Moved from Adoption

The last time my daughter talked to my soon to be ex husband was almost 2 yrs ago. He was in the military at the time, and got out in February 2010. He now lives about a half hr away, and knows how to cotact us but hasn't since. I am getting remarried in July of this year, and my fiancé wants to adopt them but I heard you have to have concent from the father. I know he will not gice up his rights, for he sees them as property. He does not pay any attention to the younger child who is almost 8, and hasn't since she was born. She wants to have no contact with him, the older one, who is almost 10 is very distraught at times over her father, but calls him by his fisrt name now and calls my finace dad. Im not sure what to do about this situation, I feel it is in both the girls best interest to let my fiancé adopt them, how do I go about that?

It is certainly a difficult situation for your family. The first step is to find a good family law attorney in your area who will guide you through the process. What usually happens is that the attorney will contact the father and try and get him to consent to the adoption, there can be benefits for him depending on the state law (he may be relieved from paying child support when the child is adopted). Potentially, the attorney could file an action in the family court, or whichever court has jurisdiction in your state, to terminate his parental rights though this would need to be supported by more than his not seeing the children and as the facts stand I doubt there would be enough to support that.


This is just an aside from your question, If your new husband is de facto the father, then he is. Legally he isn't and there are some legal pitfalls due to that, but if he isn't able to adopt them--he can still be their dad. (IMHO)

For a stepparent adoption, you need a step-parent. You must be married, in most places for at least a year. (This does vary by location, so we would need to know where you are) You can't even begin to consider this process if you don't qualify for it. That being said, it will be much easier with the father's consent, and almost impossible without it. You do have the bargaining chip of child support, which may or may not be helpful.

As the mom of a child who's step-dad would like to adopt, I do understand your situation. But, as adthern said, if your fiancé loves your children, they do already have the love of their dad. That is priceless.