During last semester a girl of my class started giving me glaring looks which I noticed two or three times but I just turned my attention to some other work because initially I wasn't interested. Then I and my friend were talking about our group assignment when suddenly she interrupted as she was sitting in my back chair and asked me "What is your topic?" I answered "That finance, but I'm thinking about changing it" and she answered "That you should keep it to finance" and I nodded and turned my head and started talking to my friend. Then my interest in her started to grow after I noticed her looking at me twice or thrice more. Then came our final exams and during my last final she again was looking at me glaringly. During the same day, I went over to my course coordinator and asked for fee submission date and came to know that Monday was the last date, so I was stuck with what to do, she and her friend were also in the same room. I was talking to the coordinator when suddenly her friend said that I should extend my fee date and she looked at me and said the same. I said Ok. Now comes this, my last semester. On the very first day, I went to the same coordinator's office to have my course waived off, when suddenly she came in the office too for her own work. I asked her that what is her problem and she said that she wanted to take an additional course and I guided her what to do and all. Then I was going to my class when suddenly she sitting in her group of friends and suddenly called me “Daniyal DaniyaL' . I turned around and she asked “what became of your problem” I answered the whole thing with interest and that was it. Now what has happened is that I now receive no signals from her, no more. I have talked to her thrice on matters regarding studies and in which auditorium is our class etc. But I don't receive any signals from her.
Two or three basic things to know here is that she covers her head, secondly she talks to people generally from our who come and ask her about something and lastly she also has a group mate who is her good friend with whom she shares a laugh or two also
My question is that was it all a general thing that happened or not? Because as far as I know she never initiates a talk with a guy and someone like me with there hasn't even been a "Hi or a hello". I have never heard calling a guy with his name with whom she doesn't have a talk with. Also, I never knew her name six months before this and she had been in my class since a year and a half and now she has grown on me and I do not know what to do.
Next, I was very frustrated because I had asked her about some concert tickets if she wanted to buy from me and she answered that she'll tell me but she did not, and my friend told me that there is no point in thinking about her etc. etc. The same day I went to my class and sat with my friend. HEr friends entered and said something to the teacher and I shook my head and put my head down, next she entered and while I was holding my head down came and asked "Ahmed, have u done the quiz?' I asked "which quiz", she answered "Supply chain" i answered "Yes" She again said "Supply chain" i said "yes I've done it" and she went.
I did not talk to her for 2 days and then again had a conversation but i get the feeling that she isn't very into the conversation.
On 14 feb yup the valentine's day, i had decided again that i wouldn't initiate now, but our class was due to end at 2 pm. Her friend with whom she comes hurriedly went out of the class at 1:50 pm, she was also about to leave when the teacher asked her to stay until the class gets over.She was sitting, i went upto her and said "Could you talk to me 2 minutes after the class ends" and she said "YEs" I waited and after the class was over, I went out and she was gone and that was something that I felt really bad. COuld anyone help me with my dilemma ***?? ***

If it is this confusing before you even start into any kind of relationship with her, imagine what it might be like once you did. We tend to be attracted subconsciously due to environment, genetics, etc. to personalities that would not be the best for us. If you want a complicated, vexing relationship, then just ask her to an afternoon at a local park, zoo. Somewhere non threatening with plenty of other stimulus should the conversation drag, which sounds possible. Otherwise, take it somewhere else. Plenty of fish and all that.

U mean to say that her friends are the ones who have damaged my image in her eyes? One thing I ought to tell you is this. Her friends who have just recently become her friends had a spat with my very good friend (fahad) and I was involved in the incident but I did not have an argument with them but the situation became tense, so much so that one of her friend told my friend that "I won't spare him" but the girl whom I'm after wasn't involved in the incident. This happened during last semeseter, but still she talked with me when I wasn't turned on even. The whole conversation of calling my name happened after this inceident in front of the same friends. Now, what do you say? Was it all a general conversation that happens between class mates.
I don't think she was fishing as she is not that sort if a girl, she covers her head with scarf and she doesn't probably initiate a conversation with other males, but with me she did I think~!

Culturally speaking I think the situation is over my head.

If she is a traditional young woman (I would guess that her family is too), how permissible would it be for her to initiate contact beyond asking about classes and classwork? How careful does she have to be to not appear to be crossing boundaries set by the culture in which she lives?

Would it be more permissible for you to ask her to have coffee with you or to share lunch and get to know each other?

Ok if she is traditional girl, then she could have at least waited for me outside to listen to what I had to say if it is that hard for her to initiate a conversation. But she did not. Would signal would I get when she does acts so confusing and does not wait to listen to me.?

Danyy, I don't know why she didn't wait to talk to you. She would be the one to ask. All I can do is give you thoughts to consider. A reason she may not have been able to wait even if it was what she wanted. Her ride home may have demanded that she leave immediately.

