Please do not judge me. I have wept over this enough... I married the girl I dated as a freshmen in high school. We have now been together 9yrs and married 4. I have two beautiful healthy children. My daughter 3 my son 18mo... when we were young I had the puppy dog love we all did. I got comfortable with her. She fell head over heels in love with me (and even still to this day). She is a good wife a good mother and a good lover.

But still I never moved past comfortable, we talk but I just never felt a strong emotional connection. Don't really know why, I just never gave her my heart (not intentionally). I've been depressed a lot the past few years. I couldn't remember what life felt like. I was numb, emotionless. But I guess life always has curveballs.

I met a woman. Oh and what a woman she is. Her carefree spirit, spontaneous, so fun loving, we could just sit and talk with our eyes, her out look on life "life is so beautiful." She is from Spain, she is absolutely beautiful, exotic. We spent a weekend together (please no judgements, I know what line I crossed)... she has taken my heart. I have never felt an emotion with this magnitude. I can't even think straight. I cannot breath without her. The thought of not being able to be with her is an unbarable crushing feeling. It reminds me of Romeo and Juliet.

I shed tears even as I write this... let's look at the other side... I have told my wife everything. She wants me to stay. I know what is right by my children and God... I just don't know, I feel like a lost, empty stone without my Maria (not my wife). I have chosen to stay only because I feel I have no choice. Gods word is clear on this... my only release would be if she left me. I can't ask her to that nor could I be that selfish. But its what I want... then I have my children to think of.

I have cried mostly about them, how am I going to show my daughter how a man is supposed to treat a woman if I'm in an emotionless marriage? Or my son how to treat a woman? But if I'm gone how can I give them the love that only comes from a father? But is it fair for them to live in a broken home with uncertainty? I will not recover from this, I will not be the same. Not after feeling what its like to be truly in love... I don't think I could ever give my wife the heart I let Maria take. I don't know what is fair by them or me... anyone willing to listen to my bleeding heart. Thank you... let the flood gate open


Her arms feel like home. Not my eternal home, my earthly home


Both are Godly women who love Jesus

I'm really biting my tongue here. You realize you committed a sin right? You are lucky your wife is staying by your side. When my husband did that to me, I took the kids and left him homeless. That should be what she does to you.

No, I'm not keeping my judgment to myself. You didn't consider your final judgment when you cheated and committed adultery on your loving wife.

What are you teaching your children? You are teaching your daughter that it is okay to be cheated on. You are teaching your son that men cheating on their wives is the norm.

Do your beautiful wonderful caring wife a favor and just leave and divorce her already.

People like you just pi$$ me off! :mad:

If you are saying that your depression, or marrying too young, or not feeling a commitment any longer with your wife, are good excuses for having an affair, they aren't.

If you are saying you met the other woman when she fell into your lap, straight from heaven, and you couldn't control your impulses, then perhaps you should invest in a loin cloth and a cave, and get yourself a nice new club.

If your marriage is over, it is over. Deal with that first before you make the leap into another woman's bed.

And think of the character of this other woman. What does it say about her, that she would get mixed up with a married man. A deplorable thing to do to another woman, and her family. Very poor character in my opinion.

And don't be fooled here. Get yourself into counselling, and while you sort yourself out, leave the other woman alone, until you are safely on your own two feet, making appropriate decisions about not only your life, but the lives of your wife and children.

It seems I need to spread some reputation.

I am going to be blunt.

You aren't in love. You are in lust. You are lusting after a life that doesn't include dirty diapers and stretch-marks from having two babies. Why put any effort into keeping up your lawn when you can play in one that you don't have to keep up.

How fun-loving and exciting would Maria be if she were covered in baby spit-up, up to her elbows in dirty dishes getting ready to scrub your underwear while making certain the toddler doesn't hurt the baby? Day to day living is very different from a weekend or stolen moments. The spice of doing something that you know is extremely wrong can be almost drug-like in its own way.

Don't put Maria on a pedestal. You already have proof that she isn't what you think she is. It is a major red flag and serious character flaw that she encouraged and accepted a relationship with a man who is married and has young children.

If you aren't willing to work on your marriage, then do the right thing and get out of the marriage. However, do not leave your wife for Maria. Leave for yourself. Leave because you can't remain faithful and keep your vows. Leave because your wife and children deserve a full-time husband and father.

Get yourself together and, as Jake said, get counseling for you and your wife. Remember that no matter what happens, you will still have to work with her to raise your children.

Best response I've read in a long, long time. Bravo!

Thank you cat1864. You are absolutely right. I think more than lust it was freedom and adventure, although lust was a large part. I was just so intoxicated by all of the strong emotions Maria made me feel. But I cut it off. My family and I are going to be spontaneous and move 30hrs away at the end of the month so we can start over. My wife is my soulmate I was just to drunk with emotion to see it

You are one lucky man that your wife accepts your affair and is willing to stay with you. It might be best that the two of you get into marriage counseling to find what you lost.

I'm curious though as to why you think you have to move? Do you not have enough self control to stay where you are? Do you not have employment where you are to support your family? In this economy it's not wise to uproot a family unless you have a foolproof back up plan.

We moved from our hometown 3 yrs ago to where my parents live to seek better opportunities. There are none so we are going to try again.

You are one lucky man that your wife accepts your affair and is willing to stay with you. It might be best that the two of you get into marriage counseling to find what you lost.

I'm curious though as to why you think you have to move? Do you not have enough self control to stay where you are? Do you not have employment where you are to support your family? In this economy it's not wise to uproot a family unless you have a foolproof back up plan.

Yes indeed I am a lucky man... thanks to all. Especially cat

Thank God, you stopped making silly excuses to justify your stupid bad behavior, and hopefully you will appreciate your wife's forgiveness, because you hardly deserved it.

Hope you realize how much you sound like governor mark sanford from South Carolina talking about his "soul mate" from argentina maria belen chapur. Hiking the appalachian trail? Can you guess how many people DIDN'T believe that from DAY ONE?? I feel sorry for your wife when your NEXT soulmate strolls by. Are you trying to keep your wife from divorcing you & taking it all? She should. You are pathetic. And stupid if you think she or anyone here believes you.

Well at he end of the day the only person you HAVE to live with is yourself , You may feel guilty for cheating on your wife but that feeling will pass. It may be a so called SIN but you won't be struck down by lightening because of it.

You have to do what makes you happy because if your not happy then the people around you won't be either, especially your kids as they can sense this kind of thing.