As it turned out I made a bad decision when I got pregnant. My son's father has a bad temper, he was a drug addict. He is very abusive. I don't want my son to think that this is OK. I want him to give up his rights. I don't want my son confused because he comes and goes out of his life. He did not sign the birth certificate, but I did attempt to take him to court for child support. I have no order because they could not serve him

Hello a:

You're not going to be able to remove his rights any more than he can remove yours... If they couldn't serve him, try again.

excon

There is a sticky note that covers this. It is difficult to give anything more than general opinion when the jurisdiction isn't mentioned.

Additionally, there is a lot of common sense that goes along with it. Is the father trying to assert his rights? If you are looking for both support and to keep the father out of the child's life, that's going to be difficult, though not impossible if what you say is true and he is abusive. There are generally advocacy groups in most states, a simple Google search in your state/city will likely pull up some good groups to assist you.

They can't find him because he is hiding from the police. All they would do is knock on the door.

My fiancé wants to adopt my son. It is my understanding that he can't do that if he refuses to give up his rights

My fiance wants to adopt my son.Hello again, a:

That's a different situation entirely... NOW you've got some leverage... You're going to need to get married, but if you do, THAT is the only way the father can give up his rights... But, he gives up his obligations for child support TOO, so that should encourage him to comply.

excon

Right that changes things, check the laws in your state for rules (Im not sure all jurisdictions require a marriage for adoptions--seems like with today's plethera of families it is "old hat"). Anyway, the giving up support for terminating parental rights concept is up in the air with the latest round of SCOTUS cases, though I think that is mainly for the states to be able to recoup some costs.

So, an attorney would be advisable here, if your indigent most states have pro bono or low cost attorneys. If he is unserveable they will end up doinga publication, where they post the case anda notice in the local paper and if he fails to show the judge can make a negative inference from that and ultimately terminate his rights, so that the child is free to be adopted.

Because he has never signed the birth certificate or legitamized him. I tried to take him to court for child support and he left the state. Does he have rights?

First please stop using that silly comment feature, it does not allow you enough space to properly give enough info, go in and actually "answer" your question to provide more info.

He has "rights" the right to go to court and get those rights,
In most places he will have to first be your husband and often a husband for at least one year to adopt. ( but not everywhere)

At that point you will have to try and find the bio father, get a DNA test and have him sign over his rights to allow an adoption. **** ( which is different from just signing over their rights), those rights will not be done away with until the actual adoption takes place

First, yes he has rights as the biological father of the child. It doesn't matter if he signed the birth certificate or even if he was not named as the father, simply because his DNA was used in the production of the child he has rights.

Next, whether he ever asserts those rights is a different thing altogether, which is why there is a condition precedent to adoption proceedings. That condition is that the parent's (one or both) rights are terminated (with some differences among jurisdictions--some allow a third parent in some circumstances).

Lastly, prior to the adoption, the termination proceeding will terminate the biological fathers rights upon the judges ruling. (sorry FR_Chuck, a technical distinction: it is not when the adoption takes place that pfathers rights w\ould be terminated--unless the adoption is made a condition of the termination of rights [which I have never seen, but is theoretically possible]).

My concern is not really whether my fiancé adopts him or not, of course I want him to, but it may not happen. My concern is the fact that his father keeps threatening to kidnap my son. I just wanted to know if there was a way I could legally prevent him from doing this?

... his father keeps threatening to kidnap my son. ...

Advise local law enforcement of these threats. Granted, he potentially could assert parental rights, but until he does, and particularly since he isn't on the birth certificate, a case could be made that if these threats can be proven he is guilty of some crime. Tell the police about these threats, and see if you can get them to take some action.

Until he can be served with civil process, this is basically a law enforcement matter.

I have already tried that. No one heard the threats so they can't help me. I tried to take out a restraining order but it was dropped because they could not find him to serve him

And if, as you say, he has left the state, a threat of kidnapping would probably make it a Federal offense.

I agree with AK Lawyer, a TRO, RO or law enforcement involvement are really your only choices. Though, I admit I am a bit confused, the court can not find him to dserve him, yet he continues to make threats? How? Do you know where he is? Is he calling or are these in person threats? If you are in fear he will kidnap your child and you have reported it to police I amunsure why they have not acted.

Can you move somewhere this man will not be able to threaten you or your child?