Have you seen her since that day? If so, has her behavior toward you changed?

Yes, her ride may have demanded her to go leave immediately, but she would have had enough courtesy to talk to me the next working day,actually the next two days were holidays, so I am mentioning the next working day. Yes, I have seen her after that day, I think she was looking at me secretly in class, but I did not look at her. She did not make any effort to talk to me anyway.
Secondly, let me ask u. Wouldn't u have waited if you like someone, even if your ride demanded you to leave immediately?

How old are you. Wouldn't it be disrespectful of her to openly show you attention? You must remember that any signals you perceive may be through your own concerns, and instead of trying to read signals, being friendly and getting to know her as a classmate might be better than wondering what signals she is or isn't sending.

Ok don't u think it is disrespectful to keep one waiting while u leave?? With what face will I go and talk to her now?? What did she do was appropriate?

Please use full words such as you instead of u. Please do not use 'chat speak'. It is against site rules and can result in your post being deleted and/or your thread being closed. https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/faq.php?faq=vb_faq#faq_faq_rules

Here is a lesson for you in communicating with other people: Talk to them and find out what happened instead of making a mountain out of a pile of dirt. She didn't wait. There could be a very good reason, but only she knows why.

Stop treating this incident as though she stood you up for a date that had been planned months in advance. At best, it was a spur of the moment request by you and acceptance by her if there weren't any miscommunication involved.

If you weren't so caught up in 'her behavior', the next time you saw her you would have asked what happened instead of getting miffed. Believe it or not, that is what friends do.

You have said that she appears to be 'Traditional'. Are you?

I agree to you, but I am pointing to the fact that she did not wait could be a signal that she wanted to avoid the coversation on 14 feb and you know why? What do you recommend?

Danyy, I don't know what is going through her mind or what her circumstances are. I have even less of an idea of what you are wanting. Do you know?

You have a choice to make:

1. You stop trying to build a relationship with her. Accept that she is a classmate and acquaintance and nothing else. If your backgrounds are very different, that may be your best option.

2. You apologize for the miscommunication and ask her to set another time to talk. A time that both of you know about in advance.

3. You ask what happened the other day after class and ask her if she would be available to talk at another time.

4. You act like Feb. 14 didn't happen and you ask her if she would like to study with you or strike up a conversation and talk to her like you would any other friend.

5. You act like Feb. 14 didn't happen and you ask her if she would like to see you outside of class for maybe coffee or lunch (something that gives you a chance to talk and has no expectations for anything more than getting to know each other.).

No matter what you decide to do, keep it simple and stop over-thinking it.

danyy-My initial impression is that you are:

A) new to the dating scene
B) a super over-analyzer

A trick (though I don't like to call it that) to dating is that you don't over-analyze (i.e. taking every small action as a deliberate move). You don't know what the professor/teacher had to talk to her about after class, and that conversation might have completely distracted her from your *extremely* casual request to chat with her.

I think the advice already given here is the only course of action you should take: forget about the fact that she didn't come and talk to you (it's seriously not a big deal) and just talk with her some other time. Be calm and don't over-analyze! That will kill dating almost every time!

The professor had nothing to say. I have no time to know her better as this is our last semester and with merely 20 working days left. Now what?

You never did answer the age question, but its either inexperience, or impatiences, but you trying to make head way with any female because of a stupid, artificial deadline will not work.

20 days is more than enough time for any male to establish some kind of talking arrangement with any female. You are not trying to get a wife but just establish communications. Get her comfortable enough to acknowledge you, and feel comfortable chatting and maybe getting a phone number.

Again,how old are you?

Ok I'm 21. Secondly, there aren't even 20 days she would be going to a debate competition in Malasis on 12 and return on 23 march. Semester ends at 10 April. I have practically very few days left. Tell me in a nutshell, what to do? Should I say to her about our friendship straight away?

Dude, you see her every day, ask her if you can call her over the phone.

Yeah I'll be talking to her on Wednesday. But boy her type is over my head. I was dead sure initially that she liked me but how things have changed and I have started to question my own perception. How can a change be so dramatic?

First you go out of the way to talk and then you start doing this. I very much fear rejection, that is going to hurt me real bad!

Your perception are clouded by your own feelings, one of hope that she liked you, then by fear to do anything about it. She hasn't changed, its you battling yourself.

She has changed. Initially she was the one coming talking and giving me looks, then all of a sudden she went cold. Then when I asked her to come out and talk to me, she said yes and did not come. Whatever reason you may say, it hardly takes 2 minutes to talk and she could have waited!

The plan changed, adjust, forget what has gone on, smile, and ask her for her number. No drama, fanfare, plans, or strategy! No yak yak, to set it up!

