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Its about my life.. please read below and advice me...
We(me and the girl whom I love.. lets call D) became best friend just two weeks before.. it's been a year we became close to each other.. Just before a year. We'd been to educational tour from college.. And after that we became closer. I knew she had boyfriend.. And that time I was in relation with next girl L.

Just as a fren.. me n D used 2spnd times.. we go4 walks and phone calls and sms.one day I realized.. she likes me.. But I ignored because I was in relation with next girl L.Then after a month I got break up with L.. then I told this to D.. Actually she was unknown about my relation with L because I had promised L not of telling about it to others.. after that we all moved to next city for study. There we stayed for four five months and I was in pain because of breakup with L.. I these time D helped to get rid of grief,I was in.we shared time together.one day I felt like I was liking her.. crush on her.. I told her about it.. I said her I don't want to get love from her but just shared it because we're close friends.. and as I thought,c too had crush on me.. I came to know by her that before 1month when she knew I had girlfriend,she left her feelings go off.. Then we kept on sharing lots and lots of time together.. watched romantic movies together too,I used to leave her to the place where she used to stay.. then we both started expressing love.it used to be very hard for us to separate. In four months,only about two days we were out of contact.we use to say boyfriend and girlfriend 2 each other since our first month of being close friend.. but it became the reality.. But next thing is that she is in relation with next guy too.. his existing boyfriend lets say S.. she used to meet her just sometimes and she knows I feel bad about that..

Then she went to abroad for further study.. I was with her on last day and first night too to see her going off at 2am in the morning.. I know her family members and they do know about me too.. now also we chat for at least three hours a day.. then fb mail.. sharing I love you n I love you too.. n just before two weeks she asked me to be her best friend.. n I accepted it.. She knows I love her more than she does to me.. I didn't know what was propose..

Once I said her I love you and it was propose.. but she did nothing and no response.. Later I knew its actually meant the answer and making choice.while chatting.. we discussed about it.. then because of her I really proposed her.. she didn't say.. she felt bad.. she said she loves me but she is not choosing me.she says she can't leave her existing boyfriend.. she wants to leave him I guess.. I think she is worried

What if S do something.. once he tried doing suicide too.. n bla bla.. But I 'm seriously in love with her and she knows I want her to accept me.. and she feels bad too that she's not accepting me.. she feels bad when I talk about my ex and other girls so do... my friends saying me not to be serious. She 's playing with you and bla.. and I 'm against it. Its me who 've known her since a year.. if anything happens she'll too suffer too.. coz she loves me too.. About me and her we've told to only one friend.. D wants it not to be known others.. Just two days ago oe of my close friend,asked me about D and me.I said we're just close friends.. n he asked me what if I 'd to chose between him and D... actually if I had to then I will D.. cos she is everything for me Now please say me what to do.. I want her(D) to choose between me and his existing bf(S).. but I don't want to hurt her by asking it.We have already talked about this thrice.I love her and I can't bear loss of her. I can't see her being of other.. I can't.. I can't share her with other guy like this... Please help me. If possible.

From your description above I can say that this D u love has a good character, because she decided to stay dedicated to her boyfriend despite the fact that she has feeling for you also which shown that she is dedicated and loyal person. As for now the best move to do is to respect her decision, because althogh you both has same feeling to each other the timing just hasn't come for you both yet so for now back down for awhile say to her that you understand her situation, by doing this she could feel that you respect her and mature enough to consent about her situation. As for 'be able to be together' part time will tell.

Besides even if she were to dump her current girlfriend now and enter relationship with you it won't be healthy for you both because for her part she will be in relationsbhip with you while carrying guilty feeling from dumping her boyfriend which ofc will affect both of you in certain stage of your relationship later on, as for you ,you will also carry about the same guilty feeling, so yeah I don't think with the present situation of you both you could enter a healthy relationship with her, so for now the solution is to wait for the time when you both available and be able to enter healthy relationship:) peace

Thanks.. Its just is that we love each other knowing that she's next boyfriend.. she knows it and so do I . But despite it, we love each other.. It means should I just move on like this? We've trust for each other.. But what if I'd to lose her? What if she goes to her this S.? she knows what will happen to me.. Coz she knows how much I love her.. She knows I do love her more than I 'd ever loved L.. Hmmm. Really thanks you guys..

Like I said before whether you lose her or win her time will tell because looking at the present situation right now won't allow you both to have a healthy relationship, as for now you should just wait for her to be available while keep being part of her life, keep accompany her as 'special friends'. If she is truly meant for you then the time will come for you both to be together, for now just play the available role.

Sharing I love you and kisses on chats.. Is it bad? We love each other.. and best frens too... Ok I'm ready to wait for her.. But I don't want to be her option in her life.. It means should I wait for her tragedy with her existing boyfriend S?am I disturbing their relationship? At first she liked me. Then I liked her and now we both.. Did I do wrong for telling my feelings for her before five months?

Whether you disturb their relationship is really depend on how you act in front of her and how you treat her really.There are certain degree of attitude that you can give to friend and people you love.Simply put it is like this : If the degree is separated from scale 1 to 10 with 4-6 'degree of attitude' is a degree for people you consider as friend and 7- 10 is for people you consider as someone special then the way you act toward her should be in that 4-6 degree and not going past it although I do find that it is hard with your current situation atm because you love her and treat someone you love like a normal friend is... hard, but yeah try to create some limitation of your attention you should give to her. As for whether kiss and say I love you in chat is bad or not I think you already know the answer inside your heart, because if you don't know the answer you wouldn't ask it here, someone who sure what he/she did right won't have a single doubt inside of his/her heart.


