I recently found out that my fiancé cheated on me with a girl from his work. I found out and then he admitted everything to me. He has only kissed the girl and sent some very flirty text messages with lots of sexual nature. The girl has also been sending him naked pictures of herself. I have decided to give him another chance because I love him and he has apologized non stop since this happened and has completely stopped talking the girl. Also we have a six month old baby, so I don't want to throw this relationship in the garbage..

Anyway, I do not need advice in my relationship, I need it for the girl's. The girl that he cheated with has an 8 month old baby with her fiancé. They already have a wedding day set for two months from now. I do not know her fiancé but I feel like I should tell him what his fiancé has doing behind his back. It has been bothering me for a couple of weeks since I found out. I just need to know if I should shoot him an email about this or not. I know that I would want for someone to tell me if my fiancé was cheating on me 2 months before our wedding.

What should I do??

It seems to me like you don't want to hurt anyone but you may save this guy a lot of trouble by telling him. I would want to know if my fiancée was cheating on me and I would not be as forgiving as you.

You need advice for the girl's fiancé? Get real.

"I know that I would want for someone to tell me if my fiance was cheating on me 2 months before our wedding "

Just because someone didn't tell you, doesn't mean you need to.

All you need to be concerned with is how you can work to get beyond this. How to trust him again. Tough one.

They aren't your concern. Your boyfriend & her are the ones that are screwing up things. After all, you weren't the one who disrespected anyone.

Don't be so hung up on marrying either, "fiances" etc... I would wait to see how "true" this guy really is. Even if you do have a baby.

You don't want his actions to to continue or rear its ugly head.

You know what they say about cheaters. Even if they only "kissed"

Look harder at his actions, less at his words. If he's really committed, he's got to work hard at it now.

Time will tell.

I do trust my fiancé already. He has been completely honest with me about everything. He has never betrayed me before this and I know he would never do it again. It happened with him in a time of weakness, it was my fault just as much as it was his. I was not being caring to his feelings and this girl was showing him the affection that he was not getting from me. I completely understand why he did it. Since I had my baby I have been completely consumed with him and have been neglecting my relationship with my fiancé.

And yes I know what they say about cheaters, but as a former cheater (not on my current fiance) I know that cheaters can indeed change...

Ask yourself this, would you want someone to tell you that your hubby cheated on you?

Your fiancé shouldn't be jealous of the attention you're giving the baby. You need to tell him to grow up.

This isn't about my fiancé though... I just want to take him out of the picture. Our relationship has actually never been better. This has made us 100 times stronger. I just need advice on if I should tell the fiancé of the girl he cheated with.


Don't get me wrong I am very appreciative of all the advice I have been given, I just want it to be known that I am sure of my relationship and that is not what this is about.

While you may feel that he has a right to know, he also has a right to privacy, and what if he already knows. People should have the right to handle their own affairs the way they choose, especially if as an outsider we may not know the totality of the circumstances. Let them deal with their issues, and focus on your own. You may have the same issues as he does. Is once only once? I do not know but I am aware that the next time it will be twice and then the third. If your fiancé shows this behaviour again, it may be titled a pattern. Good Luck.

What does your fiancé say you should do? After all isn't he affected too? That's who you should be asking. Since you know the girl and the one she is supposedly marrying, why would you not talk to her?

While I see your point, that YOU would want to know what was going on behind YOUR back, ratting her out, and causing HER problems because, you think HE should know what SHE is doing behind HIS back, is nothing but revenge on your part. Now you can sugar coat it, and justify it, and wrap it up in all the good intentions that logic can come up with, but the bottom line will always be take care of yours, and let others take care of theirs.

If she didn't learn from her mistake, she will repeat it, and then she pays. That's the way the universe works, and it doesn't need some self appointed do gooder to help it. Forget this impulse to get involved in someone else's relationship.

Its really none of your business.

As for your own boyfriends behavior, the reasons he acted a boob with this female has nothing to do with you. Don't justify his behavior by taking half the blame, his mistake is all his, you forgave him, took him back, so deal with the feelings of hurt, betrayal and disappointment, without the guilt.

That is your business. Your okay with the results, fine. Move on with your life, and leave everyone else's alone.

Thank you talaniman for your advice. I do see your point about why I shouldn't involve myself with their relationship. I will ask my fiance's advice on this to see what he thinks I should do. And yes I want to get some revenge on her. While I am secure in my relationship now, our relationship was almost wrecked over this whole ordeal. And I do not know her but I did get her phone number and text her once to find if what my fiancé said happened was actually true and she has been very rude to me so I think she deserves to get some form of punishment for this. Of course I don't want to to get off with no repercussions. But I do feel bad for him because as you said she will probably keep doing this to him and I don't believe that is fair.