If she says yes, and gives it to you, great say thanks I will call you. Then leave.

If she says no, then smile, and tell her, you wanted to get to know her better, and you had to ask, then leave her alone.

What's so hard, and complicated about that?

She has changed. Initially she was the one coming talking and giving me looks, then all of a sudden she went cold. Then when i asked her to come out and talk to me, she said yes and did not come. Whatever reason you may say, it hardly takes 2 minutes to talk and she could have waited!!

You rejected her. Now she probably questions your behavior.

As for that particular day, her friend and ride had 'hurried' out of the room. She may have said yes and then walked outside to her friend or someone else saying she needed to leave immediately.

Stop confusing yourself. Mentally you are spinning around so much that it's no wonder you can't figure out how to say hello.

Forget what has gone on before and start over with, 'Hello.'

Why you defending her so much? Tell me an instance where I rejected her? Just one instance. I was always courteous while replying to her. I am 'spinned' around too much but she is the one who has done that. Believe me! Believe me, if she comes to talk to me once I will do whatever she wants.
What my friends tell me is that there is no point in asking her anything as she has given her answer of having a relationship on that particular day which is a "NO".
Ok let's believe that she was in a hurry, but answer me this simple question. Why didn't she come up the next day and say that she left in a hurry and what was that I had to talk about. Just answer me this. Don't tell me to stop thinking etc. Answer this very plain simple question. If she was interested if at all!

Relax guy, maybe she is protecting herself and is as socially inept, and inexperienced as you are.

Ever think she is as confused about what to do as you are? Of course you didn't, you have your own expections blinding you. She probably doesn't know herself if she is interested or not. Or what your intentions are, or what she should do about it.

Now stop with the overthinking and find out with the direct approach.

This is not over thinking Sir. This is logical thinking. She doesn't know herself if she is interested or not, please give me a break on that. Initially she starts talking, stares at me and still isn't sure if she is interested or not?
She is confuses. Wow! It doesn't appear as much. She is always laughing, going out with friends etc. It's me who is always talking about one thing, thinking one thing and even a frog could tell what my facial expressions depict and that is Sorrow. My friends have started to snub me a bit because I am always talking,thinking and telling one thing.
To do something, there has to be a chance of success. My peers tell me that going directly would result in utter disappointment as if she wanted to listen to something she would have listened on that day no matter what. You tell me if she initially show signals to me and when I ask her to listen to what I have to say, you think she doesn't what am I going to talk about?
You tell me that all those signals (the talking and looks) that the girl gave me where general classmate talk or was it something else?***, because believe me she did all that!

There is no logic when it comes to females. They do what they do and you could go crazy wondering how they think, but it ain't logical when it comes to their feelings.

It doesn't matter about all your logical thinking, or the opinions of your peers. All that matters is what YOU do about YOUR situation. Win or lose, succeed or fail, talk to her and stop wondering what's up, or forget it, and talk to someone else.

Your fears are complicating things here more than need be, and that's not very logical. Either you go for it, or you don't.

Yes, I agree that there is no logic when it comes to females.
But please answer my question. All the things that she did before, do they seem normal like class mate talk or something that she is interested in friendship etc??

She sounds like a friendly person, but as far as you as an individual, I cannot fathom a guess.

She is a friendly person?? She comes on talking, staring and goes cold and you cannot guess my nature...
Anyway, you did not answer my question. Was it a general talk class mate talk or was it something else!

Dude, I can tell you about human behavior in general ways but no one can know what you have observed in her without knowing her.

My point is that its your job to find if she has interest in you or not. You keep looking for a bone that only you have and all that matters is you taking proper actions to find out for yourself about her.

I ain't no psychic, none of us is. But I do know how we take small things and make them bigger than what they are, and maybe we don't have the proper experience to have confidence in ourselves to take a chance and get answers from the source.

It is illogical to me to trip over the obstacles you keep throwing in your way, when your goal should be talking to her, and getting answers, and not be distracted by the small stuff. I can tell you also that she will never make it easy for you to express yourself to her whether she is interested or not because they love to make us work for what we want. So guy, how bad do you want it?

Are you willing to work for it? If you are NOT, then quit trying to pursue her. If you are, then drop the logic, stop over thinking, and get the deed done and take a risk.

Originally Posted by talaniman
Dude, I can tell you about human behavior in general ways but no one can know what you have observed in her without knowing her.

My point is that its your job to find if she has interest in you or not. You keep looking for a bone that only you have and all that matters is you taking proper actions to find out for yourself about her.

I ain't no psychic, none of us is. But I do know how we take small things and make them bigger than what they are, and maybe we don't have the proper experience to have confidence in ourselves to take a chance and get answers from the source.

