I've been talking to this girl from Match.com for a few weeks now on AIM and on the phone, and tomorrow night we're meeting for the first time in real life.

I'm keeping it to a short and casual dinner after we both get off work.

Any advice?

I've never done this before and I'm kind of skeptical. But for those of you who know me on these boards, I think this is good for me to learn how to be chill about these things and not have any expectations. Just kind of get to know someone, plain and simple.

The weird thing about online dating is that you know a lot of stuff about each other without ever having interacted in the simple ways. I don't know how this will play out.

If any of you have had experience with this, PLEASE POST!!

Hi Pat,

Oh, go and have fun tomorrow. The great thing is, as you said, you know a lot about each other already, and you didn't have to suffer through that beginning awkard stuff "oh what do I say now" kind of thing.

I have had friends who have gone this route, and I think it is so much better than the bar scene. Some had great success and some others, well, they just didn't connect. I do know of a couple that met this way, and will be getting married in August.

Anyway, just go and have fun, try and relax and get to know this new friend a little better. We can always use friends in our lives and the two of you must be comfortable enough, based on the things you shared so far, so the worst that could happen is that you met a new friend, and that is not a bad thing at all, it's actually a very good thing.

Go and have a great time! And let us know how it went :)

Yes, Just have fun... Enjoy your outing together. My wife's cousin actually had an online boyfriend from another country they eventually met, got married and now they are living together. Getting a head of things now, but you get the point. Things have a way of working out if they are meant to be.

I agree with allheart, that the online dating is a lot better then the bar scene.

So no expectations. Be casual and just be yourself and have fun.

Let us know how your date went.

Joe

Thanks Allheart.

Is/Are there any things I need to be careful/aware of? I mean, as long as the girl I meet doesn't turn out to be a hulking 6'7 400 pound man I should be OK, right? LOL... you know what I mean?

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

Had to spread the love joe, but yes relax!!

LOL, well yes, please run the other way if it is a 6'7 400 pound man. Run fast and do not turn around to see how closely he is following you.

Did you not exchange pictures?

I promise you, this is going to be an enjoyable evening. I am excited for you. It's a night out, with someone you both obviously have similar interest, so deep breath and bring your running shoes. Hee hee.

LoL

Now your letting your imagination is in overdrive. Imagine if it looks like a women, but has male anotomy.

Okay, I am just joking.

Believe me, your meeting in a public place. You will be fine. I do not think you have anything to worry about.

My motto and I believe Allheart would say the same, is RELAX.

Joe

Oh no! You just put a horrible image in my head! LOL!!

We did exchange numerous pictures, so it's very clear to me what she looks at. Not just pictures at decieiving angles, but plain photos with friends, by ourselves, etc.

She left me a message and I must have listened to it 3 times to make sure it was an actual female's voice... yes, I am being very paranoid about this online thing... ahha.

I'll try and have fun and do my best not to think that there's something wrong with her or she's out to get me. Hell, I'm doing the same thing and she's prob afriad of me too!

Thanks for the advice guys... I'll keep this updated.

More comments are welcome too.

I dated many girls I meet online when I started dating again about 10 years ago.

I meet a lot of great ladies, and a lot of strange ones,
One was a great lady but after three or four real life dates she started planning my life and carrerr ( she had the connections to do it)

One was a self proclaimed witch and told me she had a spell on me so I could not break up with her

One , well let me say police handcuffs have all sorts of purposes in her mind

One had a girlfriend also that she let me meet after two or three dates.

One started talking marriage on first date

A few must have thought I was strange since we never dated again after the first meeting)

And a couple who most certainly did not look like their photos by about 200 lbs.

But I did meet a wonderful lady about 6 hour drive away from me at the time and we got married and have been for about 8 years now.

A lot of it is how much and how honest each person is when they are chatting online.

Next of course on the women's side, I understand about 1/2 of the men they talk to end up being really married.

Relax and have fun, that's what your doing this for isn't it. Keep us updated and if she is a 400lb man be honest if you really like her/him.:eek: That's where the good advice will come in handy.:)

I agree with all the other posters. Just have fun!
Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?
I've met up with people I found online, people who I thought I knew really well, and it hurt when I realised they weren't nearly as friendly as they had made out.
The majority, though, have been really great to get to know in person. It was just the odd few that weren't.
Best of luck!

Are you worried that she's not going to be who she says she is?


YES. YES.

... and did I mention, yes?

That's my number 1 concern.

