Okay, so I'm a 15 year old boy and I hate my mom. And I want to see her DEAD! No, no, not dead, noooooo, that'd be way too easy. Nooooo, I want to tie her up in a chair. Take a knife, and slowly stab it in her left eyeball. Then, I'd leave that knife there, take another knife and stab her arms. I'd take a small needle like object and slowly, slowly, stab it in her stomach. Then, I want to rip her hair out of her head with my very own hands. I wannna hear her cry. I want to see her blood slowly dripping off her skin. I want her to feel all the pain and missery she's given me through my whole life. I have a problem I know :(

See, I'm the youngest in my family. But, I'm not the smartest. My sister (19 years) and my brother (21 years) get more attention from my mom then I do. Because they've achieved a whole lot more. My mom loves them SOOOOOO much. She gives them everything they want. Macbook? Sure! Playstation? Why not? Trip to Europe? Fine by me! The get everything they want. Litteraly, anything. And when I mentioned a trip to Europe, I meant they would go, not me. They'd got to London, Paris, Australia. And I was left with the maid. Do you know how hurt I was ? I was 10 back then. I always wondered back then "Why didn't they invite me?". And now that I'm older, you know what my mom's answer is? I asked this question twice and the answer that'd make me sad was: a) the ticket was too expensive, b) you're not smart so you shouldn't go, and c) you were younger, so you wouldn't remember half the trip anyway. Then I'd tell myself "but my friend go to go to Australia and he was like 9".

She'd always scream at me. She'd talk to my brother and sister like angels, but to me? She won't talk to me, noo, she'd scream to me. It's always "nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag nag" every night and day! She calls me stupid. I'm not joking. Seriously, she say's "it's easier to call you stupid". I always hated when she says that. I'd cry myself to sleep every night wondering "why wont I die?!".

Because of her, I don't believe in god anymore! Because of her, I want to kill myself! Because of her, I'm having the worst childhood ever! I can't wait for these horrible 3 years of my life to go by! I can finally get out of the damn house and live somewhere else. Seriously, I think of suicide and running away every night. I gave a whole book, A WHOLE BOOK, that's nothing but methods of suicides, suicide notes, run away plans, letters saying how much of a ***** she is and stuff, horrible horrible stuff, that I would do to her if I had the chance. I think I need help. I really can't hold on any longer :(

Honey :( :( I know how you feel, my parents idolized my brother and sister, and gave them EVERYHTING, where as I had to fight for and work for everything I have. My brother and sister were treated like angels when I got my head slamed into a wall by my mother, or knocked over and kicked, or pushed onto my bed and punched over and over on my back and head. I grew up with ADHD, and now as an adult, my doctor has diagnosed me with mild autism. I am smart in some ways. But absolutely NOT smart in others. And my family wastes NO time in reminding me of that, even now.
I am 26 years old now, and while I still hold no respect or love for my parents it does not affect me anymore. It is hard for you now... but please believe me that when you grow up, it will make you into a wonderful person! What does not kill us makes us stronger right?

On top of that, you need to do what I did NOT do. You NEED to tell your teachers, counselor, doctor, ANYONE about what is going on at home. They can HELP! I know it doesn't seem like it. I know how it feels to be all alone in the world. But they CAN.

Please please remember, that you don't NEED your familys aprooval or love or attention. You are a wonderful, smart person, I can tell just by reading your post. And although you feel unloved, even though I have never met you. I LOVE YOU. And I would be heartbroken to find out if you hurt yourself :( :(

Please... talk to someone. Your school, your doctor, a friend, a friends parent. ANYONE.

It is obvious that you need to be heard, and you don't feel that you are. Much of what you have said is resentment that has built up over the years, that has been unresolved. When this type of resentment builds, it leads to anger, aggression, and the inevitable boiling point, where you will do something desperate to be heard.

We all need to be loved, unconditionally. The problem with that is, love is sometimes paired with what we see as others having more than we do, with gifts, trips, and material things. Seeing your mother treat your siblings differently than you, may not necessarily mean that she loves you less, or them more.

There is a great divide between what is actually the basis for one party showing what they think is love (by nagging for better marks for example), and how it is perceived on the other end, which is negative, controlling, and unproductive. Where there is no balance between intend, and result, both parties are at opposites, and it is time, before this goes any further, to understand the differences, and reasons, as to why.

You are very angry, clearly. You may feel that any effort to get through to your mother won't work, and that fuels your anger, because it only increases, instead of being dealt with.

