On oct. 24th I had sex with my friend who pulled out at a perfect time. However that same night my boyfriend and I had emotionally intense sex and he came using the pull out method, I think I remembered it as a total rush and a surprise. He claimed to *** in a wash rag an a while later we did it again without him washing off. Who has a greater chance of being my babies daddy seeing that I'm 19 weeks and I believe I was ovulating between oct.24 to 27th. My boyfriend and I share a special kind of sex and my friend an I was just in the heat of the moment and a total one night stand plus I'm certain he came on my belly>

There is NO way of telling until you can conduct a DNA test AFTER the birth.

"Pulling out" means nothing, absolutely nothing. It is NOT a good method of birth control.

"A special kind of sex" has nothing to do with who could be the father. It doesn't matter if the sperm are wearing little red bow ties or are feeling frisky. It takes only one sperm, even a sleepy one, to fertilize an egg.

The only way to find out who the baby's father is is by doing a DNA test after the birth.

Hmmm I know I just don't know how to tell my boyfriend we need a DNA test

Hmmmm, you're going to have to mention it to him in eight months or so if you want to know who the father is. The baby's looks or hairline or nose shape is no indicator of who the father is.

And maybe your boyfriend needs to know he can't trust you.

I was thinking maybe I should ask my friend first seeing that's all I could take right now and hopefully he's not the father. Is there anyway I could get a dna test before birth

No.

I would say that mathematically your BF has a greater chance of being the father. That is based on you and him having sex twice that day and you and your friend only once. The math would indicate that the chances of your BF being the father is 66.6% and your friend 33.3%. Math aside there may also be biological differences that come into play, no pun intended. If your BF has a low sperm count and your friend doesn't then the chance it is your friends baby would be as great or greater. I guess it's a bit late to inform you that the pull out method isn't totally effective.

Hmmm the guilt eating me alive I can't continue like this I need to know asap. I'm praying to god it's my bf's because ultimately the next way around is going to be a scandal. I learn my lesson don't let temptation consume you. I'm considering an amniocentesis

I would just tell the BF he is becoming a dad and move on with your life. If at some point in the future the BF doubts the child is his he can have a DNA test done and if the child is the friends baby you can cross that bridge when you get to it. The more people that know about this the more likely the BF will find out. Just keep it to yourself! Chalk it up to lesson learned the hard way and move on. From this point on you need to do what's best for the child.

From this point on you need to do whats best for the child.
What's best for the child is to know his real father, especially in case of medical complications.

All you're doing is giving her justification for covering her own a$$.

I would just wait until the child is born and let the boyfriend believe it is his until that time. Once the child is born you can test the DNA and then see if it is indeed the BF's. If it's the friends then you have some explaining to do. If it's the BF's then never let him know about the friend or he will rightfully never trust you. But I agree with Wondergirl if it ends up being the friends you MUST let the child and friend know about it! And yes I am offerring her a way to get out of this and save some face. If she tells the BF it may be someone else's and it ends up being the BF's child then she will most likely end up a single mom and is that what's best for the child? I don't agree with what she did nor do I condone being unfaithful but I think she should wait until the child is born to tell the truth after she knows who the child belongs to.

I would just wait until the child is born and let the boyfriend believe it is his until that time.
Sweet.

Once the child is born you can test the DNA and then see if it is indeed the BF's.
How's she going to explain to the boyfriend why she wants a DNA sample from him?

And yes I am offerring her a way to get out of this and save some face.
Which means you don't give a hoot about the child, even though you said you do.

"How's she going to explain to the bf why she wants a DNA sample from him?"

Getting some hair, saliva or dead skin cell for a DNA test isn't to difficult to do.

"Which means you don't give a hoot about the child, even though you said you do."

How does providing her a way to save face imply that I don't give a hoot about the child? Secondly I never said I did give a hoot for the child, but I would expect her to and to put the child first. I agree with you that if she discovers the child is her friends, she should tell the child and her friend as well as her BF, but I wouldn't tell the BF it may not be his until I knew for sure that it wasn't. If she tells the BF it may not be his and looses him because of it and the child ends up being his, what is the result? What is gained? A single mom with a clear conscience with a child in a single parent household. Is that necessarily the best for the child? I would have to know the BF before I could answer that. That scenario could be avoided if she says nothing until she knows for sure that it isn't his.

I would just wait until the child is born and let the boyfriend believe it is his until that time.

That is just plain cruel!

Yeah... lets let this poor guy think this baby is his, when really there is a chance that it's not.