OK I got to share my online dating story too.. haha

Ok so we and this guy had talked and chatted via webcam for several months (this was about 5 years ago). Well we lived 4 hours from each other so we decided we would both drive 2 hours and meet up to have dinner.

So we meet at an Outback Steakhouse. He was like really hot in his pictures and on cam so I was really nervous.
He said he would call when he got closer (I had gotten a hotel for myself so I was waiting there) and well 2 hours past our meeting time I am thinking 'oh great I am being stood up'. But then he calls me from a pay phone saying something about his car staring on fire... I was like hmm OK well here come the excuses.. but he said he was still on his way so I just went with it

I head to the restrurant and wait outside for about 30 minutes alone. He shows up and well he didn't look as hot in person... lol! I mean he looked the same, but he was balding (age 23).. which I wouldn't have thought it looked bad, but he was obviously trying to do the whole comb over effect. I guess that's something that webcams couldn't pick up, haha.

So we end up waiting 30 more minutes to get a table... no big deal we small talk. All the while I am kind of laughing in my head about this whole thing... I mean really car on fire, comb over at 23...

Ok so we get our table and we get one of those blooming onions.. you know how sooo good they are! And so messy! Haha. Well I have my little plate and doing the proper thing, but he's just like mauling the thing.. which I don't care but he's being so messy about it. The restaurant had those nice cloth napkins too and he's just making a mess of everything. Then he looks over at me and says why don't they have any napkins here? I kind of laughed and told him he's been using it.

Well he calls over our waitress and tells her I need some napkins... I am like oh wow this is funny... waiting for him to let her in on the joke... but he doesn't. So she looks at me and says I am sorry we don't have paper napkins here... I could get you some from the bathroom. I look over at him and he's just looking at me expectedly, so I say sure... please.

She leaves to get them and I am waiting for him to laugh or something... but he goes on like this is totally normal! I am GROANing inside, but laughing too. So the whole thing is kind of awkward, but I got over my nervousness and just wanted the whole thing to be over.

So we are finishing up and I am preparing to pay for my own dinner, and I expected us to just pay our own... haha then he pulls the I don't have my wallet on me. I just give him this incredulous look like I am not about to pay for you... and he's like well I have some cash, but its not enough. So I tell him to give me his cash and I will pay for the rest on my card... I just want this night to be over!

So we are leaving and he's walking me to my car. Ive got a cute li'l Honda Civic that I baby... haha doesn't matter to this story, but I have pride in my car. So he's doing the whole macho, so you want to hang out some more thing. I was wanting to just bail back to my hotel, but I figured I would see if he can redeem himself.

So we go to this park and are walking around the pond looking at the ducks. He sits down on a bench and goes to grab my hand and pull me to sit on his lap but I end up tripping over a tree trunk and fall on the floor... I am laughing so hard inside and out at this point... this guy is a total GOOBER!

Ok well I will make this shorter... in the end I ended up seeing his car, and he's got some big brown thing, that I am certain it DID start on fire! Lol. But to make it worse it looks like he's living in the back seat- it had so much junk in it!

I know he was a college student and living with his parents... so yeah I didn't want to tease him about the mess.

We went our separate ways from there and whew let me tell you I get laughs every time I think about it or tell others...

I still talk to him from time to time, he's a nice guy... but goodness he has like no manners, no social skills...

I hope your date goes better than that! lol.

PS. I HAVE had successful dates since then..

THE DATE WAS AWESOME!!

All right guys, here's what went down last night:

I basically fell asleep when I got home from work and woke up to my cell phone ringing... it was her... lol... already at the restaurant she said. I quickly got ready and met her there and ended up being 10 min late, which wasn't that bad and she didn't care.

When I saw her sitting there I was like "wow"... she actually looked even better than her photos... nice skinny little brunette chick. I gave her a hug and did the whole "nice to finally meet you thing" and we had a nice sushi dinner which I paid for.

I asked her if she wanted to go somewhere else for dessert and she said yes, so we ended up spending another hour at this place sharing a chocolate cake or something... I think it was a cake. She paid for dessert.

By then it was about 10pm so I told her I had to go. She said she wanted to hang out again so I said maybe next time she can bring friends and I'll bring mine and we can go out to a bar or something.

The whole time, conversation flowed without pause or any awkwardness. I could tell she was kind of nervous because she's be pulling on her shirt or whatever and looking at me and then back at the table every now and then. I was nervous too but I played it cool. Didn't say anything dumb and I didn't come off as clingy or needy.

