So we had a break, but not by choice... due to his work, very crazy and travel. He was working 18 hour days and traveling. We are a LDR, we see each other once a week, at least three times a month; we use to talk sun - thurspm right before bed, emailed every am, texted each other on weekends or when bored. His schedule has been crazy for 8 weeks, this week the worst.

I started whining at week 2 as he decreased his calls and ceased really communication. I worried about how to support him, so just let him contact me if he wants to call; also send encouraging notes and texts, he acknowledged he liked. We do still email every am, and I asked if I could text to say goodnight since, well he's been my best friend now for a year; he responds about once a week, but he is busy, and probalby on the phone with work.

But the question is what to do when this is over... we've talked about reconnecting, but I think he might prefer it like this. The one argument we have is that I am the last on his list as a priority... but understand that he works hard, trains for triatholons and has family - grandkids to see on the weekends. He spends his weekends traveling to his cottage in the woods to be alone so I only visit during the week... we did have a weekend last October.

I been dismayed these last eight weeks by not having expectations, thinking he doesn't love me... because really not sure how I would know. So want to reconnect, but afraid he will want less and then don't want to be controlling. We do talk a little about the future, or we did, but that stopped and because of time, and his family being 1.5hr away I've never met, but he has met mine coming to my sisters lakehouse.

Trying to hang in there... but insecure. Any advice appreciated...

I would be insecure too not knowing if all this waiting crap was worth it. You don't give your ages, or how long this will LDR stuff will last, or even how long you have been together so when you get a chance for some face to face time, that's something to discuss, and its not controlling, or pushy, to know what the plan is.

Hope you have a life that makes you happy without him, if the LDR is going to have a chance, but you do need some better communications going.

More details and info would help a lot.

My first post, so sorry about not giving details... he is 60, I am 50 both have our last kids going off to college this fall. He lives in chicago and has a business... I work in indy and can work remotely so I can take the mega bus, work on the bus, get there at 5pm and then leave the next day at 7am working the whole way home. I do think the way I understand his business is that this one project that has been intense for 8-9 weeks and really since last fall, is about one third of their income; so this money takes care of 1/3 of the years expense for 9 people. Hopefully it will all be over in a few weeks. He drove home from springfield to chi town last night at 5pm... I asked him to call during that 4.5 hr drive... he didn't, or forgot or whatever. I have low, very low expectations now of just being email buddies that say I love you; it hurts less and less each day so feel better... like good if he wants to but starting to care less because it will hurt if I do. Thanks so much.

Ohh, and we have been dating since last April... and assume the long distance part could go on till he retires, then I still would have to commute. That's the hard part too, no goal.

After a year, and given the circumstances, I can understand you wanting clarity where your life is going with this long range dating. I think it's a good idea to talk, and get that clarity. You both seem to involved to really get together and make concrete plans, or any major moves or changes, but that has to be talked about, or you just drift.

After a year maybe it's the time to re evaluate where you WANT to go, so you can plan HOW you want to get there, or at least figure out if this is really worth waiting for. Wait you will no doubt, and without commitment to a common goal, people just drift apart, especially where time, and distance is an obstacle to everything.

You know what's really telling, is your reluctance to honestly express yourself. Maybe that's where you have to start by knowing what it is you want to happen, and maybe its to soon to tie your horse to his wagon right now, but you will have to define what this relationship is about so you can figure out if its worth the effort, and emotional investment, and get on the same page as your partner.

I assume you both have a mutual understanding of being exclusive with each other at least. If not, then you need to widen your social horizons, to balance your busy schedule. Personally, I can't imagine a LDR with no specific purpose to work toward, but its only been a year together, and there is plenty of time to define what you are doing, and where you are going.

Drifting in limbo, not know what your partner is thinking is no fun at all. So talk honestly, and put an end to drifting. I mean, you can drift all by yourself, and enjoy doing your thing, and don't need a part time partner for that, do you?

We humans need direction, and goals to strive for.

Thanks... I really appreciate the replies... my family and best friend I think are now biased because they see my pain or hear my whine, constantly. In dec on a visit I wanted to talk about something "important" and he blurted out, "don't worry it will all work out, a friend of mine ending up getting married to their ldr girlfriend and retiring to az" and funny enough I wanted to talk about asking for his help to pay the bus trip fees. Two weeks ago, maybe three I wanted to rake him over the coals and tell him via our emails everything that is wrong with our relationship so instead, I sent him a "love letter"... telling him what I dream our life will be like when he retires... me still commuting, him still spending time alone at his other house, exercising and with grankids but together to spoon and at family events... trying to respect our differences. He was stressed at work at the time and replied to my email saying I sure was the planner and he is just trying to get through the week. We met online, we have a lot in common, together spending time with each other it is amazing. I think I need quality time and he doesn't which is that reoccurring crux... I have always told him that if he isn't interested in working towards a future, let me know now because that's why I am in this relationship. His profile actually said "looking for a good time, fun" so I always doubt his intentions. I never doubted though until last sept. when someone told he was still on match.com; he is still on senior people meet and plenty of fish, visible, but you can see (bc someone told me this too in march) he hasn't been active for over 30 days.

Anyway, thanks again. He is coming to indy to visit the 16-19th for work, so we plan to get together each day... so maybe then we can talk.

Good idea to talk when you meet up again. You really want to know whether you are on the same page and heading in the same direction. Be honest and upfront with how you are feeling and especially with what you want.

His response, and even more telling, his further actions, will let you know if things are heading where you want them to or if you might need to keep your options open by dating others as well.

If he is keeping his options open, then you are not a priority, and need to have options going for you.

Don't ignore that big red flag of a guy with many options!!

If you feel unwanted, unloved, and unprioritized... Why are you still there?? You obviously have some needs that you expect from a relationship, if your mate cannot simply provide these means, then you two are not a match. Find someone else, someone who is going to make you happy. This relationship sounds unhealthy and I think it brings more negatives to the table than the positives. There are more people out there, so keep looking, a LDR without a goal is extremely harsh to accomplish, and most of the time, because so much time passes, rarely worth it.

Good luck,
Javi

Thank you!