It means should I wait for her tragedy with her existing boyfriend S
You look at this from wrong point of view, waiting doesn't mean you wait for tragedy to befall between them, or at least you shouldn't see it in negative light like that. See it in more positive light like : waiting here means seeing whether they 're meant to be together or not,and if they were not to meant to be together then it doesn't mean that you caused it and that also doesn't mean that you can't go to her nor you being option to her.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html

She has a boyfriend, so leave her alone. Its really that simple, and your efforts to get her away from him are really quite disgusting, and disrespectful to her relationship. Your friendship is not genuine because its purpose is to sway her away from who she has chosen.

A better man, I think, realizes this, and steps away from this situation all together and gets his own life, and his own girl to be with. Not hold out hope that an unavailable female will change her mind. That's very unrealistic. Then you can keep your dignity, and self respect, and not seem like the clown waiting for a balloon.

You are not entitle to anything special because you have strong feelings for her, nor should you presume her feelings are the same as yours because obviously, they are not. Get a life that makes you happy without her in it, and be a better man.

I didn't get your degrees of attitudes.. And no I don't have any guilty feelings.. I do trust her and so does she.. And she likes it.. Its not I'm forcing her. Hmmm.. Yeah you're true I should wait for her.. By the way me too don't want to force her for anything.. Its her to decide everything na.. she tells me not to leave her.. And keep also asking me what if I didn't get her.. She says if she and me couldn't be together then she won't keep frenship too and will never show herself to me. I do know I'm seriously falling for her and she is too..

And its not that I'm swaying her away from her boyfriend.. a year. Its not few days.. I'm sure that no one have known her as me.if my love is really true then I'm damn sure that she is happy with me... why should I leave her alone.. If I leave then what'll happen no one knows better that me.. I've promised her of loving her always and I can never think of leaving her.. I 've heard from her bf's fren.. That he 's other girlfriend too.. But I've not said about it with her. Coz I don't want to make his existing boyfriend down in her.. If I'd bad intension then I would've said it to her na.. But I can't do it. I love her and I do respect her feelings for me, for her existing boyfriend and their relation..

Her words and actions match, she is keeping her boyfriend, but keeping you secret in the closet. She gives you time as a friend, behind her boyfriends back. She is playing you, and you let her. Back off, and if she really cares as much as you think, she will drop the guy and come to you.

Do you want the truth, or the fantasy of your own feelings??

I wish you guys would know her as I've known.. Why playing me?what she could do if she fell in love with me?she's not the girl who can hurt others easily.. Her each decision matters a lot.. Just before.. We left chat. We chatted for three hours.. I know my two closest frens are already angry with me for this.. They think the same.. As you.. two expert guys said. If she were playing me why would she miss me every evening. Why would she provide me her fb Yahoo password? Why would she 've tears in her eyes for me? Why would she chat with me despite of her busy schedule. She's to go collegeg in morning at 9am.. bt chat with me 4 half an hour bfr.. n in intrvl of an hour,chats wit me for half an hour and after getting back from college and after taking meal. She only chats with me.. Gets invisible and doesn't care about other.. Its not playing yar.. I wish you guys were me and had known her.. To be honest, she is the reason for my happiness.. If because of her I'd to be in pain then that's OK.. But I'm not strong emotionally so it will hurt me a lot of course. But I don't think so.. I know that her existing boyfren has other girlfrens.. One of my bro had talked about it with me.. So I don't think I'm interfering in her life.. If we both love each other then why should I back off.. And now what should I do with my two those frens? They're annoyed with me for being serious about her..

She sounds socially isolated with no friends or activities. Yet she has a boyfriend. She must be more afraid of him than have love for you, or she sees no future with you as nothing more than a friend. It could also be she has no choice but to be with him, and can never be with you. Sure you get attention from her, a lot in fact, but you have no facts or explanations from her why you are on the outside looking in, and this other fellow has her heart. That's really odd to me considering how much you talk together. Okay he is blackmailing her with suicide or whatever, ask yourself if that's reason enough to be with someone, let alone stay. No my friend there is either a lot more you are not telling or this is utter BS you are in. What country are you from and are you both in the same class/caste?

We both were from same class in same college.. then we went to next city.. n we studied in same institute for some preparation classes.n we've spent lots time together.we're from different caste.. yeah she fears of what would S do if she breaks up with him.. before four months,she 'd said we can't be together.. but I don't think it would be now.. we do talk about our future sometime.about marriage.. n what if I die.. n she too ask what if she dies.. n both gets upset if anyone raises question to other.. we both mostly talk about the moments we shared together in last year 2011.nw c has gone abroad for study and will get back in ten months,then'll get back after a month again.. I can't leave her and if I do so then it'll affect her.. she 's frens.. she's sociable.. not isolated.. yeah we do care about each other and talk but in chat.. Phone calls can't be like that in same country because we're away.. I sleep at night just chatting with her and morning mail.. my day is her.. completely her.. But one thing is that I've my all close frens away now and only she is in contact.. n after she went there, I've not been out much.coz of her absence,I don't like anything to do.. I miss her badly.. I want her.. But I don't want to force her to be with me.. I don't know why she not accepting me.. But as light said, we won't be in healthy relation. So me too thinki of waiting.. why no girls giving answers in it?I want to get their view..