It is illogical to me to trip over the obstacles you keep throwing in your way, when your goal should be talking to her, and getting answers, and not be distracted by the small stuff. I can tell you also that she will never make it easy for you to express yourself to her whether she is interested or not because they love to make us work for what we want. So guy, how bad do you want it?

Are you willing to work for it? If you are NOT, then quit trying to pursue her. If you are, then drop the logic, stop over thinking, and get the deed done and take a risk.

Ok here is your answer I did not reply for two weeks as I was myself upset.
I went up to her and said that I wanted to talk to you. When I thought that I had made enough distance I said " I had a thing to say to you", she replied " Oh yes, i forgot that day". I asked "Why did you forget?", she replied "You should have reminded me". I answered "How could have I reminded you when you wnet off so fast". I asked "ANyways, the thing is that, we have been class-mates for so long, can we be friends?". She looked down for a second and said "Friends, as in friends on facebook?", I said :Umm no", She gain looked down thinking and said "I think acquaintance is fine", then she looked down again for a second and said "Because I am a reserved sort of a person, and I don't feel comfortable", then she looked down again thinking, " I said don't take it in that sense", She nodded. Sahe looked up and said "Hmm OK" and that was the end.
Now what is that, such a confusing answer. Now you will gain say that go and talk and find out what she meant. For how long will I keep doing this. I was man enough to go and talk to her and yet she did not give a straight answer!

She doesn't want to be your friend, leave her alone, she has been as honest as she can and she has told you in the nicest way possible.

Nothing confusing there,she's not interested.

Time to let this go!

Good for you in asking her a straight-forward and direct question. That is a great way to communicate with others and you should continue doing that in life.

As far as this girl goes, she isn't interested in you. Move forward!

You got your answer, she is uncomfortable with anything other than acquaintances. Leave it at that and move on buddy.

Acquaintances may not be the answer you want, but it's the answer you got, so be acquainted better as you yourself seek other friends and acquaintances.

Hmmm. Afterwards she said OK, then what was that? And what was all she said and did before (those giving of looks) all about??
Another thing I ought to tell you is that after that she has come twice or thrice because she had to go on another work in between, I have got a feeler which may be wrong is that she wants me to talk to her. That may be wrong. Yesterday I was looking at my class mate and suddenly I saw her, she saw me too and started staring me but I shook my eyes down.

Look she told she's not interested-how much longer are you going to allow yourself to swim around in a pool of false hope and overanalyze every single thing?

Come on,get a life.

Look she told she's not interested-how much longer are you going to allow yourself to swim around in a pool of false hope and overanalyze every single thing?

Come on,get a life.

AH I always have to spread the rep!! GREENIE

I an just explaining that she first said that acquaintance if fine and herself said "YES" after giving fwew seconds of thought. I am just asking that what is this all with first saying a "NO" type and then saying "YES" herself. I didn't say a single word in between!

She gave you the green light for a better acquantance. Put your best foot forward, but don't over do it. Stay balanced, and leearn, pay attention, and understand.

This is a case of less being more, if you don't push.

Please make me explain in simpler terms. Secondly, I got the feeler that she wants me to talk to her but I did not. I think that she is in state of confusion that I have made her say Ok and I am not talking but I am myself confused whether that was a proper Yes or not. Lastly, I think girls of her nature don't get into relationships, they become friends and then marry. Now explain yourself!

Take your time to understand her nature, as an acquaintance. That's what she is going to do, confused or not. She is in no hurry, why should you be?

You have said that she is 'traditional'. In your culture how does being 'traditional' affect a female's interactions with males?

Pretend she is one of your female relatives. How would you expect your sister or cousin to behave and act in the same situation this woman is in?

Basically, she said she doesn't know you well enough to be more than a causal friend... YET.

So? Be a friend... like a friend that you have no interest in... as was said. Like a female family member.

She's smart enough to want to see the real you first... not the hormone driven you. That's really not a bad thing. If you can't be casual friends... then there is nothing that will even make you more.

What do you do... be casual friends... don't push it, if it grows into a stronger friendship... fine... if it doesn't. Understand that's all there ever will be and deal with it.

You can be friends with females and NOT have to be more than that. I've been friends with many women that while they have been good friends... I would never have considered more even IF I was single.

You aren't Mr. Spock... and logic doesn't rule the world. It is what it is. Every bit as irrational as it appears.

On the other side I was expecting that she would say "yeah Ok' we can be friends on the evidence of things that have happened before. But she gave again a onfusing answer that has left me guessing again. First saying that acquaintance is Ok and then herself agreeing to what I said. I did not utter a single word in between.

Because there in no time left to get to know each other better.! We won't be meeting each other after graduation nor she would be coming out to meet me.

