My girlfriend and I have been happily together for 1 yr and 10 months.we both got out of a serious relationship and both had our hearts broken and so we promised that when we got together,we would be together no break or breaks up since we love and care for each other so much,so I thought.

We had our ups and downs just like any other relationship,she would sometimes mention that she needed a break during the big fights,but I would always convince her that it wasn't necessary,so we always fixed it afterwards and it was like nothing never happened.but we would learn from it and try not to repeat it again.she would always say it will only get better and she loves me.

During these fights she would also say I deserve better because she feels she's always hurting me,esp when I cry.I told her and she knows,I only cry during our fights because it frustrates me that she can never understand where I am coming from and that she needs to be more considerate,etc.she has a very strong characteristic,hardly cries etc.we eventually both adapted to each other and fights became seldom.we also practically lived together through the whole course of our relationship which makes it harder now that I moved to napa and she's still in Florida.I just moved down here a month and a half ago to job search since I'm a recent graduate and she is graduating this may.

Before and when I left we were great and still so in love.then after awhile I noticed a change.she wouldn't say I love you and I miss you as much,she would forget sometimes.so I confronted her and it upset me basically but we were able to sort it out.she was just so busy with school.8am to 5pm everyday one hour break. She's exhausted when she gets home,has to cook, study and sleep and she felt like I was somewhat a problem,due to my complaining etc.

I didn't let it get to me as much,but it still did.so 5 days ago she called and we spoke,and she asked to break up.reason was she was so preoccupied in school and focused on graduation that a commitment to a relationship would just be too much to handle now.and she said she always asked for a break before but I never gave it.I told her,aren't you happy though that I made you realize a break was not necessary,and look because of that we were still together and happy.we had so many great memories.and she's like I know,but now its like I'm overwhelmed with so much stuff.

She swore it wasn't because she wanted to be single and flirt or be with any other guy,she says that's the last thing she wants.I asked why not a break then?and she mentioned that it would still seem I'm there and she feels she has no options with me and she feels trapped and married.she couldn't leave me cause she felt she would hurt me since I am emotional and all these things.so I told her I don't want you to feel that and I am sorry you feel that way.she said she wants time to herself,focus on grad and school work.so I asked is this temporary?she said she doesn't know,all she knows right this moment she doesn't want to be in a relationship and she doesn't want me to wait.she doesn't want to give me a tentative date because what if that day comes she's not ready.its not fair she says to me.she wants me to be happy and she wants to take this time to grow and mature.

I have to say,she lives by the moment and never plans,I do the planning and always looking ahead.but she wanted to remain friends,said she would miss me and doesn't want to lose me.but I told her friendship would only complicate things and that you can't have your cake and eat it too.so we broke up.

I was left wondering,hurting,and questioning and confused.so I called 2 days after for closure,told her I realized my sensitivity as a boyfriend was a problem too and that I am genuinely sorry.I want to work it out slowly I am in it if you are.she still felt she needed the break up.I eventually respected her decision.I love her so I have to give her what she wants.

I just feel she's afraid of the future of our relationship, espeically that I may be leaving the country to work and she will be in the states.she says she wants to be with me when she can again prioritize me and be the best for me like she was before,because right now she knows she's not.I respect her honesty but it hurts so much and I don't want to lose her forever and I feel I am.and I've put myself in her shoes and it seems like its really over.I don't want her to think that just because of the distance and her priorities that we won't work.

She has commitment issues and personal issues to deal with that we both recognized.esp after her parents divorce and mom left her and her siblings at a young age,she just recently accepted that she is affected by it.just don't know what to do.she says she's doesn't want to drag me down with her cause she has personal issues to deal with etc and school work, grad, etc she's overwhelmed.

I keep thinking of everything.I find that if I hadn't left that we would still be happily together,but distance was inevitable in the long run.I can't keep myself busy cause I have no job yet and I'm stuck at home to my thoughts.I don't want to hope and I want to move on.but I feel she doesn't know what she's lost,even though she says I'm the best boyfriend ever and no one can replace me.I like to think the relationship is over but I feel in my heart it isn't but I know in my mind it is.esp that I will be leaving soon.I just want her to see that our love is so rare and it is so hard to find love now and I always remind her about all the good memories we shared,the best times and also the hard times,but we made it through each and everyone of them.but she still stuck to her decision.

