See I'm in the same boat I want to leave with my daughter but the father doesn't want to leave the state we are in but he tells me I can't take our daughter with me on a vacation even to meet my side of the family, but it's okay for him to leave the state with her and his mom come up from the lower 48 and take her back down there for a couple months. I want to move to FL as well and I have a job waiting for me once I'm ready to come down told them it can be 2-3 years before that happends... I just don't know if I can get charged with kidnapping since we were never married and there's no court orders. He doesn't have the time for her with three other jobs plus he's going through a divorce and his fiancée is pregnant with Twins plus she's got kids living with them. So he's got his plate full. I ask him for help when I don't got the money for diapers and formula and I run out of wic and he tells me, well I buy for my house you can buy for yours, and I have to nag and nag him to help me out and then when he asks me if I need anything he knows I don't because I've bought the stuff I need for our daughter!

I want to move out of state with my kids, but their dad tells me I can't unless I leave them. He's going through a divorce and has a little boy and little girl with his wife and he's got a girlfriend too who he just moved into his 4 bedroom house. He's got three jobs. His girlfriend is pregnant with twins as well. He doesn't got a lot of time for the kids so they are with me most of the time. He tells me that I can't even go back home for a visit to see my family and let the kids see my side of the family but it's okay for him to leave with them and his mother come up from the lower 48 and keep them for a couple months. I have a job where I want to move waiting for me, but I told them I have to get this all squared away before I can and it can take up to three years, I've just got to keep them updated. I planned on telling him the day I leave but if I can get charged with kidnapping I don't want to do it, and I know if I fill for custody he'll make it to where I can't leave with them and I have to leave them behind, I feel if I do that he will charge me for abandonment. I love my kids to death and I want them to stay with me, I don't plan on taking them 100% away from their father, I want to have them at least for the school year then they can come back up here for the summer or him and his little family can come down for the summer which ever. Can someone please give me advice??

Get an attorney and get all of this setteled in court.
That is the only way to handle custody and visitation matters.
Anything less than court ordered settlements are worthless and WILL cause you trouble

Also you need to gine some information that would help make this clear.

Is he listed on the birth certificate ?

Who has the kids the majority of the time?

Does he pay child support , is there an order for support?

Were you ever married to him?
What chain of events got you to where you are now , starting with the birth of first baby?

Do I have this right? You have a child by a married boyfriend. He is in the process of divorcing his wife. He also has a fiancé who is pregnant.

You've wasted too much time already. Go to Court. Get paternity established, ask for custody, ask for child support (Court ordered), ask for a determination whether you can leave the State.

The Court will require DNA testing.

We've already got a test done his mom demanded it when she was about 2 1/2 months old... but see his mother is a social worker in the lower forty eight and threatens me with her if I try for custody... She hates my guts BIG time

First its not a good idea to piggyback your question on someone else's. This can lead to confusion. You should start a new thread. So I've moved your question to its own thread.

First, if you have applied for WIC, then why haven't they gone after him for child support? Generally when you apply for public assistance, they require that the father be identified and they will go after him for support. So something doesn't ring true here.

If it is true that no court actions have been taken, then you are free to move. Is he even on the birth certificate? Either way, you will not be prosecuted for kidnapping as long as you do not hide from him.

While I agree you should have gone to court immediately for support, if you haven't had any court action, then I would move, establish residency in FL (6 months) and then file for support.

To martinizing2: its not letting me post a comment on yours. Yes he's on the birth certificate on one of them, the other one isn't his, but I'm in school she's suppose to be there full time until I'm done with school but I've had her most of the time no court orders he was my best friend had a fling with him and his wife.

Sorry I'm new to this... hes on birth certificate, and wic doesn't go after him for child support I have to be on cash assistants to do that and we have an agreement I won't but the way things going been thinking about it. I plan on telling him

Also wic isn't part of public assistant. That's cash part and I don't need cash assistant I work and don't qualify

{Comments merged-<>}

It is best to just answer the post, not to "comment" the comment only allows a short response.

The issue is that without a court order, if you leave, he can file up there and they will order the kids to be returned, so you will have to just move back or let him have the kids, if he does that.

So you need to go to court and get a court order and get his or at least the courts permission

It does not matter what he was "suppose" to do, or what he is not doing now.

I'll keep looking into it here, I'm going Monday to the courthouse to get some free advice.. I've been told since there's no court orders I'm able to move out of state as long as he knows where I'm going which I planned on telling him.

Comment on JudyKayTee's post
we've already got a test done his mom demanded it when she was about 2 1/2 months old...but see his mother is a social worker in the lower forty eight and threatens me with her if I try for custody...She hates my guts BIG time

Please don't use the Comments feature when posting follow-up questions or info. Use the Answer options at the bottom of the page.

