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View Full Version : How do I get this girl?


Gump84asb
Jan 1, 2011, 12:18 PM
Hello everyone! I am currently in a situation where I could use a little advice as to how I should proceed.

The other night I came home from having dinner with my parents and my roommate (she's a mid-20's female, I'm a mid-20's male), was drinking wine with her friend. Apparently this friend (we'll call her Sally), had very recently broken up with her boyfriend and was relatively distraught. I believe it was one of those breakups where he was essentially using her and moved on as soon as something "better" came along, but I'm not really privy to all of the details.

Anyway, by the time I got there, they were both relatively drunk, so I poured myself a glass as well and started hanging out with them. Throughout the night, there was a good bit of flirting going on between Sally and myself. At the end of the night, all 3 of us were playing cards in my room and my roommate ended up passing out on the bed and literally wouldn't move. At this point, Sally decided she too was going to go to bed, so she went and laid down on the couch. This left me in somewhat of a bind because my roommate's boyfriend was sleeping in her bed, my roommate was in my bed, and the couch was taken. I walked out to the living room and Sally told me "I can sleep on the couch with her if I can fit".

I took her up on her offer. There was absolutely nothing sexual about this arrangement, but we did spoon, hold hands, and I had my arm around her waist, holding her very close. After about an hour, she had to go to the bathroom and ended up vomiting, so I let her have the couch to herself so she could be more comfortable and slept on the floor. The next morning, we hung out and talked as if nothing strange had happened at all. She fortunately remembered everything from the previous night. I remembered inviting her to attend a sporting event with me on Sunday (tomorrow) and asked her again if she wanted to go. She said she still would go, but also said she didn't know anything about the particular sport. Later, I asked my roommate if she would have an issue if I took Sally and my roommate told me "Sally said she would go but she told me that she is worried that you will think of it as a date and she doesn't want that. She just broke up with her boyfriend and needs time to heal".

Here is my issue - last I left it with Sally, we're going to this game together tomorrow. I have since been convinced it is likely a bad idea to attend with her, but I don't know how else I will get to know her. I got along with her very well and am very attracted to her, but my roommate is moving out soon so my chances of spending time with Sally again are declining on a daily basis. I don't have her phone number, though I suppose I could rather easily get it.

My current plan of action was going to be to send her a Facebook message (as tacky as that is, I know) basically saying "I understand your situation and don't want to put you in a situation where you feel uncomfortable. I would love to get to know you better, but know you need time to get over your breakup. You're still invited to the game if you'd like to go, but I completely understand if you don't want to. My phone number is _______________. Call me if you'd ever like to hang out" and then wait for her to HOPEFULLY contact me. I suppose another option would be to wait to see if she contacts me tonight to ask about the game tomorrow, but I'm worried that she might potentially be waiting for me to contact her and I don't want to stand her up by any means.

Anyway, sorry for all of the babbling, but this is one of those situations where I got along with this girl so very well and really would like to see where this can all lead. Unfortunately, the recent breakup doesn't really help with the situation. Any advice as to what I can do to get this girl?

talaniman
Jan 1, 2011, 02:11 PM
Leave her alone, there you go again getting hooked on a female who is fresh from a break up, and needs to heal. Plus she is leaving soon!?

Follow the rules dude.

Talaniman Rule- Never ever mess with any one who has just dumped their partner

Talaniman Rule- When you see a brick wall, don't go head first into it, and expect to get on the other side.

Talaniman Rule - Don't miss other opportunities and options because your stuck on someone who is not as stuck on you, that’s just plain crazy.

Talaniman Rule- Never get so wrapped up with wanting something, when you know you can't have it.

Long story short, you won't "get" this girl, so leave her be.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/what-do-do-now-192032.html

Did you learn nothing from before??

Gump84asb
Jan 1, 2011, 03:02 PM
I suppose my original post wasn't entirely clear. Don't get me wrong, I agree that I shouldn't try to force anything with a girl that just got dumped, but this situation is different than the last one I dealt with. On top of that, I'm not looking to get into a relationship with her right now, I just want to take steps to hopefully make that a realistic possibility later down the line.

I'm not entirely wrapped up in her and I regularly go on dates with other women. This girl and I just clicked though, and that was before I even knew she recently went through a breakup. And Sally isn't the one moving away, my roommate is. When my roommate moves out, my direct connection to Sally goes with her.

None the less, my real goal here is to get to know this girl better and see where that leads. I suppose using the phrase "get this girl" wasn't the best way to describe it. I just want to get to know her and I feel like I have a potentially perfect opportunity. And my concern is the fact that I have a good reason to talk to her right now, but won't necessarily later down the line.

Honestly, maybe I should do nothing at all...

talaniman
Jan 1, 2011, 06:30 PM
Your concerns are unfounded, but for now, leave her alone, and explore your other options, and opportunities that I am sure you click with.

You can't have them all, bad as you want them. If you are meant to have a second look, you will get one.


I asked my roommate if she would have an issue if I took Sally and my roommate told me "Sally said she would go but she told me that she is worried that you will think of it as a date and she doesn't want that. She just broke up with her boyfriend and needs time to heal".

I am sure you want no part of being a possible rebound. You will click with many that will lead no where. And I am sure you would rather get to know a an emotionally healthy female, not one whose heart is still hurting.