Plus there is one more aspect that I have not mentioned. She WILL NOT leave my fiancé alone now. He has told her he does not want to have any form of contact with her yet she still will text him 20 times a day to try to get him to talk to her again. Although I trust my fiancé and he tells me every time she texts him and what she says, it is still putting some strain on our relationship. Selfishly I do want to tell her fiancé so that maybe it will make her stop. I just want to forget about this whole situation and move on from it but SHE is making it impossible to. I even received a letter from her in the mail telling me off and about how I was ruining her and my fiance's "friendship". All of this is just getting really old and I would like it to stop sometime soon.

Change his phone number, change the mail - let the fiancé know that while at work, he could speak to someone about her non-stop approaches, that's inappropriate behaviour.

Let your boyfriend man up & stop the madness.

After all, he helped create this drama.

You shouldn't have to do anything. Bad idea sending her texts.

Instead of being bent on revenge. Try blocking her in every way, both of you. If she continues, contact the authorities.

Time to let everyone know, work, friends, family included.

Why you never mentioned the very important facts of the matter that she is openly making a pest of herself, is striking, and explains the need for revenge. This has gone to far, and your boyfriend can no longer sit on his hands, and just report to you when she texts. He needs to do whatever it takes to stop this. This psycho may not be concerned about HER fiancé knowing about this mess. That's what it seems like to me, but this is still his business to handle, and he better get on it.

Exactly. He's got forgiveness as his phones blown up with texts.

I just haven't wanted to tell anyone about this because I am ashamed that this is happening. That is why I am on here instead of talking to my family or friends about it. I have wanted to wait as long as possible before telling anyone else about this, but maybe it has come to the end of the line where I need to get others involved. I just don't want people to look at him differently. He is truly sorry and he knows that he screwed up. But like I said right now SHE is the only thing wrong in our relationship. She is making it impossible for us to have "us" time because the phone is always ringing and we constantly have to screen calls and like I said now even our mail.

I don't see the need to tell your family or his anything about this. It's your private life, you chose to forgive him (I wouldn't have, but that's just me).

Call your cell provider and find out how to get her number blocked so she can't text or call anymore.

Have your boyfriend (I won't call him fiancé right now because he basically lost that title, if even temporarily with his behavior) tell her that all attempts of her contacting him will now be considered harassment and if it should continue charges will be brought against her.

Well all of you that doubted my relationship can pat yourselves on the back. I caught him cheating again tonight. He told me he had to work but I found out that he was really just off having sex with another girl. I am going to take everyone's advice and not tell the other guy now I know if I did it I know it would be purely out of revenge and also I don't want to put him through what I am going through.

I'm sorry this happened to you, sometimes no matter how good the advice we have to see the 'reality' of a situation for ourselves.

Now that you see the light you can move on, am I assuming too much? That your going to dump him now?

The only pats on the back are for you.

When you remove yourself from this guy.

He's shown his true colors. Rid yourself of this disrespect.

Sorry to hear. But you will come out just fine.

NC from now on with him.

I really don't know how to go about this with the NC thing. Since we have a baby together I can't really have NC. So I guess my new question is how does NC work when you have a baby involved.

NC works like a divorce when children are involved. You plan how you take care of your obligations such as support and visitation, and keep all other conversation about what's the best thing for the kids, and never go through the relationship stuff.

I highly suggest you go to where ever court sets the child support, and see what those obligations are, and make arrangements for YOURSELF to meet them. That in itself can save a whole lot of arguing later. But the main thing is that since you are tied together by kids for a long while, you make yourself busy, and unavailable for the rest of the emotional confusions, and hassles later.

No you just can't walk away from your baby mama cleanly, but you can do this mentally, and emotionally, by keeping any contact about the kids, and not about you, or the relationship.

You couldn't work together as a couple, but for your kids, there is no choice. If you cannot agree then the courts will step in, and settle your disputes. The rest is you setting boundaries of good behavior around her, and have as little to do with her as possible. I think its best to exercise your rights through the courts for visitation, custody, and support, just to save the arguing, and putting the kids in the middle, or having them be pawns to harass each other.

Yes its very difficult, but many have done this before.

Thank you for your advice Talaniman. But just to let you know, I am a woman, and it is him that cheated on me. So I think you meant I can't walk away from my baby daddy. Lol!

Can't add to the great advice you have received, but just wanted to say how sorry I am that you are going through this experience.

I hope that when you are ready, you will meet someone who you can fully trust and believe in. Take care of yourself... surround yourself with family and friends.

Its you first now and your child. He's should be at the bottom of your priorities now.

Its going to be hard, but I agree with Tal.

One step at a time. Separate & get some advice legally.

He used up those "be a family" cards with his behavior. He doesn't deserve anything from you at this point.

Surround yourself with people that care & will help you during this transition. You shouldn't go it alone.

Im sorry that things weren't what they seemed, but this is life & things change, as sucky as it may seem. This one will be for your benefit in the long run.

You will be all right if you stay focused.

Keep us posted.