I got separated from my mother and sister when I was 4 years old my sister was 2, she left my father and got married again my father tried to take my sister but was unsuccessful, I grew up on my fathers family with my grand mother, After that my father got remarried and moved away, years passed I completed my education and when I was 24 went to Muscat (A Gulf Country) worked there as a showroom sales person. When I was in India I always thought about my mother and sister.. hoping that she will one day come and meet me and explain why she left me. But that never happened.

Whenever I asked grand mother about mother she will say nothing. So I stopped asking. But on that time my uncle told me that he saw my mother and she was running a Driving school not far from the place I was living all these years, and also told me that her second husband was dead and she also got a son, On that time I was angry at her because she was this close all the time but not even once tried to see me, and also she kept my sister away from me not even knowing her face or my mothers.

This fury made me not to go to her and visit, I began hating myself tried alchahol and drugs completely destroying myself, when my uncle realize my state of mind he ask me if I wanted to see her but I said no then he asked me what I wanted to stop all this self destruction, I said I wanted a change from this place, then he send me to Muscat, Wasn't happy there the very thought of my mother made me mad I didn't changed I went to the bar regularly find comfort in there, and my working life slowly but surely got affected by my drinking problem, soon I began shutting myself in side my room and not going outside.

This scared my manager and he send me back home, when I reached India I began drinking even more and more, I did tried to cut my vain but was unsuccessful killing myself, when I was in the hospital he came and ask me if I wanted to see how my mother and sister looks like, I said nothing then he gave me a family picture of my mother with her late husband and my sister and step brother, he told me that he went to her driving school and told her about me and my current situation but she didn't want to come and visit me because she fear if she do her son (my step brother) my not accept it. So she gave a picture and asked my uncle not to disturb her again.

Couple of days later I got a phone call it was my mother (I think my uncle gave her my number) and she was asking it is okay if she visited me, I said okay, she came that was the first time I was seeing my mother she looked a lot like me, then she explained she came to see me because her friend when telling about me told her to visit me. (haaaa.haaaa what a mother) I asked her why she didn't visit me all these years, she told me that she promised her dead husband that she will not visit.

Later I knew from her that my sister got married and divorced and have a baby and she is staying with mother my step brother is in London studying hotel management

She is acting like she is right and done nothing wrong not even once tried to say sorry for what she done to me. I feel like a fool worrying and destroying my life for such a mother. My sister is nothing like that I imagined she only look at me like a stranger, a threat to her happy family of mother brother and her.

Is all mothers in this world like this. I am sorry that I even born. Looking back at my life it is a complete mess even god will find difficult cleaning it up

No, mothers are not all like this, and let me just apologise on her account for how she treated you. You are at rock bottom now my friend, there is only one way to go now and that is up!

You need to make YOUR life how YOU want it and I'm sure you do not want this as your one and only life? You can do anything you like :) you need to get yourself some good intense counseling and face these demons, your counselor will teach you how to move on and give up this self destruction, he/she will give you lots of advice on how to stop the drinking.

And remember you still have a loving family around you on your fathers side, your mother didn't want your love and affection and to just enjoy your company, don't take that away from your other family. They want you to laugh, love and live your life. They want YOU. You are worth happiness and success and don't let anyone stop you.

Thank you for the concern. I am currently taking medication for quitting alcohol... and spend 20 days in rehab...
Your advice is a real valuable one... thanks once again..

My words came from my heart, we are always here for you, anytime you need to vent or just tell us about your day. Its good to speak to people. And look at you! Your already on your way up! That's great to hear :) keep it up and spend time with the people who care about you. I look forward to hearing about your progress.

No all mothers are not like this, but unfortunately, yours is. She is human, she is flawed, and maybe the lack of a proper mothers affections, love, and attentions have flawed you as well.

Comes a time in everyone's life though, they have to decide for themselves if they will let these flaws lead them down a dark path of self destruction, or a path of good orderly direction and happiness.

You have traveled the dark path, and know the misery, and pain that it leads to. Try the other path now, and work as hard as you did going down the dark path. As Adviceishere has stated very well, let some good people who care help you to see a better path, and find forgiveness for those that are flawed, and get some happiness in your life.

You have lived long enough blaming others for your misery, and its time to take responsibility for your own happiness. It starts with you getting that poison out of your body, and heart, and replace it with forgiveness and understanding as you get healthy again, in mind body, and soul.

In this way you will stop bringing negative onto yourself, and your life, and project positive outward to others, so the God that you understand can help you with strength. Just because you were denied the love you needed, and wanted badly, doesn't mean you cannot learn to love yourself again, and be able to share it.

