I've known this guy for about a year now . And I just wanted to know if it's okay for a 13year and a 17year old to date ?
Because I am currently 13 and he is currently 17 . We're only 4 years apart ? Our birthdays are in the same month too. Just a few days away. And I don't see the problem since there are people that marry people 10 years old then them . So what's the big deal about 4 years ? We both care about each other and respect each other .
I like the saying "If your in love, age doesn't matter." that's how I feel . Me and him have been through so much together. I feel like I've known him my whole life, like he's part of me . And he feel's the same too . So tell me is it wrong for us to date ?

What do your parent's say? Its up to them whether you should date or not. But a 13 yr old is really too young to be dating one on one in my opinion.

And there is a BIG difference between adults having a big age gap and minors having one. There is a much bigger difference in emotional and maturity levels between 13 and 17 and 21 and 25.

And forget about sex, if you were to become sexually active he could wind up in jail.

My mom, whom I live with likes him she thinks he's okay .
And sex isn't on our mind until I'm more emotionally mature and uh of course until I'm older .

He is 17, of course sex is on his mind, he will of course move it slow somewhat and not admit it But unless he has some personal issues at 17 sex is on his mind

Next 4 years or 40 years at 13 it does not matter
When you are 18 and he is 22, go for it, that is great.

Yes people do at 10 years, even 12, but 12 when it is proper, a senior in high school does not date a first grader ( 11 or 12 years difference)

So if he is perfect, he will be perfect in about 3 years, when it is closer not to be a issue.

He does actually have personal issue's .
He had a horrible childhood.. nothing but drama in his life . And yeah..
So sex isn't always on his mind.. he's actually really mature for his age . He isn't some
Horn dog . Like all people assume all teen age boys are .

You really have to keep in mind the differences in interests like the others have said. However, there's no time like the present so if you do love him, be with him (dating I mean). Just be strong minded and don't let him pressure you into sex. Talk to him about it and make sure he understands your point of view. Even if you think you're ready at 13, wait because later you will realize you really weren't. But, honestly, once you've been with him long enough and you both trust each other, there is no reason to wait until you're in your 20s. And by "long", I'm speaking in terms of years here since you're so young. The guy can wait and if the guy loves you he will (I've seen it done, very sweet and romantic).

So, no it's not wrong. Love is never wrong. ;)

so if you do love him, be with him (dating I mean).

So, no it's not wrong. Love is never wrong. ;)

You really believe a 13 yr old is mature enough to understand truly being in love?? You also think a 13 yr old should not be following her parent's rules.

Sorry, but in my opinion you are encouraging the OP in the wrong way. All a 13 yr old is likely to take from your response is what I quoted above. She thinks she's in love so everything else will be ignored. This is the WRONG message to give and definitely not in keeping with the standards of this site.

Love is never wrong.Sometimes it is. Have a peek at the Relationships board a little bit.

This is the WRONG message to give and definitely not in keeping with the standards of this site.

Im sorry, but the answer is wrong according to YOU. I have read the terms of use and there is nothing against giving your opinion. In fact, that is the exact point of this site. The person asking is looking for diverse opinions so that he or she can make up their mind. I see myself as the "young perspective" here. I was in high school not too long ago, I know what today's youth thinks and acts like.

In my view of things, there is no time like the present. Which is precisely why I encourage her to make the most of it. It is particularly why I say love is never wrong (and, yes, I believe a 13 year old can feel love. It is just different from adults). Love can prove itself to be wrong in the long term, but the moment in which you find yourself should dictate what you do when it comes to relationships, regardless of the fact that the person may later cheat on you or anything else of the kind. That is because you can never know. I know someone who died hit by a drunk driver just a few days ago, he was 18. How fair is that? It's not. All we can do is rejoice in the fact that he actually lived something and loved someone before that. According to what you think in "right" for teens, he would not have known what being human is all about (because love the best that humanity has to offer). THAT is why I encourage this girl to love the boy freely, even at 17. You just never know what will happen.

Further more, she has not stated that her parents are against the idea. Nor it is an undeniable fact that they will object. A lot of parents these days are very liberal about their children dating. I would also like to add that I did not say that nothing else matters. I told her to make her opinion on sex known to him and to use protection in the eventuality that she does cross that step with him. I stand by what I said.

Finally, scottgem, I accept your opinion because I realize that it's proper and logical. I don't mind you preaching it because it brings diversity to answers and will ultimately help the person asking to make the decision that is right for him/her. I would appreciate the same courtesy.

I was in high school not too long ago, I guess that's where our views differ. Many of us are view this from our experience as teenagers and our current experience as parents of teenagers - we bring a lot of experience to the table.


...I encourage this girl to love the boy freely, even at 17. You just never know what will happen.And that's pretty much why we condemn the 17-13 relationship, "You just never know what will happen" i.e. teenage pregnancy is a distinct possibility here.

teenage pregnancy is a distinct possibility here.
It's a risk every teen takes when they decide to have sex. The pill is 99.9% effective. I encouraged her to be responsible and that's all I can do. If she decides to act responsibly, there shouldn't be any problem in my opinion.

It's a risk every teen takes when they decide to have sex. The pill is 99.9% effective. I encouraged her to be responsible and that's all I can do. If she decides to act responsibly, there shouldn't be any problem in my opinion.
Remember this if you ever have a daughter. :D

Remember this if you ever have a daughter.
Haha, I will. And I'm pretty sure that's what I'll tell her because that's what my mother (at 50 years old) told me (when I was 15). That's also what my friends moms told them, all except one. I don't know if it's a cultural barrier or something, but the reality where I live is that it's perfectly fine for teens to have sex. Our school nurse told us what we should do if the envy was "too strong" and we didn't have a condom (and it wasn't abstinence). Please please please don't hate me for what I say, I'm just trying to show you what life is like now. :) As much as I may sound arrogant and close minded (and dare I say irresponsible), it's really not my intention.