I think it was good that she wanted to go for dessert and that she suggested that we hang out again. That shows she had fun and there's probably some interest there.

I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.

I was so afraid she'd turn out to be either A) a man, B) 200 pounds overweight, or C) a tranny.

I bet she and the people in the restaurant could see the look of relief and amazement in my face when I saw that not only was she normal looking, but very cute as well.

I'm not sure if I was aggressive enough though. When she stood up to greet me she offered her hand but I gave her a hug instead and she was like, "oh, hugs!" lol. I wanted to set the tone, you know? But after that I kind of laid back and chilled... I didn't want to come off as a touchy creep. It was the first time meeting her, so I limited it to a hand on her waist when we were crossing streets and that's about it. Don't know if you guys think I should have done more?

EDIT: I am now a supporter of online dating. I think anyone who has thought about trying it SHOULD try it. This date was everything I expected and more.

I agree that you should just go and have fun. If there is anything bad that I have to say about internet dating is that I have found from personal experience that the people never look like they do in their pics. Lots of people don't update their pictures on those sites and unless they are recent then its anybody's guess. For that reason alone I gave up on the whole dating website thing. I met 4 people and they looked nothing like their pics. And not that looks are everything but lets be honest here people it helps if you like what your seeing!

Oops sorry I posted that last comment without reading how the date turned out! My bad! I am so glad you had a good time and I don't think you were too aggressive with he hug. Sounds like everything you did was right cause she suggested hanging out again. I'm glad she was everything you expected!

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time.
I'll prob wait for her to contact me. I'll just chill for now. It was a good time and a fun experience.
Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:

A thank you note? What do you mean? Lol. I send thank you notes after job interviews...

Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing? Because I was going to do it anyway.

Don't know how internet dating works but will she dislike me if I don't send a thank you? Because I don't do that after regular dates I've had with women I've met in real life...

So much to learn... lol.

That is awsome Pat. Happy you enjoyed yourself. I personally would have said that would be great to hang out again. Too soon to include friends especially if you want to get to know each other first. That is just my thought anyway.

I am with tal, I would contact her in a couple of days.

Joe

Do you mean IM her and say "i had a great time"? That sort of thing?
Okay I'm showing my age, Don't know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

So much to learn... lol.
Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

Okay I'm showing my age, Dont know what IM is . Is it the same as LOL?

Me too I guess. You do know that the best part about being single is date a lot of ladies, or am I moving to fast? Or am I showing my age again?

IM = instant messaging on AOL

Yeah, I'm loving the single life now. Remember when I was dumped by my girlfriend 7 months ago? I'm feeling A lot better now!!

:)

I met my current boyfriend at match.com 19 months ago and I must say that we hit it off right from the beginning. The advantage with this dating system is that you know you are meeting somebody who has your same intentions and you don't have to keep wondering whether they are interested in you or not. The disadvntage is that sometimes we think that because you met in such a way you are meant for each other and, unfortunately, it is not always the case( I am going through a relationship crisis right now and this is one of the topics we have discussed). So I would recommend you to have fun and enjoy, be yourself as she must have read your profile and knows what you want+do, etc. But keep in mind that it is only a first date and it will work exactly as any other date you had. GOod luck and keep us informed!x

Great Pat, Glad to hear she shaved before the date and I hope you did too.:eek: , just kidding but way to have a good time. Just me though, a thank you note would be a nice touch in a few days. Always be a gentleman with CLASS.:cool:


Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

Pat, I so agree with Tal here. Finish the date the way you started it as a gentlemen and follow up with some kind of acknowledgement of the date. IM - Pm whatever M you guys do these days, it would be an incredibly impressive gesture to make some sort of contact. As Tal said, shows Class.

Way to go though. So happy for you Pat!

I was going to just sit back and wait for her to thank me... haha... no but seriously, I wasn't going to contact her again until she contacted me.

But since you guys urge me to do so, I'll give her a quick instant message tonight or tomorrow just to see if she got home OK, etc... she drove an hour to meet me.

I'm just trying my best to take the OPPOSITE approach as I have before with girls. I'm all about having fun now, and not really caring about what she thinks or what I'm supposed to do. I'm just so glad that Match.com worked for me and I think that I'll be able to meet many women through that site and improve my social skills since I didn't have a chance to because I was in LT relationship.

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again... maybe next weekend or something. Don't know if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.

One question though- I wouldn't mind seeing this girl again...maybe next weekend or something. Dunno if I should ask her to hang out again or what. I'm actually meeting up with a different girl this weekend! LOL.