Here's what I have though of. I am thinking of calling her and saying that I just need your two minutes. Then I'll take her full name and say that I have genuine feelings for you in the sense that I like you. I have no intention to flirt or anything from that sort and these are pure feelings from my heart.

Then I'll ask her to go home and think over it and leave without listening to what she has to say!

Here's what i have though of. I am thinking of calling her and saying that I just need your two minutes. Then i'll take her full name and say that I have genuine feelings for you in the sense that I like you. I have no intention to flirt or anything from that sort and these are pure feelings from my heart.

Then i'll ask her to go home and think over it and leave without listening to what she has to say!

You contradicted yourself... in fact saying those words does mean exactly that... and its NOT what she is wanting to hear. There IS a big difference there that you are failing to see.

If you will truly never cross paths again... then why not just drop it.

You see a girl that gets your hormones going. You don't see a girl you know enough to actually like. She actually sees this... but you haven't yet.

You are stll trying to jump in with both feet, when she has made it clear she doesn't want that. And it will end in a manner you are not hoping for.

You can't sweep her off her feet if you are putting her on the defensive. You have to play by HER rules if you want to be allowed to participate in the game.

K eep
I t
S imple
S tupid! That's what a wise man once told me.

Why you simply don't ask her for her number, and end this confusing drama, is way beyond me. That's what I would do, and forget the rushed timetable you have.

Then its simple, you have a way of enhancing the acquaintance, or know she is unwilling to have the acquaintance, by saying NO!

She did ask about Facebook friends, but of course, you paid no attention to that option.

What a soap opera, and complicated situation you are creating for yourself.

K eep
I t
S imple
S tupid!! Thats what a wise man once told me.

Why you simply don't ask her for her number, and end this confusing drama, is way beyond me. Thats what I would do, and forget the rushed timetable you have.

Then its simple, you have a way of enhancing the acquaintance, or know she is unwilling to have the acquaintance, by saying NO!!

She did ask about facebook friends, but of course, you paid no attention to that option.

What a soap opera, and complicated situation you are creating for yourself.

Got to spread the rep...

But I wanted to say was...

There is making a mountain out of a molehill, and THEN there is recreating the Himalayas from a grain of sand.

She did not get my hormones going at all. I have been in her class and I have observed her and liking develops in that sort of manner. By saying that I have feelings for you does not mean that I love you but I have developed some sort of liking for you and I am simple and honest enough to convey those to her. Rather than taking her number then thinking again whether to what extent would she talk to me etc. It's better off to tell her what I truly feel of her and what has a chance of appreciation. In fact, she was the one who started it off and I swear by GOD she did. So she has something up her mind too!

If she didn't get your hormones going at all then why the obsession with her?

Incidentally... I'm 49, and have been through more than a few relationships since I was still in high school. In fact.. I forget exactly how many before I met "the one" and got married.

By the time I was 21 I had been through 5 or 6 and banged most of them.

In my part of the world... telling a girl "you have feelings for her" does in fact mean you want to be more than just friends. And telling that to a guy who isn't gay will get your butt licked.

You aren't listening to what we have been telling you.

You ARE in fact romantically interested in her... and she isn't in you.

You don't want to admit it... but its as clear as daylight to the rest of us.

You can say... "you just want to be friends..." but nobody gets this obsessive about being "friends" with someone.

Friendships happen... they aren't pursued like you are on a safari. Or a Corporation Merger.

QUOTE by danyy;
She did not get my hormones going at all. I have been in her class and I have observed her and liking develops in that sort of manner
Those are your hormones, attracting you to her, and making you look for ways to get her to show what you hope is the same attraction back to YOU!! You just think a simple confession is enough for her to open up, but boy are you wrong because you know nothing about females at all!! Nada, ziltch. If you did, you would show interest by moving slowly, and engaging her mind.

You may as well hit her over the head with a club and drag her back to the cave with your clumsy techniques.


By saying that I have feelings for you does not mean that I love you but I have developed some sort of liking for you and I am simple and honest enough to convey those to her.
And you are to blind, or just don't know she has already opened a door for you, but you aree not experienced enough to take it.


Rather than taking her number then thinking again whether to what extent would she talk to me etc. It's better off to tell her what I truly feel of her and what has a chance of appreciation.
What if she doesn't do it your way? Which she hasn't, now what?


In fact, she was the one who started it off and I swear by GOD she did. So she has something up her mind too!
But your own inexperience and lack of an open mind has stopped you from taking full advantage of the opportunity she has presented you with.

You have floundered in confusion doing things your own way, so take a few suggestions from older, wiser, more experienced guys who are trying to teach the young guy a few things to help him.