DNA testing can only be done after the baby is born.

OP, you really need to come clean and tell your boyfriend the truth.

Getting some hair, saliva or dead skin cell for a DNA test isn't to difficult to do.

You ARE a murder mystery author, aren't you?

You ARE a murder mystery author, aren't you?

He just watches too much Dexter and Law and order.:rolleyes:

"You ARE a murder mystery author, aren't you?"
No but I did stay at a Holiday Express last night! :)

There are many ways that DNA can be tested. Here are a few ways: toothpicks, used handkerchief/Kleenex, clothing items with sweat, hats with sweat, used dental floss, dirty underwear, envelope or stamp that was licked, cigarette butt, used tooth brush, and fingernail clipping to name a few. Most any material that contains biological matter on it can be used to obtain a DNA profile for paternity testing purposes.

I love the way this has moved from answering her questions to flaming me. But if it makes you all feel better please continue. I will sacrifice myself so you can feel better. :P

"I love the way this has moved from answering her questions to flaming me. But if it makes you all feel better please continue. I will sacrifice myself so you can feel better. :P
I'm not flaming you.

Why are you encouraging lying and deceit?

I will tell him right after I receive the results from my friend's test and if it's my bf's baby life goes on like normal if it's not he might leave my *** although I accepted his child

although i accepted his child
Huh?

i will tell him right after i receive the results from my friend's test and if it's my bf's baby life goes on like normal if it's not he might jus leave my *** although i accepted his child

That is so completely unfair to both men. Who would blame him for leaving after you cheated, let him go on for 9 months believing he was that father, let him be there either during or shortly after the birth thinking it was his child, probably putting his name on the birth certificate or else having to explain right then and there as you sign it why his name isn't going on the birth certificate. That is just so, so wrong.

And then what if it is your friends? You're going to keep it from him all this time and then just drop it on him when you ask for his dna? After he's missed out on having the option of being a part of everything with you?

I was always going to get a DNA and yes I've cheated but omg he's so innocent... oh please he lies so much even about having a daughter. Know your info

Did i say i was keeping it from any of them? I said there is prenatal parternity tests

Know my info? OK... oh shoot. My crystal ball is broken today... how about if you want us to take things into consideration, you tell us instead of expecting us to read your mind and know that he's lied to you.

How does him lying make it OK for you to lie? Is that really your justification? Ever heard the saying two wrongs don't make a right?

I get that you plan on having a dna test. My point was that you need to be honest with both me NOW, not months down the line when you have to explain why you want their dna.

i will tell him right after i receive the results from my friend's test and if it's my bf's baby life goes on like normal if it's not he might jus leave my *** although i accepted his child


Yes, this right here, I interpreted as you're going to wait until after you get your friends dna to tell your boyfriend.

You really don't see the problem with that? It's a very real possibility that this baby is NOT your boyfriends. Just as much as it is that it might be his baby. The responsible and right thing to do is tell both men now that they may or may not be the father. It's not fair to your boyfriend to lead him on when he might not be the father. And it's not fair for your friend to have to be in limbo with your boyfriend assuming he's the father when he might very well not be.

I would tell him when i can . I don't need his dna when i could get my friend's own. I didn't lie when he asks which most men do i'll get the test

Paternity Testing : American Pregnancy Association (http://www.americanpregnancy.org/prenataltesting/paternitytesting.html)

Here's a site with a few things you should know before you risk per-natal testing. And I would have course do more research if that's the route you want to talk to your doctor about

So you're going to get DNA from your friend first and find out through amniocentesis whether he's the father or not.

If your friend ISN'T the father, that means your boyfriend IS, and you won't say a word to your boyfriend that you cheated on him with your friend. Everything will be perfect then.

If your friend IS the father, you will immediately tell your boyfriend that the baby you're carrying is your friend's and how the baby got there.

Once I know the paternity he'll decide whether he wants to stay or not I'll get my test before the baby's born and my friend and I never intended on having a relationship an we never will if he's the dad he just has to take his responsibilities if he's not it's definitely my bf's an he'll decide if he wants a relationship or not. Either way my boyfriend will get the truth

So no matter whose baby it is, you'll tell your boyfriend you cheated on him.

Firstly I did all that, I'm not from America and it's a 1 % chance of mis carriage I can't wait till birth because I need to know so I'll know how to approach things

If my friend is I'll have to tell my boyfriend because it's not his responsibility either way I intend to tell him of my one night stand I just can't deal with the consequences right now during my early stages of pregnancy

I still really believe that you should tell your boyfriend about this.

