I first dated and slept with last boyfriend 3 years ago last September. After a month he cut me dead although I had to work with him. I was dignified and strong even though the way he cut it was bizarre, just one hour after sex told me it would never go anywhere and was quite stroppy.

I went to the xmas doo 3 months later and he asked me out for a drink. I was still keen and went to his house that night and he said about giving it a proper go. I stayed and talked all night but didn't sleep with him. I met parents, kids, was all lovey dovey but then was told 3 weeks later there was no chemistry. Also found out that he was still seeing a girl he had fallen in love with at work, 3 years previous but she was still with her husband but she rang him one day and told him that she didn't love him anymore. He also had another girl on the go on a casual basis.

I backed off and just became really good friends with him, sex went out of the window but I spent loads of time at his house and had a great time. Went away for weekends and the sex crept in again but it wasn't dynamic as I was being careful. We went away spontaneously and there was a lot of affection on my part but not enough seduction.

I was there 5 days out of 7, occasionally he needed his space and I knew when he did he took another woman or two out off the internet. He seemed to do this after a big argument we had caused by me where I slammed the door and he saw the other side of me one night.

We didn't see each other for 3 weeks and then he phoned asking me how I was. I had gone away to Portugal for a week hurt but went over to see him, slept with him and it just felt right. We had a fantastic weekend and then on the Monday a pop up message came up from a woman off the internet who he said he hadn't seen for months. At first he told me to piss off after a fantastic weekend. I kept dignity and gave him no jip and he text her back to tell her he was seeing a new girl , but he had been seeing me for 5 months again since the first time around other than our 3 weeks apart. That night he said he didn't want anything serious. I went to work upset and confronted him the next day and he went on one shouting and yelling that he would never love me because he didn't like the confrontation over the other woman when I told him I was hurt. If we hadn't had such a fantastic weekend it wouldn't have been such a shock.

He kept in contact and we still went out and I liked my lifestyle in that he gave me a life. He was going to take me on hols and then his son wanted to go so I backed off and didn't go, he text me every day and couldn't wait to see me , but I was tired , had moved house on my own all week whilst he was away and I hadn't eaten and arrived at his house and a waoman rang up and he said wrong number and put the phone down. I was zonked on 2 glasses of wine big ones and went off in front of his kids saying that I thought he had lived his marriage on lies and deceipt. I rang this woman back told her that I had been seeing him for the last 7 months and she put the phone down. I never know if I was right or wrong but I regretted doing that I front of the kids, 18 yrs upwards.

I became increasingly distrustful as he had also asked someone else out who he worked with.
But in this month when I was being a cow he was really trying with me. Took me all over , I shwoed myself up in front of a couple who be friended us on night as well. I go talking to them at a party and they invited us out. I thought it strange that all they spoke about was sex. I ruined the night by asking them if they were swingers and they went home. Me and him argued in the car as he gave her his number as a contact. He kicked me out and I slept in the car. Told me to **** off as he didn't want any more headbangers and called me a bastard for the fact that they went home.

I had spent the night from leaving work helping him to clean his house as they were coming and I was tired. After this he became distant again and the neighbour across the road told me he was stringing me along and that he had seen other women. We were about to go on holiday. Is said nothing about it but the neighbour told him I had been talking 3 weeks later and he blamed me. I had never spoken to her before. We still went on the holiday but he reiterated that we were friends as we got on the plane and that he thought I thought more about him than me and that he was leading me on, but them he built me a computer to compensate. We did loads of walking and no sex as I couldn't. He ordered a bottle of wine and said he hoped I was enjoying it as I was paying for it.

We came home went away for a weekend and just on christmas he said he didn't want me there as his daughter was coming home and he didn't fancy me not even in my nice underwear and that he saw me just as a friend. A week later when all his kids had gone after xmas he text me missing me. I pursued him and we gave it another go. I went on hol with him but found messages on his phone saying that he was bored and was with the wrong person and had nothing to look forward to, this was to my boss.

I cancelled my hol and he was still going to go alone. I then went and it was a gorgeous place but we argued as he called me a terrible thing and I lost my temper as it hurt and then he also got drunk and said if I gave him a few more rakis he might actually fancy me. On a previous time he once asked me if I had considered a fanny tuck or a bust job. I hit the roof and then his dad died and we came home early.

I jealously went on one on holiday in front of a girl who was on her own and I thought something was kicking off between them. Paranoia. I wnet to the funeral and he kicked the relaitonship into touch after that. Accused me of being a stalker before we went on holiday to my boss and that I kept turning up at his house withou invitation, total lie, invited for tea every night and encouraged by him. I used to suggest nights off for space. I kept a wide berth and he couldn't stop txting and I ignored it all , eventually after 5 months he came back.

