Hi, I will try not to drag this out too long but I really need to know what my ex girlfriend is thinking. We were together for 5 years and totally in love. For me anyway the type of love where looking at other women all I see is shapes and colors. She always told me things like I am her world and if anything ever happened to me she would never even look for another guy cause no one could ever compare. You know all the crap that people tell each other.

Ok so about a month ago she was offered a job in NYC. She accepted it. She asked me if I would come with her I said yes. About a week before breaking up with me she even sent me a job search website for NYC so I could find a job there. I work weekends so I told her I could commute till I found something down there. She told me she didn't want a part time boyfriend but I couldn't see any other way since I need a job till I found a replacement. I guess she kind of accepted that. Then a week later she dumped me she said it would never work. I only have a 2 year degree and there isn't any way to find a job there without a really good education. I said what do you mean it would never work when you are in love you make it work cause that whole love of your life thing only comes around once or twice in a lifetime. Bla bla bla...

While dumping me she cried harder than I ever seen anyone cry. She told me that she wishes that it didn't have to be this way and it sucks. I told her I don't know what else to offer her. I got up and said then I will go. And also wished her the best of luck and told her I hope she finds what she is looking for in life and wished her the best.

A couple other sidenotes. In passing she told me to figure something out stop being lazy and figure something out. Two years ago she broke up with me kind of just to get me off my ***. But in the end she said she couldn't be the dumb girl who let the love of her life get away. She met a few really "fun" single girls there so I am sure they had their input about saying things like you can do better and what are you doing with that loser. When I walked out I said goodbye she said I love you I said it back. I have not called her or txted her or been in contact in any way. I also have not said anything on Facebook. She posts all the time but hasn't called me either. It has been 2 weeks. I guess what my question is, is she trying to get me off my *** or is she really trying to just throw me away. I have been talking to a very nice gorgeous girl. She has recently been broken up with her boyfriend so I guess we are just going to use each other. Anyway I still feel like I am cheating on my ex. Just gimme some female insight on what is going on in her head please. She must miss me right?

How about an older guy perspective??

She gave you a chance to move in and show that you can get a great job, and you hesitated. Are you lazy?

I think for sure had you done it her way, shown the effort she wants from you, in HER time, she would have dumped you any way. Your plan makes sense to me but, she obviously had her own. I see no way she takes you back until she gets things done her way!!

If I only worked weekends, I might have given the big city a shot. How old are you both??

"She always told me things like I am her world and if anything ever happened to me she would never even look for another guy cause no one could ever compare. You know all the crap that people tell each other." I just had to point out that this made me chuckle a little.

Anyway, she has let you go man, you need to start moving on. I agree with tala that she gave you a chance to prove yourself and you threw that away. Remember that regardless of whatbher "fun" single friends told her what ever she decided was her choice. She might miss you, and probably a lot, but when a female makes up her mind in that sense they are normally a lot harder than guys, because they just cry it out. My perspective is from a young male and is clear even to me that she is done with you. Leave her alone, start healing, and you will meet another girl who wants to be with you.

Good luck,
Javi

Thanks for your comments guys I really appreciate them. Let me elaborate a little. Last time she dumped me later she told me I was supposed to come running over to her house and talk it out and tell her I would change. I didn't instead I just did it. I had just had knee surgery was out of work gained weight the whole 9 yards. Anyhow I got myself better lost 50 lbs went back to work and school at the same time. I work weekends but its 3-12.5 hours shifts so it is full time. And I also went to school full time. I still work full time but didn't have to money to go to school this semester. She sent me the career builder site a week before the breakup and when I told her I was going to commute till I found a job there that is when it seemed like she changed. Like overnight from in love to a stranger. I don't know what she is thinking but I am going to assume that breaking up is what she really wants cause there really is no other option for me at this point. I will give other girls a shot.

So she broke up with you because you weren't going to be able to be there full time just yet? She'd rather break it off with someone she professes to love so much, instead of adjusting to seeing them a little less for the time being.

Doesn't sound like she was so in love to me. Dumping you so that you would come running to her to talk her out of it?

She has done what so many women unintentionally do, unfortunately. Written the script in her mind of what she expects/hopes you will do and say in response to what she does or says. Then she gets upset/disappointed when you don't deliver as she had hoped. Classic really.

I'm not sure I like the "I guess we are just gonna use each other" part when referring to the other girl you have started talking to. Instead, why not just take your time. Never a good idea to jump from one relationship to another.