So you are the one that is social isolated with no friends. No wonder you are so stuck, you better get a life that you enjoy, with friends, and activities that you enjoy without her, or you will always be stuck.

I'm just idle these days. And my close frenp are away. My college will start from next month. But in spite of it, I don't want to lose her. I don't want to make her away.. I do seriously love her.. Why you thinking I should leave her? Can you read my answers and question again and give a conclusion to me? Please

You want a female point of view, well here it is.

It worries me that you have invested so much of your life in her when she's not doing the same. You said that she's your whole life. That's a lot of power she has. Have you ever considered that she remains your friend for the same reason that she stays with her boyfriend? She's afraid of what you will do because you've made your whole life about her.

The bottom line is that she does have options, she has choices, and like it or not, she's making them. She's with the boyfriend. She hasn't made any plans to leave her boyfriend. She told you point blank that she doesn't see a future romantically with you. Did you listen to her, or did you just hear what you wanted to hear, as you're doing here?

You love her. She may love you. But, she loves her boyfriend more, otherwise he'd be history.

She is playing with you. She doesn't want to lose you, but she's not willing to be with you. That's really not a fair thing for her to do, but you're letting her every time you pick up the phone. Every time you stay at home because she might call. Every time you make time for her. You're allowing her to use you.

I know this isn't what you want to hear, and I doubt you'll listen. You're still living with the fantasy that somehow, some way you two will be together. What will it take for you to realize that you won't? If she marries the boyfriend will you finally realize that she doesn't want a relationship with you? When she has kids will you finally get the point? Or will you spend the rest of your life pining for someone you can't have?

The choice is yours. You can change all of this by simply letting her go. Talk to her, tell her that you cannot continue like this, that the friendship you two have, when you want more, is breaking your heart and you have to look out for yourself. After that you go to no contact. That means no Facebook, no skype, no phone calls, no letters, no contact at all.

It will be hard. It will be painful, but this is what you need to do to move on and find someone that can give her heart to you completely. This girl can't and won't.

I think I will make the degree of attention thing shorter, it is basically all about adjustment. Like : if the attention you should give to normal friend is 6 and the attention you should give to special person is 9 then you shouldn't break the limit like for example giving 9 points of attention to normal friend because it would be overkill.

Now back to your situation, right now it is best to give her attention and treat her like normal friend because atm she has her current boyfriend, interacting with her like a couple is like asking her to do double dating indirectly , and I don't think it is a healthy way for you both to continue like this, for now focus on yourself and on your life rather than keep staring at the door that currently closed for you and wasting time
'Dont do to others what you don't want others to do to you' , would you like it if one day you in a relationship with one girl and your girl's heart wandering somewhere into someone else and keep interacting with that someone? No right?
As for what I meant by waiting for her I meant that currently you should control yourself and somehow don't interrupt with their current relationship, and if you find it is hard to treat her as a friend then you should perhaps not contacting her for time being.


Then we kept on sharing lots and lots of time together.. watched romantic movies together too,I used to leave her to the place where she used to stay.. then we both started expressing love.it used to be very hard for us to separate. In four months,only about two days we were out of contact.we use to say boyfriend and girlfriend 2 each other since our first month of being close friend.. but it became the reality.. But next thing is that she is in relation with next guy too.. his existing boyfriend lets say S.. she used to meet her just sometimes and she knows I feel bad about that..

She still confused about what to do here I suppose, she dated you, going out with you and such yet at same time she initiated relationship with other guy and took him in as her BF, I will say bluntly to you that currently she is not mature enough to get into serious long term relationship because the fact is she did kind of 'doubling', she loves you but at same time she loves another man also,with her current state even if she were to leave this man and go for you what you expect?For the time being just let her with this man, let her grow up and mature and respect their relationship and fight your urge to be with her which is the best thing to do currently.

And Altenweg is right, for the time being you should focus more on yourself,for the moment leave the closed door for awhile

@ATENWg::

Hey,thanks for everything.. you know I'm getting really pissed out.. huft.. what shall I do now?I can't let her go.. do you know just before a year, I'd same thing happened.. my girlfren broke up with me because she felt for the other guy.. and now this girl entered my life.. my ex is nothing is in front of this girl.. not cute as her.. But this girl when I love is very understanding... and I love her so much.. I don't want to let her go and I don't want to talk about it with her again asking for choosing between me and him.. Just before she got online,I thought of not getting online.but I couldn't.. so I got online and chatted with her.I do trust her so much.. But I'm very possessive about her,I can't share her with others.she knows that.. his existing boyfriend is also far from her as I'm with her.. but she gives time for me.. Mail,chatting.. we're distanced so can't meet and can't talk much on phone.. She's nothing with her boyfriend now.. may be sometimes call.. But I've feel of insecurity about her. What if I've to lose her... And bla bla as you said.. Isn't there anyway to realize her that she now need to make chose between her existing boyfriend and me? no don't think her as a play girl.. actually I don't know what's play girl too.. I'm simple,and I can't hurt anyone.. But I've been being hurt.. now I've my friends away too.. but in a month,I'll have been joining my bachelor level of study. So new college and new friends and new girls.. She too feels insecurity about me being confronting other girls.. Recently I'd one girl who was interested in me. But I kept her ignoring.. One thing is sure,I love her and I don't want to lose her.. I knows lots of girls are there,but I love her a lot.. Those time I spent with her in last year were my best part.. Yesterday she'd said me that one bro of his had asked her to meet and she was asking me if she should go or not.. She's there in other country and in girl's hostel so she doesn't get in contact with much guys there too.. I know there is no much contact with her existing boyfriend but I want to be just sure that she is only mine. Is not there anyway to make her realize that she should take a decision? should I ignore her and not be online for chatting with her?but it's going to affect me too.. what shall I do?