We went away on hol in May and to the lakes but it was me again in Greece this year. He had the girls t shirt on who he had dumped me for and I just felt that never had he given it a chnace for just me and him. Also I found more messages as the year before just before our hol to another woman telling her he sort of had a girlfriend but he wasn't in love. THe holiday was ruined a again, plus I saw him on a web site.

Despite this we spent near to 7 days a week together and spent lots of holidays and good times together. We split again after the holiday in Greece as I couldn't forget him looking at other women in front of me on line and also I caught him looking at bestiality. I started to think that there were hidden things as he had being abused as a child and my head was screwed up by the women, his over drinking and nastiness and this thing on the net.

He was also seeing the woman who he had being texting when we finished and told me to stay away from his house. I took his glasses to her house and she was nasty to me and I ended up having a breakdown just about because of the last 3 years.

I hung in there because I loved him , we did tons together and I was with him nearly 7 days a week .

As I talk I can see my faults of jealousy, but between I tried to be trendy and tolerant.
Quite simply he didn't love me. I hadn't heard , this time told him to f off and leave me alone for the rest of my life as it is always usually him who turns up. I ignored a load of insulting sexual messages which I received 2 months ago. We split in July. I ignored an apology for hurting me a month ago. I gave in on xmas eve this year when he said he had split with another woman who he had fallen in love with after 3 weeks. He said he hoped I would move on and meet someone nice.

I slept with him and feel bad now as she then rang him and it made him confused again.

One of the things he said about me when we split was that I was like necrophilia as he got no response. Little does his new girlsfriend know but he said she is emotionally autistic as can't show affection. She won't know like me and will go on holiday oblivious not knowing that he is slagging her off, trouble with me is I always found out.

Its over, hard for any of you to see why we hung in there.

Of course he has used me again, I know I allowed it so has he, gone back to his new one.

I am so daft I would have still given it another go, but maybe tonight I reflect that I wouldn't and just need time out from exhaustion.


We have now split but he was in trouble the other night and I went to help him only to get hurt again , more fool me.

Before anyone answers my question is am I an idiot for loving this man and should I feel guilty in view of the fact I caught him watching bestiality and this was what ultimately finished it and mucked my head up, leading to counselling and a near breakdown with severe depression as my mind started to run riot. I judged him as I tried to tell him it was wrong and his attude was you know I look at weird things and I couldn't recover from in , the wierdness was that he had no remorse and did it whilst I was there one night only but never the less. Six months on and it is hard to believe and that's why I gave in I think. Think I will feel better when I know he hasn't changed although I wouldn't inflict this on anyone. Which ever way you look at it it isn't the norm for most folks.

Firstly your not an idiot! We all act like fools when in love, our common sense flies through the window for passions and our senses go daft. This man is an utter **** in the worst way possible! When you find out that your guy is cheating on you your supposed to punch him leave him and never talk to the prick again! Befriending him was your first mistake, we as women don't shut out our emotions as easily as men do. He did this to you time and time again but no need to live in the past and state the obvious. The only thing you should take from this is when something like this happens or if it ever happens again you won't make the same mistake.
The worst thing that could happen is that you'd shut off emottionally or start to let the jealousy get the best of you when you start to date other men. Don't forgive this slime ball or talk to him ever again. Delete his number , block him from your cell , delete all means of communications with him. He now thinks he can do this all over again cause you let him to believe he can walk all over you . The fact that you work together makes things difficult to say the least. When he comes to talk to you be frim but polite in saying hi but if he starts to make excuses or try to lure you back into his life of lies just tell him firmly that your not interested in him anymore and that you have no feelings for him at all. Don't let him spot weakness in you know that you are better than him and that he doesn't deserve you! All he deserves is someone that will walk over him just like he did to you and all the other women he played!
I mean what is this guy made of chocolate. There are plenty more honest decent men in the world don't spend another minute on this jackass! Start the new year with a hot date and start looking forward rather than feeling bad about what could have been or what was. New years are all about new beginnings , take this as a firm push in the direction you should have taken a long time ago, into happieness! :)

You are not an idiot, just caught in the insanity of love. We have all been there before. Time to escape that insanity though, and do better for yourself by removing yourself from this situation permanently, and regaining your good senses. Look forward to a better life without him in it. Then you will not have to worry about being an idiot, or insane.

Listen most of us on this site have tried to befriend our ex's--why--hoping that they will realize that its us whom they should love!! Unfortuantely we have like you have also had to face the reality that they will never love us the way we loved them. Some get to this point fairly early, and for others it takes awhile, it doesn't make ANY of us IDIOTS. I would say that we were mostly blinded by our love and not really seeing these individuals for who they really are.