Please give some advice,esp from the girls.whats she thinking?is there still a chance? Does she just need this time to herself and she will come back even though she says do whatever to make you happy?she tell me she knows she's being selfish but she needs this time to herself. I don't know if this is a test, to see if I can really give her the space she wants,or I will end up hooking up with somebody then she can say, yea we weren't meant to be?

Some forums say that when she says she's needs time that she's not interested in the significat other anymore?I just don't know what to think. I feel betrayed and cheated with a cop-out excuse. Especially after everything we have been through.I knew she was the one I still do but its so hard now that were broken up.she would say that was before,things change and she's sorry and doesn't want to hurt me.

Its so hard to accept,denial and depression has kicked in though I am trying my best to move on.I am giving her space to miss me,but I don't know if she does even though she said,when I called for closure,that she did.I care,love,miss her so much.she knows my only happiness is with her. And its even harder now cause I not only lost my girlfriend but a best friend.

I have problems of my own now and I can't even speak to her because I want to respect her space even though she says I can call her anytime I'm down or she wants to talk or misses her.I said no.before I told her that when she was ready and knows what she wants to call me.

And the second time for the closure I said we can be friends but not now because I needed to get over a part of us that she evidently is over. It just hurts so much that we both committed in the beginning and love and trusted each other not to hurt one another. I trusted her with my heart to not break it,that's how much I love her.but I love her just as much to let her go and have her space.

I just don't see why this had to happened and what is going through her mind right now.I somewhat understand and that day for the closure I texted her and I apologized for giving her a hard time, I didn't know better and that I knew she knew that I just didn't want to lose us and our relationship and her esp. I said I felt better and she replied she was glad I felt better. And I said I hope this benefits our relationship in the long run. And she replied yes! And I didn't reply anymore.

Its been very difficult lately and its just the second day. I need some advice from other people and especially women to tell me what's on my girlfriend mind. I just can't believe that I am reliving a past horror of depression with my previous ex with her. I thought it would never happen again. I always told her it took 2 to tango in a relationship and this is not a one way street,it's a 2 way street. I have to mention though that I never gave up on us like she is now,even though she hurt me a lot and she knows that. That's what hurts the most. I sacrificed and gave up so much for her only to throw it all away.but I can't blame her either because its what she wants and I have to respect that.

She also didn't want me to priortize her.she would always say think what's best for you. I mean obvioulsy I think of what's best for me but she will always be in it.she was my priority and the love of my life. I guess she always felt that it was beginning to be a burden on her because I would always ask what's going to happen in the long run, are we going to be togther or what?

And as I said,she never planned,she liked to take it day by day. And this time she was feeling pressure like omg I'm like marries. She also said that we moved to fast, dater moved in together etc. but if it felt right then, why are you making it a reason now? But yea, that's why I knew she was the one because we always had these deep converstations and we were ourselves around each other and she always supported me.

We would have little plans and before we would talk about marriage and all these as a joke but somewhat serious you cause we loved each other so much and she would come visit me etc and now its like she forgot everything and did a 180 on me and us.

It was so great that right now its so hard to let go.I though we were on the same page,but I guess not and it hurts more than ever. There is so much more I want to say about us so each one who responds can see both sides of the story to really give a solid advice. But I'm so lost for words right now just tired already.mentally and physically. I just want to be whole again. I have already spoken to my sister and her boyfriend and they say the same, she needs time but don't wait, she's obviously not ready for a commitment like you are. Move on and let go.I just wish there was more meaning to her reason. Which is why I need a woman's point of view too.

Sorry for the message being so long. I am just so confused and I wish she would realize how much hurt and pain she has caused me already. I thought being in a relationship meant love and security towards each other, never to let the other feel pain,but this isn't the case with our relationship anymore. And I am just flustered, lost left questioning and wondering why. And to think our 2nd yr aniv was coming up next month and her birthday and grad the following month. She really wanted to throw that all away? It hurts that she gave up when I had every chance to before but I never did.

By the way we are both the same age, 23.

I even told her, which I plan on telling anyone who gets to be in a long term relationship that, "Never forget why you got together in the first place." Because this will remind you and bring you back down to earth and work on making things better.

