View Full Version : I love my ex but I am in another relationship with someone else ?
Ilovefood001
Feb 16, 2011, 04:40 AM
So thing is, I'm 16. Yes I'm young, but I was in a relationship with someone on and off for about a year, and no, before you wonder, we didn't have sex. Most of the time, me and him got on really well but we were really similar and the reasons we fought was because we both liked each other a lot and were always over something really stupid and unimportant. And it my sound stupid, but I really did love him and he was my first real boyfriend. I haven't been with him for about 6 months now (he has also really changed in those six months to where he isn't the same person who I loved, but when I think of him I think of all the great times we had together), so I figured I better move on. So now I'm in a relationship (and have been for two weeks) with this really great guy, who really likes me and treats me better than my ex ever did. But I just can't stop thinking about how I wish I was with my ex because I really miss him. :( I talked to my friend about it and she said that the more I get to know my new boyfriend the less I'll think about my ex and it's just what I need to get over him.
I don't understand, at my age, I should be going out with a lot of guys and not giving a second thought about him when we break up. And all my other friends seem to be able to move on from their exs so quickly while I feel I'm just stuck in the same place.
I hate being like this because I should be thinking about how much I like my new boyfriend, not about how I miss and still love my old one.
I know this is confusing. I guess I just need someone to help me feel better or tell me what to do. I'm sixteen and I'm lost and need advise. :(
joypulv
Feb 16, 2011, 04:51 AM
This is all actually normal enough so don't believe everything your teenage friends tell you. (Believe really old people like me instead.)
One funny thing about love is the countless forms it takes. It sounds like you just plain like your old boyfriend even after the romance is gone. Like as in friend, confidant, buddy, comfortable person to be around, fun to be with. It can get confusing if you had professed 'love' to each other and that undying devotion story book part didn't last, as it rarely does when you are young. You are changing constantly, and your feelings about people will change as fast as your taste in clothes and music.
Then the icing on the cake was you took on a new boyfriend on the rebound. Poor guy. I'd break up with him and go solo for a while. Get your bearings and find out who you are all alone, with friends around.
martinizing2
Feb 16, 2011, 05:07 AM
I believe anyone's first love is hard to get over and is one you never will forget.
You friends may get over break ups easier because they have not yet experienced "love" on as deep a level as you have.
And as deep as it may seem to you now, when you find your real love later as you mature, it will be so much more than you now can realize.
You sound mature and intelligent beyond your 16 years , which may be why it is hard for you to get over it. I will bet you spent a lot of time analyzing your interactions with this boy and had higher and more realistic hopes than most people your age.
It is painful but is a valued learning experience we all go through at some time in our lives.
The hurt goes away with time , and even more so as you meet new friends and those you will learn to love also.
And it is confusing. Being 16 , 17, 18, years old.
It is being confused by nature.
Your body matures and changes as does your mind. But not always in sequence .
At times you will be a young lady, at other times there is still a lot of the little girl you were influencing your young lady persona.
And in males at those ages, it is the same thing, you are a boy and a man at the same time. It is rough
You have already shown you have what it takes to handle this.
Enough thought and maturity to ask someone for help.
Great Move! It shows you to be on the right road to becoming a thoughtful mature adult.
And the world needs more of your kind.
I wish you well.
talaniman
Feb 16, 2011, 10:28 AM
I hate being like this because I should be thinking about how much I like my new boyfriend, not about how I miss and still love my old one.
Its not that easy to shut off old memories of good times. That takes time as you build new memories, and new feelings for someone else.
I know this is confusing. I guess I just need someone to help me feel better or tell me what to do. I'm sixteen and I'm lost and need advise.
Have fun making new memories, and don't feel bad about the old ones.
answerme_tender
Feb 16, 2011, 10:49 AM
I had to spread rep but agree with all the post written!
I have turned 40 seven times now, and I can still remember my boyfriend when I was 16yrs, I finally allowed to date. I thought he was the absolute greatest thing that ever walked pimples,braces, and driving an old beat up truck!!
So you see its okay to have fond memories of your first love. Just remember they are memories and they are nice to look back on, but shouldn't stand in your way to find future happiness!!
Take care
mystific
Feb 16, 2011, 08:21 PM
I remember my first. It's also note worthy how much I laugh about it now. And does he. Its been... 20 years.. he's been married twice, 3 kids.. and he looks nothing like what he used to.
There is absolutely nothing there any more. Just familiarity of the past and the welts he used to give me playing tiggy, or various other activities that always had me losing, in trouble or grounded.
But those are my histories with him just as yours with your ex. You'll move on, create new life experiences, but you'll never forget the 'one'...