Who did the DNA test? Was it ordered by a court or was it a private test?

Stop letting this woman intimidate you because she is lying to you. By default YOU have custody. You don't have to "try for custody". Unless a court has identified him as the legal father, then he has no rights (or responsibilities) whatsoever.

I'm also assuming you are in Alaska (the reference to the lower 48), ANY question on law needs to include your general locale as laws vary by area.

For us to help further we need to know EXACTLY what has been done to establish his paternity. You said he's on the birth certificate, but did he sign the because or an acknowledgment of paternity? You need to be sure if anything has been done in court.

Also document the fact that he has taken the child out of state for vacation and let her stay with his mother. At the very least that will prevent him from stopping you from going on a vacation.

We went to a place here and paid for a test to be done, I've got the hard copy signed by a doctor. Wic only provides formula and baby food. He's listed on my wic but I'm the one who goes to the appointments. The taking out of state by him or his mother hasn't happened yet, but he's told me it will happen but I will be noting it, I've been noting everything keeping receipts of everything I buy including WIC.

Next report mom to the department she works for.
After that, go to court, if you leave without permission the court can ( if he files) just order you back, and if you don't then you go to jail.

Well I'm going to get some legal advice, from what I've been told with friends and other people I know who've gone through this that I'm okay to go as long as he knows and there's no court orders, but they say if there is a court order before I leave I can't leave and I know he won't fly he doesn't have the money to fly.

Quote lovingmybabies
I've been told since there's no court orders I'm able to move out of state as long as he knows where I'm going which I planned on telling him.

Who told you that is the important part. An attorney?

If you want to be SURE of the consequences , get an attorney .

You need a court order now. That will settle all the issues

And take away all the guessing. This is too important to act upon

Without an attorney.

we went to a place here and paid for a test to be done, I've got the hard copy signed by a doctor. Wic only provides formula and baby food. he's listed on my wic but im the one who goes to the appointments. the taking out of state by him or his mother hasn't happened yet, but he's told me it will happen but I will be noting it, I've been noting everything keeping receipts of everything I buy including WIC.

well I'm going to get some legal advice, from what I've been told with friends and other people I know who've gone through this that I'm okay to go as long as he knows and there's no court orders, but they say if there is a court order before i leave i can't leave and i know he wont fly he doesn't have the money to fly.

The DNA test was not legal then. Not that it wasn't accurate. It would probably not be accepted by a court. So as long as there is no court action, you do not need permission to move. You are in the drivers seat here. That's why I said go ahead an move, then file once you have established residency. But once court action has commenced where you are now, then you WOULD need court permission to move and, if he object, likely not to get it.

And, by all means, consult a Family Law attorney to confirm what we've said.

Okay thanks. Yeah I would like to hear that from here as well... Im afraid if I leave my daughter here he'll get me for abandonment and that's not what I want to do!

Just realized there was two threads, I have merged them

Sorry Fr_chuck I responded on this one before I made a new one I was trying to figure it all out thanks everyone for the advice! I will continue to check it out here on the law to confirm it

The steps that need to be taken at this point are:

1) talk to a lawyer that handles family law near you and confirm everything.

2) Its true you can leave but its also true you can be forced back. And with a grandmother of the child as you have described I would recommend you go to court and seek permission first.

3) Child support isn't about you its about the child. Both parents have a legal and moral responsibility to provide for the child. If the money is not needed at the current time then great. Stash it away for a college fund for the child. But always get the order in place as you never know when life will strike back at you. Protect the child at all times.

2) Its true you can leave but its also true you can be forced back. And with a grandmother of the child as you have described I would recomend you go to court and seek permission first.


I'm not sure I can agree with this, in THIS case. Clearly, the father would object which means permission will be very hard to get. On the other hand, if the OP can get herself established in FL and file there, it will be much less likely that she can be ordered back. In THIS case, it's a calculated risk that I think worth taking.

I'm not sure I can agree with this, in THIS case. Clearly, the father would object which means permission will be very hard to get. On the other hand, if the OP can get herself established in FL and file there, it will be much less likely that she can be ordered back. In THIS case, its a calculated risk that I think worth taking.

To me In my opinion. The complicating factor is the grandmother of the child. Op's complaint of threats from her and the fact that she works for a social program combined with the hatred it would seem that as soon as Op leaves the state she would push for something to be done.

That is the basis of my recommendation. That doesn't mean that is how its going to happen. Its just another cog in the wheel that has to be considered. Its already odd that the grandmother wanted the DNA testing to be done but not through the courts. (keeps her child from paying support) She appears manipulative. At least from the Ops point of things.