@LIGHTCRZ:
=>
What you meant by treating her like a normal fren?I do sometime treat her as best fren and sometime as boyfriend.. how to treat like boyfriend n how to treat as best fren?
Now we're not dating.. We're just in different countries.. Despite this fact I want to continue with her.. Hmmm yeah I'd my own girlfren just before a year.. She lost her feelings for me and felt in love with the other guys and she'd broke up with me before seven months.. I've already suffered by that.. And it hurt me a lot till this girl just became more than just a fren for me then close fren then love and now best frens too.. She used to meet his existing boyfriend but she used to say me that her boyfriend has said to meet.. she informed me always.. And my bro near me had told that her(this girl whom I love,lets say D) boyfriend had other girls too.. He is in relation with other girls too.. but her focuses more on her.. whatever it is he's other girls back of D.. and I don't like it. And I've never talked about it to her(D).. before she left this country.. She'd once told me that she think her existing boyfriend has other girls too.. You know what, I've heard bad things about her from others but I never cared about it.. it was when I was just a fren.. Now we more than just a fren and I don't care about anything.. We've trust for each other..

What did you mean ? If its hard for you to treat her as friend then perhaps not contacting her for time being? What you want me to do?hmmm should I ignore her? And stop chatting with her? We can't meet each other till ten months. And the only way of being in contact is me calling her on phone, or fb mail or we do chatting.. we're not available to meet each other.. Should I say her and stop doing contact with her or just without saying and stopping doing contact? You know? She always miss me much in the evening, because it was me with whom she used to go for walk till little dark at night also.. she knew that she'll be scold if she gets back to her home but despite this fact,she used to spend time with me.. and so do I...

Hey,She's not with him k. He's also far from her. They can't date. They 've only phone contact. Just it is that they are in relation... I'm just idle now and I've moving to do whole day. So I just keep on missing her and the days and moments we shared together.I Just wait her at 7.30am ,2pm,n 8pm for chatting with her.. What you say now? Please you guys don't be bored with me.. I can't share this with anyone.. Whatever I'd to share I've shared with my best fren which is she herself(D).. some times I do chat saying her like.. ""hey, i want to chat with my best fren not my gf..and then i say ,why you not helping me? You'd told me that you'll make my gf to accept me- being best fren you not helping me.. And i also say, i love her a lot. Very seriously and i wanna spend my whole life with her .. I'm just waiting for the day when she accept me.. I'm possessive for her and she's the best girl i've ever made.. And don't you dare to say her bad""

this way i chat with her with two roles as best fren and love and she realizes by it too that i love her very much.. And she feels bad that she is not accepting me and asks me why i love her so much..she says me that "hey boyfriend,I'm very bad na?"..

What you guys say now?.

I meant you should be consistent with your role, you can't play two roles at same time aluenee, tehre is no such thing as playing role and boyfriend at same time, boyfriend is boyfriend best friend is best friend


What did you mean ? If its hard for you to treat her as friend then perhaps not contacting her for time being? What you want me to do?
I meant that at this point you shouldn't treat her as girlfriend because she is currently taken thus you should treat her as a friend, however treating her as a friend with the love feeeling you have for her atm is hard right?I was telling you that if just in case you find that you unable to treat her as friend for time being then you should made a consistent move, which is ignoring her,tell her before hand that you find that it is wise to give her space because you don't want to intrude her current relation with her boyfriend,she will understand.


Hey,She's not with him k. He's also far from her. They can't date. They 've only phone contact. Just it is that they are in relation...
Yup they are in relation, let's make things short, this girl D has two choices :
1. Cont with her current BF
2. Dump her current BF and go out with you.However one thing to keep in mind here that if she were to dump this guy and go out with you, what do you think will happen?You both will feel the consequences,she would feel guilty for dumping her current BF because while in relationship with him she has you being in the middle of it and finally she has to kick him out.And as for you, you just made one person experienced same thing you experienced with your previous girlfriend who fell in love with other guy and break the relationship with you. No matter how I look at it if you two were to get together with the current situation you won't be able to create healthy relationship, sorry but it is the truth


And don't you dare to say her bad""
In fact I didn't , I only provide you with the fact that atm this D is confused and still not mature enough to make proper decision, not mature enough doesn't mean that she is bad, it is just that she still needs time. If she is mature enough to be consistent with her feeling and decision you wouldn't be in here in this forum wondering and asking why she doesn't be with you buth instead go with other man while loving you at same time.I know that sometimes hearing fact can be harsh but well which you prefer fact or fantasy?

