My husband and my son refuse to admit that the other is wrong. My husband feels like my son will not talk/confide in him and anytime he acts out turns to me to "deal with it". My son does the same thing. They both want me to solve the "problem" whatever it may be. How do I "get thru" to them that they need to talk to each other.

They want you to be their referee, sort of like in a rough-and-tumble hockey game. That's not your job.

Sign them up with an area counselor.

How old are your boys? Go on a retail holiday and let them go round, and round.

Me, I'd go shopping.

Let 'the kids' sort themselves out.

They turn to you because you fix it, because you make it right.If you didn't fix things what would they do? Probably figure it out themselves.

Your son learned from his father, things go wrong, you fix it.

What to do? Stop, let them figure it out, for your son in particular, when he moves out goes to college he is going to have to stand on his own two feet, instead of yours!

Your husband will get the hang of sorting out hs own stuff if you stand back.

As for the two of them butting heads, could be they are so alike, refuse to referee, grab a cup of coffee.