I met this girl at a party (18 y/o, I'm 25) and we hit it off. I took her on a couple dates and learned about a few things which will be important later in the story (ie, she's moving out of state in a few months, recently decided to cut contact with a guy who'd been stringing her along, and she was leaving for CA to spend the holidays with her family).

We went out the night before she was to leave for the holidays (spending 10 days with family) and ended up spending the next 31 hours together kissing, cuddling, and having a great time. We talked 3-4 times while she was gone and the conversations was always along the lines, of "I miss you", " Can't wait to see you" (from both of us).

I was going to be out of town when she got back and knew this so I wanted to leave a little surprise for her to find when she got home. Her favorite flower is a sunflower so I arranged a nice vase with a couple in it and bought some chocolates. I wrote a poem (mostly about sunflowers but highlighting something's about her personality that sunflowers share) kind of gay I know, but it came easy and turned out really good so I figured she'd appreciate the gesture. When she got the gifts, she sent a text telling me how much she loved them and that she'd see me soon!

Well, I got back in town and asked about seeing her that night. She said she was really busy over the next couple days, but asked if the following Thursday would work. I said okay, then didn't contact her until then. When I told her I would be by around 7 to pick her up, she said, "You know I really like you sweetheart, but I need a week...Please understand"

WTH? Where did that come from? I replied and said. "OK...? Kinda confused but whatever. Let me know when you want to have some fun." She didn't reply and since I've had NC with her. This is a new relationship and I understand I should care less than I do, but I really like her. I've had several relationships but the few dates we've been on have by far been the most fulfilling for me. I realize my problem is I'm deeply infatuated with her to a degree beyond what I've felt for previous girlfriends even after months of dating. Her best friend told me that she's never been treated like I treat her by a guy and even though she absolutely loves it she's afraid of getting attached because it will make her leaving that much harder.

My Questions:
-I don't want to be out of this girls life. Is NC the best idea? Should I let her contact me?
-Did my gift send the wrong message (that's when she started to be more disconnected)
-She's got 2 solid months before she leaves and she'll only be gone for 6 months, why wouldn't she want to spend those 2 months having a great time and getting to know me better?
-If she doesn't want to risk attachment, what can I do to make her feel like I'm not pressuring her into anything serious?
-I like her, and would love to be with her, but if I don't hear from her in a week should I interpret that as she definitely doesn't feel the same and cut all ties?
I'm sorry if this sounds pathetic... even after reading it I feel like this is something I am getting myself way too worked up about. But the connection I felt was so powerful and I really don't want to lose it. Especially this soon.

A lot of questions there,and I'm not sure if I can answer them all,but let me try.

So,where did you go wrong?You came off too strong too soon.Girls like poetry and flowers and chocolates and walks by the beach at sunset etc,but there's also some truth to the saying "girls only like badboys".Playing a bit hard to get and cool at the beginning is always welcomed;girls like the chase.This doesn't mean you should treat her bad and hung up her calls and break your promises to her,this simply means you shouldn't be too available.Make every moment with her count,but split the bill,use compliments with moderation,and don't put other things on hold because of her, for now,while you're still getting to know each other.

The mistake is already done,however,there's still a chance for you to mend things.How?Let her come to you this once.Her fears are well justified because you gave her so much in the beginning and she 1.knows she doesn't you that well so maybe the enfatuation will end sooner than she expects and she'll be heartbroken and 2.you came on too strong and you barely knew her which hints of obsession and girls just like guys need room to breathe.Next time she contacts you,let her be the one asking you out,or bringing up the subject,and then start from there.Set your date for a time that really works for the two of you,and don't leave anything behind just because you want to see her.Don't text her all the time and don't shower her with poetry and flowers etc for now.Just be kind and be a gentleman,open doors for her,listen to her,find nice places and things for you to do,but by no means show that she occupies your mind all day long.If she asks you about the change of atitude,tell her you started too strong and too fast and need to take things slowly and maybe just be friends for now or just date(if being friends means you'll still cuddle and kiss etc,that's up for you two to decide lol).Once you have a commitment,it's time for you to start opening up,and then you can put her a couple places higher on your priority list,and make time with her a priority.But still... flowers and chocolates and poetry(altogether at once lol)are only fit for really special occasions like her birthday or your first year anniversary.The rest of the time,keep it at one present only lol.

Thanks Scheat. I agree with what my next step should be to get her to want to come back (let her make contact) which really won't be a big deal. I planned on that anyway. When I do see her, would it be best to bring up the gifts and let her know I understand they were a bit much too soon, or should I just pretend like it isn't a big deal and not even acknowledge that I gave her anything? Outsiders perspectives are always very helpful with situations like this. I appreciate it.

My Questions:
-I don't want to be out of this girls life. Is NC the best idea? Should I let her contact me?
Don't panic, she needs a week to get over her jet lag and get in the swing of things, and catch up to what she missed while she was gone. You are over reacting after only a few dates.


-Did my gift send the wrong message (that's when she started to be more disconnected)
I doubt it. But I think the lack of facts has you tripping over anything you can grab hold of.


-She's got 2 solid months before she leaves and she'll only be gone for 6 months, why wouldn't she want to spend those 2 months having a great time and getting to know me better?
Maybe she has more going on in her life than spending all her time with some guy she just met. What about the family and friends she will be away from, and miss?? You have assumed from a very selfish point of view.


-If she doesn't want to risk attachment, what can I do to make her feel like I'm not pressuring her into anything serious?
By giving her time and space. I am sure you have other things going on in your life that can keep you busy.

-I like her, and would love to be with her, but if I don't hear from her in a week should I interpret that as she definitely doesn't feel the same and cut all ties?
What I would do is have a chat in a week and catch up. No I wouldn't ask for a date, or some face time, nothing like that. Just a short friendly catch up, and be done. Nothing deep, just light and casual. You are right, she doesn't feel the same as you, as you are mighty intense at this point, and you are still strangers so a phone call just to take her temperature is enough for now, and depending on how she reacts, then you can call her again.

She has 6 months away coming up, and I doubt seriously if she wants to start anything she can't finish at home, or complicate this trip with phone calls, and text woes from a guy she just met, who wanders what she is doing, and why isn't she calling more, or texting more, or whatever. Who needs that? Its wise to just wait until she comes back, and see how she feels.

The best thing in my own opinion is keep it short, and friendly until she gets back, and enjoy doing your own thing until then.

Good advice Talaniman. I've read a few of your posts and you have great advice. I have a new semester starting next week, and will be spending a lot of time working so I don't think keeping busy will be an issue. The question I still have though is about letting her contact me first. You think it's best for me to be the one to call after the week? I've weighed both options, but right now I'm leaning more towards waiting for her to call. That seems to give the impression that I was waiting until she was ready, even though she did give me a timetable to work with.