Hi Guys,

I have been thinking long and hard and I would like to propose to my girlfriend. The problem is however that I can't afford a wedding (and I know what they cost). I would very much like to take it to the next level with this girl but the only thing holding me back is finances. What should I do? Saving for something like this is going to take FOREVER and I would rather not want to start our lives together with massive debt.

These days its not uncommon to wait a few years before an actually wedding but instead to just be engaged, especially with the huge cut backs on jobs etc,

My advice to you would be to get her alone just before you propose and have a conversation about you promising and wanting to marry her one day but would she at least for now be engaged to you, she is sure to under stand this and she will be very happy regardless, then you can both start saving little bits at a time. Or if it suits you both have a very small close family wedding :) good luck :)

There is another aspect of this that I think I should add. She has been engadged before and the last thing that I want to do is to fall into the same boat where she is engadged but didn't have a wedding planned. I know this time it's different but I really don't want to follow the same patterns.

I have asked her what she thinks and she said:
1) She doesn't matter if we don't have a big wedding
2) She thinks that we should do it when nothing is standing in our way
3) She made it sound like it is something that she wants to do and frequently makes remarks about spending our lives together.

I'm so nervous about this because of the past. I can't help but keep that in mind.

Bring up the subject of how long she thinks is acceptable too be engaged before actually getting married.
Then offer your point of view and why you think it's okay to be enaged longer if she completely disagree's with you.

Something like, engaged is the next big step for you, something long the line of that.

Thank you guys, I will talk to her tonight then I'll report back what she said. Hold thumbs!

All the more reason to make sure that your finances are together. Keep working hard at work to save up. Use your money wisely and frugaly so that you can save more. Have you considered a second job?

What kind of job do you have? Can you take on more shifts at work?

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/girlfriend-not-affectionate-562024.html

Its great you feel that way, and she seems to also, but I think a decision like that has a better chance of working if you are practical, and keep talking as you learn someone for more than just 6 months. Just yesterday you were questioning her show of affections for you, and today, its marriage.

Talk, learn, and pay attention, because there is even more to learn when this initial attraction wears off, and a lot more to talk about. Think about it, and express it, and when your ready, the finances won't mean diddley. Engagements are a promise for the future, marriages are a commitment for life. Engagement until you both are ready is okay. Marriage after 6 months, is not. A year or so, maybe, finances or not.