Yeah I'd done that before. I'd same discussion of accepting and bla bla.. I said her I'll give her space then she'll know who is important for her but I couldn't continue.. I know same had I done with my previous girlfriend.I couldn't give her space and never let have fear of losing me.. but I lost her.. Hmmmm with this D,I'd not done any contact for some hours but I couldn't continue it. It was getting hard for her too.. Finally we chatted after about twenty hours.. And we got discussion for an hour. She was annoyed with me for taking her exam and asked me if I would want to take more exams or not.. And I never repeated it.. Coz both of us were suffered..

Yeah I know that as you said had happened with me. I lost my ex.. And if I do same with it then I'll be like that guy and this D will be like my ex.. I'd already thought about it.. If she accepts me also, then other may say her bad.. which I don't want.. But I can't think of my life with absence of her.. I'm really confused.. I can't let her go.. She first felt for me.. And I felt for her later. So I've not forced her and I didn't interrup her relation.. If about trust worthy.. I'm better than his existing boyfriend.. Do you think I want her to be with the guy who keep making other girlfriend?

I'm really getting hang over by it.. I don't want to lose her. I love her a lot.. I do miss her a lot.. Guys,is there no value for my love? Is it bad to love some with true heart..?

What's all wrong with your whole love position, its all about you. Re read this thread, and all your comments are about YOU. Just count the "I's" in your posts, and step back, and you will see its You in love, you looking for a solution, and you suffering. Does the facts she cannot, will not help you build something, not strike you as strange?

How old are you both?

Because it sounds like she has no choice in things, and can only do as she is told by someone else, and her well being is in the hands of others. Well hey guy, then its doesn't matter what she says, or wants, nor does it matter what you want, or feel either, since neither of you can do a darn thing about the circumstances, so have no control over the outcome.

It is what it is, and all you can do is accept being friends, or go talk to her father and see if you can sway him, over the other guy. If you cannot, or she is against such actions, then sorry guy, your love is hopeless and the only option is to run away and live together.

I highly doubt she would agree to any of those things so stop running into a brick wall, and get your head wrapped around the fact that your love falls on deaf ears simply because she, or you has any control over this love, and can do nothing about it. Now you can continue your romantic fantasy fueled by desperate, and intense feelings, high hopes, and desires, or you can look at this as a something out of your control.

When next you chat, drop the fluff and fuzzy crap, and ask her what you have to do to get what you want! Her response will shock you!! She only wants friendship dude, or wouldn't she tell you to talk to her parents?? Is that not the custom, and tradition of your culture??


Is it bad to love some with true heart..?

Yes, when its only your heart, and not hers.

So I've not forced her and I didn't interrup her relation
Well if you keep approaching her like this indirectly you are interupting her with her current boyfriend . I bet right now she is pretty much confused because she has to deal with two men in her life atm one being a man she loves but not her BF and the other being a man who is her current boyfriend.


If about trust worthy.. I'm better than his existing boyfriend.. Do you think I want her to be with the guy who keep making other girlfriend?
Sadly the person who have authority to let her choose she should be with is no other than herself.You are more trustworthy than her current boyfriend?Sure.You are better than her current boyfriend?Sure, but no matter how much better you are than her current boyfriend in the end the decision is up to her who to choose and the situation now is that she chose the guy to be her boyfriend. Her boyfriend cheat behind her back?Then it is her consequences that she should deal with later on and it is up to her whether to let her boyfriend get away with it and keep continue with him or dump him later on, you really have no control over this matter, you can't control her in this. You really should back down and not forcing this head on because I already said that no matter she later will give in to you or not it won't change the fact that with her current state she won't be able to develop healthy relationship with you.As for now it is wise to back down and focus on one thing which is YOU

Tal is right. This is all about you. You talk about what you want, how you feel, what you need.

Here's the bottom line. She has a boyfriend. That boyfriend isn't you. If that isn't a clear choice I don't know what is.

Your love does count, but it only counts to you, not to her. She sees you as a cherished friend, someone she can talk to. I'm sure that when she tells people about you she describes you like a brother, her pal, someone that listens to her and is always there for her. If she saw you in a romantic way then the boyfriend would be history. He isn't. Doesn't that tell you anything?

I asked you before and I'd like you to think about it and answer me. How long will you hold on to this? How long will you live in a fantasy world? When she marries someone else will you finally realize that you two cannot be together? What will it take to make you wake up and realize that truth?

My fren(girl) once in her hostel asked D in a game dare and truth.. That if she loves me or not.. Then at that time she said we.'re just fren.. Then my fren said about it.. She was scolding me just to get back off.. She's doesn't love you.. I've seen you in tension and falling in ditch already because of love.. I care about you and don't want to see you again in it..

But I didn't believe. And just after the game D had said in mail that my fren asked her in whole crowd if she love me or not.. actually we not yet told anyone about us to others except that my fren.. And we don't want it to say to other. I don't wannt because she's still in a relation .and if we express our love in front of other it'll make her feel bad na..

I didn't want but yesterday.. I mistakely talked about same matter accepting and bla bla.. I said her am I interrupting in your life? Have I done wrong to love you? And bla bla.. And she asked me? ""Please say na what shall i do?""
then me said.. Just find out yourself whom you love more. With whom you'll happy with whom you wanna live your whole life. With whom you are happy and who is trustworthy..

