My boyfriend has been legally separated for two years, this coming June. Hi ex wife continues to live in the matrimonial home, he purchased a new home close by. The three children go back and forth spending a week at a time at each home. The ex wife enters the home when the kids are there but when he (her former husband and owner of the home) is not. She was doing laundry and cleaning without his consent. He asked to to stop doing his cleaning and to not go past the front entry if she needed to pick up the kids or see them for any reason. She still comes in and stays for hours when he is away against his wishes. Her claim is that even if he doesn't want her there the kids will always let her in. The kids are 16 and 14 so old enough to be on their own during the day when he is working. What can we do without upsetting the children? We hesitate to call the police because she will tell the kids that he is keeping her from them etc. Every time he tells her that she is not allowed to do anything (including going into his house) she threatens him with various things; i.e.. "If you won't let me in your house then I will go after you for more money or I will tell the kids that you won't let me see them or I will get them full time.....etc."

Please help,
Signed the very frustrated girlfriend.

So who gave her a key? He can change the locks if he can't get the key back.

If she is there when its his time. Then he can have her charged with parental interference. If this is a big issue then he can modify the court orders and have it stated to not enter the home unless picking up the children and the same applies for himself.

So who gave her a key? He can change the locks if he can't get the key back.

The kids have keys so they can get in after school etc. so they need them. She uses theirs or goes when they are home but he is not.

She may come in if the kids invite her in, he will have to order the kids not to invite her in his house. Also why is he not divorced yet ?

Back to your actual question regarding trespass. No she can not be charged with trespass under the situation you describ.

I think she can be charged with trespassing. They never lived together at this residence.

I think an option is a letter telling her to stay out of the house or she'll be charged with trespass. Will this create a problem with the children? Probably.

At 14 and 16 the children are old enough to understand she is not allowed in HIS house - do they understand the reasons? Probably not. That's another issue.

Send her a letter telling her to stay out. If she continues to enter the residence, yes, I'd call the Police. She has no right to enter his residence, whether she's still his legal wife or not.

And her threats? That's all they are. Threats.

I think that the kids are inviting/letting her in so there is no trespass. If a person is given access by a resident there is no trespass. If the dad can get the kids to stop allowing her inside then his entire issue may go away but a formal letter would help to, only after the kids stop

I think that the kids are inviting/letting her in so there is no trespass. If a person is given access by a resident there is no trespass. If the dad can get the kids to stop allowing her inside then his entire issue may go away but a formal letter would help to, only after the kids stop

Yes, that's my take on the situation. It appears to me that, as Califdadof3 said, the solution is to get a modification of the custody and visitation order prohibiting her from entering the house. That way, whether the children let her in, she can be charged with contempt if she goes inside.

I think that the kids are inviting/letting her in so there is no trespass. If a person is given access by a resident there is no trespass. If the dad can get the kids to stop allowing her inside then his entire issue may go away but a formal letter would help to, only after the kids stop


I meant that you write her a letter AND tell the kids not to let her in. If she's been warned - at least in NY - it's trespass.

My late husband had the same situation - wife would drop kids off, if he wasn't home she would come in with them to "make sure things were safe." They were 16 and 14. He told his children she was NOT to be in the house; wrote the letter; she entered with the kids (who had been advised- as I said); Police were called; she was advised by them that she was trespassing. Next time she would have been arrested.

Probably not the same in all States.

... tell the kids not to let her in. ...
That's putting them in one heck of a difficult position. They are supposed to obey their parents- both of them.

That's putting them in one heck of a difficult position. They are supposed to obey their parents- both of them.


I know - I said it could be sticky. However, if the "ex" is wandering around, looking for whatever (or cleaning for that matter) somebody has to tell her to stop.

Sad all the way around.