You dawg!! Already have another one on the fishing line huh?? I can not be supporting this... can I?? LOL. Just kiddn.

Just my opinion here, but it would be nice to check to see if she got home okay. That would be very nice. I understand that you want to do this opposite thing (did you ever see the Sienfeld episode where George did everything opposite with the girls, he actaully made out quite well, but keep in mind that is TV.

All joking aside, the one thing you don't want to loose of yourself, is the caring about others feelings side of you. It is okay to care if she got home okay and express that. You don't want to go to far to the other side either. You don't want to become cold and indifferent. Reaching a nice middle ground would be good and retain who you are in the process.

Enjoy this time!! Show the ladies (had to use plural since there's another one this weekend LOL ) respect, and finally, this is very important... please... keep their names straight!! :) Issue nametags if you must... (just kiddn) Relax you are doing great. Really sounds like she enjoyed herself. Good for you.

I'll be doggone what have we created?? Player, player, Mac Daddy. All kidding aside, Go slow and be real... your REAL self and have bunch of fun. Always remember dating is about FUN and laughng, oh Gosh, I hope I can wait till next week.

LOL, that's right Tal, I'll be doggone as well, did AMHD creat a real DAWG? Yeh, Pat Macdaddy at your service. Just kiddn Pat. That's what I was trying to say, just couldn't find the words, but Tal did...

Be your REAL self and enjoy!!

Haha thanks everyone! Well, I wouldn't be doing so well now without the support of this community. Lots of good advice here!!

I did tell her to give me a text when she got home if she wanted but I didn't get one so I figured she got home all right. Maybe I'll give her an IM tomorrow and ask just to be courteous like you all suggested.

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had a lot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall... lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes... so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been weird in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice... lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on... lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been weird anyway.

I wish we went skating... that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

Sounds like you had a nice date and no, I don't think you should have been more aggressive. What happened was meant to happen the way it did. Instead of driving yourself crazy with the "what ifs", give her a call or e-mail her this week, tell you had a nice time today and ask her out again. If she goes out with you again, then no worries. Right?

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend,

Pat you have only been "seeing" her twice. Chill out and relax.


The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

Sounds great. Take it SLOW!!


Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

Good, you don't want to move too fast.


The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her.

Did you not learn from the last experience? You want to get physical? TAKE IT SLOW!!


It was purely a "hanging out" type date

Please tell me, what is wrong with that? NOTHING!! Women like to hang out.


I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever

She is smart and taking it slow. What is the rush?


at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...

You are kidding right? You have only seen her in person 2 times!!


I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

You should be, you could have scared her off. Jeez, let her get to know you first!!


Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?

No, you did just the right thing. Respect her as a woman, not as a piece of . The time will come if it is right, do not push it or you will be right back to square one where you were with the last gal.

Have you taken time to work on yourself? Have you really looked deeply?

Well I just don't want to make her think that I'm not into her. I like her, and I'm still getting to know her but I want her to know this too. I just don't want her to think I'm asexual or something... lol.

Pat, if you are asking her out, believe me, she won't think you are asexual. Take your cues from her. It sounds like you handled yourself perfectly for the kind of date you had today.

Ms Ruby is curious, what make you think women want to be pawed so quickly?

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

I understand that, but you CAN'T be too aggressive or you will scare her off.

I prefer a man who would like to get to know me for who I am first. Be "friends" so to speak. Then things go from there. Physical in the beginning is BAD. Very BAD.

You did great, keep it up, if it is right it will come in time. You will know when that time comes, it is just a feeling. She will probably give you signals too if she feels the same.

Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it? Like, falling into the "friend zone" where the woman likes you, but she doesn't LIKE you like you, you know?

But yeah, the situation today simply didn't call for any touchy feely stuff. It would have been awkward if I had tried anything.

You are not at the point of falling into the "friend" zone yet. No where near that. And, believe it or not, the best matches are people who become not only mates but best friends as well.

I started reading some of your earlier postings and got a better grasp on your situation.

Take your cues from her. She will let you know when she wants more. You made a comment in an earlier post about how she was a little surprised by your hug on the first date. That tells me she is trying to take this slow to get to know you better. Play it cool boy. This girl sounds like she wants to get to know you better before any heavy contact.

Hey Pat.

Good to see your back and it sounds as though your going all right.

Just remember to take it slow. You are thinking way too much again. Remember the last girl??

You rushed and flew into something you weren't ready for. Went way too fast after everyone told you you weren't ready and it crashed and burned.