Idiots are people who finally realize that these people will never return that love and are just using us for their own benefits and WE RETURN TO THEM and ALLOW that USING or CONTROL to begin again!!

You finally realize that this man is nothing more then a pervert who gets his kicks by using woman for his own gradification!! Obviously his preversion is getting even more extreme to were he is now into watching some really gross sexual stuff. Who knows where that will lead, but I sure the heck wouldn't want to be the woman whom he is trying to control!!

Its time to get on with your life, and celebrate being free from this preverted mans control. I would suggest you get another job, to be completely away from him!! At least try and get transferred to a dept that he cannot see you or have any reflection on your performance at work!! Don't ever let ANYONE ever have that kind of control over you ever again. Love doesn't mean you have to jump every time they come calling, that partner should be right next to you asking what you want also!! Good luck

You've gotten some great advice already and it sounds like you have come to the realization that he's just not worth your time.

I don't think what he was watching was really the break up factor here. I think you've been used and abused for so long, that it just pushed you over the edge.

Breaking up is a good thing with this relationship, but staying broke up is the very best thing that could happen.

You sound like a caring person who keeps giving this guy chances over and over again that he doesn't deserve. You need to stop the chances and move on.

There's a great guy out there somewhere just waiting to meet you, but you'll never get the opportunity to find him until you dump this jerk for good.

This has really helped me. I moved jobs 2 years ago but I am in the same profession so our paths sometimes cross. The abuse came from the pretence, having to hide things from his children and mother and father and on the two occasions I did speak up being a straight talker being made to feel like I was in the wrong. His children never knew about the internet stuff but I ended up telling his mother when I lost the plot 6 months ago but I didn't know what to do with him. I hadn't seen him since July until recently and he told me that his mother said that what I should understand is that he did an awful lot for me. I told him so this condones things does it ? But ironically, this is what made me forgive. In a lot of ways he treated me better than anyone, looking after me like he would his family and patients. He was the perfect son, dad and doctor in his job. He did do a lot for me and I can't say he did anything weird in the bedroom but what proturbed me was that he once told me that he had being abused as a child in the church. His parents never knew until he was at uni. Of course I never brought this up ever with his family so I never knew the truth on this one. He is a doctor and had the perfect public persona but he was Jekyll and Hyde going from extreme kindness to verbal nastiness and antics of control, i.e. bought me a sat nav and was really fussy with it, but then the following night told me to piss off and that he was bored. All I could think at the time was that I didn't make enough fuss over it. He lent me a tenner once and then invited me for tea and put it in front of me reminding me that it would have cost me a tenner in a restaurant just like the tenner that I owed him. I got told off for talking too much in bed or talking about work. The new girlfriend who he is back with he seems to recognise can't afford the extravegant holidays and he seems to undersand her look out on work. He came to me saying she wasn't affectionate and emotionally autistic as said , but he then went onto discuss all about her and that he still wants to be friends to which I have refused and said not . His ex wife took him to the cleaners for having an affair and reported him to the gmc for having an affair with a patient who had left the surgery and hadn't re registered. But he did it again 4 years on with a girl who was a colleague but also a patient, he fell in love with her had a breakdown and I went through all that in the beginning with him so told him I don't want to be friends and listen to his problems re this woman he met recently.We went on hols but I remained independent and paid for myself, maybe his mother thinks he paid for me. He only ever mentioned the child abuse once. I got thinking a bit deep when he was looking at the weird stuff on the internet and started to think there were more things hidden. I don't judge but it appeared that way in his eyes.
But you are correct it tipped me over the edge. I think his children and parents knew but of course you love them unconditionally. I never had any children but I would like to think that I could have brought them up to know what's right or wrong with regard to treating women like... His mum probably has feelings of guilt for what went on under their noses whilst she was still a friend of the guy who did it. Anyway I am making excuses and analysing. I just want to thank everyone for your comments because they have really helped and I feel bit down over it . Thanks for the positive comments, I should be celebrating shouldn't I ! My mum and dads confidence would have kicked this man into touch straight away or only given one chance. Even he himself knows I deserve better, kept telling me so. Just angry at myself that I went back again, probably take a week or so to get this out of my system. Think, time to close on this as I am just going on and on now , just found it cathartic to get it out as quite mixed up over the whole thing, at one point I thought I would never get over the abuse fuelled by alcohol and I did think he was psychotic and narcissitic when he started to behave like that when sober. If I had seen him 3 years previous and not met him at work and gone for an advert on the net saying interests, womanising, abuse and alcoholism,and weird internet stuff wishing to meet someone who doesn't love me I wouldn't have gone there would I! I tried to go on a date recently and it was horrible, he obviously had financial security if that impresses you but I couldn't take it any further. Oh, well maybe time to take time out and put it all behind me now like you all say, move on aye ?

Aye!!