Help! My husband is a verbal abuser that calls me names and threatens me and gets so close to choking or hitting me that I have to hit back just to get him away from me, even if I try to get away he backs me into a corner! This time I bit him to get off me and he is using that as "evidence" that I am the "crazy one"! I am the stepmom of 2 of his kids, who he has made sure they hear him calling me names and yelling at me, but today he ran out of our room screaming I bit him, and that I am crazy... in front of them... though I bit him cause he was towering over me yelling oscenities and calling me names shacking his fist in from of me face that he was going to punch me. I had to do something! Now he has his ex believing that I am the crazy one even though I was the one who called her to please come get the kids so they wouldn't have to witness any more of his anger and abuse! Now He is trying to convince the kids too! Now I (and he does now too) want a divorce, but he is threatening to take everything if I don't let him live here while we go through the divorce.
I can't let him do that as I am so humiliated as it is, as he has everyone believing he is the good guy and I am the ***** as he puts it! I don't know what to do! He tells me I have no rights and he can do whatever he wants and will take everything from me!
I have been doing contract work out of the house for the past 7 years, and made lots of money, but have not had much business in the past 2 years and now all my money is gone and he keeps me from having much money. He has kept an inheritance from his father hidden, and tells me he is now going to take everything from me. I don't have much. I have no where to go, I have no money, I have no steady work right now. I did pay for 1/2 of everything we own, if not more, but since I have lost many clients due to their companies folding in the past 2 years in the recession, I have nothing. He has still made me give all my money to our costs, and while I have nothing he goes out to lunch, etc.and keeps money hidden. He is trying to turn my stepkids against me now too, even though I have been like a second mom for them as we have them 1/2 time and I have taken care of them since they were 4 and 6 yr and they are 14 and 16yr now. I have taken them to school, made their lunches, always cooked dinner, helped buy all their clothes, bedroom furniture, decorated their rooms for them, etc. etc and now I am afraid I will never see them again, as he has succeeded in making sure his ex wife thinks I am the problem! We have been married for 9 years and together 10yrs so I have been the kids stepmom for more than 1/2 their life now. I am emotional and beside myself as I am afraid I will be out on the street with nothing. He is in the Military, and will have retirement from them, and can get a lawyer through them, without having to pay for one, while I can't even afford one! I am 49 yrs old and so ashamed to even be in this mess as I loved him so much, and the kids so much that I allowed this to happen. I am so hurt and afraid! How can he do this to me? Why did I ever allow this. We have a beautiful home, lots of great furniture, a beautiful landscaped backyard for parties and nice stuff and 2 great kids, and 2 dogs, 3 cats! I am going to loose so much, but need to get out of this relationship, but how can I do it without losing everything, as he has money and I don't. Help, as I have already lost so much, I can't loose my home too!

OK, who gives a flying flip what he says, or what he thinks he can do.

First don't be in the same house with him, if he is voilent, but let him be the one to do something, if he is merely "backing you into" then walk away, run away.

If you "HIT" him he can charge you with domestic violence, so stop it, NOW. Next go file for divorce, ask for everything plus some and fight it out in court

For your arguments to get to a point where you have to physically injure someone, and his anger is equally as bad that he's waving a fist in your face, surely your main concern is not being around him.

I feel sorry for these children that have witnessed two adults out of control.

Nobody knows how marital assets will be divided, until lawyers are involved. All of that process needs to start when you are both safely out of eachother's way.

If you don't have a friend or family member that you can stay with, seek out a local women's shelter, and whatever social services are offered in your community. Your immediate needs will be taken care of, and most likely there will be resources to help you with a referral to a lawyer. If you have no money, you may quality for legal aid. Either way, any women's resource centre can help direct you.

It sounds like there is a terrible history between the two of you, and if he has been hiding assets, and controlling all the income, you will need good solid advice from a lawyer as to how to proceed. Maybe he is hiding things because he has expected that the two of you will separate.

While it was wise of you to contact the kids mother to protect them from the violence in your home, for your own safety, seek a safe place to go, until everything else is sorted out.

Until you do that, you won't know what you will lose, nor will you have any idea of what to expect, and what you are entitled to.