What a time to be stubborn, and unyielding. No wonder you have not gotten any further along than you have. You don't listen, or don't want to. And that's not the way to find out what you don't know.

It would be to your advantage to listen to the people from whom you asked advice.
I will tell you that every one of them is experienced and intelligent enough that you should Take the advice you asked for and try it!!!

Then if it does not work ask for plan B.

You can micro-analyze this till the meaning is lost if you keep thinking about results instead of acting on results.

Now get off your PC and go DO SOMETHING!

Haha Yes I am romantically interested in her, I would love to marry her and not bang her. See Telling my feelings to her would at least let out my honesty. She can't know what am I doing, if I have an intention to bang her I can still do it by doing friendship with her and then manipulating her. Secondly, may be this friendship thing wasn't something she wanted to hear, she wanted to hear more because she herself nodded on friendship after first refusing like a mad girl!

10 days left and I pursue friendship!! What difference would it make when 3 months did not make any difference. Ok I agree that I made a very cheap shot by saying that can we be friends, may be that was not she was wanting to hear, may be she wanted to hear more as friendship happens and it is not enforced. Also, if she wanted to give a green signal to friendship she would have done by actions long before it by engaging in conversations with me more. Also, do you see the contradictions in her behavior initially and afterwards. She developed sort of interest by looking fondly and talking and then something else, what was that, she just wanted to make acquaintance with me by doing that?

She probably is not so consumed by you as you are about her. Don't try to read a females mind, or think she fits some kind of logical mode. That will drive you nuts. They all have "The power"!! They can drive a male nuts, whether he has a brain or not.

Exactly true . SO I should find that out whether something is true or not rather than being driven nuts!

danyy
Comment on talaniman's post

Exactly true . SO i should find that out whether something is true or not rather than being driven nuts!

I think it may be too late.

But keep trying.

danyy
Comment on talaniman's post

Exactly true . SO i should find that out whether something is true or not rather than being driven nuts!

I think it may be too late.

But keep trying.

Yes... even if it goes noplace... he needs the practice and experience. And not every woman you approach will even want to be with you, or like you. But you can't win the lottery... if you don't buy a ticket. And just because the first ticket didn't win... who can say the next one won't pay off.

The OP has received excellent suggestions and input from you all.
If he acts on just one , instead of speculating , it could advance
His world into a new dimension of hope.

A round of greenies for all, on me.

Haha Yes I am romantically interested in her, I would love to marry her and not bang her. See Telling my feelings to her would atleast let out my honesty. She can't know what am I doing, if I have an intention to bang her I can still do it by doing friendship with her and then manipulating her. Secondly, may be this friendship thing wasn't something she wanted to hear, she wanted to hear more because she herself nodded on friendship after first refusing like a mad girl!

You never told us what country you live in so we are guessing on the cultural aspects.

And another sign you are overthinking this... is you saying you would love to marry her, but you don't even know what kind of a person she is yet.. statistically you will most likely find out she isn't the kind of person you imagined she was... or that you will have personality conflicts.

Besides... she already knows what you are doing. As you described her actions... I can see she is fully aware of what's going on in your mind.

Never underestimate a woman's ability to see striaght through the crap right to your true motives. Women on average are better at playing that game than most guys are.

And you really don't want to marry a woman you don't want to bang. That's one of the joys of being married. And if you marry... you plan on being married for a long time. And who said... "Forever is a very long time".

Because if you go into a marriage already thinking about divorce... you really shouldn't be getting married.

Exactly true . SO I should find that out whether something is true or not rather than being driven nuts!

Enjoy them whether they like you or not, if they don't, there are plenty more who might. You just have to know not to get that carried away by the rather intense feelings you may have, and have no fear of rejection.

Once you get some good coping skills, mostly through experience, you will deal with almost any situation, and even the most cool, and collected guys have to go through "growing pains" to even be experienced.

Join the party.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to talaniman again.

Yes... can't tell you how many growing pains and hard lessons it took me to learn the hard way in the pre-World Wide Web days.

Absolutely talaniman. The way I handled rejection even 5 years ago has significantly improved.

Dating requires on-the-job training. Not many get it right the first couple of times.

It may be rejection it can be acceptance. All I can do is go like a man and find out. I lie in Pakistan so if you know the culture there you can make a guess. Secondly, she knows what I'll do so she'd be expecting me to say something. You give me thumbs up or down to go and say what I have to say?

Never would have guessed Pakistan (except for being an area that was once a British Colony before the partition as I guessed)... your english is fantastic.

I've known a couple people from Pakistan (a few guys and one woman) but not so well to be an expert on your cultural norms beyond a few things.

But it does explain a lot of things.

Go talk to her... but do so without expecting anything in return. That's step one. IF you get to be friends... then be friends. Looks fade. And if her personality isn't endearing enough on its own... then keep looking. You won't know this until you have actually been friends for some time.