Learn from your past mistakes and just take it slow. You'll get your hugs and kisses when the time is right. For goodness sake you have only seen her twice.

What do you want? Passionate kisses in the street?

Don't worry yourself so much. When you think too much you just get clingy and needy and come off as desperate!

Being her "friend" is a bad thing though isn't it?

Quite the opposite in the beginning.


Like, falling into the "friend zone"

You have not even gotten there yet.


but she doesn't LIKE you like you, ya know?


You haven't even gotten that far yet.

Pat, take it SLOW. How many times have we ALL told you that.

I prefer to fall in love with a friend. I like to share my life with my friend.

You have only seen her in person 2 times for cripes sakes. Chill out. Take it slow.

Hi Pat, As you know the way to mess everything up is too rush through something and not read the signals along the way. If you start to look toward your own agenda I guarantee you will miss the subtle hints that can guide you to this females heart. Slow down and pay attention and be a gentleman.

It's just so hard when all my guy friends are telling me to put the moves on her, etc.

Yeah, I know what happened last time with my little rebound mistake but I'm not looking for that now. I'm just trying to catch up a bit and act like a normal 23 year old would act on a date. I don't want to be a high school boy, know what I mean? My buddies (who all hook up with a diff girl every weekend) tell me that I've got to be more aggressive. Like, hold her from behind when we're waiting for the subway, or take her hand when we cross the street or something. We're not talking making out in the street.. just little/subtle actions of sexuality.

I don't know.. what do you guys think of that?

Pat,

My wife and I, became very good friends first. We took our time getting to know each other and we really became each others best friends. We took it nice and slow. We became soulmates. Now if I was aggressive with her and did not take my time to get to know her, she would think that I am like all the other men, who only want one thing and that would have pushed her away and I would not have a beautiful wife, now a beautiful child.

So yes, I think it is better to become friends first and I think that those who do take the time to become really close friends first makes for a nice long companionship.

Good luck and RELAX AND CALM DOWN. Go with the flow.

Joe

Pat,

My wife and I, became very good friends first. We took our time getting to know each other and we really became each others best friends. We took it nice and slow. We became soulmates. Now if I was aggressive with her and did not take my time to get to know her, she would think that I am like all the other men, who only want one thing and that would have pushed her away and I would not have a beautiful wife, now a beautiful child.

So yes, I think it is better to become friends first and I think that those who do take the time to become really close friends first makes for a nice long companionship.

Good luck and RELAX AND CALM DOWN. Go with the flow.

Joe

That's awesome man, but I'm not really looking for a relationship or anything really deep right now. Just a few dates, maybe hook up and see where it goes, etc. Just some light fun and nothing serious at all. I've missed out on meeting different girls by being in such a long relationship at such an early age. I just want to go out there and meet as many girls as possible and see where it goes. At the same time, I want to shed my high school mentality towards dating and be more aggressive and act my age I guess. It's hard to explain. I just don't know how things should work, and my overactive brain takes over and I start thinking about everything!!

EDIT: I'm going to get my mind off this girl by going out with the other one this weekend. Can't just focus on one... lol. I think that'll help me a bit in terms of overthinking stuff.

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall...lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been wierd in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice...lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

I wish we went skating...that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?
no... not really. Women don't like it when someone is too aggressive! Have you just came out and told her what you are looking for? I think you should just come out and tell her what your looking for...

Pat,

Just take things as they come. Be natural and real. Don't force things because your mates tell you to! That certainly isn't shedding your school boy behaviour. In fact that is acting like a small child. My mates told me to do something so I did! C'mon Pat.

So how about actually shedding the school boy attitude and acting like a man and be honest, open and real while taking things SLOW!

That is your best bet and if things work out all right I'm sure in no time she won't be bale to keep her hands and lips off you!

Good luck!

<<That's awesome man, but I'm not really looking for a relationship or anything really deep right now. Just a few dates, maybe hook up and see where it goes, etc. Just some light fun and nothing serious at all. >>

So you just want sex?well maybe you should ask her what she is looking for!! I somehow don't think that it's the same thing.

Seriously , why not just be friends with her for now. There is really nothing better than having friends of the opposite sex.

EDIT: I'm going to get my mind off this girl by going out with the other one this weekend. Can't just focus on one... lol. I think that'll help me a bit in terms of overthinking stuff.

I agree, since you are single you should be going out with a lot of different people. Still go slow.

