Im married, have three beautiful boys own a house. I'm only 24. I've been depressed for a very long time always been negative about everything in my life. But for 2 years nearly I've been on medication fro the depression,and I want to get off it. Its not working hasn't been for a long time now, but dr just keeps upping the dosage.anyway I've not been happy with a lot of things in life. I love my boys but I can't help but yell at them constantly. I have a 3 year old and 1 year old twins. I am constantly screaming, I have withdrawn from everything I have ever liked, I have no hobbies and no interest in anything anymore. I can't even answer the phone anymore, I don't talk to people. I have started stuttering and so now things are worse I won't talk to people at all.. I don't like leaving the house if I could I wouldn't at all.but then I get bored and then it all starts spiralling over again.I can't even talk to my family and literally have no friends and feel there is no one I can talk to at all. My husband I'm not sure if I even love, but I can't leave because of fear of being alone for the rest of my life, I'm not sure whether I ever really loved him and now I'm stuck in a marriage and have kids and feel like I've screwed everything up. I feel like I never want to see my family again and if they weren't around id be a lot better.and now to ad to things laterly I've been having feelings for another man every time I think of him I feel a smile on my face, and now I think he knows and now he's not talking to me and so last night I cried till well into the night and I feel horrible and have stopped taking my medication and now that I'm thinking of him as I type this I have staerted crying because he doesn't care about me as I've only just met him.jesus christ why is my life so horrible to me. Basically I want some advice about making changes in my life. And for advice on how to find out if I really want to be with my husband and family and I think I don't want to be except I don't want to be on my own, but I don't want to wreck my kids lives by getting separated but I canthelp thinking that they would be better off without me screaming and yelling at them all the time. Its not like I do anything to look after them. The house is a mess and I can't even manage to look after myself properly I don't cook for them their dad does all that. I basically don't do anything.how can I make my life more happier and not so depressed all the time. My husband does everything for me and I don't appreciate ANY of it. I came home from work last night (which I'm thinking about quitting too) he cooked a nice dinner and had candles etc and all I could think was stop trying to hard ad wanted to walk and go onto Facebook. This other guy has got me hung up so bad, since he stopped talking to me I've been really ****, I doubt there was ever really a chance and he even told me he isn't into relationships, but that didn't stop me wanted to spend an evening with him. When having sex with my husband I feel like it's a chore I don't enjoy it haven't for a very long time, and since I met this guy its been better because I have been thinking about him and now its gone and I just want to bang my head against the wall. Please help me with any advice you might have I'm really ddesperate.

First things first... have you been talking with your doctor? Meds need periodic changes as your needs change. If they "haven't been working" for a number of years... it seems like the doctor hasn't been doing their job.

Some of these other things will work themselves out, or not be so bothersome if you can get your main problem under control again.

And yes... I have a good friend that's had to have her doseages changed and even the actual medications changed as frequently as every several months.

You need to get yourself under control, if even for the sake of your children- you owe them that much.

Then stop looking for love in all the wrong places.

Then stop using the excuse of being depressed as a reason for all your problems, or to justify not doing more to help yourself.

You have options that surely your Doctor has talked to you about, including as already mentioned, adjusting your medication.

Pretty much everything you have described is probably a result of anxiety, and that, along with the depression has to be assessed. Please copy your post and give it to your Doctor so he has some idea of how to change, alter, or add treatment.

Please consider counselling to address the problems you have. It isn't enough to be able to identify them, you have to work through them, and make changes in your own life. Before you do further harm to your children, leave your husband, quit your job, and think about finding another man to further complicate things, please see what you can do for yourself, to get your life on track.

I have a very very dear girlfriend who is in the midst of depression herself. Controlling, or getting yourself together as the previous answerer suggested is many times impossible in the state your in. You need a psychologist and perhaps the opinions of another doctor. Clearly the medication dosage you are on now is not helping. You should definitely not try to get off the medication now especially because you are so socially isolated--there is no one to help you if anything goes wrong. When you are depressed you do not think rationally. Your thoughts may be flawed. Therefore, you need people to be there for you even if you feel like you have nothing to give in return. However, first thing first, don't stop the medicine yet- you are likely to do harm to yourself if you do. Second, go to doctor and talk about psycologist-it is likely that your doctor cannot help you well because you have trouble communicating and so a psycologist will provide that time. Third, do not feel trouble financially because ultimately getting your life back on track and being happy is worth all the money in the world. I know, I've seen it and felt it.