Soaring
Apr 29, 2011, 03:29 PM
My girlfriend was introduced to clubs via a co-worker the last two months of relationship. She went slowly at first, then she started to go more and more some nights not even coming home as she said she would stay with her friend. Things started to drift slowly when this began.
Three and half weeks ago we split up after a year of living together, she came home crying she wanted to be single about three weeks ago. I started to pack my things and her mother called her as she knew what was going on and told her about clubs and how they are bad for her etc. She then asked me to stay, I stayed and for the next three days but my mind was racing about her just wanting to be single and go to clubs.
She was then treating me a lot different, even said she didn't want me to touch her or look at her one day. I then decided I would go stay at my fathers house for a while... told her being single right now is maybe what she needs to get it out of her system (I wasn't in my right mind when I said this, I didn't even take time to think because I was just hurt) . I got to my dads that night, cried for hours and couldn't unpack my stuff. I called her and said I couldn't do this, that I loved her way too much... we can fix it. So she came over to "talk", we didn't really talk just ended up holding each other and watching a movie. I tried talking, she just said "I think I need to be single right now." I was in such a mess I could barely gather much of a fight/response.
Two weekends went by with me doing the following... I kept panicing and trying to contact to tell her we can fix this.. that I love her and would do anything for her etc. We then met up to eat, after she agreed. I asked her what are we now?(Facebook still said together), she said she doesn't even know. I tried to confess everything that I'm open to the clubs. She said she just doesn't know. I went home that night furious and full of emotions, deleted her from my Facebook (sent her a message explaining why I had to, because it was keeping me so emotional.) Few more days went by and called a few more times, she eventually said I'm pushing her away and I need to stop.
I had not talked to her for a little over a week after all of that, and I broke NC and simply asked how how she was in a firm and calm voice, told her I understand now why we are separated and that I think its best for us right now. ( I was trying some stupid tactic a friend told me to do, which was agree with the break up.. which I understand why I just wasn't honest. I disliked every aspect of us apart.) She said "ok" and I said I hope you have a good day and that was it. I messed up and called again on Sunday, I was going to invite her to Church (I go with my grandmother every easter) as friends, but she didn't pick up, I texted after the service just to tell her I was going to invite her to church / sorry if I woke her. She ignored that as well, the next day she deleted every picture of me on her Facebook, but left all the ones where we went places together and hung out + cropped me out of ones that used to have me in but.. left a picture of our shadow holding hands and its tagged.
What should I do? I want her back, she really is the love of my life.
[Edit]: Also the very first night she came in saying she wanted to be single, she said she wants no other guy but me. That she wants a family with me. She just needs to go through the single phase as she hasn't done it in her life. She said I was perfect, and admitted she was making a huge mistake. (I know I have made mistakes too, and can improve.. but we had something truly amazing)
I have made the mistake of continue to call her every 3-5 days, I am officially on NC now and its only been three days... I'm so devastated I feel like its my fault, and I always want to keep calling to apologize and try to fix things.
Three and half weeks ago we split up after a year of living together, she came home crying she wanted to be single about three weeks ago. I started to pack my things and her mother called her as she knew what was going on and told her about clubs and how they are bad for her etc. She then asked me to stay, I stayed and for the next three days but my mind was racing about her just wanting to be single and go to clubs.
She was then treating me a lot different, even said she didn't want me to touch her or look at her one day. I then decided I would go stay at my fathers house for a while... told her being single right now is maybe what she needs to get it out of her system (I wasn't in my right mind when I said this, I didn't even take time to think because I was just hurt) . I got to my dads that night, cried for hours and couldn't unpack my stuff. I called her and said I couldn't do this, that I loved her way too much... we can fix it. So she came over to "talk", we didn't really talk just ended up holding each other and watching a movie. I tried talking, she just said "I think I need to be single right now." I was in such a mess I could barely gather much of a fight/response.
Two weekends went by with me doing the following... I kept panicing and trying to contact to tell her we can fix this.. that I love her and would do anything for her etc. We then met up to eat, after she agreed. I asked her what are we now?(Facebook still said together), she said she doesn't even know. I tried to confess everything that I'm open to the clubs. She said she just doesn't know. I went home that night furious and full of emotions, deleted her from my Facebook (sent her a message explaining why I had to, because it was keeping me so emotional.) Few more days went by and called a few more times, she eventually said I'm pushing her away and I need to stop.
I had not talked to her for a little over a week after all of that, and I broke NC and simply asked how how she was in a firm and calm voice, told her I understand now why we are separated and that I think its best for us right now. ( I was trying some stupid tactic a friend told me to do, which was agree with the break up.. which I understand why I just wasn't honest. I disliked every aspect of us apart.) She said "ok" and I said I hope you have a good day and that was it. I messed up and called again on Sunday, I was going to invite her to Church (I go with my grandmother every easter) as friends, but she didn't pick up, I texted after the service just to tell her I was going to invite her to church / sorry if I woke her. She ignored that as well, the next day she deleted every picture of me on her Facebook, but left all the ones where we went places together and hung out + cropped me out of ones that used to have me in but.. left a picture of our shadow holding hands and its tagged.
What should I do? I want her back, she really is the love of my life.
[Edit]: Also the very first night she came in saying she wanted to be single, she said she wants no other guy but me. That she wants a family with me. She just needs to go through the single phase as she hasn't done it in her life. She said I was perfect, and admitted she was making a huge mistake. (I know I have made mistakes too, and can improve.. but we had something truly amazing)
I have made the mistake of continue to call her every 3-5 days, I am officially on NC now and its only been three days... I'm so devastated I feel like its my fault, and I always want to keep calling to apologize and try to fix things.