<<That's awesome man, but I'm not really looking for a relationship or anything really deep right now. Just a few dates, maybe hook up and see where it goes, etc. Just some light fun and nothing serious at all. >>

So you just want sex?well maybe you should ask her what she is looking for!!! i somehow dont think that its the same thing.

Nah, I don't just want sex. I don't know if I even want that at all... lol. What I want is just to experience the natural process of dating someone, because I missed out on that in college.

I always think that somehow I'm not normal and I'm not aggressive enough. That's why girls always think of me as a friend and not as a normal, living and breathing sexual human being. I just wasn't sure if I'm doing this right or not, because it seems like every girl I meet I find some way to screw it up.

Pat,

I was not saying that it is going to turn into a relationship for sure, or serious eventually. I was trying to just state the fact that becoming friends first is important. Not rushing it is important. Just be yourself. Enjoy your dates and have fun. If anything more comes of it then that will happen at the right time for you. I did not mean for you to go out and get married. Lol

Joe

<<Nah, I don't just want sex. I don't know if I even want that at all... lol. What I want is just to experience the natural process of dating someone, because I missed out on that in college.
>>

OK good.
Go out with the girl and talk to her and listen. Ask her about her life etc, interesting things.
Be friends for a long time and go slow, if she accepts your dates she is obviously interested.
Being friends can build a great relationship.

Maybe. Do what you're comfortable with. It sounds like she likes you and the two of you get along so I don't see the problem with you initiating affection with her.

Maybe. Do what you're comfortable with. It sounds like she likes you and the two of you get along so I don't see the problem with you initiating affection with her.

How do you initiate affection when you are in a neutral environment? Like how I was walking down the street... what do you smooth guys and girls recommend? Lol.

I'm pretty good if I'm at a bar with a girl, or if we went dancing or something because I'd have many "excuses" to get close and stuff. But when you're doing day-to-day activities that friends would do, it's kind of hard and uncomfortable... at least for me it is.

Walking down the street is easy! Just hold hands. Or, if you stop to look at something, slip your arm around her waist while you're looking. Just little things, but it sends a signal that you're enjoying the time together.

Just make sure you read the body language correctly... if you do overstep, you want to pull it back *before* she says something, if at all possible. She'll notice and appreciate that you addressed your faux pas on your own.

Dear Pat, Listen up my friend :)

Why don't you just try and get to know her as you would any other individual. Find out if you have similar interest. Get engrossed in a conversation. If the two of you connect, you will, without thought, maybe grab for her hand, when the two of you are walking, or place your arm around her when talking. But until that connection is made, it may be awkward for you. Don't do so much from your head. Get to know who she is.

Pat, I have to tell you, girls do have a radar, and will know if you are not listening to them, that you are too busy wondering…”okay, now, now, should I put my arm around her now”. Meanwhile she is just talking away and you are not even listening!! Trust me she will know. Just be yourself and see what similarites the two of you may have. Where does she work? Does she like it? Does she like sports? On and on and on.

Pat, I promise you, get to know her, and your arm will be on automatic. Just relax and stop thinking so much.

Turn off the head, be respectful, be light and enjoy yourself.

Dear Pat, Listen up my friend :)

Why don’t you just try and get to know her as you would any other individual. Find out if you have similar interest. Get engrossed in a conversation. If the two of you connect, you will, without thought, maybe grab for her hand, when the two of you are walking, or place your arm around her when talking. But until that connection is made, it may be awkward for you. Don’t do so much from your head. Get to know who she is.

Pat, I have to tell you, girls do have a radar, and will know if you are not listening to them, that you are too busy wondering…”okay, now, now, should I put my arm around her now”. Meanwhile she is just talking away and you are not even listening!!!! Trust me she will know. Just be yourself and see what similarites the two of you may have. Where does she work? Does she like it? Does she like sports? on and on and on.

Pat, I promise you, get to know her, and your arm will be on automatic. Just relax and stop thinking so much.

Turn off the head, be respectful, be light and enjoy yourself.

Oh I wasn't sweating it while ignoring her... I was listening. The thing is she's kind of shy and quiet and won't talk too much. For example, if I asked an open ended questiuon, she'll answer, but not elaborate or ask more. On our first date, I told her my birthday was coming up soon, and she said "oh well happy birthday". Most people would have said "oh really? when is it? what are you gonna do? etc."

She's a tough one when it comes to talking, so we haven't really gotten engrossed in any conversations yet. We talked about work, family, school, where we want to live, and all that, but that's just small talk still. I don't even know her last name yet.. haha.