Thanks Doula. Well last time we broke up we were apart for 3 months I tried everything to get her back. I don't really talk to anyone other than my mom about it cause I don't even want it getting back to her that I am hurting. My mom thinks that in her head no matter what she does she can never lose me. Last time as soon as I decided to really move on and start dating other women she came running back. I appreciate the insight on the whole script thing, all the reading I have done I haven't seen anything on that. Well anyway last time after we got back together one day about a year later she started crying I asked her what's wrong she said Oh my god I almost lost you thank you for not giving up on me I almost lost the love of my life. She is the type to get cards out of no where just letting me know how much she appreciates me. I pretty much do everything for her. Wait on her hand and foot. I am very nurturing. Back and foot rubs nightly playing with her hair so she can fall asleep. Making nice dinners. She seemed like everything was perfect. Oh and we have never even been in a fight. Not even when we broke up. I just agreed and left. But soon as I said the commute thing that was it. Oh another tidbit. My mom has emphysema and I take care of her so I think part of it is that she thinks I am using the commute thing so I don't have to totally leave her. I really do appreciate all the advice. Oh we are both in our early 30's so not to young to know what we want.

Time to get off your a$$. The whole problem.

Wake up, embrace reality. Words are words, but... Actions, yo.

Not just try & slide & cry later. Der,

She's done. Chalk her up to experience. Your broken up, NC, now.

But be conscious why & learn for the next time. Take the time now to figure you out.

Leave her alone.

I have to agree with Tal. It sounds like she wants things her way, and any other way isn't going to be acceptable.

She wants a boyfriend that is motivated, gets the great job, moves anywhere she wants to go.

I'd also like to know how old the two of you are.

The fact is, the job market sucks. People with medical degrees are working at McDonalds because that's the only job they can find.

You have a job where you are. Why should you move just to please her.

I'd find a girl that accepts you for you. This one never will.

Thanks. I guess I just needed to hear it said. This girl wants a perfect guy. I think that she doesn't understand that there is no such thing. I worked and went to school both full time I don't know where the confusion that I was lazy came from. I think the biggest problem is that in her eyes I am not worth waiting another year for. Oh well if the grass is greener on the other side for her then I wish her the best. I think its time to shift my Google searches from how to win a girl back to how to get over a girl. I guess part of me asking for a female perspective is that I just wanted to know if she was hurting at least a little and I meant at least something to her. Thanks again everyone I just needed to hear it.

Good. Glad that you know that.

Now how?

NC. No contact.
Google how to get her back? Hope you are kidding, otherwise, later.

"Oh well if the grass is greener on the other side for her then I wish her the best"

Do you believe that? Then do it. Silently to yourself. Then NC. Fully.

Like you said, you will never live up to her. Why try?

I know, my ex was an extreme narcissist. I was an idiot.

Played me, all with my help.

thanks. I guess I just needed to hear it said. This girl wants a perfect guy. I think that she doesn't understand that there is no such thing. I worked and went to school both full time I don't know where the confusion that I was lazy came from. I think the biggest problem is that in her eyes I am not worth waiting another year for. Oh well if the grass is greener on the other side for her then I wish her the best. I think its time to shift my Google searches from how to win a girl back to how to get over a girl. I guess part of me asking for a female perspective is that I just wanted to know if she was hurting at least a little and I meant at least something to her. Thanks again everyone I just needed to hear it.

Well, I'm a female, so you got my perspective. I can tell your right now, if you two stayed together you'd constantly be jumping through hoops to please her. Even if you jumped through every hoop, it wouldn't be enough for her.

You're better off finding out what she's like now.

Yes, get over her. Who cares how she's feeling about all of this? She's in the past. It's time for you to look to the future. :)

I agree, sorry if I busted in as a male. Had to. Looking to the future is right! The whole point.

Thanks Alten, you are totally right. I have always done it. Why waste any more time on her its better to get moving on while I still have my looks. ;-)

Okay she did not love you move on and don't contact her!! When she finds out that she will and can not find any better who will deal with her selfish ways then she will come crawling back to you and by then I pray that you will have forgotten all about her!! Don't sell yourself short and don't define your life for what someone else thinks of it to be!! Be strong and MOVE FORWARD!! Taking her back will only complicate your life far more worse!! KEEP MOVING FORWARD!! An give yourself time to heal before you fall in love again!! An another thing her tears where FAKE!! She is like Tina Turner (What does love have to do with it) STAY AWAY FROM THE DRAMA!!