You don't say if you have ever talked to your mother about seeing a counsellor together, and I urge you to let her know, in a positive, mature way, that the problems you have together, need to be resolved in a counselling setting. A counsellor will be able to help both sides, understand how their behaviour, or lack of, is contributing to the situation you find yourself in now, which is desperate.

In other words, instead of feeling neglected and unheard, find ways to bring you and your mother to a place where you can both talk, and listen.

There is a certain urgency to your words, and in my opinion, all this unresolved anger is not suddenly going to stop and go away. Even if you suddenly got a new computer, or an all expenses paid trip overseas, no amount of material offerings will help improve the lack of what you really need, and that is, for your mother to hear you, and understand what is going on with you.

You may very well have to be the bigger person here, and step up, and start the process of dealing with your life, on your own. If that means seeking out a counsellor, then do so. If you go on your own, the most important thing you can do is be completely honest, as you have been here. And include all the information you have stated. It is a matter of understanding the degree of your anger, and giving you a safe place to express it.

Only then can you expect changes. And in my opinion, that seems a far better option, than to keep going the way you have been.

Wheres your father in all this?

If you feel your mother does not listen what about other family members,your brother? Your sister?

What happened that prompted you to post? What's the most recent gripe you have with her?

15 is a tough age,not a kid and not quite a man,but if you are going to change your situation your going to have to find some maturity to deal with it,not ranting not shouting not moaning,but actual communication.

Getting your point across and finding a compromise may be a solution,but you need to go about it in a calm and mature way.

If you want things how about getting a paper round? Or offer to do EXTRA jobs around the house?

In all this don't forget who is putting a roof over your head,school books and clothes,food,those little luxurys I'm sure you have,the fairies did not leave them,someone worked for the money and brought them for you.

Now to tackle that anger.

Sports,try one!

There's loads out there,running,swimming,football,
Basketball etc etc, if sports is not your thing try something where you can be apart of a team.

@jake2008
I really, REALLY, would like to see someone but I'm scared. Scared that if I tell anyone about this, the person I'd talk too about this stuff would tell my mom. Then my mom would say "oh, nothings wrong!" then when it's all over, she'd hit me and scream at me. She'd say "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT ABOUT ME?!". That has happened to me before and it's sooo hard to talk to anyone about this. :(

@jenniepepsi
Thanks. I also forgot to mention that my mom would hit me and kick me as well, so I know how you feel :( I really appreciate the words you said to me and that makes me feel slightly better :) . But I'm too scared to go to a councelor or a teacher. They'd tell my mom that I have a problem and my mom would start saying to me (behind they're backs) "WHY DID YOU SAY ALL THOSE BAD THINGS ABOUT ME?!" and ever since then, I'd be too scared to talk to anyone about this. Maybe I'd find someone I REALLY trust and talk to him/her about it. Thanks anyway :)

My mom and dad are divorced

My mom started calling me stupid a WHOLE lot more

I don't rant or talk about my problems that often, I've been keeping it inside since my depression kicked in (which was when I was 10)

Do you get to see your father?

Can you talk to him?

What would you like to see happen between you and your mother?

If you scroll down to the end of the page there's an answer box in which to reply to posts.

@redhed (lol)
Dad and mom are divorced. We live far, FAAAAAR, away from each other so I don't see him often. Also, (at your previous comment) Continuing on:

Don't worry about the part about the one's who's letting me live under this roof and giving me food and stuff. My mom ALWAYS rubs my face in it. Like "Oh you're such a waste of money to me! You probably don't have to go to school! You're failing it anyways!!" (no joke)

Perhaps its time for someone to talk to your mother on your behalf,your brother or sister.

Getting this out into the open is the only way things will change,the sooner you do the sooner things change.

So think!

Who is in your life that you trust?

If you still have contact with your dad,perhaps he is your best bet? Or an aunt or uncle?

Yes, life can really suck, esp as a teen when life is not fair. As far as the worst childhood, are you hungry, do you get beat, do you lay awake at night afraid that a family member is going to come in and rape you again. Not that your problem isnot serious but there are people on here that can go blow to blow about the "worst chldhood"


You need to discuss these things with perhaps a counselor at school. I will address God, nothing and no one can stop you from beliving in God, in fact when things gets worst that when people often get closer to God.