I just don't know what happened and I feel she forgot and I don't know what to do. I don't want to say goodbye. Even though it is a loss, like I said,I feel there is still hope in my heart even though my mind says there is none and to move on. Just can't seem to understand why.


Help.

Honestly? I think she feels relieved. I think this relationship was too much for her. She told you lots of reasons breaking up would be good for the two of you, and I really doubt she's coming back to you.

I hope you can find a way to be okay with not having her for your girlfriend. Get that new opportunity, move where you need to go, and immerse yourself in your new life.

My opinion on going forward is that you might do well to get a little counseling with a therapist about how to build strong relationships. It sounds like you are more focused on "locking in" a relationship so you/she won't have to suffer a broken heart ever again. That's actually not too healthy. Your togetherness needs to be because you're right for one another and can grow together, not just to have somebody to be your safety net against being alone or sad.

I hope tomorrow's just a little bit easier than today.

You may not understand a word I am telling you through the cloud of your intense emotions, but here we go.

Many times over the last two years you have prevented her from leaving you. She wanted to explore her world her way, in her time, but you always prevailed and held it together.

It wasn't until you left to explore YOUR world for you both you thought, that she was able to get it together and finally end things with YOU. This was all your doing and planning and hoping in the first place. You were smothering her and stopping her from being free to hurt and fail, and try on her own so she could grow.

That's why things are happening now, because this is her first and last chance to be free and she took it. You are to hurt to see anything beyond what you had planned, and it will be a long time before you fully understand that she took this chance to make a break for it.

You made her your life, you held her close and you made all the plans. That's over, and after you get over your shock, you can build your own life without her. But that's down the road, because after the shock wears off, the real misery comes as reality starts to be crystal clear, and you are about to find out what YOU are really made of, but for now, just deal with the pain, and let it teach you.

This is about YOU now, whether you accept it or not. You probably can't since your wounds are still so fresh, but they will heal if you let them. You will rebuild, and learn, its only you who can do that.

You asked what's on her mind? Her freedom, and her choices. She wants them both, and she has taken them. Let her go so she can enjoy them. You have held on long enough, so just let go. You can't now, not completely, but in time you will.

Hey Summergirl,

I know she probably is relieved. I have taken a lot from this experience. Things to do and what not to do in the future. It's not that I am more focused on locking a relationship so either of us won't have to suffer a broken heart. I mean falling in love and being in love is loving each other for who they are. We always felt from the beginning we were right for each other. As I said we would even argue who loved who more, talked about the future etc. We were so similar in so many ways that we always complimented each other despite the arguments and fights. There was no safety net, obviously anyone would like to feel secure and that's what we were before, but I feel that I asked for too much from what she could only give. And she told me that. And as I said I apologized that day I wanted closure. But she still stuck to her decision which I respect.

It's just hard because I miss her everyday, every second, everything reminds me of her. We were so happy, we shared so many things together it was amazing. And for all this to come down on me at one blow, it was just too much to take. I lost my best friend the person I turn too when things get rough.

She still has our pictures on her fb profile and one picture I still saw her wear my promise ring I gave to her last xmas. I don't know. I just don't want to hope as I said. I just want to move on. I invested so much in this relationship that I forgot my own advice. "give 90% to the other and save 10% for you" at least you have some left if ever things go wrong. But I was so in love and felt she was the one that I ultimately gave 100%. Only to feel robbed of it and taken advantage. I know she loves me and I know she misses me. I just feel that she needs this time to reevaluate everything but at the same time I know in my mind it is over, no more hope but my heart tells me that it isn't. I feel like a constant battle in my head over analyzing everything. I just wish this never had to happened. I wish she realizes soon and we can work it out again. But then again, I don't want to wait in vain. I just want to move on and let go and accept. Its just harder than I thought. So hard to lose someone so involved and so special in your life. And to think I went through it before. It's just that this time, with her, it was a relief to find someone different. We really brought out the best of each other and the worst. I just can't believe it's over and this chapter of my life is done. It's so unreal. It hurts more cause I know she doesn't feel the same as I do now.

But I am trying to be strong. I want her to be happy even though it hurts for me. I guess depression and denial is taking over and I'm trying to not let it get the best of me.

I just love her so much and I miss her with all my heart and she knows that and there's nothing I can do.