She was feeling bad by it then she said. Thanks bf..i'd not realized this. I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me.. And her eyes were full of tears and so did mine... And she asked me ""will you leave me?""

me:don't you dare to say like that.. I love you yar.. I won't leave you.. ""

she: if you found other girl then you can be in relation with her. . You have right na..

Me:don't you have trust over me? I love you. Why would i search for other girl.. Don't i have right over you?

She:yep you have.. You've right over me..

Hmmm.. I made her feel bad by asking those questions to her.. She doesn't want to talk about other guys with me.. She said me, why you made me remember this thing again.. And bla bla..

Whenever this topic goes on she asks me.. ""you say na bf,what should i do? ""

I can't say her to be with me.. She loves me but I can't force her.. I don't know what to do what to say.. And my mind is already hang.. Coz of my ex,I'm stucked in such situation.. I've been in such case twice.. Before I'd to lose my ex.. She liked other and broke up me for other guy and now again in such situation.. Do I give her(D) very much attention?the only thing we can do is fb mail, chat and sometimes cal.. If we don't do that also. Then we'll be out of contact.. I've covered the road towards her a lot. And getting back from that way is really hard for me..

No.. We're just nineteen twenty.. Just now beginning first year of bachelor level.. Marrying is so far.. not marrying now.. Ha ha.. Yeah I've other options.. I'll be facing some girls in my new college.. But I'm committed to her.. I want to be with her despite the long distance relationship..

She was feeling bad by it then she said. Thanks boyfriend.. I'd not realized this. I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me.. And her eyes were full of tears and so did mine... And she asked me ""will you leave me?""

This part of your post says it all, at least to me it does.

As a girl do you want me to translate what she's saying?

Her: I'd never expected you to ask such questions to me. I was hoping you wouldn't ask me to choose, that you wouldn't bring up this situation. I just want to keep you as my friend.

Her: And she asked me ""will you leave me?" You're my support. I don't love you the way you want me to, but I'm greedy and selfish and I don't want to give you up even though I won't break up with my boyfriend to be with you.

That's what I see.

She's a very selfish person. I'd have a lot more respect for her if she had said "Let's take a step back, not contact each other. I can't give you what you want and it's not fair to keep stringing you along."

Attenweg, I don't know what you saying.. I wish you were here with me.. Or I wish you would know her feelins.. Then I would know what she wants and she does not? Do you think now I should keep space between her? Keep on ignorin her? Let her feel my absence? And do you think I should again talk about this? Huh? Should I again talk about this accepting, and bla bla? Whatever you said may be true.. But I don't know why but I don't believe your words. I do trust her.. Should I again talk about this topic with her? She'll again feel bad and cry..

Talk is cheap... Actions are what cost.

And you aren't worth the price she is willing to pay.

She's not with you, she's with her boyfriend.

She can cry all she likes but she obviously does give a rats *** about your feelings does she?

About time you man up and find someone who is free and available instead of running after "sloppy seconds".

Sorry if that's harsh but that's what your getting.

The problem isn't with her , its with you, going crazy trying to have something that is unavailable. Your commitment to her is very premature, and unhealthy, because she does not return that commitment.

You talk of the other guy, and all his females, but that's how you started with her, or have you forgotten that you had a girlfriend, whose back you went behind to get with this girl. Even her friend has told you to back off. So we know that you will listen to know one except those that help you get what you want, her to be your girlfriend. She is at a hostel, away from both you and the other guy, so neither of you can court her properly, just over the phone and social networks, so its best to back off this love thing and be a good friend until you can actually see and talk face to face, because one thing is very obvious my friend, and that's the fact she loves the attention you give her, and she will not make a commitment to you, even though she has said you have a right to her, whatever that gobble de goop means, which is NOTHING.

We cannot know her feelings as you say, as to us it's a very young far away love situation to you, and a friendship to her that makes her feel good because lets face it, all females love that kind of attention. Why are you so obsessed with her? Because you think by being nice you will get what you want, instead of being honest and straight as a decent self respecting man would be. You are allowing her to keep you in limbo, chasing crumbs of hope and no matter what she tells you, or any one else, you still pursue to the point of neglecting all else. You can't even have a normal happy life without running to keep your appointments with her, and that my friend is what the unhealthy shame is. She says you can't be her boyfriend because she has one, and instead of backing off you give more, better than her boyfriend.

Get it in your head to stop acting like a love sick puppy and stop allowing your obsession to commit to someone that cannot commit to you. That's plain crazy, and you should really back off instead of giving more. Get your own life together and have a healthy balance of friends and activities that will actually make you happier, and more attractive to her. Right now you are just a fool for her charms, and a diversion from her own existence at this time. Do you really think that is attractive to her? Obviously its not.

Look guy you have tried your way, and its making you nutty with frustration, so what have you to lose by taking a few simple suggestions and backing away from possessing this woman, and get into her mind, as a friend. You can't have a romance or a title right now any way, so what's the point? If that's all you want, fine, its not happening, so what are you doing? You are hanging around trying to get what she will not give you. Good Luck with that.

Because you have only one thing on your mind, you cannot see all the options you do have, so keep running head first into the brick wall, over and over again, like you have been, and stay a frustrated stuck young fellow who hasn't figured it out for himself yet. You will be that way as long as you are so bent one a single minded goal, and have no others.

