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confusedice
Jan 26, 2011, 07:05 AM
I have been meeting a guy quite a long time

We first met for about a year ago just to have sex and rarely talked together, but now we are starting to meet more and for other purposes, and talk a lot together. I have always been very fond of him! He is a little older than me and no one knows about us, except his best friend and my best friend. He has sometimes said that he likes me and we spoke about it neither of us was dating another

I'm still often quite shy when I'm near him, and I'm not always 100% myself but like 80-95% myself.. I'm sometimes a little stressed but I can always relax when we are laying together

I want to be with him as a girlfriend, but I have not the guts to start talking about it with him.. do not know in what situations and what to say to him! I'm also pretty scared of rejection hehe but I can get through that if it happens... I do not want to be to meet him if this is the meaningless on his behalf

Is there any advice from you, my darlin ':)??

Jake2008
Jan 26, 2011, 08:54 AM
I find it amazing that you are too shy to discuss a real relationship with this man, yet, you are not at all shy to have meaningless sex with him for a year. That is called putting the cart before the horse and wondering why you aren't getting anywhere.

Sex is only one small part of a relationship. If that is all you have with this man, you have nothing.

If you want to establish more with him, as I suspect you do, and see if there is anything the two of you have in common to build upon, other than sex, the first thing I advise you to do is stop with the sex, and start talking to him.

You don't say how old you are, or how much older he is. But, I get the impression that you have set the bar so low (by having sex for so long without any relationship), that you are inexperienced. With that in mind, consider this.

It takes time to get to know a person. Who they really are. Their lives, their families, their goals and dreams, what they are looking for in a relationship, compatibility between you. Are there things you have in common that you both like to do- movies, skating, bike riding. What has his past been like, has he been married, does he have children. Do you want children in your future, and if so, what is it about him that makes you think he's a good partner and potential father. Is he reliable, honest, trustworthy and considerate. What are his religious beliefs, how does he stand in a moral sense, what are his thoughts on his future. Is he even looking for a partner to share his life with.

As long as you are essentiallly hidden from his world, and he is hidden from yours, the relationship is even further reduced to no substance.

You can't change the rules of the game, unless you can at least set your own standards a little higher. Decide if you want to remain in a relationship as it is, or whether you are becoming increasingly burned out with riding a one horse pony.

Until you decide that you want more, and set your own standards and expectations, you will never know the answer to the question of whether he is willing to pursue an actual relationship. Figure out what you want, and what you don't want, and put it out on the table, and talk about it.

Personally, I think that being with someone with only one thing in common- sex- is a very lonely place to be.

confusedice
Jan 26, 2011, 09:28 AM
No! Haha you are misunderstanding me haha.
We have often met without having sexual entertainment ! And at some time I did not want it with him so much but my sexual desire to him is getting bigger now because I have so strong feelings for this man

And! I know a lot about him! We talk veeery much and we meet as often as we can :) I want to be his girlfriend, he is so perfect for me! We are very much alike and have same hobbies and interests. We train same sport together but it's a secret ;D haha
And also.. he is nice to me and he isn't talking to me only because of sex
He told me he would like to do so much with me.. like travel around and something like that

My question was just! How do I talk to him about being his girlfriend?! It's very hard for me :( I need a lot of ideas to choose from
He has even told me to live with him when I move out of my town :)
And when he told his friend about me he said that I'm his girlfriend! He was drunk though, and he called me when he was drunk and said: hey I told my friend that I have a girlfriend from lalatown named lala
Hehehe

talaniman
Jan 26, 2011, 09:50 AM
Stop being so scared, and ask him about being an exclusive couple. Geez just do it. You share good times and your bodies, but can't share your honest feelings. How old are you??

Talk before you have sex again.