It is only fair. I'm not saying that these next months for all three of you will be easy. It won't. In fact, your boyfriend might leave you, but at least the truth ill be out there.

I would tell him now. He will hurt no matter what, but atleadt he will know that this may not be his baby.

Please don't wait for your friend to take the DNA test first.

Come clean. You owe him that...

Please use punctuation. Your posts are nearly impossible to read.

Will your friend willingly be a father and pay child support if it's his baby?

Will your boyfriend willingly be a father and pay child support once he knows you cheated on him?

Yeah he has a baby girl which he denied at first

Yes. As soon as I can.

He will support his child although I cheated. My friend ,I don't know I haven't confronted him yet

DNA tests can be conducted before birth. Chorionic Villi Sampling (CVS) during the 10th to 13th week of pregnancy and Amniocentesis during the 14th to 24th week of pregnancy.

DNA tests can be conducted before birth. Chorionic Villi Sampling (CVS) during the 10th to 13th week of pregnancy and Amniocentesis during the 14th to 24th week of pregnancy.

Risky and expensive. My friend was pregnant for the third time at the age of 41 and wanted to get checked for Down's. She lay quietly on the operating table and watched the doctor come closer and closer to her abdomen with an impossibly long needle...

I agree risky and expensive unless there are risks of birth defects and her insurance would pay for the amnio. Again I didn't say I condone this use but thought she would like to know her options and the time table for having them done. Nor would I risk the well being of a child to find out who it belongs to but that is me and others have the right to their own beliefs. Some were saying that it couldn't even be done and others laughing about my information about how DNA could be collected. She deserves to be told the truth regardless of whether I approve of her actions or not... I have been married for 22 years and have been faithful for all of 22 years so I'm not the bad guy some are imagining me to be. I just don't think the men "deserve" to know the truth. If they were married I would say they do deserve to know. As far as I know she has made no vows to them. I also don't think them knowing before the tests are completed will accomplish anything but clearing her conscience and to me that would be a selfish act. I just believe that what is best for the child, in most circumstances, would be to grow up in a home with 2 parents as opposed to one and I wouldn't condemn the child into that position before knowing who the father really is first. As you stated above in my opinion would be the best way to approach this matter. If they were married I would have responded differently.

"So you're going to get DNA from your friend first and find out through amniocentesis whether he's the father or not.

If your friend ISN'T the father, that means your bf IS, and you won't say a word to your bf that you cheated on him with your friend. Everything will be perfect then.

If your friend IS the father, you will immediately tell your bf that the baby you're carrying is your friend's and how the baby got there."

I just came onto this thread and I have to say that I'm in shock.

1. Your boyfriend deserves to know that you cheated. No matter what the outcome of the DNA test is.

2. Home _Inspector, telling someone to lie so she can save face is not something we on this site condone. We are moral people, and give moral answers. There's no way that a man should have to raise a child that's not his because the female didn't want to tell him she cheated.

3. Amniocentesis is risky. OP, are you willing to risk the life of your child because you can't wait another 21 weeks for it to be born?

So, here's my advice. Tell your boyfriend that you cheated. Tell him he may not be the father of this child. Suggest counseling if you really do care about him and want to make this work. Let him know that you will be getting a DNA test once the baby is born, and even if he decides to end the relationship, he will be responsible for caring for the child if it's his.

If it's your friends child then the same goes for him. He helped make the baby, he'll have to help care for it. There is no get out jail free card.

You made a huge mistake, now you have to set it right. No, I won't condemn you for having a weak moment, but this child is innocent in all of this, and he/she deserves to have the love every child needs in order to be a good human being. No matter who the father is, he will have to step up and at least financially support this child.

Wait for the birth to get the DNA test. Tell both potential daddy's now that they may be celebrating fathers day soon.

I agree risky and expensive unless there are risks of birth defects and her insurance would pay for the amnio. Again I didn't say I condone this use but thought she would like to know her options and the time table for having them done.
She has already asserted somewhere earlier in this thread that she will have amnio done.

Why on earth shouldn't a male be told he might be, or is, a father?(He was sort of like there to help make it happen.) I thought that was the current push, that pregnant women must come clean about paternity.

I just don't think the men "deserve" to know the truth. If they were married I would say they do deserve to know. As far as I know she has made no vows to them."

Absolutely he "deserves" to know. Both men should know of this.

With all due respect, you say you have been married for 22 years? So... that would make you 40+? I can't believe that someone of your age would even say that.

