What the title says sums it up.

I've been dating this new girl since October of 2010. For the most part we have had an open relationship, though neither of us dated anyone else, the open part was a bit like an easy escape if need be.

In February we decided to go committed. My problem is this, I have had feelings for her, but lately I feel like I'm just not into it like I used to be.

Last week we talked about the relationship, and she considered possibly breaking up with me, because of my emotional issues. What those issues are is that I am still hung up on my ex, who I am still in love with.

I've been to therapy for 6 months, and tried everything to move on from the ex, but I just can't. My GF knows this, and considered breaking up with me, but changed her mind.

I've tried to be committed, and even she doesn't know if we are going to make one year or not.

I do know that if we broke up I would feel crappy, and I've already decided that if we ended I am done with dating, at least for a little bit cause I am tired of all the emotional mess that comes from it.

But I also like her, I just don't know if I see a future with her. We seem to have different goals in life. I want to go to grad school, and become a doctor, she is content with just working at Wal-mart or Kmart and cleaning, and avoiding management responsibilities.

I am looking for a little advice, or just hear what people have to say, anything really.

Sorry if this post seems confusing, if anyone has questions you can ask me.

How old are you both?

How long were you broken up with the ex?

You sound like a guy who needs a life that makes him happy without a relationship, so what kind of social life do you have?

So what's lacking in your life that put so much importance on having someone?

Why haven't you unpacked your baggage from the past yet??

How many female friends do you have?

How come you don't love yourself?

Just reread your other thread.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/story-what-want-do-532550.html

It seems like the problem is with yourself. You are definitely not in love, that is obvious from just reading the question before the description. You have A LOT of self work that you need to do, starting form getting over your ex-girlfriend. Starting a relationship before the last one is not completely done with is never a good idea. You should let this girl go so that she can find someone who is going to be able to emotionally support her. Also, why don't you break up with her?? The gap between your ambition level are monumental and she won't really benefit you in anything in the long run, why not try to find someone that enhances your potential instead of being with someone who might end up holding you back?

Good Luck,
Javi

Answers are below


How old are you both?

How long were you broken up with the ex? She dumped me in August, and the new relationship started in October. Its been about 9 months since the break up.

You sound like a guy who needs a life that makes him happy without a relationship, so what kind of social life do you have?. I don't really have one, most of my social life in on Facebook or RPG games. I do have 2 friends I hang out with regulery, we go to bars and play games.

So whats lacking in your life that put so much importance on having someone? I just like relationships, I like loving someone and having them love me. I like taking a woman out and making her feel special. I like going out with a woman more then I like sex, and I really like sex. My current GF likes me, but doesn't quite love me and I feel the same. My ex, I fell in love with, and she loved me until a certain point that resulted in dumping.

Why haven't you unpacked your baggage from the past yet??? I've tried! I've sought therapy for 6 months but had to stop because I couldn't afford it anymore. I tried everything from games, movies, alcohol, everything to try to forget about the ex. I tried dating others but I just can't get her out of my mind or heart.

How many female friends do you have? Two that I hangout with regulary, at least a dozen more on Facebook. Reason we don't hang out much is because they are busy with college and work, and I'm just busy with work as I graduated college.

How come you don't love yourself? I have issues, a lot are mental, and a little physical. Physically I work out a ton, tried different plans and routines, but I can't gain muscle to save my life and instead I look like a stick figure. In college, I got Cs and Ds, dispite all the hours of studying and what not, no matter how hard I work I can't seem to succeed, especially in relationships.

My first GF cheated on me with a woman, my second one left me after working hard to get me to fall in love with her, and now my current one, I just don't know.

Just reread your other thread.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/story-what-want-do-532550.html

You are not in love and you are not ready for a relationship.
Continue your therapy and leave the ladies alone for a good while.
Rebounding is never a good thing.
Learn how to function on your own without a girl friend, learn to enjoy and be comfortable in your own company.

Definitely not love! Keep relationships aside! You need to work on yourself first.. seek help for yourself.. become confident and happy with your ownself first.. build up your career and self esteem. Then you will learn to be happy in your relnships!

Be single and continue your therapy.

Learn how to love yourself and be happy in a relationship with yourself before you go looking for a partner.

