All right. This might be long.
I recently broke up with my girlfriend of 3 years, well she broke up with me. At first it sucked ***. But then I realized that she was a horrible person to me and that I deserve better. She hooked up with the guy I was having issues with her hanging with 3 days after, so basically I'm done with her for good. No issues there anymore.
3 weeks go by (and I know you guys will say that's not enough time) but I start casually talking to a new girl. I knew her sister and she was cute, so I said what the hell. Turns out she is pretty awesome and just a chill person like myself. I really enjoy talking to her and I can say the same for her.
A week goes by and I invite her to go out to the movies with me and a friend. She was excited and so was I. It goes well. She can tell I am into her, and I can tell she is really into me. We didn't really do anything physical like holding hands or what ever, but it was there. Gave her a big hug, told her I had an awesome time and would like to do it again sometime. Great night :).
Next day my friend wanted to go to the movies again, his girlfriend wasn't with us the night before and she wanted to go. So I casually invited the girl to come with me again and she wanted to go. This time was different. The ice was broken, we eventually held hands, and cuddled while we watched the movie. It was so nice. After the movie was done, she held my hand out to my car. We decided to go for a nice drive around town. She was really into me and was holding on my arm and just making me feel great. We eventually made out on that car ride, and we couldn't stay off each other.
So another week goes by. We hang out a couple times. Still getting to know each other. Holding hands, being flirty and fun. Cuddled and maybe we went a little too fast, but basically had sex (basically haha). That's when things started to get funky. I knew she had some issues of her own, and her mom was really controlling sometimes. I told her you know, if you need to talk to me about anything I am here for you and you can trust me. She eventually opened up and told me that she had an eating disorder, and her mom wouldn't let her leave the house sometimes unless she had a huge meal. I thought wow, she trusts me and has just told me something about her that even her best friends don't know about. I made it clear that I would be here for her and that I really liked her and Im not that kind of guy to judge her or go mess around with other people.
She was honest with me. She told me she was about 6 months out of a 5 year relationship and wasn't looking to get into one that quick, but assured me that she really likes me, and enjoys talking/hanging/being with me.
Ever since that I think she has been avoiding me. I know its hard for her to get out of her house sometimes, and I can't blame her for not hanging out with me, but it is getting frustrating. I am trying to be there as much as I can for her, without smothering her. I know she is having family issues, and is deathly afraid to open up to me, but at the same time, she has already told me things that no one else knows.
Things right now are really strained and I feel like it is becoming really one sided here. I care so much about her, and I want to give her the support and show her that I am here for her, but I don't want to push her away by wanting to hang out all the time and such. I really really care for this girl, and I want to be with her. But I don't know what to do. I need help!

I don't think you can do anymore than let her know that if she needs your help, you will be their for her.
You need to make sure she knows, and stop contacting her and let her come to you.

On a side note, yes it's much to soon, maybe for the both of you - atleat for you. 3 weeks out of a 3 years relationship isent enough. Unless of course you don't think of your ex, or even care what she's doing - but if that isent the case, you might just be doing a rebound relation with this new girl. I'm inclined to think that you hurt, has been overcome by some kind of infatuation by this new girl.

The reason I say that is it seems to me like your focusing a lot on what your doing, not on the relationship itself. Holding hands/cuddling etc. you might just be subtituting your hurt with a new girl.

Hope I made sense, and I was partially correct in my answer.

Yeh, I know it sounds weird but I don't really think of my ex. I am just disgusted of her actually.

I know we moved wayy to fast and she isn't ready for it. She expressed to me that she does in fact like me and cares about me, but she isn't ready for the commitment. Which is totally fine.

You did make sense and you made me realize that I am focusing on myself instead of what's best for both of us. I am not into rebounds, and I don't usually hook up with people, and this doesn't feel like it at all. I am open and honest to her and she to me.

I will back off and let her contact me as hard as that is. But it seems that she needs to figure out what she wants first. Thanks!

Wrap your head around the fact that this is not a relationship, just a few friendly dates that may have started a friendship. So why act like its exclusive, or mutual. You may have high expectations but why rush? Clearly she isn't, so just be busy with other things and give her time and space, see other people for fun, and don't think this is something that its not.

What's the hurry?

Yeh that makes sense. We both know how we feel about each other an we have made that clear. We have both told each other that we wouldn't want to mess around with anyone else and I trust her and she trusts me.
I guess the reason that I am in a hurry is because I really like her and don't want her to move to someone else when she is ready. But I guess that's not my call at all.
We hung out last night and everything was the same except for the physical stuff, which was fine. We did end up kissing when I left but we left it at it was nice seeing each other.
It is really hard to not contact her, which is what I am going to do. I'll give her her space and let her come to me. I'm not going to comment on her Facebook, but should I be updating mine? Or just let her think I disappeared?
I know I am putting way too much thought and effort into this. But thanks for the responses. It helps me a lot.

