I had been with my boyfriend for just over 4 months and at the beginning things were great. Despite the distance (we lived about an hour away from each other) we saw each other once a week which I was fine with, because I like my space and so does he, and it seemed special when we then met up. But in the New Year things seemed to change from my side. We hardly saw each other because of my commitments and his commitments. I got quite frustrated because I missed him so much and it felt like I didn't see him from one week to the next. I personally think the difference being was at the beginning we used to pre-arrange dates and to meet up which gave me something to look forward to, and after 2 months had passed we would leave it to 'see you soon'.

Obviously the issue started bothering me more and more and it came to the point where I became angry at him constantly and moody - we spoke daily but he told me he felt like he was walking on egg shells day in day out.

To cut a long story short, he did something which hurt me and I also did the same to him - not intentionally, just through lack of thought on his side and mine, and in the heat of the moment we decided to call it a day. He said that he found it difficult to come to see me because he doesn't have his car all the time (he care shares with a member of his family) and I lived too far away, and also went on to say that he guesses he wasn't ready for such a big commitment (but later on told me he didn't want to end it? - he says he didn't know what he really wanted because his head was all over the place because we were breaking up). We agreed to meet and talk about it face to face when we were both free.

The next day I tried to deal with it as best I could and I was surprisingly doing very well. But when I came home he had sent me a text message making small talk 'how are you? How's work?' etc. He later asked me how I felt about our situation, which I responded 'mixed emotions, it's normal'. What made me quite upset afterwards was that he responded along the lines of 'I think we should just leave it. You've changed and I don't think things will be the same, and I would find it difficult to come and see you once a week'. He basically messaged me to tell me what I ALREADY knew the day before - he had no reason to contact me to basically re-capp on the issue, it was like rubbing salt in the wounds. It was difficult enough to deal with the fact that we couldn't see each other because of circumstances, but it hurt to hear that he didn't want to be with me because of ME! I told him that he shouldn't have contacted me - his excuse was that we said we were going to meet up and thought he'd get it out in the open. To that I responded that there was no point meeting up anyway, that I didn't want to be friends with someone that I had strong feelings for, and to delete my number and then wished him luck with his life.

4 friends of mine have told me he seems to have brought it up in the hope that I would have responded 'let's kiss and make up' to his question about how I was feeling about our situation. And because he didn't get the answer he was expecting, he didn't want to look a fool and ask for me back when it was easier to just agree with the breakup.

What do you think?

An interesting fact strikes me right away: HE has to get to YOU? When do you go see him? Fair is fair. If his love isn't so burning that he will climb mountains and ford streams to get to you, ask yourself if yours is burning enough to do the same.

Long distance relationships almost always fail, if that's any consolation.

Sorry, I forgot to explain that at the beginning he made the effort to see me one week, and I would make the effort the week after. But I guess I got frustrated because he never instigated meeting up after the New Year, it was always me - and that made me feel like he didn't want to see me. So, maybe because I felt like I shouldn't always be the one to ask to see him all the time, I stopped doing it in the end.

I know I sound stuck on practicalities, but I do think such things matter. You haven't said how you get to him, so I'm assuming that you have your own car. Since he shares a car, I would be inclined to offer to go see him more than every other week.

If the air is clear on travel, then you can address the emotions. All it takes is one question - is this relationship too difficult for you?

Thank you, this is food for thought. I guess I could offer to go see him more than once a fortnight. Thinking back on things now, maybe I did rely on him to make more effort and I didn't take the time to see it from his point. The relationship wasn't difficult at the beginning and I don't think it could be difficult now. I just don't understand how things can change from us being really eager to see each other, and now to nothing.

I never saw the travelling as an issue, I just got frustrated that he never asked to see me (his excuse was that it was easier for me to suggest a day to meet up because it's easier for him to move his commitments around whereas it was more difficult for me to do so). But this isn't correct.

I guess all I want to know whether we made the right choice to break up. I obviously care enough about him to want to ask these questions and find that out. The travelling issue I know we can overcome. It's a question of if it's for the best, but does he feel the same, because why would he otherwise recap the whole 'how do you feel about our situation' question.

You both agreed to break up, so leave it at that.

Long distance are hard to maintain, and assuming, and presuming, helps no one.

You need to ask the very person who can help you answers these q;s your seeking... Your ex b/f

Me and my boyfriend broke up about a week ago because according to him I lived too far away and he found it difficult to come and see me because he car shares with a member of his family whereas I have my own car.

These last few days I've obviously thought a lot about what could have been different and what I would do differently if I was given another chance. I don't regret the relationship coming to an end, but I would like a completely NEW relationship with this guy, a complete start over and do things differently that would make me happy in the relationship. After all, we broke up because of circumstances which I know isn't such a big issue at all if I had made more of an effort - not because we didn't care about each other.

Is this possible?

If he is breaking up because the long distance relationship just isn't working because of distance involved, then there could not have been much of a bond between you two in the first place.

Give it a rest for a while, talk on the phone, work things out where the distance isn't unsurmountable. If he still feels it is, then move on because there was nothing really there in the first place to hold you two together.

Tick

Tick

Anything is possible. You can try.
Don't expect a 'completely NEW relationship' however, if he is willing. There is really no such thing, even though you are seeing the logistics part in a new light.
I think most here will tell you that it's best to back off for a bit to allow him to miss you. If 10 days go by without a peep from him, you could say that you miss him, and offer to do a lot more of the traveling. If he waffles, let him go.

Break ups happen for many reasons, not just because you stopped caring. You can try talking if you want to, but don't think he will change his mind. Give it a lot of thought because moving on may be better than trying to hold on.

I agree w/tickle

This isn't about a car.

When someone breaks up w/you, they mean it, regardless of excuses. And that's a lame one.

This shouldn't be for you to coax. Or wait around for more excuses.

And I agree with van, the car is a lame excuse.

Even if everything was perfect and you had to break up because of other circumstances you really couldn't resolve (different religions, families deciding of who people will date and/or marry etc.) There is NO WAY to start completely over with someone who broke up with you.

As for the second chances, you can search in thousands of posts here, you will notice the "second chance" posts are often followed by an explanation about why it failed. Go figure.

I think the decision of breaking up was made and something has to change before both parties are willing to gve the relationship another shot. The car thing is just an excuse, and not a very good one in my opinion. If he did just break up with you because of the car problem then you are expendable to him, and you should probably find someone who values you a little more. If it was a lie, then like I said, he is through with you, so hold your head up high and find the next experience in your life... It normally gets better.

Good luck,

Javi