Okay, bottom line is this:

You cannot FORCE him to give up his parental rights. It doesn't matter that he's a jerk, or that he's not on the birth certificate, or that he's not around or that he's making threats to you that no one else can witness. There are VERY good reasons that no one but a court can force the termination of parental rights--how would you like it if someone just decided that you weren't parenting up to their standards, and decided to take away YOUR parental rights so that they could adopt the child?

Doesn't sit so well when it's taking YOUR rights away, does it?

If you can PROVE that he is a danger to the child, a court may consider terminating his parental rights. If you can't prove it, then don't hold your breath for a termination against his will.

In MOST states, your fiancé can't adopt. Your HUSBAND can adopt, but not your fiancé. Get married before you even start worrying about it.

Finally--Get a freaking lawyer. You can certainly do adoptions and all the stuff leading up to one without a lawyer. People do it all the time. You can also set a bone without a doctor, but I wouldn't recommend that, either.

I am finaincally unable to move. I don't know where he is. I have taken safety precautions. The police said since no one has heard the threats, they couldn't make a case. I have a prepaid cell which I thought was untraceable. The police couldn't get a call history. He calls. I've tried changing my number, but it doesn't work. I don't know how he is getting my numbers. I found out that he set up a phony account on Facebook and friended my fiancé. He has been keeping tabs on me this way. We have since blocked the friend and changed the security settings, but nothing seems to work.

"In MOST states, your fiance can't adopt. Your HUSBAND can adopt, but not your fiance. Get married before you even start worrying about it."


Just out of curiousity, what states do not allow single persons to adopt? That is the second time I saw it posted as a restriction. The statutes I have seen all say "any person."

Utah absolutely refuses single people adopting.

And most states do not allow step-parent adoption (where the biological parent is still retaining parental rights) without marriage.

Single people CAN adopt in most states---but they're adopting as the SOLE parent, not as an addition to ONE of the biological parents. If she wanted her fiancé to adopt in those states, BOTH biological parents would have to relinquish rights and the fiancé would become the sole legal parent.

In most cases, this is to ensure the level of commitment of BOTH parents. It is not in the child's best interest to have "parent-hopping", and if the child's PARENT isn't willing to make a legal commitment to someone, then why in the world would the courts create a legal commitment to that person for the child?

... and if the child's PARENT isn't willing to make a legal commitment to someone, then why in the world would the courts create a legal commitment to that person for the child?

Great way of putting it. :)

I understand that the court may use the circumstances and level of commitment of petitioners in deciding an adoption petition (as factors, not determinative alone) based on "the best interests of the child" standard. I wanted to be clear that it was not a preclusive factor. You mentioned that Utah uses it as an exclusion, do you have authority for that (I did a quick westlaw search, but only found one case that said it could be considered as a factor only, though admittedly I did not spend a lot of time searching (I also realize that in practice outcomes can be decided for other than the legal reasonings listed). This was more of a "state of the law" question.

If I understand you correctly, there is no legal preclusion then of a single/unmarried person from adopting (which was my understanding).

... You mentioned that Utah uses it as an exclusion, do you have authority for that (I did a quick westlaw search, but only found one case that said it could be considered as a factor only, though admittedly I did not spend a lot of time searching ...

If the statute is clear, you are not as likely to find case law. Who is going to file a petition, and then appeal, when there is no statutory basis for such a petition in the first place? Especially when the issue is whether a fiancé can do a step-parent adoption before actual marriage? Litigation isn't cost-effective. It's much easier to simply wait to get married and then proceed with the adoption.

And its similar to how Synnen explained it: If the boyfriend isn't ready to commit to marriage, why in the world would he bother with expensive litigation which he is most likely going to loose in any event?

HRC | Adoption Laws: State by State (http://www.hrc.org/issues/parenting/adoptions/8464.htm)

This site has a pretty good breakdown of whether single parents, or co-habiting unmarried adults can adopt. I've not researched EVERY state listed here to see if they are correct in their assessment, but I have checked a few. It is EXTREMELY difficult to adopt in Utah if you are not married. Period, full stop. You CAN adopt as a single person, but risk having that adoption overturned if it is known that you cohabitate with someone not your spouse.

I used this site when I was researching how adoption law and the same-sex marriage laws combined were discriminatory--long story--and it seems to be fairly accurate.