You can move as fast as you want, but if she really liked you too, then she would be patient with both of you. But if she didn't really have feelings for you, she would just move on anyway, regardless of how fast you move.

The other reason you feel that you have to move fast is because you're on the rebound, whether you admit it or not, you just broke up and looking to fill the void that you ex has left. This girl may be nice to you, but you're rushing to fill that void because it does fell lonely.

She already knows how you feel about her and you've already made attempts to get together with her for a few more dates. So the ball is on her side of the court. If she really wanted to see you, she would come out. If she doesn't, then she has her reasons and only she can decide whether to share them with you.

Her issues with her mom and eating disorder, whether true or not, gives her the get out of jail free card, so that she doesn't have to flat out tell you that she doesn't want to see you.

At this point, you're just going to have to be patient with her to see if she's willing to come out. If she really want to see you, she would find a way out.

That is totally true.
I thought about the whole mom and eating thing, and it is true, but she could always just be using that as an excuse not to see me. I would like not to think so, because it is true, but who knows.
I will admit I am lonely, and that is natural I guess. I wish I(we) wouldn't have moved so fast in the beginning because that definitely has put a strain on things. And I do agree I am rushing. If there was a void or not I would want her to be there regardless.
She does know exactly how I feel, and the ball is in her court. I have stopped contact with her until she comes to me if she wants.
It is hard to be patient, but I will do it. I know it will help and show what she actually feels. I guess I am just scared that I won't talk to her or see her again :/ But its basically win win for me. If she doesn't actually want to see me then I will know, and if she does I will know.
Either way I am focusing on on me and trying to keep my mind off it.

Should I let her think I am dead? Or should I keep posting on Facebook like I'm moving on with my normal life?

Thankss

I will back off and let her contact me as hard as that is. But it seems that she needs to figure out what she wants first. Thanks!

That! That right there was great advice for yourself...

Now, take it and roll with it.

I know you know this already, but you two did move a little fast. Too fast for sex.

Sometimes it's best to take your time and go slow. Both you and she just got out of serious relationships, and even though you don't miss your ex, it was still too soon.

I for one think that she should have warned you BEFORE sex that she's not looking for anything serious right now.

She has a lot of issues and I do believe that you like her, but only SHE can work through this herself.

For now, I would back off. You could warn her of that too by telling her that if you need me I will be here.

That's just me though. You have to do what's in your heart.

Good Luck.

Thanks for all the great responses.
This site and you guys put things in perspective for myself.
I wish she would have told me before hand too, but I think it still would have happened. Things happen for a reason I guess, and I am not the kind of person to just hook up with someone, and she is the same way. I know it was too fast. The connection was there though and it happened :/.

Its been 1 whole day without contact. And as tough as it is, and as much as I think that I will never hear from her again, I want her to have a clear head and genuinely want to be with me. And if not, then there are plenty of other stable girls out there.

Thanks guys!

No on as answered this yet, but do I stop updating my Facebook or do I just live normally like I did?

No on as answered this yet, but do I stop updating my facebook or do I just live normally like I did?

I don't understand what "updating" your Facebook means?

Living normal like you used to sounds appealing to me. Lol

Hmmm Facebook or normal? Facebook? Normal? Yeah... go with normal.:)

Good Luck.

I used to update my status with what I was doing, or if I was going out, or just stuff like that. Haha. I have been covering songs and posting videos on there too. I just don't if I should stop doing that or keep doing it like I never met her. You know what I mean?

Do whatever you did before you met her.

Why are you going from one extreme to another?

Live your life. Update your FaceBook as you usually do. Comment on hers as you normally would a friend's page. Let the friendship develop as it will.

Meet new people. Make new friends. Keep up with old friends. Enjoy Life. Be there for her should she need you but don't put your life on hold. Even if you were in a romantic relationship with her, you would still need to have interests outside the relationship so that you don't stagnate as an individual.

No need to change your life because of her. Just keep doing your own thing without taking her into consideration.

If you keep basing your actions/decisions on her, then you're holding on and it will be difficult for you to move on with your life.

This is very true. And it does make sense to me.
I am just wayyy over thinking everything.
I will continue my life. And be me. Thanks guys!

This is very true. And it does make sense to me.
I am just wayyy over thinking everything.
I will continue my life. And be me. Thanks guys!

You're welcome.

Good Luck.