Just talk about something you might share in common... School, music.. or some other interest.

You have to be able to think on your feet as we say... which means you have to adapt to the situation. We can tell you one thing but if you find yourself in a different situation you would be lost.

Most important thing... be yourself. Be on your best behaviour of course to give the best impression... but don't pretend to be someone you aren't. The nervousness will fade once you get past the initial phase. Like was said over and over... don't over analyze it. Everything doesn't have a grand hidden meaning behind it.

And remember... not everyone is meant to be with just anyone. You both have to find yourself with another that each of you finds compelling, beyond superficial looks.

I also assume she isn't from a family where Arrainged marriages are the norm or expected. If she is that can be a reason for resistance. And yes I do a know a few people in arrainged marriages from different parts of the world. I don't know exactly how common that practice is in Pakistan, just that it is common enough you will know some people who are or will be in an arrainged marriage.

Yes, I am from Pakistan and Pakistanis do speak and write good english. Secondly, I know that much that she belongs to a conservative family so they tend to protect their girls. Yes, I'll say to her openly and honestly and I know that her initial answer may be a "NO" but who knows what happened next. Judge from this context and let me know her previous answer meant to be positive or not? I am gong to take this step Inshallah (by the grace of GOD) on Saturday!

I can't say what's really in her mind without knowing her.

The worst that will happen by just going and talking to her is nothing happens. The best would be you do end up friends, and in time... who knows.

There are no sure things in life. Except taxes and death. The rest we take our chances on.

So just suck up the courage and do it... its really not as hard as obsessing over it is.

The feeling of panic won't last as long as you think it will.

I don't think you risk having her brothers beat you up for talking to her.

I've found if you are nervous about something... its best to just do it and get it over with. You won't ever convince yourself to be NOT nervous.

Just like having something unpleasant to do... you can put it off and prolong the misery, or you can do it first... get it over with... and move on to the next thing at hand. If you understand what I'm trying to say.

You've obsesed about this for how long now? You aren't any less nervous, right?. if you just DO IT. It might be over in 5 minutes. And the next time... if she shows interest, will be much easier.

I am a bit nervous but I am more concerned that what will happen if she says no. How am I going to cope with it. But let's see what happens then

I am a bit nervous but i am more concerned that what will happen if she says no. How am i going to cope with it. But let's see what happens then
If she says no? What's going to happen is its going to hurt... and you are going to feel bad for a few days. Most of that is because of the unreasonable expectations you have created in your mind... and this pedestal you have placed her on before you ever even really talked with her. Its like that for everyone but the most narcissistic people. Its part of life... you simple get over it an move on. Its like that for everyone... man or woman (yes it's a repeat, but I'm trying to stress this point), and it always will be. It doesn't hurt you. In fact it helps you build character. Life is going to hold plenty of disappointments along the way, and this is only one of them.

Last thing. I waited for her outside my class for a very long time. She came out very late and when she walked past me I called her name but I think she couldn't hear. I followed her all the way and caught her standing and talking to another guy. I again called her name, she looked and again started talking to her friend. I sat down hoping that she would come once the conversation ends. When it ended she went to the bathroom, I went up to the canteen besides the bathroom waiting for her to come out. When she came I again called her, she looked at me somewhat like looking at an insect. She asked "what, is there something important" in a very rude manner as if she wasn't wanting to listen to anything. I said"no, go". Next I don't remember wholly what she said but I remember that she said that "I have my own set of friends and friendship is not OK with me".
I don't know what happened to her, I wasn't expecting her saying this even before I said something and more importantly she sounded like now I was bothering her, whereas, I never was and lastly few days before I was feeling that she wanted me to talk to her but that faded away after some time!

Last thing. I waited for her outside my class for a very long time. She came out very late and when she walked past me i called her name but i think she couldn't hear. I followed her all the way and caught her standing and talking to another guy. I again called her name, she looked and again started talking to her friend. I sat down hoping that she would come once the conversation ends. When it ended she went to the bathroom, i went up to the canteen besides the bathroom waiting for her to come out. When she came i again called her, she looked at me somewhat like looking at an insect. She asked "what, is there something important" in a very rude manner as if she wasn't wanting to listen to anything. I said"no, go". Next i don't remember wholly what she said but i remember that she said that "I have my own set of friends and friendship is not OK with me".
I don't know what happened to her, i wasn't expecting her saying this even before i said something and more importantly she sounded like now I was bothering her, whereas, i never was and lastly few days before i was feeling that she wanted me to talk to her but that faded away after some time!.

If you had doubts before... you shouldn't have them now. She has very clearly indicated she isn't interested... and in fact she was annoyed by you following her around. And she basiclly told you that without using those exact words.