You can't keep something in your life by holding on so tight, relax, lighten up, it will be there because its meant to be. Stop obsessing on a freaking title, and enjoy the friendship, and share the things you do for yourself with your friend, just do as she asks, and don't mention other girls to her. I thought that an odd thing to say, but when you think about it it makes perfect sense, and probably why a guy like her boyfriend does what he does, and has the girl, and you don't, and won't.

Go have yourself some good clean fun, and let things happen naturally. Stop trying to get that commitment, and see if she will want to give it to you. Get away from the problem for a while, and a solution will appear.

Approach your life as a man would, and not a young guy who can't have a toy he sees. The brain will not function well when its stuck on one thing. See your life in a broader sense, and not the narrow view of child hood where feelings and emotions, cloud the common sense of what's the best way to resolve problems and issues.

When you can step back, you will see that she doesn't have to commit to you, or accept you as a boyfriend, because she has all that from you already, so she can keep her boyfriend, and have you too, FRIEND because you give all right now, so why should she make any choice right now? That would be pretty dumb on her part wouldn't it? You will see a lot once you take a step back, and let your brain work, and stop following your heart. The heart cannot think, only feel, so take a minute or two and let your brain work for a while.

Your way has frustrated you, mine will free you, at least stop your from being stuck, and allow you to see yourself better. That's what you need.

Thanks a lot.. It is best advice for me.. Thanks to all yar.. Thanks.. I'm feeling very lucky to get into this web site and got linked with you guys..

Hey your language somewhere , didn't get into my mind because it got very long hee hee. Don't mind . I'll read it again and again.. Today I've almost ignore her.. And not got online yet.. I can't leave it just right now. So probably I'll get online for a while and leave it.. As you said:) yeah whatever it is she's far from us.. And no need to panic for getting into relation with her.. Ok I'll try my best to follow you.. And but one thing is sure I love her and don't want to lose her.. I'll comment again tomorrow.. Thanks guys.. Love you guys..

What he was talking about was you should take a step back to see the whole picture because right now you're somehow looking too close at the picture and focusing your mind on one single detail of the picture.

Handle the problem not with feeling only but with both feeling and logic. For now focus on yourself, improve then when you both are really meant to be chances will appear.

And but one thing is sure i love her and don't wanna lose her..

She isn't yours to lose. She's someone else's.

When your sick of the crumbs she's giving you, you will move on.

Advice of you guys helped me in chat yesterday.. I'd told her direct yesterday everything you've talked about.. And I said her directly if you're hang over because of situation then I'll back off.. And she kept on pleading me not to do so. We chatted till 4.30am in mrng.and she's cried too.. I've told her, yeah its no use of choosing now because nothing can we do for now except chatting and doing contact.. I understand your situation. But if you think you're confused. I'll back off. I love you lot.. But I need to back off for your happiness.. She saying no and no.. Yesterday her net was not connecting and me also didn't give any care and she'd texted me in mobile. I got two hours late online.. And since 10pm to 4.30am we chatted continuously.. And she has dropped her tears at night.. Now I'll just back off silently if she again talk about her being confused.. Thanks to you guys..

Whatever I did , was it better?

We're currently in long distance relationship. She'd left the country before three months... She got a mail from a guy... saying I love you so much and kiss you.. I got to read that mail before her when I checked out her Facebook.. and she 'd deleted that mail.. Then I wrote mail to her-

".."why you deleted that mail? Do you want to hide that from and you want me not to see those mails and may be your reply to that mail... why he sent such mail?you want all to be happy with you.. If you deleted that mail. Its OK, but at least you'd to share with me na that he had sent you such mails.. Be honest to me na.. If you stop sharing with me then don't you think it will make me feel bad? If I do share everything with you although may be it hurts you sometimes but I do share with you and make everything be normal but why not you? Or you just love me,because you need me?"."

She replied to me-
"."do you know why I deleted that mail?its just for you.. I know if you read that mail,you won't feel good and you can't sleep whole night. But for the one whom I deleted it, sent such mail to me.. Don't you have trust over me? You made me feel think that me myself is very bad girl.. I just didn't want to hurt you but you thought me is not good.. What to do if he loves me and sent such mail to me.. Is it my fault that he love me? Huh boyfriend,what can I do? You know my Facebook password,if I had not trust over you, I wouldn't have shared password.. Yours promise and plus my mom's promise I've not replied to that mail.. sorry for not telling about it,but I don't want to you be hurt by that mail"."

Then I apologised yesterday. And said her not to do like this. I want you to share everything. What if it hurts for a while.. If you're committed to our love relationship then it won't matter. So just share with me.. and she also apologised.. Later it got OK.. when I sent her such mail,it had hurt me double than she got hurt after reading it.. I love her a lot..

Actually this guy loves her.. And his mom had told her(my gf)to pretend that she loves him just because he was being careles to his daily life.. And she had done so and she used to reply those mails saying I love you too, just pretending of loving him as said by his mother.. Me had read such mails before too,and I asked why you sent him such mails.. If you love him then why you pretending to love me too? And bla bla.. But later she said its just for her mom.. And it's the same guy who sent such mail to her..

Should I just take it normal? Or should I react over other guys sending her mails saying I love you so much and kiss you??

Two comments:
- Long distance relationships are extremely difficult, and often don't work.
- Mistrust will kill any relationship.

