, then you will be clingy, needy, and BORING!!

So have some balance in YOUR social life, and you won't be so insecure, or needy, and won't worry as much.

Jimmy78
May 8, 2011, 02:07 PM
Move on my ex did he same thing she said she loved me and was in love with me but she wanted to break up and put us on time apart. Walk off and just do you, because all she is doing is stringing you along. Go no contact and find someone else to be with. At least now you know who love the other the most, because you was there for her through all of the stress she was under supporting her.

Terry MJ Carter
May 8, 2011, 02:40 PM
It might be that she loves you and doesn't wish to like hurt you as she's been pretty busy all the time and isn't able to spend her free time you and found it best of telling you that she needs some free space because as you said she doesn't want you to feel like you've been most of the energy in your relationship.

Or maybe it's just going to end "we're through"
Don't make her your everything, because once she's gone...

As DoulaLC said;

"In the meantime, stay in contact with her, but take advantage of the extra time you have to do things for yourself. Go out with friends, focus more on your own schooling or work, as the case may be, visit with family, try a new activity, etc."

I absolutely agree with that.. Hang out, don't text her on your own every time, sometimes wait for her message. Whenever you know that she might be free at a particular moment then text her or call her.

Don't get like "sticky". Don't get too loose either..

Give her the space she's asked for..

Then whatever her decision would be once her exams are over, you'd be able to take it like a man !

mmresd
May 9, 2011, 11:59 AM
Your situation reminds me of my current relationship. She lives with me now but for a while we were a long distance relationship. The texting thing become alike yours and as tala said, it is that you have nothing good to say that the conversation dies down, what I used to do is spend sometime researching her favorite artist, music, authors, and other hobbies so that when I DID talk to her, I always had stuff that grabbed her attention. Also, if you want to give her space under no circumstance should you contact her, you should live your life, find some friends, or pick up some hobbies or a job. The secret to surviving time apart is keeping yourself BUSY, and when a female asks you for space you let her contact you, not the other way around. At first is hard, you try your best to find whatever excuse so that maybe you can read a couple texts written by those beautiful fingers, but you eventually learn to control your emotions. Remaining as emotionless as possible during a break is key to her feeling that her wishes are being respect, and therefore, making her miss you which keeps the possibility of her coming back. However, if you mess it up, you might as well say bye right now. So CONTROL yourself! She is going through a stressful time, figure out things to do that keep you AWAY FROM HER until she decides that she has time for you again. Keep in mind though, that often, this type of things end in a total break up so cross your fingers, hope for the best, and be prepared for the worst.

Good Luck,
Javi

vergal
Oct 6, 2011, 11:45 AM
Don't be scared of what the first few answers say. You are right to be worried, I'm in EXACTLY the same situation with my current boyfriend (yet he's the one calling the break). But I know that he loves me and I love him. Many relationships come out of a break twice as strong, it gives a sense of renewal into a relationship and can help with a lot of things.
Chin up - this is just a speed bump :)