I've been with my spouse for a few years now and we have 2 small children.. before I got pregnant with out 6 month old our sex life was great.. then when I was pregnant it was awkward because I was uncomfortable and big obviously. Now I'm back down to my prepregnancy size.. I feel great about myself... but we have no sex life. I'm not sure if its me or him. I can't even think back to how we used to initiate sex. We've gone longer than a month and we live together so that feels like forever. I just want to feel like I'm not the only girl going through this.. he tells me I'm sexy all the time and every time he tries to make it happen.. I just don't want to. I want romance and not just wambam.. ya know? He is beautiful and desirable but I'm not sure what is going on. Id like to spruce things up but not exactly sure how. Sorry if this is personal but I need advice.

Having children is a life changing event that calls for many adjustments, and the very first is how you communicate to each other, and define what has changed in your time together, and how those changes affect how you interact.

I think your ideas, and needs has moved from the physical,l to a more spiritual level, and yesterdays slap, and tickle is no longer sufficient.

Be aware if you cannot define, or explain what you mean by a spruce up, then don't expect your partner to understand.

After a second child most woman need a more mature approach to being cared about, for example, you may not be as wild about sex, but probably appreciate the quiet together moments watching the news in the evening after a hectic day. Am I on the right track here?


I think the small moments have become more wanted than the big events. Especially now that your days are taken up chasing TWO rug rats, not just one. That's what the communications is about with your partner, because its no longer about sex, but sitting on the porch holding hands.

All of that starts with very clear communications, and MAKING time for just the two of you, on a regular basis.

You are definitely on the right track when you say id rather quiet together moments with him.. then I would want to be intimate with him.. but until that happens and he makes time for us then we are in this rut.

That's not true at all. You have to be very clear on what it is you want, and present it to him in a way he understands.

I think if you make some definite suggestions he may go along, and understand what you are telling him.

You have posted that your boyfriend (I thought) accepts your attraction to women but doesn't like it. Is that entering into this situation? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/adult-sexuality/gay-but-straight-563373.html#post2745163

No it doesn't enter this situation. We just have been getting frustrated with each other and the lack of intimacy is making getting along a lot tougher.

LOL, maybe your definition of intimacy is a lot different than his. Being able to communicate, and be patient is what's important, as it doesn't seem like his frustration is at the same level as yours. Or maybe you are both frustrated for different reasons.

For whatever reason though, you still have to know what's on the others minds as you have to know the stresses you each are confronted with to reach a compromise, or any kind of agreement to resolve the problem. You cannot pass over anything that may effect the thinking, or attitude of our partner, no matter how small it is to you.

You may not see it, but your being bi sexual could be a big reason you cannot seem to communicate at a level that works for you both. There are many degrees of fear, and uncertainty, which keep us from understanding. Understanding requires above all an open mind. If there is something you don't like, or agree with, its very hard to be open to its possibilities, potentials, or how it will impact you.

You talk about frustrations. Nothing is as frustrating as not getting what you want, when you want it, and its so easy to let impatience make you even more frustrated, when it may take years to even come close to have some very real needs met. That's what make communications so very important.

I can so no relationship without honest communications, but for sure you will have a lot of frustration, which leads to anger, and resentments, both are relationship killers.