Leona, I think you gave fine advice. Thank you for your contribution. You in no way condoned this girl to have sex, you in fact told her to wait a couple of years and said that if her boyfriend loved her he would wait.

She has stated that her mother is fine with them dating, so you did not advise her to break her parents' rules.

To RememberMeTX: You have to understand why people see a difference between 13 and 17 where they don't see the same difference between 28 and 28 (or even 30 and 50). Your teenage years are vital in your growth from child to adult, and there are a lot of lessons that you will learn during these years. We, as adults, encourage teens not to date anyone seriously at least until they're a little older because it's important to have many friendships and experiences.

If you found someone for whom you feel love, even at 13, then what can we say? You're not having sex with him, you haven't hinted that you plan on having sex soon, and your mother is aware of the situation. Just be careful. What a 17 year old does for fun is different than what a 13 year old does for fun. Just please don't have sex, don't go out partying with him, and continue to be open with your mother about what is going on. Enjoy your youth, first and foremost, and make sure he respects you no matter what.

Haha, I will. And I'm pretty sure that's what I'll tell her because that's what my mother (at 50 years old) told me (when I was 15). That's also what my friends moms told them, all except one. I don't know if it's a cultural barrier or something, but the reality where I live is that it's perfectly fine for teens to have sex. Our school nurse told us what we should do if the envy was "too strong" and we didn't have a condom (and it wasn't abstinence). Please please please don't hate me for what I say, I'm just trying to show you what life is like now. :) As much as I may sound arrogant and close minded (and dare I say irresponsible), it's really not my intention.


As long as we're talking about reality sex with a 13 year old can lead the other party to spend some "reality" time in jail and be labeled a sex offender for life.

I know you have posted you are very mature because you are attending a university. What does envy being "too strong" have to do with having sex.

And, yes, you do sound arrogant and irresponsible.

Haha, I will. And I'm pretty sure that's what I'll tell her because that's what my mother (at 50 years old) told me (when I was 15). That's also what my friends moms told them, all except one. I don't know if it's a cultural barrier or something, but the reality where I live is that it's perfectly fine for teens to have sex. Our school nurse told us what we should do if the envy was "too strong" and we didn't have a condom (and it wasn't abstinence). Please please please don't hate me for what I say, I'm just trying to show you what life is like now. :) As much as I may sound arrogant and close minded (and dare I say irresponsible), it's really not my intention.

Okay, off topic here, sorry. I just want to say my first post here was prior to reading this! I think Leona's original advice is fine.

Something's really wacky about sex ed at your school if they encourage you to have unprotected sex! That's not your fault, of course, but what school is that? (you don't have to answer that question).

I hope the majority of teens are still being taught safe sex :-/

As long as we're talking about reality sex with a 13 year old can lead the other party to spend some "reality" time in jail and be labeled a sex offender for life.I totally forgot about that aspect - good point.

What the school taught Leona is one thing; Leona repeating it to a 13 year old is something else.

If this thread is about dating, it's gone on way too long. If it's about sex I think giving this type of advice is inappropriate.

What the school taught Leona is one thing; Leona repeating it to a 13 year old is something else.

If this thread is about dating, it's gone on way too long. If it's about sex I think giving this type of advice is inappropriate.

I think the whole topic was led to sex by many posters, when it was actually about dating.

I understand the concern of sex, but the original poster wasn't even asking about that.

That'd be OK if the term "dating" always referred to hanging out and at the most hand-holding but it could mean anything.

That'd be ok if the term "dating" always referred to hanging out and at the most hand-holding but it could mean anything.
That's why we're relieved to hear the original poster say that she isn't planning on having sex right now and not until she more mature.

Let's just hope that means not until she's at least 18.

At 13 vs 17 what you plan is not always what you get.

Always wise to err on caution, and I feel that we have sufficiently advised caution to our original poster.

Right now it almost seems like we're assuming guilt until proven innocence.

I'm going to take the OP's word for it, however.

Im sorry, but the answer is wrong according to YOU. I have read the terms of use and there is nothing against giving your opinion.

The rules of this site do not allow promoting illegal activities. And there is too strong a possibility that such a relationship might yield to sex. There are also some unwritten standards that the moderators enforce. And your advice was not up to those standards. End of story.

If you define dating as sitting around YOUR house when your mom is there, watching TV, eating popcorn, and talking on the phone OCCASIONALLY, then I might(?) go along with it, but wouldn't like it one bit as a dad.

But no way, even with your moms permission could I as a father allow you to be unchaperoned with a 17 year old, anywhere in the world, and wouldn't give a rats patoot whether it was legal, or if you liked it, or not.

Big difference between a 17 year old dating, and what's appropriate for a 13 year old to be dating.

And don't listen to that loony tune youngster from Canada talk to you about the birds, and bees, and what they teach you in school in sex ed. She may be entitled to an opinion, but not get her facts all screwed up because saran wrap is not birth control. There is a danger to you both, but especially you.

Yes, a person has to be realistic, a 13 year old is not as mature no matter how mature they think they are, we all know at 13 they think they know everything and the feelings they get is always true love,

We also know that she is already making excuses, he is mature but yet not in a way to want sex.

We all know 17 year old boys and they are saying they don't want sex and not thinking about it, while they are in the middle of it, And of course the boy ( or girl) finds a way to justify it, and they are just doing a little not real sex and so on.

Anyone who is talking about a 13 year old doing anything sexual is just wrong, not only is it illegal but it is dangerous on too many levels emotionally for a child to be in this position.