How long were you broken up with the ex? She dumped me in August, and the new relationship started in October. Its been about 9 months since the break up.
You skipped a proper healing, where you could have rebuilt your confidence, and your life so that you could be happy with yourself without her.The greatest drawback to going into another relationship so fast (Rebounding), is you don't give yourself a chance to be emotionally healthy again, so you are happy with yourself, and be able to share that happiness. Another point is that you are disappointed that you cannot have the same level of intense feelings that you have reached with the ex. FEAR of rejection plays a big part in that

You sound like a guy who needs a life that makes him happy without a relationship, so what kind of social life do you have?. I don't really have one, most of my social life in on Facebook or RPG games. I do have 2 friends I hang out with regularly, we go to bars and play games.
A happy healthy social life is essential after a break up, the more diverse and active, the better for old memories and feelings to be replaced by new ones. Being in a rut hurts the healing process.

So whats lacking in your life that put so much importance on having someone? I just like relationships, I like loving someone and having them love me. I like taking a woman out and making her feel special. I like going out with a woman more then I like sex, and I really like sex. My current GF likes me, but doesn't quite love me and I feel the same. My ex, I fell in love with, and she loved me until a certain point that resulted in dumping.
Its not a bad thing that you haven't reached the love thing yet. Thats normal, and okay. Whats important is the commitment to have fun, and be honest as you establish communications and see if you are compatible. Are you having fun??

Why haven't you unpacked your baggage from the past yet??? I've tried! I've sought therapy for 6 months but had to stop because I couldn't afford it anymore. I tried everything from games, movies, alcohol, everything to try to forget about the ex. I tried dating others but I just can't get her out of my mind or heart.
That may take some time, and it would be helpful if you find out what triggers those old thoughts, feelings, and memories that are making you miserable, and eliminating them. Maybe other situations you are going thru has you down, and makes the days with the ex prominent and desirable to go back to happier times, but whatever it is, make focusing on being happy with yourself the MAIN priority!

How many female friends do you have? Two that I hangout with regularly, at least a dozen more on Facebook. Reason we don't hang out much is because they are busy with college and work, and I'm just busy with work as I graduated college.
Expand your circle of friends, by making new ones, and trying new activities. Challenge yourself!

How come you don't love yourself? I have issues, a lot are mental, and a little physical. Physically I work out a ton, tried different plans and routines, but I can't gain muscle to save my life and instead I look like a stick figure. In college, I got Cs and Ds, despite all the hours of studying and what not, no matter how hard I work I can't seem to succeed, especially in relationships.
Modify your goals so they are reasonable and attainable. You are a young guy, look into nutrition and rest, and a different exercise routine because anything over 20 minutes a day gets worked off. Gaining the right kind of body tone is a matter of balance between working out, diet, and rest. You are trying to hard. Relax, and get some expert advice about nutrition, work outs, and resting, and a qualified TUTOR, who can put you on the right track. Any healthy relationship has to start with you having a healthy relationship with YOURSELF> When you are happy with yourself, you will attract those that want to share that happiness with you.

My first GF cheated on me with a woman, my second one left me after working hard to get me to fall in love with her, and now my current one, I just don't know.
Time to keep it real guy, so you can make better choices for yourself, and not depend on others to make them for you. Keep it simple, and define your own program, and let others fit, if they can. First you have to find out what your thing is and do it, and enjoy it because no matter what life throws at you, you are responsible for your own happiness, and no one else. You will never be happy, until you are happy with yourself, and willing to be honest with yourself. If NO ONE in the world loves you, then be the only one in the world that does. In this way, you will gain dignity, and self respect, and do your own thing that you enjoy, and makes you happy.

Takes time to build, and rebuild, but well worth the effort because its for YOU.

Well, I talk to her about my concerns. She said she also likes me, but doesn't love me yet, but I'm also the closet person she has right now. She doesn't really have friends, and her family lives out of state. She knows about my problems concerning my feelings for the ex, and she proposed this: We try to stick it out during the summer, cause when summer comes, there will be plenty for us to do like hiking, camping, trips to national parks, and what not. In winter, there is nothing to do, neither of us ski, or even want to ski, and that's all there is around here. She said that perhaps because all my memories of the ex were during summer, perhaps when the two of us do summer activities our fun and enjoyment together could possibly take the forefront of my thoughts, over my thoughts of the ex and helping me move on. However if by winter things don't work out, she is willing to go our separate ways.

That's ridiculous! How ols id she?

Leave her alone. You two are not a match.
Continue your therapy ad let her find someone that suits her. Neither of you needs to be a crutch for the other.