Hi Talaniman,

Thank you for your opinion. And yes I do understand where you are coming from. I understand her as well. And I understand now that I kept her too close when I should have given her the space she needed then and let her hurt and fail. I don't think she ever felt that until now and she's taking that opportunity, I suppose, to live without me in it. I hope you understand that it is just so hard for me to grasp and I still know in my heart she loves me and misses me very much. I know she just needs this time to herself to grow, be on her own and focus on herself and I am going to give it to her and respect it. She is expecting me to do the opposite and call her and message her, I know her, I am not going to do that now. I know there is a possibility she might never come back, which is why I am trying to accept it, move on and let go.

But I haven't given up on us just yet. I know someday, sometime, our love will prevail. That much I know. Even though I don't know her thoughts about me now and our relationship, I know that she truly loves and cares for me and she knows I truly love and care for her. Our relationship was flawed in many ways, so are many relationships, but moreover we shared the happiest and most amazing memories we both can ever experience. We both will learn from this. I know I have. She knows me and I know her. But for now, its just time to move on I guess and let go as you said and as I have said to myself countless times. Its just much more difficult than I thought and yes the wounds are fresh. But the third day has passed, I will take it one day at a time. Just pray for the best.

If it's meant to be, it's meant to be.


Thanks

One day ay the time is the way to do it,the pain will lessen as the days go by.

Keep busy,see family and friends-be good to yourself.

I would suggest you go no contact with her-so you can concentrate on your healing and not get constant updates on her life and thoughts.

That means no FB or any of the other social networking sites.
Ii'm sorry for your pain-I can promise you it will pass,sooner rather than later.

Threads merged, this is an update


Hey guys,

So in my recent post I explained my relationship with my ex. Now I just don't know what to do sometimes. So after my ex and I broke up, she told me no one could ever replace me and that she loves me and its not about anyone else and that she just needs time to herself. Mainly because she feels like I love her more than she does ( which I now know I do and what a mistake that was ) and I guess she just doesn't want to be in a relationship anymore. She says if its meant to be its meant to be, may it be a month, 2 months a year, no tentative date. We even said I love you to each other after our 2nd conversation of clearing the air and getting my supposed closure.

It ended well, but I guess I was just too stubborn and emotional to think logically.she wanted to be friends, at first I thought it was OK, but I did more research and realized it wasn't and I took everything she said to heart (big mistake). Anyway 2 days after we broke up, she messaged me on fb sending me a vid that happened in class and told me I would like it. We chatted for a bit and in the end she said talk to you soon. Miss you with a smiley face. 2 days after that she sent me another message asking me about the situation in California with the radiation coming from japan, cause her friend was coming to cali. It was short and sweet. Then after 12 days, I decided to send her a 10 page letter through email admitting my mistakes in the relationship basically and telling her that being friends with me and saying that she misses me isn't helping me but after admitting my mistakes and making it clear to her that I understand what I did wrong by being too clingy and never giving her space before, I told her that all I wanted was to start slow and work on building the foundation of our relationship that which made us so in love before.

But I also told her you have the option now, any decision you make I will respect and I hope she respects my decision for her to not contact me because its hard for me to move on when she made it clear she doesn't want a relationship now and I feel there is no hope and I basically just want to know where I stood.

So she texted me and said she would call later that day and before hand she was even shocked at how long it was a giggled a bit on text. We spoke and basically she said she knows what I wrote meant so much to me but right now she is happy where she is right and she doesn't know what else to tell me. Obviously she loves and cares for me but right now she doesn't want a relationship.

Since we spoke 3 times already after our break up about the same thing. I tried to keep it in and be strong but it was just so hard so I started tearing and pouring my heart to her and saying that I just don't want to lose us and what we have, etc. ( another mistake I realize ) eventually she got annoyed and frustrated and said well I have to go sleep, have an early class tomorrow. So we said our goodbyes. A couple of minutes after, I sent her a text apologizing for bombarding her with all those questions again. She replied don't worry about it she just couldn't hold in her frustration. And I basically just told her I love her and will miss her and I understand her that its not about some guy and I know you love me and miss me, etc and I will be happy again like her and I look forward to when she's ready for a relationship and again and hopefully it will be us and start fresh and anew she said I'm glad you understand and yes you will be happy again.