Any tips on breaking this barrier? I mean, a normal person doesn't drive an hour and a half to just walk around without talking... right??

Here's the deal Pat.

You have come here asking questions about a WOMEN and you have some terrific answers from a whole heap of other WOMEN! So it would be my advice to read there responses and take it in. After all who knows all about women better than other women?

So read Allheart's response above, take it in and act on it OK!

You are worrying and stressing way too much about all this. She will pick up on that and you will just come off as desperate and needy.

Be yourself and just have fun with her. If it is meant to be something more than that will come, but you can't force it with preconceived plans of how to act!

EXACTLY , just have fun with her, she will eventually open up a bit more!! you have just had one date already! Any wonder she is a bit guarded! She could have already had her share of meeting jerks on that website!She could also be dating a few more guys from the site so get to know her more before making any move. Have fun, laugh.

Never forget Pat to go slow and remember be a gentleman and have fun, that's what dating is about, having fun and getting to know each other. Leave the smooth stuff to the players and just be yourself and be natural. After all there are a lot more men out there so ALWAYS be the gentleman.

I am a girl and I will give you my opinion on this situation.

Just pick up your flirting skills a bit. Laugh and have a good time. Make her laugh. I dated a guy once who was too shy to even kiss me without asking. It didn't do much for me. Lol. The ones I have wanted to kiss had self confidence enough to let me know in subtle ways that they liked me as more than friends. They flirted. They complimented me. They made me feel good about myself and attractive. That is important to a girl, so compliment her. Have self confidence, while being respectful. I once dated a guy who stopped the car in the middle of the road after we had had a bit of an argument and just kissed me. I melted at that. It was different and showed that he had self confidence. Yes, we could have had an accident, but we were on a country road without much traffic. As strange as that sounds, I remember that gesture to this day and that was probably 6 years ago. It was a kind of "sweeping a girl off her feet" moment.

I am a girl and I agree with your guy friends too. If she is shy, she may need you to be a bit more aggressive. I may get slammed for this, but I am not saying be an animal or a disrespectful jerk to her in any way. Just build her attraction to you with a bit more subtle flirting. You can often get a shy person to open up by using some humor. When walking down the street, laugh and say "I'm cold!" and cuddle up to her for a moment. If she doesn't like you, she will pull away. Then just apologize without making it a big deal and you will know to go slower. If she lets you cuddle a bit, you can gauge how she feels and that she is warming up to you. Nothing disrespectful about that. Just laugh it off. I have had male friends come up and hug me and I am not offended. Just don't get stuck in the friends zone or be too shy and timid with her.

You are looking to date around anyway, so what could a bit more flirting hurt in this situation?

I am a girl and I will give you my opinion on this situation.

Just pick up your flirting skills a bit. Laugh and have a good time. Make her laugh. I dated a guy once who was too shy to even kiss me without asking. It didn't do much for me. lol. The ones I have wanted to kiss had self confidence enough to let me know in subtle ways that they liked me as more than friends. They flirted. They complimented me. They made me feel good about myself and attractive. That is important to a girl, so compliment her. Have self confidence, while being respectful. I once dated a guy who stopped the car in the middle of the road after we had had a bit of an argument and just kissed me. I melted at that. It was different and showed that he had self confidence. Yes, we could have had an accident, but we were on a country road without much traffic. As strange as that sounds, I remember that gesture to this day and that was probably 6 years ago. It was a kind of "sweeping a girl off her feet" moment.

I am a girl and I agree with your guy friends too. If she is shy, she may need you to be a bit more aggressive. I may get slammed for this, but I am not saying be an animal or a disrespectful jerk to her in any way. Just build her attraction to you with a bit more subtle flirting. You can often get a shy person to open up by using some humor. When walking down the street, laugh and say "I'm cold!" and cuddle up to her for a moment. If she doesn't like you, she will pull away. Then just apologize without making it a big deal and you will know to go slower. If she lets you cuddle a bit, you can gauge how she feels and that she is warming up to you. Nothing disrespectful about that. Just laugh it off. I have had male friends come up and hug me and I am not offended. Just don't get stuck in the friends zone or be too shy and timid with her.

You are looking to date around anyway, so what could a bit more flirting hurt in this situation?

I've done what you described there with the whole I'm cold thing- just without the line... haha. She said she was cold so I put my arm around her waist but only for a few seconds because it's awkward to walk with your arm around someone. That's all the contact I've done so far aside from a hug hello and goodbye.

