Magstaa90
Jan 27, 2011, 02:05 AM
I know the first thing everyone may think is "get over it". This question is probably so redundant, but I would like to present you with my point of view.
I never really had a problem with my boyfriend watching porn and sometimes we would watch it together, out of my suggestion. We have been dating for two years now, and the longer the time I'm with him the more attached I feel towards him. I'm not a needy person and would never expect him to pick me over his friends. This one time when we were at school studying, he kept checking out this girl (I mean with his eyes glued). It really really annoyed me because we were there to study. I never said anything about it, but it was obvious I was moody. His excuse was that he thought he knew her, which was totally BS. I think that was when I started becoming insecure about myself. I was joking one time over something stupid, and he said he was never going watch porn again and he was going to delete his whole porn stash and he even showed it to me. Obviously in a girls perfect world that's what they would like to believe. A couple months later, I found the same stash on his computer, I didn't say anything and asked him casually if he still watches it and if he deleted it all completely last time and has nothing left. I was so choked but kept persistently asking him, and told him I was going to check his computer if he's that sure (sounds kind of psychotic but I swear it didn't come off that way lol). After I said that he admitted to it however he said he has "some". It is so obvious that he just saved all the files and just deleted the copied ones. It's so stupid! Why would he suggest to delete it all in the first place and then lie to me about it? And it hurts to know that I had to ask him THAT many times for him to admit to it esp because he felt threatened. He also said that he admitted to it willingly, that I probably would have never found it. HAH. Little does he know.
After that we got into a big argument. I AM mad at the fact that he lied to me, but he still doesn't know that I found it on his computer. He said the only reason why he kept it was cause it took along time to download it (but why would it even matter when he said he wasn't going to watch it anymore?) Then he deleted everything after.. I know cause I checked. (This is so bad, can't help but be tempted sometimes:S)
It's just so dumb for me to give so much. I'm so naïve. I never lie to him and I really expect the same from him.
He did his apologies, and he seemed so sincere.. so I forgave him.
However, a week ago I found newly downloaded items on his hidden folders. The girls were really naturally pretty and natural in general. This makes me feel so insecure and ugly. I talked to him about it and he said that he only watched it once and felt bad for it. Which was totally BS cause I saw the multiple files and the date they were created (a couple of them were created a week right after we fought the first time and he prob thought that I viewed his history instead) I'm really mad this time I haven't talked to him for a week now. He says the same things with the same apologies that sounds so sincere. But it's really hard for me to trust him cause he sounded just as sincere the first time. I know insecurities is something that I should be solving myself, but is it really that hard to ask for, for him not to watch it? He knows how I feel towards it and about him, I feel like he should be respecting me and just give up his lame porn. I feel so disgusted with myself with so much regret with what I have given him. And please don't say that porn is a natural thing for men cause it isn't. I hate to imagine my boyfriend whacking off to another naked chick, its so disturbing. I don't want him to lay hands on me again. What should I do?
I never really had a problem with my boyfriend watching porn and sometimes we would watch it together, out of my suggestion. We have been dating for two years now, and the longer the time I'm with him the more attached I feel towards him. I'm not a needy person and would never expect him to pick me over his friends. This one time when we were at school studying, he kept checking out this girl (I mean with his eyes glued). It really really annoyed me because we were there to study. I never said anything about it, but it was obvious I was moody. His excuse was that he thought he knew her, which was totally BS. I think that was when I started becoming insecure about myself. I was joking one time over something stupid, and he said he was never going watch porn again and he was going to delete his whole porn stash and he even showed it to me. Obviously in a girls perfect world that's what they would like to believe. A couple months later, I found the same stash on his computer, I didn't say anything and asked him casually if he still watches it and if he deleted it all completely last time and has nothing left. I was so choked but kept persistently asking him, and told him I was going to check his computer if he's that sure (sounds kind of psychotic but I swear it didn't come off that way lol). After I said that he admitted to it however he said he has "some". It is so obvious that he just saved all the files and just deleted the copied ones. It's so stupid! Why would he suggest to delete it all in the first place and then lie to me about it? And it hurts to know that I had to ask him THAT many times for him to admit to it esp because he felt threatened. He also said that he admitted to it willingly, that I probably would have never found it. HAH. Little does he know.
After that we got into a big argument. I AM mad at the fact that he lied to me, but he still doesn't know that I found it on his computer. He said the only reason why he kept it was cause it took along time to download it (but why would it even matter when he said he wasn't going to watch it anymore?) Then he deleted everything after.. I know cause I checked. (This is so bad, can't help but be tempted sometimes:S)
It's just so dumb for me to give so much. I'm so naïve. I never lie to him and I really expect the same from him.
He did his apologies, and he seemed so sincere.. so I forgave him.
However, a week ago I found newly downloaded items on his hidden folders. The girls were really naturally pretty and natural in general. This makes me feel so insecure and ugly. I talked to him about it and he said that he only watched it once and felt bad for it. Which was totally BS cause I saw the multiple files and the date they were created (a couple of them were created a week right after we fought the first time and he prob thought that I viewed his history instead) I'm really mad this time I haven't talked to him for a week now. He says the same things with the same apologies that sounds so sincere. But it's really hard for me to trust him cause he sounded just as sincere the first time. I know insecurities is something that I should be solving myself, but is it really that hard to ask for, for him not to watch it? He knows how I feel towards it and about him, I feel like he should be respecting me and just give up his lame porn. I feel so disgusted with myself with so much regret with what I have given him. And please don't say that porn is a natural thing for men cause it isn't. I hate to imagine my boyfriend whacking off to another naked chick, its so disturbing. I don't want him to lay hands on me again. What should I do?