So I told her after to call me after class if possible. She says for what and that she doesn't want to have the same conversation we have been having over and over again. She asked what did I want to tell her and I said, just to talk for the last time. She said I want to talk to you still but not everyday, I want my space. So I said I know you will have all the space you want after I get to talk to you for the last time. She said she couldn't call me cause she had things to do and she couldn't call me that night because of homework and paper work. So after a couple of hours, I replied OK. Lets talk when you time and she replied okay.

That was our last conversation, 15 days ago. We broke up 26 days ago. But stop speaking 15 days ago. And right now, I can't stop thinking about her every second of the day. I realized that I was so needy and that I suffered from oneitis. I realized so much things. But still I miss her so much and I just want to be able to talk to her again and I wish that she was honest with me with her reasons even though I know that due to my clingyness and neediness to not give her space was really the reason she left me because my interest level to her went down. We are friends on fb still, I still see our photos up on her profile pics of being together and albums of us. It seems like she has been partying lately with her gf's and enjoying herself which is fine. I just feel like she forgot about me and even though she says there is no one else, I trust her because she swore to me. Verbatim:"if your scared that im leaving you because theres another guy or im interested in another guy dont be, i swear its not because of any of that." but still I have this gut feeling, friends think I'm paranoid but I don't know.

I guess my mind is clouded and I just can't seem to shake the fact that she hasn't contacted me yet and its been 15 days. Doesn't she miss me? She living in the apt we lived together. I mean wouldn't that make her miss me? So much surroundings of memories. I miss her and I don't want this no contact to backfire and have her move on rather than make her miss me. She already said okay after I said OK lets talk when you have time. So I'm guessing that I just have to wait for her to contact me. But maybe she forgot already, I don't know. I don't know if this is a test on my part cause if I know she waiting for me to reach her again, so I think. I don't know as I said. My mind is playing tricks on me. I'm over analyzing again which I really hate cause I just want to forget and move on, but how can you forget someone you love so deeply and care for so much.

We were together for 1 year and 9 months, loving relationship despite upside downs. We were long distance for a month and half but still celebrated valentines this year, she sent me a picture frame of us and I sent her 2 dozen roses. Everything was good. So I feel that love really is there between us. She even mentioned in her card that she knows our relationship is complicated but there is a special bond that keeps us together and that is love. Felt nice. But now I don't know anymore. Deep inside I know she loves me and cares for me and that she really just needed this space, but I don't know how she feels anymore. Before breaking up she wanted space, just a break but not break up but she said that didn't work because the next day it was like we never had a break we talked the way we did. And now its diff because I know you won't be there.

If you guys can, read my other post before this. It explains my relationship, just to make things clear, but I wish I wrote more about it, its really something else.

Anyway, I just want to know what to do, she partying and having fun and I'm here trying to have fun but I still think about her and miss her and it sucks so much that we aren't talking to each other. I miss my girlfriend and the love of my life. I just want to make things work again. I'm hoping no contact will do the trick but I don't know it might backfire. As I said its been 15 days since we last spoke. And to think our 2nd year anniversary was going to come up this April 17th and her birthday and graduation this coming may. So much things to look forward to but now its all gone.

I have sudden outburst of tears even though I try not to think about it. I hate that I'm needy and I can't be like other guys who just won't give a **** and move on so they don't have to go through the pain I'm going through. It's the worst.

So yea, just want to know what to do, what is she thinking, and hoping for a chance to reconcile.

I know it differs from every relationship, I know my relationship with her and it was so unique and different and I know our love is true which is why I still have this little hope. So I don't know if this time and space no contact is going to work. Don't know if she thinks of me and misses me even though I feel she doesn't. I don't know what to think anymore, I'm tired of going through diff articles online to find answers and look at different cases. Never been like this before.

Need a miracle.

Help.

p.s sorry for improper grammar and usage of quotation marks. Just exhausted.

I miss her and I don't want this no contact to backfire and have her move on rather than make her miss me.

NC is for healing when you decide to let go. That's what you need to do. Let go.

You can't heal in 15 days!! You will do good to feel better in 6 months my friend, and that will depend on how well you keep NC, and how busy you get rebuilding a life that you enjoy without her!!

Up to you.