I guess I have nothing to lose by stepping it up a little bit. I mean, after all, she's on Match.com, she's gone out with me twice, and she drives more than an hour to see me. Oh well, got to trust in myself more I guess.

Southernbelle, the other question I have is why doesn't she ever call or IM me? I'm always the one calling her to make plans and IMing her to see how her day went. (I don't do it often... I've probably called her 3x total so far and IMed maybe 4 or 5 in the 3 weeks I've known her, but is it just that she's THAT shy she won't even initiate a conversation? It's kind of frustrating because I don't really know where I stand, and me being shy and reserved myself, I end up going nowhere.

If she is driving an hour and a half to see you, then she is definitely interested. If you wonder why she isn't calling you, well, it could be because she is shy for one thing. Another thing is that a lot of girls are hesitant or afraid to call guys in the early stages of dating because we don't want to frighten the guy away. If she is anything like me, she is probably simply gauging your interest in her by letting YOU do the pursuing since you are the guy. I may be wrong, but I am from the Southern USA and we were always taught to let the guy lead and do most of the pursuing. Our part as girls is to keep being receptive and responding and letting him know we like the guy by accepting dates, etc. Keep pursuing her if you are interested. As she becomes more comfortable with you, I'm sure she will begin to call you more. As long as she is answering your calls and IMing you in return and not avoiding you or cutting the conversations short, I think it is going well. Again, just my opinion as a female.

Also, as long as she keeps accepting dates from you when you ask and doesn't start disappearing or repeatedly making excuses not to see you, I think you are on the right track.:)

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall...lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been wierd in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice...lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

I wish we went skating...that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive? Don't get mean aggressive. Why don't u take her to a movie and maybe put your harm around her or just slowlly move your hand into hers. Put a footforward because honestly she may not know what to do just like you she maybe shy put in mind you guys just meat each other. :cool:

Go slow Pat, and its easier to walk with your arm around her shoulder:D

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall...lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been wierd in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice...lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

I wish we went skating...that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?
I think the next time you guys meet up it would be good to take her by the hand. By looking into her eyes you may know if she wants a kiss or not. You definatley don'ty want to move to fast but definatley show her that your interested

I've been seeing this girl I met on Match.com for a few weeks now. We talked a few times, met up in person for the first time last weekend, and today I saw her for the second time. The first time we went out for sushi and we had alot of fun. It was short, but sweet and interesting. Aside from a hug good bye, I didn't do anything else.

So today, we ended up walking around this street with all these shops and stuff but didn't go in anywhere. I asked her if she wanted to go ice skating but she said she hates it because when she was 12 she tore her quads after a bad fall...lol. So I stopped pushing it and we had some coffee and called it a night after 2 hours of walking and talking because she said she had some work to finish for tomorrow morning for one of her ad clients. (She's a director at a marketing firm)

I walked her back to her car and she drove me back to mine and then followed me because she didn't know her way back from where we were. Because of the way we left, we couldn't really do formal goodbyes...so no hugs this time.

The thing that sucked about today was that I had no chance to get physical with her. It was purely a "hanging out" type date and aside from rubbing her back for a few seconds because she said she was cold, that was all I did. I wanted to give her a kiss goodnight but it would have been wierd in the car.

I think she's warming up to me more because I mean, she drove an hour plus just to walk around with me on a day's notice...lol. I just wish she'd put her arms around me or whatever or at least show me some signs she wants to get hit on...lol. I'm a shy guy and usually am really respectful so I was afraid of just grabbing her hand or waist, which would have been wierd anyways.

I wish we went skating...that would have been a cakewalk.

Do you all think I should have been more aggressive?
You've only been out with her twice and she does seem to like you, you just both seemed to be at a loose end as in what to do! Next time you ask her out, why don't you invite her out for a nice meal, somewhere where you can both talk more, get to know one another better with a nice atmosphere. If you have your own place you could tell her beforehand she could stay at your house - in the spare room of course - and see what she says.

If you do go for dinner, then be the perfect gentleman with her and DON'T sleep with her too soon, kiss her yes, but hold back from doing anything else until you've been with her longer.

Eve

The thing that people forget and get caught up in, is there is pleny of time for everything, there is no reason to hurry at all and the slower you go the more you find out and get comfortable with. As you learnabout people then you can tell when the right time is for anything and end a lot of speculation and PANIC.

Hii

Actually I'm going to meet a girl whom I have been talking to online from last 2 years 4 months

Can some one suggest me what gift shall I give her I'm very confused:(

Can you help me guys:)