So tell us more about what else you do, school, what type of grades do you get, do you have other family, were are you located at. Has your family been effected by any of the large floods where you are at

I understand your fear of the backlash from taking the step to speak to someone. A parent would naturally feel 'under the gun' and maybe embarrassed, or defensive. It is not out of the question that her reaction would be negative. In fact, I would expect that. But, that is a minor consequence for getting to the problems you are facing. We all have consequences to our behaviour, parents are no exception.

I see now that there is physical abuse as well, which tells me that her anger is out of control. The more you write about your situation, the more imperative it is that you seek help. NOT seeking help is something that abusers count on, because their victims are terrified of more abuse, instead of less.

Being fearful, as you say, is stopping you from getting help, and that is typically why abusive relationships of any kind, go on so long.

I don't see any other way, unless as Red has said, your father is someone you can turn to for help. If he is there for you, would he be willing to help you?

But, it actually works the other way around many times. When the truth is out, discussed, and on the table, behaviours are often modified, for the very reasons you stated. She doesn't want her 'business' known, or she does not wish to change. But when it is known, she has to change, because emotional and physical abuse is often a situation for minors that needs intervention. Your responsibility lies only in your own behaviour, you have no control over your mother, or how she may react when you take steps to help yourself.

So if you talk to someone they "may" ( OK they won't, but if they did) so she would be mad about something else? So what.

Being abuse is a lot about control, if they know you will not say or report what happens, then nothing will ever change,
You may need to talk to several pepole before someone will listen but then you do

@redhed35
I don't know man... it's just, my dad's real nice, but then I force my anger on him. I ask him for what I want and I never really appreciate what he gives me. Anyway's, back to the point. I don't think I have ANYONE to talk too right now. It's the holidays and my friends are all busy going somewhere else with they're family (and yes, seeing how other people's mom love their kids anger me) and I have no-one to talk too. My sis and bro? No friggin way! They tell my mom EVERYTHING and I'd get into trouble for that. :(

@FR_chuck
I know my childhood isn't "HORRIBLE" as some other people. I haven't been rapped, my mom wasn't killed right in front of me (dammit!) and my mom isn't an alcoholic. But my mom does hit me. Kicks me, slaps me, threatens me, and I still think that makes my childhood bad. She says that god is real and we must always be patient (luckily those are the only words I'll remember coming out of her mouth) but the fact that she's never patient with me, just makes me think that she's a hypocryte and that if she's not patient and she herself doesn't follow the words of god, then why should I? I go to an average school. Nothing great, nothing bad. Great friends (who are amasingly cool AND smart) who can be a/holes sometimes. My grades are... average? Are Bs and Cs all right? I have no-one else here. I've migrated to Australia (I used to live in Malaysia, full blood malaysian. But my parents (when mom and dad were still together) raised me white. (neither of them ARE white but... They just left me in an english environment :/) ). And nothing crazy's happened. If your talking about what hallened in queensland, then umm, no, I live in WA

I think your mom is so mean if what you say is true!
I'm the youngest and I kind of know what it feels like to be in the position (I'm not going for suicide, but there are times when my mom really makes me feel like crap)
She treats us all so differently and really makes me feel different at times, but one of the many differences between my story and yours is that I know my mom doesn't always do it on purpose and feels bad when she does it and even apologizes at times after verbal abuse.
I know that you won't be able to ignore it, but I'd really recommend living with your dad.
I know that if my mom EVER treated me like that I'd find a way to get with my dad (my parents are divorced as well, but I don't know my dad so it'd be a lot harder to contact him.

I hate doing the whole pity thing, but I feel really sorry for you. No teen should go through that. (I'm a teen so I know that much)
And at the moment I don't believe your stupid. You know what 2+2 is right?. I thought so, your not stupid.

I know how you feel, in fact my mom was a physical abuser to, she had throw prick me with pins, beat me with belts, strangle me and the list is endless. And just like you I also had the urges to kill her but I just sucked it up.

So guess what I did? I left home as soon as I was an adult, I worked my *** off doing various jobs but at the same time saving money to do various courses.

And I am not 29 happily married with 2 kids earning 19k per month.

I still hate my mom and guess who is miserable? She is, not me. While I am all happy here with my kids and job, my mom is living a miserable lonely existence, and she deserves it all.

But on the other hand if I had decided to kill her, I had been probably ended up in county prison, would have had to join some gang, and when released I would have ended up in the life of crime and probably got shot and dead as a total waste.

You are much better than that, your mom is indeed not a good person but you are a better person than you mom or any one else in your family. So don't do it assault or harm your mom.
By the way if your mom or any one for that matter hits you, or does anything like that call the cops ASAP.