Hi Talaniman,

Thanks for responding. So does this mean that she won't contact me anymore after reading my second post? Even if I told her that let's talk when you have time and she said Okay? Evidently she has so much time cause she's out partying with friends etc and having fun but apparently has no time to call me anymore. Sister says maybe that's her way of dealing with the break up. Should I even try and contact her? I don't want to let go. I feel deep in my heart that she loves and cares for me dearly or maybe I'm just telling myself that. I don't know. I miss her terribly and I can't control my emotions as much as I used to. I just burst out in tears randomly and when I think I feel better it all just comes back. I picture her with another guy and I get frustrated that she might have just lied to me the whole time, even though I feel she was sincere. I just miss talking to her and being her boyfriend and knowing that she loved me and only me and I wish she stuck to her words before when she used to tell me that we would never break up. I don't want to contact any of our mutual friends and ask them how she's doing because I know she's doing well and she seems like the break up didn't even exist. I don't even know if she misses me or thinks about me. I mean all I want is a second chance, she said she believed in second chances but right now she's happy where she is. Which is why I still feel were together only that she wants her space, she's taking part away from us for awhile and reconcile later on. But I don't know how much of that is probable. I just wished none of this ever happened. I wish I wasn't clingy and needy. I learned so much from our relationship that I just want to start anew with the new me not the old me. I want her to see that and I want her to not be stubborn because I feel that's what she's doing now and it is toying with my emotions and it's not a game anymore when feelings get really hurt. I don't want false hope either. As I said she is not the type to plan, she goes day by day, so she can't really say if maybe next week or a month of space she will get back to me. But I just see those little things like photos of us in fb still intact, profile pictures, albums and even recently she greeted my cousin a happy birthday, 4 days ago on fb. I don't want to look at her fb profile anymore and see what she's been doing. I try and tell myself not too but I find myself checking constantly if our photos are there, what she's saying to friends. It's really unhealthy, but at the same time I don't want to block her because it will make me seem weak I guess like I'm being immature. And even If I do block her I will be able to see her friends photos of her in it and their conversations so it will be useless. She's lucky that she's on her last month of school and still has so much stuff to do and friends to see everyday and party on the weekends, the convenience. I don't have that here, I live in napa, ca, so isolated, job searching, friends are still in school busy and sister and boyfriend work everyday, I have no car. I am just left to myself whole day everyday and it just sucks. Well, I'll be leaving the country in 2 weeks and see my parents and other friends, it just makes it worst because after I leave, we'll be thousands of miles apart. And I don't how that's ever going to work. I just don't want to lose her, I love and care for her so much and I want to be the best for her. I know I can't dwell on the past, it's the past what can we do. But the scars she left me reminds me that the past is real and she loved me just as much as I did and I can't believe the love of my life is out of my life. Temporary maybe, permanent maybe. I don't know and that's what kills me. I keep praying to God to take this pain away, make me think better and always to take care of my ex and wish her the best. But I can't help but wonder all the time how all this happened and what I can do to make it better. Which brings us back to my dilemma on No contact. I feel with no contact it will make her miss me but at the same time I feel like she's moving on and so should I. But I don't know how to let go, how to forget, how to accept when I still feel there is something there and that I just have to be patient and wait. I am sure she is expecting me to message her, which is why I am not. I don't know if this is her way of testing me to see if I can really give her the space she needs, or she really is just waiting for me to text her to open up the communication again. I have no clue. As much as I want to message her, she broke up with me, I did all that I can to prove my love and willingness to change and yet she doesn't want, she's happy and she wants her space. So I am just waiting for her to reach me when she's ready. But that's the thing, I don't want to hope and wait anymore. What if she never contacts me, I will just be disappointed and back to square one. What if there really is a guy on the side that she might be having sex with, even if she swore its not about being in a relationship or flirting with guys that's the last thing she wants right now and that she just wants time to herself, love herself and enjoy herself. I just don't understand how you can give up a loved one honestly. Just lose everything. Especially after everything we have been through. I know there are times when love falls out but there are reasons for why it has and that's why there are solutions to counter and make things better for the best. Don't you think? I found the problems I have the solution. I just feel so down right now and I don't know where to start picking myself up again. I am tired of thinking of her, putting out more tears, wondering, hoping and wishing. I take deep breaths but my anxiety just kicks in again and my heart starts beating fast. I try and find a happy place, but it comes and goes, never stays. I just feel betrayed in a way I guess. And I convince myself she lied to me the whole time just to put things down easily which I think is unfair, but that's just my assumption. As of right now, I don't know what's real anymore. I know it's cliché but I feel we shared such a strong bond of love which is keeping me where I am. Like the saying, love prevails, or love never dies, it never does but the feeling can be mutual I know that. But our relationship was just so different and it felt meant to be and right. I wished she had come to talk to me about how she really felt about us before breaking up and wanting to work things out. What was I doing wrong, because it always seemed to be Ok despite our petty fights and arguments. Maybe as I said it was easier cause I was there with her, but now I'm away, it's easier for her to make a decision since I am not there to make things better. I know my mistakes, I smothered her and loved her unconditionally which eventually made her take me for granted. And I regret doing that. I can't believe that loving someone too much could eventually end to a demise of a relationship. It's ironic. But I have learned and all I want is to make things better again. Have her in my arms to love and to hold. Make her know that I love her and all I want is for us to be happy together again. I don't know how to do that, I don't know if she want's that right now and I am just so confused. I just miss her terribly every second, minute of the day. Wishing she was right next to me or she would walk right through that door and surprise me. I am just hoping that deep inside she still wants something and for her not to be stubborn and talk to me already and start slow and anew.