Takes some work on your part is all. Pray for the strength to get the job done, and get busy. Don't blame God, for your flawed life, we are all flawed in one way, or another, but we try to be good humans despite those flaws. Some need more help than others, so take the help you have, and make yourself better.

Good luck.

I really appreciate the fact that you spend your valuable time trying to help me, you're right... no need for me to blame god or anyone else for my situation, I should have taken control when I was losing it, I realize that now. I am in a positive path, if god willing I will get back to my life stronger than before, I really feel sorry for my mother, but what she is done to me is wrong, I don't think she will change or say sorry, but that's okay... I forgive her...

This is a pretty awful story indeed. Your mother's behavior cannot be explained--but one thing you need to know for sure: it had nothing to do with you. Anyone who abandons a 4 year old child and never makes an effort to track back and make up for it is a cruel and vicious person, full stop. The fact that you have been stuck in the position of a deeply hurt and abandoned 4 year old is totally normal--and now that you know that that is where you are, you are in a position to change it and take control of your life, as talaniman says. Just give yourself time, set reasonable goals, and get started. Therapy certainly is in order if you can afford it, and it would help to learn EFT--emotional freedom technique. You can manage that over the internet--it takes a few months to get really good at it, but it starts to work right away and goes a long way to moving out of the painful past into a future that you create for yourself. As for your sister--she was raised by your mother, and it's no wonder she isn't warm and loving towards you. She's been under the influence of a person who would abandon her own flesh and blood at a most vulnerable age--the poor woman didn't have much of a chance. But you, ironically, might count yourself lucky to have escaped the fate of growing up with a woman like that. Think about it--and if that rings true, then the path to a more powerful and creative way of being is clear and right in front of you. Good luck and believe in yourself! PS. I had an alcohol problem and quit drinking by treating it as a biochemical issue--took amino acids and changed my diet away from carbohydrate rich foods, and thereby eliminated the cravings for alcohol. Sounds oddball but it worked,and if you Google alcoholism and biochemistry you will come across a load of information.

Its like Tal said Mothers are just human, and due to this can be flawed. My Parents were both messed up. But I survived. So you see its time to get of the pitty potty and start making the RIGHT CHOICES for yourself and for the future. Just because you have a parent who doesn't understand love, doesn't mean you don't have to understand the word forgiveness. That's all you can do is forgive( not forget) and move on. You will someday have to make a choice as a parent to either stay on same path or to make your own.

For now get yourself together, prove not only to yourself but to your Mother how life doesn't have to be full of others using love ones for their own gradification.

Good luck

You ask why God is so cruel. Is this the same God that gave you a caring father, uncle, and grandmother? Is this the same God that has spared your life thus far despite you addictions? If anybody is cruel here, it's your mother, and the blame should be placed there.

You could have been raised by your mother who by what you write here doesn't show compassion or care for her children, in which case you would be asking, "why is my mom this way, why doesn't she care?"

This cruel God you speak of, he put you in the hands of people who could care for you like your father, uncle, and grandmother when you could not care for yourself. Have you ever thought, maybe, just maybe this cruel God didn't take you from your mother, but instead protected you from her?

You are obsessed with why one person did not do something, ( your mother) but don't seem to be so thankful for all the wonderful people you had that was there for you. Sounds like a great uncle in your life and people who raised you. Also sounded like you had a great employer where you worked to try and be helpful to you.

So this person was not there for you, happens to a lot of people, at least she was not there to beat you, or to curse you every day.
And you may not know ( or ever really know) what happened between your mother and father to make this happen.

You found her and it was not the meeting you wanted, guess what, that is what happens in many, again she did not curse you and blame you for her problems.

You need to deal with YOU and YOUR issues in dealing with emotions. Get into counseling

You know what's funny? Im down myself and I'm in using a lot of drugs to build me back up. But just when you think you got it the worst you stumble on something like this and your like damn my life is good after all. Im not bragging or trying to make you feel bad about any of this, but trust me YOU are FAR more important. Just make sure YOUR wife don't do it to your kids. Be a greater father. Build a greater family. It'll be hard but be there for your kids and break the curse you have on your life.

When someone is unsuccessful killing themselves it's a sign that you're not meant to die for that cause. Find love cause you probably feel unwanted. Get a girl love her. Give her children and CHERISH YOUR KIDS! BREAK THE CYCLE! And show your mom what you've became. Listen to my advice you'll one day be happy and your family will be blessed. Stop trying to die. That's for cowards.

You Fall You Stand back up! You stay down You get stepped on. Trust me my friend. Be encouraged.