I do sympathize with your hurt, but I also believe her. She DID give you her FB password?? WOW. Most married couples don't even give each other their passwords. But that's beside the point. You either trust and believe or you don't, and if you don't, you leave. You can't survive on mistrust. And more often than not, if you are suspicious, the other person will break up with you first.

As I know her Facebook , Yahoo, password, nimbbuzz password, she too knows mine.. We've trust over each other . No doubt in that.. I do love her a lot so this makes me feel doubt sometime.. Me just said her to share rather than keeping it hidden thinking I'll be upset..

Only this?

I love her so much.. But we have not kissed each other yet.. Now she is in abroad for study.. Before I couldn't ask her for kiss because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. Just last night of the day she was leaving the place, I asked for a kiss, but she denied.. May be she got puzzled.. or amazed or fear.. Whatever it is, is it necessary that kiss should be done being boyfriend and girlfriend?

We have been knowing each other since three years.. Two years, we studied same college.. We got intimate and became closest friend of each other. For six months we had been studying in next city. There we got more intimate. Fell in love with each other..

Then after that she went abroad for her study. Now she'll be back here after four months. By the time it'll be a year.. We do regular chat, sometimes phone calls, sending recorded voice and pictures, so maintain our long distance relationship.. But still not kissed each other.. Neither can we, because we can't date each other now... We may kiss after some months.. Lets see what happens.. She'll be here for twenty two days.. If not that time then again I'll have to wait to see her for next twelve months..

Should I have kissed her earlier?

Have you ever asked her why she didn't at least give you a good bye kiss??

Are you sure this is an exclusive committed relationship, or just a deep friendship?

Define intimate, and more intimate, if you have never kissed. This is strange to

Me.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/how-can-get-her-choose-between-her-existing-boyfriend-me-whom-she-loves-too-541072.html

Same girl?

Hmmm. Yeah it's the same girl.. Yeah we were frens, then got close fren then like lover and also best frens.. I can't define intimacy between me and her. I just know is that I love her so much.. I don't know even if its love or frenship or whatever it is but I do feel for her and I'm serious about these feelins so do her.. yeah we have discussed about that last matter about kiss many times why we didn't kiss.. She also says why she didn't she don't know. But now is ready for kiss. Lets see if we kiss each other after 100days.. She'll be here I can meet her. Then we'll know about it..


Bythe way talking about me andher, its more improved.. We discussed about this relationship matter with his uncle's son. And from that time its little better.. She had said she don't want to be in relation right now because there is no certainty of beingtogether in future. And I'd said her to be in relation so that I'll not feel insecure about her anymore.. By the way, she was unknown that whatever we were having itsalready relationship.. She is little stupid,always thinks about others but not me and her ever.. Hee hee.. But it has improved than previous.. Hmmm.. She'll be here after hundred days, if we kiss each other then I'll be sure about her, I won't have to feel insecure about her anymore.. Who knows about future na. We don't know what will happen in future buttill that time I want to be bestwith her. But sad matter is that we can't see each other for a year.. Only phone calls, chat, sending pic.. But I know she loves me too as I do her.. Was it good not kissing her before? Although,she had denied me previously.. Before she was in relationship with other guy. She love me but she was still in so called relationship with next guy soi had never approached her for kiss or anything more. But we have held each other hands.. And it was automatic. What do you have to say about these all?

I caution you not to get carried away by your intense feelings. You seem to have a good friendship, but no commitment for a romantic relationship, or future. How old are you and an idea of the general culture would help.

This is about the girl whom I love.. She is now abroad for study and for now she is having her exams.. The way of us being in contact is internet chatting or calls.. Regular calls is not possible. So just Facebook mails and chat is the way. But now a days I don't know what's getting on her mind she doesn't contact me.. Not even a single mail a day nor a miss call.. she says her sim is not working and has exams. But to the contrary, before she used to contact me regular with four five mails per day, sms, and chat.. She used to say, please be in contact always. But now she herself is being out of contact from me. I don't know why she's doing so. I love her she does too. And it has been six days of no contact and may be forty days of just a little contact between her and me. Gap between me and her, I don't like it, and I don't think its good for us who are staying in relation despite of this distance.

I understand that she has exams. But that doesn't mean that she doesn't have time for being in contact with me. As if she spends twenty four hours on her study without taking meal,bathing,talking with her friends and bla bla... She had been saying me that balance in her sim(of her cellphone) gets reduced to zero just after recharging.. So I had said her to take next sim, which is just half an hour work or fifteen minutes.. But she said she'll do it after her exams which will take more than fifteen days more. When I had exams I had been contact with her. She had complained me for not sending one message out of four a day, but now what is she doing? If I want, I can ignore her.. But I can't because I love her a lot. Just few days ago she had apologised me for not being in contact for a day, but now when she has been out of contact of a week, she didn't even admitted this and talked with me as if nothing happened.

Am I over reacting? Shouldn't she contact me despite of her exams just taking out five ten minutes a day? What shall I do? I'm freaked out of her behaviour.

Something is definitely up. You will definitely need to have a conversation with her at some point in time. Just send her a message letting her know that you would like to have a talk when she has time and then wait for her to respond. By letting her know that you want to have a talk, then she will let you know what's on her mind when she's ready, because she would know that you're waiting to hear from her.

In the meantime, get busy and do other things. Thinking about it too much can make you overanalyze things and imagine things that may not exist.