Bottom line is, I don't know how to think anymore. I have lost my train of thought and I just want to make things right with her. I don't want to let her go, and which is why I hope this no contact because she needs space will help her realize a lot of things instead of move on. I hope she thinks about me and misses me cause I do. Really don't know. So how can I be sure if we have a chance still? I mean she is my best friend not just my girlfriend and now I feel like I lost both. And I don't want to lose either because I feel deep in my heart that she is the one for me. I just wished she told me that she was unhappy or we needed change to make things work you know. Maybe this is the change to make things work for us. I don't know. All I know is, she broke my heart and she knows I'm hurting but I know what she's thinking, it's a break up get over it, it's not the end of the world and I agree it isn't but her having such a strong characteristic makes it seem like she could care less. I just feel like I got stabbed in the back with a thousand knives. I don't know what she's thinking right now and she can easily bottle up her feelings and not show it. That's how strong willed she is. Like no one would really know how she is feeling unless she tells you. Very unpredictable and she can put up a front. Which is why I don't know anymore. Last photo I saw her in, she wasn't wearing the ring I gave her, but the photos of the coming weekend we broke up, she still wore it. I don't know. I tell you, I over analyze things a lot. I always try and find the problem and find a solution and fix it. Just wish she would come back to me and to our relationship. Just want to be better, whole again cause I feel so empty.

You need the reality check of realising that she doesn't want a relationship.

You also need to stick to NC and allow yourself to heal.

All the emotions,the crying etc are normal and this will get better with time.

Get busy,do things,see people-when thoughts of the ex pop up,have a plan to distract you.

Your situation is unique to you,because it's your life,but,trust me,most of us here have walked in your shoes and we have all healed and moved forward with our own lives.

And so will you.

Also, Did I push her away and ruin our chances of ever getting back together? To me, I don't think so but to articles that I have been reading, seems like I did most of the common things to push your ex even further away. How stupid can I be. I mean the second to the last conversation we had was great, ended well.. but in those 12 days from break up to last contact, and space within those days, I feel when I sent that letter to her admitting my mistakes and apologizing etc, it changed everything. That was the last time we spoke and she got frustrated and annoyed because I couldn't hold it in like I wanted to, instead I let out a bit of tears and told her how much I loved her and I am happy for her and I respect her decision but it was just so hard to deal with that she's out of my life, etc. And she would say I don't know what to tell you anymore I said what I needed to say, we spoke about it a lot. And that was around 1130 pm for her and she had class at 8am and she just got done with school work. So I don't know if I made it worst, I feel like we ended in bad terms, bad impression even though we texted after that and she said she would talk to me when she has time. And it's been 2 weeks since that last time we spoke and she hasn't reached me yet. I just want to know if I ruined my chances of ever getting back, taking into consideration everything I have posted on this thread.

Thanks guys

I know you're hurting,but could you please try to let the advice people have been giving you here sink in?