How would YOU feel if your wife (married or not) got pregnant and didn't know who's the baby was, then didn't tell you, because you don't "deserve" to know? Then you find out? How would you feel?

Well all of what you said except for this part... "and how the baby got there"
I probably wouldn't go into much detail about how the baby got there...

I'm going to admit right now that I have not read the entire thread. I will do so as soon as I finish posting this.


I'm considering an amniocentesis

Slimchick, I am a nurse in the women's health field, particularly pregnancy and labor and delivery. I don't know any OB/GYN who will do an amniocentesis strictly for the purpose of DNA testing due to the risk factors, such as miscarriage, involved.

If we were married I would deserve to know. If we were not married it would be her choice of who she had sex with. But this isn't about me... Dating someone and being married to someone are 2 complete different things. One has vows to be faithful, the other doesn't.
Both of the men had a part in this so both knew the risks involved. If she were married to one of them I would think it would be different.

Yes, she will not get a amniocentesis done just because she wants to know who the father is, plus at this point and time, she can't even get a court order to order the men to take the test. ( have to wait to baby is born to get court order for DNA test.

And I agree, lying is never a way to start any relationship and will normally find its way to the light years latter and cause more trouble.

She will at this point have to do what 100's of other women who sleep with more than one men and don't use any proper protection, wait till the child is born and have the men tested.

Home_Inspector,

It DOESN'T matter if she is married or not.

She got pregnant, either by her boyfriend or her friend. It DOES matter if they know. They have a right to know, married or not.

Period.

As I stated I agree that the rightful father should know. I don't think that the person that isn't the father has a right to know! It's not his kid! Having an amnio or CVC is much too risky for the child just to satisfy your curiosities! Who cares what it costs! The safety of the child must be your main concern right now. You should definitely wait until you have the child to take any DNA tests of the baby. If you think the guilt you feel now is bad imagine the guilt you will have if the amnio injures or kills the baby! Do you want to live with that the rest of your life! In the mean time get samples from each male and keep them for testing and get as much information on both as you can in case they try to fly the coop on you before the child is born. If you find out the child is your BF's baby then all is well except for your guilt of fooling around on him and that you can break to him gently when and if the time is right. If you find out the child is your friends baby you are going to have to tell them both and deal with it then. You will have plenty of time to think of a way to break the ice and tell the truth if need be. If the child turns out to be your BF's then you can choose a special time when you both are ready to tell each other about the skeletons in your closets, you may just be surprised at what he tells you he has done. Everyone has some level of guilt they live with and telling each other your most intimate secrets, if done properly, can make you stronger as a couple. It can also ruin a relationship so tread those waters carefully and do it when the time is right.

Having an amnio or CVC is much too risky for the child just to satisfy your curiosities! Who cares what it costs! The saftey of the child must be your main concern right now.

I do not know ANY doctor who will do this strictly for the purpose of DNA testing. The risks are too great to the baby and the mother. A doctor is not going to put his license on the line for this purpose. At least not any in the major city I work in.

I'll ask my doctor for advice and if its not a good idea I'll just wait till birth. I'll speak to my friend today and obviously tell him that he's a possible father to my baby.

I agree if my bf's the father why tell him? We all have secrets. Don't we? If he isn't, well he'll certainly know whether I tell him or not. I didn't lie because he hasn't ask any questions. If he does then I'll explain it was just a tempting moment and it meant nothing. If he loves me as he says he'll forgive me just how I forgave him many times

I believe a healthy relationship is based off trust and communication.

You possess niether one.

That being said, I wish your boyfriend the best of luck.

slimchick: If he isn't, well he'll certainly know whether I tell him or not.

Not necessarily. Did you ever watch Maury's show on TV? Mothers want to find out who are the bio-fathers of their children and, too often, the bio-father isn't the man who believed he's the father and has raised the child.

If we cannot stay on topic this thread WILL be closed!

Thanks you know me so well

I don't care about Maury's show

To end all this, my child will know his/her real father and I already decided that my friend would take a paternity test. As I said before if he is the father my boyfriend will immediately know if he's not then I'm not going to cause anymore drama.

OK, so YOU decided you think your friend will take a paternity test. What about your friend? Did you talk to him about that? Did he agree to it? If not, you will definitely have to wait until the baby is born and get a court order.

She is going to have to wait until the baby is born for testing regardless of who is going to get tested.

Doctors will not do an amniocentesis or CVS simply for paternity.