Take this as a lesson you don't invent entire imaginary lives in your mind with anyone you haven't even gotten to be friends with yet. You set yourself up to be hurt more often and more easily when you do. Like I have said before... talk to more women, don't expect most of them to have more than a casual interest. The woman you eventually find that turns out to be the love of your life may be the one you never expected.

I hate to say it but you really did set yourself up for this. We did warn you about it repeatedly however.

It might be cute for a puppy or kitten to follow you around... but when it comes to people its not. And women are far less tollerant of it than men are. Most women are attracted by self confidence and courage. If you lack either you are starting at a disadvantage, but follow them around like you just described and more will be what we call in the USA... "Creeped out". I don't expect you to understand that term (its an American slang or Idiom).. but what it means is she will be VERY uncomfortable with what she would see as a strange and unwelcome behaviour and attention.

And in a culture where interaction between men and women tend to be very reserved and formal... as you have described in your country, that may be a far easier mistake to make, than in a culture where its more relaxed.

Just so you don't feel quite so bad for yourself. It's a lesson everyone has to learn. We just tend to learn it at a younger age here. Shy people take longer to learn it, sometimes a lot longer.

Like I have told you this, believe me everything I told you everything, THE TRUTH!! And believe me she used to to stare at me very fondly, so much that I had to turn my eyes around. I cannot fathom a guess what was that! NO one can now!

Like i have told you this, believe me everything i told you everything, THE TRUTH!!! And believe me she used to to stare at me very fondly, so much that i had to turn my eyes around. I cannot fathom a guess what was that!! NO one can now!!

I do not doubt you believed everything you have told us.

What I am saying is that sometimes we see only what we want to see. And our minds can sometimes make us see things that really are not there. Or see things incorrectly.

I DO understand what you said. I DO believe that you actually believed you saw it that way.

The point I am trying to make is you wanted this so much that you was seeing everything as a positive sign when on several points what was really happening was she was just trying to be nice and not lead you to believe more. And NOT giving you the sorts of signals you think you saw. And what happened this last time is she was really trying to avoid you until she had no choice and she was honest and told you her true feelings.

That can be a problem in cultures where hospitality to others is important, until you learn how to read someone's body language (a very difficult skill to learn). You will be nice to someone you really may not like because its what you are expected to do. Up to a limit. It can be difficult to separate what is hospitality from what is true interest or even liking someone.

And yes I have known several Pakistanis here, as well as from other Cultures where this is important as well. So I can understand how its possible for this to happen.

I appreciate what you said but my point is only and only that until 4 months when she was staring and started a bit of conversation, I wasn't interested in her, forget the point of taking positives from her behavior. She was a Miss NOBODY to me!! I did not know her neither did I want to know. I never gave her any signal that you come and be hospitable to me in fact I had never said Hi to her during previous 3 years. You may say that being hospitable came to her mind suddenly and she started staring and talking to me all of a sudden. I started taking positive signs only until this semester when I myself became interested or infatuated as you may say but previously you may not believe but I despised every girl in my class and used to attend very less classes. You say that all her staring was a means of hospitality?? I cannot fathom a guess still.

i appreciate what you said but my point is only and only that until 4 months when she was staring and started a bit of conversation, i wasn't interested in her, forget the point of taking positives from her behavior. She was a Miss NOBODY to me!!! I did not know her neither did i want to know. I never gave her any signal that you come and be hospitable to me in fact i had never said Hi to her during previous 3 years. You may say that being hospitable came to her mind suddenly and she started staring and talking to me all of a sudden. I started taking positive signs only until this semester when i myself became interested or infatuated as you may say but previously you may not believe but i despised every girl in my class and used to attend very less classes. You say that all her staring was a means of hospitality??? I cannot fathom a guess still.!

One thing in life that is certain... you have to accept some things for what they are. You can't and won't get serious in depth answers to everything. This will be one of those times. You won't get to know what she thought about you, and why. You forget about it... understand it was a huge waste of time, and move on.

You simply accept it as it is. People can look at other people and not be ready or even willing to think about having a relationship with them. They can even be nice to people they don't want to date or even like, and even talk to them.

It's that way here, and it will be universal everywhere in the world too.

Some places they won't even pretend to be nice if they don't like you for any reason.

Geez guy, face the fact that you missed your window of opportunity, and now its gone, kaput, nada, ziltch!! Just like you had no feelings in the beginning, but they changed, so did hers!!

When that happens you let it go and move on, not get stuck in the crap you are in. Humans may think logically, but let this be a lesson, they don't always follow logic when feelings are concerned.

Its not her, its you who are following an illogical path, with illogical actions after new facts have come to light.

Now let this go. Let her go.