I dated a 46 year old man for some time years actually,we were both divorced years before we ever met,I had just come out of a long term relationship and he too had been we started as friends and when I met him I said finally the kind of man I am looking for,secure confident social warm etc, He felt the same about me,We got along well...
Until:

I learned after we long had been seeing each other that he was actually insecure and not confident as his persona had appeared to be.I think he is bi-polar and narcissitic.

I also learned long into this that we really had something special but that was befroe I learned of all the lies he hid from me,I approached him and asked him if he wants to see other people go ahead but leave me out of this we parted for a short time then he started calling me again,I was leary but eventually he was back in my good graces assuming we had discussed what was important to me what I wanted and was looking for and he knew this so he wouldn't have called me if he had not thought things through.

He was seeing other people which I found out after the fact even got someone pregnant,she too was engaged with his lies and she never married was trying to tame him and make him settle down again,he claimed he wa trapped by her but her didn't want to be with her and he wasn't atlest for the 1st three years but now he moved her in and claims she pushed this along and he cannot afford his bills plus the support.
We ended what we had and I was very sad and emotionally scarred by this as I believed all the crap.



Months later he still was calling telling me he made a huge mistake asked me to wait for him while he sorts things out,she is still living with him.The very next week he said he know I shouldn't wait I have no issue in my life.

I could handle the break up and go on my way as I tried but the constant calling and telling me he needs me to talk to to help him get out of this has been painful.

I feel betrayed and ashamed I ever believed in him he has broken my trust and my sprirt.
He acts like It was no big deal he did nothing wrong and he quickly has forgotten all the things he said, I shouldn't feel sad I should just move on ,Yet I am angry as I have been trying to and he kept coming in and out in my life to emotionaly toy with me,It's been about 3 full weeks of him not calling and he was like clock work so the healing for me can hopefully begin however,What kind of man does this? He is now 49..

Do you not have caller ID on your phone(s)? CAn you not block his number? The reason why he is constantly calling you is because you let him! Stop answering the phone!

You are not the first girl( or guy) that has been played. At least you recognized there were differences. Although, I don't understand why you took him back if you thought he was insecure and a bi-polar narcissist? So, do you really know what you want iin a guy?

You need to cut this guy right out of your life completely( No Contact)if you expect to heal. He's not who you thought he was so, move on and take your time knowing the next guy.

ERROR: You must spread some Reputation around before giving it to ironhide262 again.

You know what he is about, stop letting him back into your world.

What kind of man does this? That's good question.

I think you really want to know how you make sense of all that has happened to you.

Unfortunately, there are people out there who will take advantage of innocent souls such as yours.

A person who's coming from love, as I sense you are, cannot fathom someone who's coming from--- well, cloying manipulation.

But he did. In general, the longer this went on, the longer it usually takes to get over it.

However, with support, and by reaching out, as you are doing, it is possible to deal with your feelings in such a way that you can finally heal-- and also figure out where you made your mistake.

What were the warning signs that you missed or glossed over at the time? Also, you took him back after you knew what he was like.

Why? Because "he knew this [what you wanted in a relationship] so he wouldn't have called me if he had not thought things through." That's a statement of what you would have done had the roles been reversed. It contains an assumption about where he was coming from-- his intention.

Relationship expert Shirley Glass has pointed out that this is the most common mistake which betrayed lovers make: we think that our lovers will act as we would act.

In your case, it's like that old, somewhat nasty saying: "Burn me once, shame on you. Burn me twice shame on me."

Well, one doesn't get over anger and betrayal simply because we wish to, or by "forgetting it." I think a ton of empathy is in order because of what you've been through. I hope that you can find supportive people who can listen and understand your feelings, because I think that this will help you heal.

However, at some point, I think it will be essential that you take responsibility by identifying the missteps on your side. Once he began to show signs of his true character, how exactly did you ignore those and continue headlong into it?

In sum, grieving, processing your feelings, empathy and support, and finally, taking responsibility are the essential ingredients so that the scar that you now carry from this can heal.

Sincerely,

SocialPsiTina